Role Reversal 4

"Maybe this is all for the best." Lee sighed, one hand on the steering wheel of the Ranger, thinking about his work situation.

"How do you mean?" Penny asked, sitting up very straight in the passenger seat of the truck, watching the traffic around them with sharp eyes.

"Well, Mom always said, when one door closes, another one opens."

"That's pretty illogical, I mean, are the two doors connected somehow?"

"No, it's just a saying."

"Oh, one of those phrases that's supposed to be symbolic?"

"Yeah, that." Lee tilted his head to one side and flicked his blinker, changing lanes with barely a glance in his blind spot and Penny tensed up, then leaned towards him slightly, her eyes widening in terror as she caught sight of the speedometer.

"Slow down. Slow down, please, slow down!"

"What?"
"Lee, we really need to slow down, this isn't safe!"

"What isn't safe?"
"Surely you can see what isn't safe, you're a physicist!"

"What are you on about? I know this car, Penny, and it's limits."

"Yes, but let me do the math for you! We're going, oh dear lord, fifty-one miles an hour, and in a vehicle of this volume, if that Buick in front of us came to a stop we'd never be able to brake hard enough to not end up in a wreck!"

"Okay, okay, what speed should I be doing on this road, where the speed limit is fifty miles per hour?"

"Forty seven, at the outside."

"Fine, fine." Lee eased off the accelerator until they were a good fifty feet behind the Buick and, exactly as he expected, another car quickly filled the gap, making his deceleration completely pointless.

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"So, what are you planning on learning to cook?" Penny asked as Lee pulled a cart out of the corral and followed her into Foodland.

"Not so much learning as remembering. Both Mom and Mee-maw taught me how to cook when I was a kid, before I came to college they both insisted that I at least have rudimentary skills in the kitchen, mostly so I wouldn't starve, but I think they also wanted to avoid my current diet."
"Which is what?"
"Oh, come on, Penny, you're an observant woman."

"You and Leonard have almost exclusively eaten take-out food since I moved into the building, with the exception of breakfast."

"Exactly. I'd like to get back to cooking at least a couple of nights a week. Now, what else did we need for that salad you mentioned?"

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"Lee?"
"Yes, Penny?"

They were getting out of the Ranger in the parking lot of 2311 Los Robles, Lee had just tugged the three large paper sacks of groceries out of the truck bed and Penny barely managed to snag the last one before he reached it, hugging it against herself as Lee locked the truck and stepped back, allowing Penny to go ahead of him towards the front of the building.

"I noticed, you bought a twelve-pack of…"

"Condoms."

"Yes, those. But you don't currently have a girlfriend."
"I was also a Boy Scout. Where are you going with this?" Penny skipped ahead of him and opened the door of the building, holding it open for her lanky neighbor.

"Oh, well, I guess I was just wondering…" she began to turn pink, as if she suddenly realized that the question wasn't exactly appropriate.

"Why I bought condoms when I'm not in a relationship with anyone? Like I said, I was a Scout. Always pays to be prepared."

"Oh. Wouldn't it make sense to buy them in bulk? I mean, it's a product that doesn't spoil, and presumably you'll be using them for at least another two years, depending on when you want to produce a child-"

"Penny, I'm not going to buy condoms in bulk. For a start, it's creepy. For a second, they do expire, after about three years."

"Really?"
"Really. Check your own, if you don't believe me."

"Oh."

By this time they were on the third floor, and Lee noticed that Penny suddenly sped up, skipping up the stairs ahead of him. He caught the barest glimpse of her expression as she reached the top of the stairs and realized that her entire face had gone bright pink.

He caught up with her easily, having a good eight-inch height advantage, not to mention his sporting physique, she really couldn't hope to outrun him for long on those stairs. She made it to her door, just, but Lee stopped her from going through it by deliberately putting himself into her personal space, a tactic he knew from experience stopped most women dead in their tracks.

It worked again this time, too.

"Penny, you do keep condoms, don't you? I mean, I know you just got out of a long-term relationship, but from the way you were with that guy the other day… surely you're keeping yourself safe?"

"Um, well… I…" Penny stuttered, completely wrong-footed by Lee's sudden inquiry.

"Tell you what, I've got at least half a dozen left in my nightstand, you keep this box, just in case."

"Oh, Lee…"

"Trust me, Boy Scout, remember? Better to be prepared than to have a very awkward moment when you're down to nothing but panties."

"You've had that happen?"
"More times than I'd like to admit. Which is why I try and keep them on hand, now. Come on, open the door and we'll put your groceries away, then you can come over to my place and help me make this Caesar salad."

"Okay. Thanks, Lee."
"Don't mention it, especially not to Leonard."
"What?"

"Never mind. Let's get this ice-cream back into the freezer, shall we?"

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Leonard trudged up the stairs towards his apartment, and paused just outside, the unmistakable sound of female laughter piquing his interest as he fished his keys from the front pocket of his laptop bag.

His jaw dropped, rather spectacularly, when he opened the door.

"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded, storming across the threshold, his face like a thundercloud.

Penny was sitting on the butcher-block island in the centre of the kitchen, in short denim shorts and a pink tank top. All that he could see of Lee was his shoulders, at Penny's knee level, on the other side of the island. From Leonard's perspective, Lee's head was between Penny's knees, and Penny was leaning back on the island, laughing.

The laughter stopped abruptly when Leonard came into the room, shouting, and Penny turned her head towards the door as Lee popped up.

"Oh, hey Leonard! We're making cupcakes!"

His face slowly cleared, turning from murderous to embarrassed in a matter of seconds. He'd overreacted, spectacularly, and Lee was looking at him with one quizzical eyebrow raised, as if daring him to repeat the question.

"Uh, great! What kind?"