Time and Time Again

By hpswst101

Disclaimer: I do not own Damian or the Celtic Thunder boys who will be making a small cameo appearance later on.

Dedication goes to my mother who read the original of this and made me redo it. I'm glad I listened. : )

Castle Madison: Early Nineteenth Century

It had been a long journey from her home in the Lake Country of England to here, the middle of nowhere Ireland. She wasn't even sure where she was in relation to Dublin, only that she was a few days ride by carriage.

The young Cassandra peeked out the window for a bit, looking at all the greenery around her and occasionally watching the Irish workers pick potatoes. This land was foreign to her, and to be quite honest she was scared.

In a few months time she would be getting married. Now for most people as soon as the proposal came, so did the marriage but her soon-to-be-husband, a Lord in one of the Irish Castles, was a widow. Lord John's original wife had died giving childbirth. Unfortunately the child never survived his first winter leaving the Lord alone with his two daughters. The girls were now thirteen and eleven, just a few years younger then Cassandra herself.

Because of this though John wanted Cassandra to arrive a few months prior, so she could get a chance to form a bond with the girls and get a feel and understanding for her new role and land. After all, she was now going to become a Lady of Court.

As Cassandra let her mind drift away, only half-listening to the clopping of the horses of the carriage and her guards. She started to wonder what her new life would be like. Would the children be nice and open to her? Or would they be cold and ill-feeling at the thought of Cassandra taking over the place of their mother? She didn't even know who her husband was! All that she knew of him was that he was in his mid-fifties and owned a castle in Ireland and a few other estates elsewhere.

A few quick rasps came to the carriage door. "My lady," one of her guards spoke in a serious voice. "We are almost at the castle now."

"Thank you, Mr. Wallace," Cassandra replied back and started. In a little over ten minutes they were let in through the gates of the castle and brought up the stone road to the front door.

Her heart was racing and there was a strange feeling in the bottom of her stomach, butterflies. No, I don't want to do this! I'm to young! I'm not ready! She shouted in her mind, but it didn't matter. There were plenty of females younger than her who were married and having children. It didn't matter if she was ready or not because it was happening either way.

The carriage came to a halt and the horses stopped their clopping, Cassandra closed her eyes, hoping to steady her nervous heart. Oh how she wanted to be back home with her faithful dog and family.

"Lord Madison, may I present Cassandra Potter of Wentworth Place." The carriage door opened, the young lady took a deep breath of air before moving out of the carriage, one of the footmen helping her down. She gave a polite nod to him before folding her hands in front of her, just as she was taught in school, her back perfectly straight and a small smile on her face.

"Good afternoon, my Lord." She addressed the tall, serious and very imposing, brown with a mixture of grey haired man. He was the best dressed so she rightly assumed he would be her future husband.

"Good afternoon." He nodded his head, curt, before turning to the two young girls at his side. Both had the same rich chestnut hair of their father but they instead had deep hazel eyes, the opposite of John's own grey ones.

"Miss Potter these are my daughters; Jane and Mary." Jane was the taller of the two, the oldest with Mary being the younger. "Girls, this will be your new mother in a few more months, treat her well." The girls didn't say anything other than a deep curtsy to their father and then to Cassandra.

How can I mother two girls who are only a few years younger than me? But Cassandra pushed that thought out of her mind, it didn't matter, she was going to have to do it.

"I would also like to present their governess, Mrs. Cornell." The prim, straight old woman behind him gave a curt nod of her head to Cassandra. "And my Steward, McGinty."

A young male, around Cassandra's own age stepped forward. He had a handsome, young face with piercing, soul searching blue eyes. His hair was colored a dark brown with a slight wave to it that fell to his ears. McGinty was tall and nicely formed but Cassandra, for the most part, ignored him other than to give him a small nod of her head as he rose from his deep bow.

"If you need help with anything, feel free to let him know." John had kept an even tone to his introductions, but there seemed to be a bit more pride in his voice when he mentioned McGinty's title.

Said Steward didn't say anything. Lord John moved on to introduce his butler, the cook and the housekeeper. They were all older, around John's own age or a few shades younger, but McGinty. McGinty was clearly the youngest of all of them. Subconsciously Cassandra wondered how McGinty had gotten too such a high position so young. It was soon after all the introduction were done that the servants were dismissed to go about their normal routines and Cassandra was lead to where she would be rooming until her wedding night.

It was a nice sized room with a small parlor for her to entertain guests in and a bedroom off to the side behind a door. "I hope you will be happy here," John had said before he had left her to unpack her belongings. "Let me know if you need anything." He gave her strict instructions and directions to dinner; she was not supposed to be late. Cassandra only nodded her head and as soon as the door had closed behind her, collapsed on her couch to silently cry for her own home back in England.

That next day she was sitting at her small writing desk, writing a letter to her mother assuring her of her daughter's safe arrival when someone knocked on her door. Her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out who would be calling for her. The Lord's daughters had left an hour or so ago to start their studies and lunch wasn't for another few hours. "Who is it?"

"McGinty, ma'am. The Steward." The voice was deep. A flash of the young Steward flashed in her mind, his piercing blue eyes gazing at her.

"Come in." She heard the door open and McGinty step in but she didn't turn to greet him. He could wait a few minutes for her to finish her letter. Once she finished it she turned in her seat slightly to face him, finally acknowledging his presence. She gave him a nod to tell him to explain his presence in her suite.

"Lord John wanted me to give you a tour of the castle and its immediate grounds." He had a thick Irish brogue to his voice but he wasn't unintelligible either. If she were to be honest the accent was kind of cute but she would never admit it, especially to herself.

"I thought my Lord would be giving me the tour?"

"Some problems have risen and will leave him detained for the day so he asked me to give you the tour instead." Cassandra nodded her head; she didn't have much of a choice really.

Grabbing one of her shawls she wrapped it around her shoulders before exiting her room, the Steward closing the door behind her. He led her through the castle, showing her the different rooms and how to get there from other places. Everywhere they went people stared, peering at their new Lady of the House and making up their own minds and assumptions on her. McGinty and Cassandra ignored them. But it wasn't until they started on Castle Madison's gardens that true conversations started to arise.

A peaceful silence had endured through the tour of the castle except to tell Cassandra a thing or two but outside, in the fresh air, the need to talk seemed to be a bit stronger.

"What can you tell me about the Lord and his family?" Cassandra had just met them and she knew nothing about them. Earlier in the day she had tried to get the girls to talk to her but efforts were fruitless. She hadn't learned anything new about them.

"Their not very talkative people now."

"I noticed," she answered dryly and stopped to smell one of the flowers blooming. "Anything else?"

"They were once a happy family. A family that chatted and talked with one another quite frequently, but the death of their mother and the newborn child that winter really shocked them. Especially the Lord, he was distraught at his wife's passing and then the loss of his only son. He's been a very quiet and private man ever since. His daughters very much mirror him in that regard."

"He loved her that much?" They stopped. The young male turned to look at her, to meet her own deep green eyes with his piercing blue ones.

"She was a good and noble woman; a gentle and motherly soul. Everyone was heartbroken at her sudden departure." His voice was gentle and soft, his eyes shinning with the heartbreak he had spoken of.

"You knew her?" He nodded his head.

"Believe me when I say she had one of the sweetest souls. Her family loved her very much." Cassandra hung her head a bit.

"How am I supposed to live up to that?"

"Don't," was the Steward's simple answer. "Be your own person. Do your own things. Don't try to measure up to others and their expectations." The young lady didn't answer, slightly surprised at the wisdom in the Steward's words. "All we want from you is to be the Lady of the House and bear the Lord's children. That's all we're expecting."

Slowly, almost like in a trance, she nodded her head. "That's very observant of you." He shrugged it off.

"That was Lord John's advice to me when Coulter, the Stewart before me, died and I took on his role." He smiled, amused. "It's a been a year and a half since then and I'm still learning and trying to understand my job." He laughed lightly.

"How old are you?" He can't be my age, she thought in disbelief. He seemed older than that, either because of his voice or his status among the servants.

"I will be turning nineteen in two more weeks." He was only a few months older then her. She gave a light shake of her head, impressed and, told him that. He looked away wanting to hide the color that was entering his cheeks but she still caught it and smiled.

The tour soon ended and the handsome male escorted her back to her room to freshen up for lunch. He bade her farewell for a time and walked away and as he walked away she couldn't help but hope that she had made a friend in the young serving male.

Over the next few days the two would meet to go over Cassandra's new duties as Lady of the Castle and help her get orientated to the castle and its people. Through these meeting she got to know the Steward better. His name was Damian, named for his father, and had lived in a small town called Derry City until he turned fourteen and came to work in the castle to help support his family back home. That was all he had ever told her and she didn't mind that as his company was more than enough. The family hadn't been any more or less welcoming to her in the coming days so she desperately seek out the warmth and friendship of the young Irish Steward, even if he was a servant from Ireland at least he talked to her.

But a few weeks later, in the middle of September, on one of the days Lord John was actually home, Cassandra paid the Lord a visit to his private study. The young Steward had just come to talk with the Lord about the castle's state of affairs when Cassandra asked the Lord a question. Neither noticed the young man standing outside the door listening in despite his better judgment.

"Why is it you make your home here and not in England as all the others do?" Lord John paused for a second to look up from his work.

"This is my house," was his quiet response.

"You have three other estates, one being in England itself. Why do you not take up residence there?" There was a small, pleading tone to her voice as she spoke.

The going grey-haired man only shook his head, "England is full of corruption and ill feelings to anyone they deem lower than themselves. No, I will not move our family. This is our home."

"But the girls can meet so many more people there. Jane will soon be of age and all too soon Mary will follow her footsteps. Who is there to be courted from here?" Damian knew Cassandra had a point to that. There were no eligible men of proper status here; they were all in England and Wales, coming out only to Ireland when they absolutely had too. It would be smarter to move the family away to England so the girls can be courted off but there was a small tinge in his chest at the thought of the family leaving indefinitely, with Cassandra.

He had grown close to Cassandra and enjoyed her dry humor and care. She really did want to fit in with the family, she just didn't know how.

"I am not moving this family in either case." The sound of a chair being moved back came from the room. "This is home. Britain, with all of its etiquette maybe our mother country, but it has its dark shadows. England is not always innocent or safe."

Damian could hear the sound of a pen scratching and a few seconds later the door opened to reveal an annoyed Cassandra leaving, her head tilted up as she marched away. She didn't notice Damian, which he was more than fine with but he had to admit that even when mad there was an elegance and grace to her he had never seen in another person.

As she walked away there was a lingering scent left behind from her perfume. He closed his eyes, taking it in before waiting a few seconds to enter John's study.

Tucked away safely in her own room she dropped the controlled mask she had placed on as soon as she had left John's study. She was mad, hurt, annoyed and completely defeated.

She knew why he couldn't leave; he couldn't leave his wife, Lady Sharon, behind. Her memory still haunts the castle and him. He hadn't gotten over his late wife and probably never will.

With a sigh she tried to hold back the tears that wanted to run down her face. She missed her family and the world she had grown up in. As she opened her deep forest green eyes, her gaze landed on the Lord's daughters and tutor studying in the garden today. It was actually quite nice outside, a very rare site she was told.

The children were complacent and easy to work with, but, so quiet. She never knew what was going through their minds. Were they always like that? She had to wonder. It was then that McGinty walked into the window frame and over to the daughters, more likely then not to tell them to prepare for supper.

An easy smile was on his face as he greeted the girls and their tutor. The girls smiled in return at the young and handsome Steward as they packed up their bags. McGinty departed and Cassandra watched him intently.

She had noticed that about herself in the passing weeks, how she would be watching the Steward. That he was starting to enter her thoughts more and more. She had never experienced any other time with men that when they left her company, she wanted them back. Late in the night she would wonder about him, his smiles and laughs.

"He was a good person," everyone seemed to say, as she would hear the male servants talk to one another about the Steward. They spoke of how he was always helping out around the castle when it was needed with the Butler, Byrom.

The maids would giggle and gossip about his handsome face, his position as Steward and just him and his warm disposition. But lately the talk of the maids had started to irritate her and she could not in words explain exactly why it did. All she knew was that it did.

It made a strange twist in her stomach to see him with the other females around his own age. To hear him talked of by the other maids, especially since he didn't have a beau.

McGinty left her viewpoint in the window then, but he didn't leave her thoughts.

It had been a few days earlier; she had the most powerful urge to just move, her body not wanting to stay still a moment longer. It was dark and raining, all the servants had turned in by now. Cassandra held a small candle in her hand to light the way as she walked around the castle. As she turned a corner though she was met with the brighter light of a candelabrum that was being held by McGinty.

"My lady?" He spoke, sounding surprised. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep, decided to walk around instead." McGinty nodded his head, concurring with the thought. It was then without saying anything the two started to walk around together. Their own candles being the only source of light.

They both felt more comfortable in their dark surroundings as they walked together, the conversation soon started between them, their volumes low and soft. "You are quite the talk among the servants it seems. I'm always hearing your name being spoken, especially by the women." Even in the dim light Cassandra thought she saw a bit of red tinge his cheeks.

"The women have always looked after me. They are very much like mothers and sisters." Cassandra smiled sadly; at least he has family among the servants.

"Ah, but I think a few of them would like to be something more to you. Do you not have a beau?"

"I use to," he answered quietly. "But she wasn't true. A year after I left she was married and from the news I get at times, she welcomed it. There hasn't been anyone since." His soulful blue eyes darted to her, a quick look passing his gaze before he faced forward again. She didn't notice this.

"I'm sorry to hear that." He didn't say anything for a long moment.

"It still hurts at times, but I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that she wasn't happy with me being away and now she is with someone who will always be there." Cassandra's eyes softened, he had loved her that much that he was willing to accept her marriage to another man because he knew she would be happy with him.

"You will find someone, McGinty. Just give it some time." He smiled lightly at that and this time their gazes met. His now deep blue eyes meeting her forest green. They both smiled and when they finally looked away, a few minutes later, both of their cheeks were deep red.

A/N. The story is all written and separated into four parts with an epilogue. I hope you will enjoy this and let me know what you think of it in the comments.

Anon people can review as well! I love hearing feedback so please review. Thank you!