I really should be working on Paris Never Dies, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Long story short for anyone who sees this and read my other stories – I've been ill. And yes, I mean the disappearing from the face of the earth for months was because I was ill. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of writing, but its taking it's time. If you want a full explanation, it's on my profile.

Summary – The Doctor isn't the only one who can forward plan. For him, it's set after the The Lazarus Experiment. For her, it was recorded just before Fear Her.

Disclaimer – I don't own Doctor Who. The 'I had a choice, mum, Mickey, life or death blah blah blah' line is from the Rose trailer from before Series one.

IMISSYOUIMISSYOUIMISSYOU

Hi. It's me. Obviously.

I decided that if you're gonna have an Emergency Program One, then so am I. The Tardis helped me, so hopefully you won't find this before you need to. But in the very likely case that you've been fiddling around and accidentally activated it, turn it off. If I'm here, I want you to turn this off now. You don't need to hear this. Or maybe you do. This is…this is everything I can't say to your face. God, I'm turning into you...

I know. And I know you know.

I had a choice. Stay at home with my mum, my boyfriend, my job…or chuck it all in for danger, and monsters, and life or death.

Which is why, if I've left, you need to go after me. I don't care what happened. If the Tardis is showing you this because we had a stupid fight and I walked out or demanded you take me back to Mum, and you're out here about to leave…I feel pretty stupid, but that's probably the best outcome I can hope for.

Don't get me wrong. If you're about to fly away without me, or if you already have…you are a dead man. You can't just leave me! You better get your arse straight back to the Estate and hope to God I go easy on you. And if you've left me, out of some misguided belief that that's what best for me, you are in so much trouble. And you better go back, because if you don't, I will be coming after you. I refuse to do a Sarah-Jane and wait for you to reappear in my life with another companion in tow. I will hunt you down and kick your arse. And I might just bring Mum with me as well.

And if I find out you've replaced me? She's getting thrown out while we're in flight.

Because when I said forever, I meant it. I don't want a normal life. I don't want a house, a mortgage and two point four kids. I want you. This life. Our life. Whatever you think, I know what I signed up for. And no stupid argument or your hero complex is going to change that. So quit sulking and moping and just bring me home.

And if you think you'll need to grovel and beg to get through the front door, don't bring me flowers. I'll just throw them at your head. Again.

But if it isn't one of those two…it can only mean one thing. I'm not coming home. And I don't mean you've finally pissed me off so much that you think I won't. I'll always come home eventually…unless I can't. And if I can't…well we both know what that means.

So if that happens, and that's why the Tardis is playing this, God I'm sorry. Trust me when I say it wasn't meant to happen, and please don't blame yourself. Because I know wherever I am I don't. And I need you to do one thing for me. Keep going. Because the universe needs someone to save it.

Don't sink into a deep dark depression because it won't do anyone any good. And don't wipe out the next alien race you come across. Chances are, whatever they did, it doesn't deserve that. Which leads me to my next point. I know what I said about throwing your next companion into the nearest black hole, but if I am gone, find someone else. You need someone to stop you.

Now, personally I'd rather it was a guy, but I know you. You're like catnip. You'll have another female companion.

Just don't let her fall in love with you. You told me you're the kind of man that only falls in love once, but that doesn't mean you won't break a few hearts. Face it Doctor, when it comes to women, you're oblivious!

And if we haven't run into Jack by the time you see this, find him. And tell him I'm sorry. I remember what I did on Satellite Five. I remember everything. It took a while, but eventually the dreams made sense. I haven't told you because I don't think you expected me to remember. If you were going to bring up what happened, you would have already.

I'm just a little gutted we didn't get a real repeat. New Earth doesn't count.

I guess that's everything I need to say. How did you do it? You managed to fit a whole goodbye into less than a minute, and I'm still standing here rambling. I didn't even think about what I wanted to say before I started. I just knew I had to do something.

Something's coming, Doctor. Something big. I've felt it for weeks. The Tardis feels it too. And I couldn't leave you with nothing.

So here it is. Me, standing in front of you…kind of. Finally coming out and saying it, because I know we're too caught up in the running that we'll never say it before it's our last chance.

I love you.

And it's okay that you haven't said it.

Because I know.

Rose flickered for a moment, flashing a watery smile at thin air before disappearing.

Martha stared open mouthed at the Doctor, suddenly seeing him in a whole new light. She knew he wasn't happy and, as much as she hated to admit it, she knew she wasn't enough to fill the hole in his hearts. And if there had ever been any doubt about that fact, the proof was standing right there in front of her. He hadn't moved in the entire time that the blue-tinted hologram had played out. He'd just stood there, staring at the almost-Rose like he couldn't get enough.

Martha wasn't exactly sure why the message had started playing. One minute they'd been talking about visiting Las Vegas, the next the Tardis was lurching to the side and throwing them to the floor. Martha had stifled a scream when she saw the blue woman standing in the middle of the room when she'd looked up. It was impossible for someone to just appear in the middle of the Control Room.

One look at the Doctors face had confirmed that their current situation wasn't his doing, but his reaction told her he knew what was going on. There was no shock on his face to indicate that this was the first time he'd seen the blue girl, only hurt and heartache. As much as he loved seeing her again, he knew it wouldn't last. That at the end of it she'd flicker and disappear, just like she always did.

So he'd stood up and walked towards her, stopping mere inches from the image. No touch allowed.

Martha didn't move from her position on the floor, feeling like an intruder. Now that it was over, she shuffled awkwardly to her feet, quietly moving towards the heartbroken Time Lord. For the first time, his barriers were completely shattered around her. She could see the tears in his eyes as he slowly reached out to where she had been, as if he could somehow reach her.

As his hand close around air, Martha whispered, "That was Rose wasn't it?"

The Doctor nodded sadly, never moving his eyes from the spot where the projection had been. Taking a deep breath dropped his hand and he explained, "She knew something was coming. We both did. So she left me a message. It didn't even occur to her that I might be the one who was lost." He tilted his head as he gazed into the empty air, as if he was confused by the lack of Rose, "She had too much faith in me."

"No she didn't." Martha shook her head as she placed a comforting hand on the Doctor's arm, "I think she had just the right amount. She seems like someone who could handle you." He nodded, smiling sadly at Martha's observation.

Although she was composed on the outside, Martha was in pieces on the inside. Minutes before, she had been jealous of Rose. She resented the woman that had come before her. Now, she was comforting him as he mourned her all over again. Maybe it was the fact she finally had a face to put to the name. And the girl clearly wasn't some kind of glowing alien goddess that Martha had come to expect – she was just a normal human girl. It didn't feel wrong, the sudden shift in perspective, but her mind was still playing catch-up with her actions.

Suddenly, Martha's hand tensed on the Doctor's arm. Panic lacing her voice, she pulled him around to face her, "You said she wasn't dead, that she was with her family. Please don't tell me I'm going to get thrown out of the Tardis while we're in flight."

"Trapped in a parallel world equals not coming home." The Doctor sighed, stepping away from Martha and pulling some leaves, sending the Tardis back into flight. Bracing himself against the console, he struggled to hold back the tears. "She can't come back."

Martha stood where she was, unsure of what her next move should be. She had no idea what she could say to him. Nothing could make this better. She couldn't exactly say she knew how he was feeling, and the closest she'd ever come to seeing someone like this was her mother after her father had left. But that was more betrayal than grief. Choosing her next words carefully, Martha walked up to the Doctor and wrapped her arms around his waist in a sideways hug. She rested her chin on his shoulder a friendly gesture, offering support – nothing else. After a few moments, she said casually, "What was it Rose said about coming home?" She felt him stiffen but continued regardless, "As long as she's alive she'll always come back?"

She risked a glance up at the Doctor, and was surprised to see a flicker of something foreign in his eyes. Hope. Something she was startled to realize she'd never seen in him before. Smiling softly, Martha returned her gazed to console as she added, "She'll be back. Just you wait."

IMISSYOUIMISSYOUIMISSYOU

Hmmm….personally I don't think that was all too great :/ Oh well, it's written now, might as well post it :) Not too bad for coming up with the dialogue on the train to uni lol!

HesMines x