A/N: OMG! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry that I didn't finish this story. I was flicking through old FF's and reading odds and ends and I didn't realize that this one had not been finished. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry. =/ I will make it up to you by giving you an EXTRA LONG chapter to finish up.

A re-cap: Elliot LEFT after shooting that girl and moved to New Jersey. No contact with Liv for eight months. Elliot called and she didn't want to know about it. Kathleen informed her that Kathy had been killed in a car accident. Olivia went to the funeral. FOUR MONTHS LATER… El was coming into town and they agreed to have dinner.

=))

Olivia was finishing off the last of her paperwork when she felt a shadow fall behind her. She was smiling before she even looked up.

"Hi, El," she greeted as she turned to look at his face.

She was surprised to find the wrinkles on his face had aged him at least two years since she had seen him a few weeks ago. Things for him had been rough, and he was glad to be in the presence of his old partner. Sometimes it was things like that that seemingly made him realize he still had something in his life to hold onto.

"Hi," his smile was forced.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked, standing from her desk and grabbing her leather jacket from the back of the chair.

"Yeah," he nodded. Olivia would ask him how he was coping when the time was right, now didn't seem like that time. Elliot helped her slip her arms through the jacket and then reached out to envelope her in a hug. "I've missed you," he whispered in her ear.

Olivia blushed. "I've missed you, too."

Elliot pulled away and led her out of the precinct.

Outside in the cold New York air, Elliot opened the passenger's side door for her, and she climbed in, buckling her seatbelt as she remembered all the old ways about Elliot Stabler. Life had not been the same in his absence, and she was sure if he went back to New Jersey, it would change again. Olivia wasn't naïve. She knew that life changed. She knew that people changed. But she didn't like it. Olivia liked routine. She liked to know that the next day wouldn't be that different from the last. But if Elliot came back and turned her life upside down, she was more than willing to make the needed changes to keep him.

Elliot slipped into the driver's seat and pulled into traffic a few moments later, driving her to their favourite restaurant. Olivia smiled as he pulled the car into an empty spot in the parking lot. He killed the engine and looked over at Olivia. "You okay?"

Olivia nodded meeting his gaze. "Yes. I'm fine."

"Ready then?"

"Yes," she said. "I'm ready."

A little while later, the two of them were seated at a table for two by the window, waiting for their order to come.

"How are the kids?" she asked, as she folded her hands into her lap.

"They're doing okay," he answered. "It's been rough on the younger ones. Maureen and Kathleen are keeping busy with school and- they're hanging in there. I worry about Eli, not having a mother," he looked into Olivia's eyes when he said that and she felt the air leave her lungs. Was she imagining it? Was it wishful thinking?

"He has you," she replied.

"I don't think I'm enough," he shrugged. "I don't know what to say him when he asks about her. Why she had to go away… why she isn't there to read him a story? Every night is the same. I want to tell him that she'll be back. I want to give him back his mum, and I can't…"

Olivia felt her own heartbreak.

"Anyway, it's the way it is, isn't it?" he shrugged. "There isn't much I can do about it."

Olivia nodded in agreement. "No, there isn't."

Dinner came and for a few minutes the two of them ate in silence, before Elliot could no longer stand the lack of conversation. "How's work?"

"The same," she said, picking off the salad from his plate as she used to do and giving him her fries. "We catch paedophiles and rapists and murders and there's always more out there. It's never ending. It's hard. It's-" she shook her head. She didn't to explain it to him. No one could ever forget the kind of work they did at SVU.

"I owe you something, Liv," he said thoughtfully, laying down his fork. "You came to the funeral. You were there when I was in desperate need of a friend."

"You know we never did talk about…"

"Yeah," he nodded, not having to ask what she was referring to. "I think this confession is long overdue. I was pretty messed up when I shot that girl- I didn't want to deal with what happened and when Kathy gave me an ultimatum, she gave me an easy-out. She told me that I had to cut all ties with everyone," he said. Olivia had the feeling that he was talking about her but she let him go on. "She gave me a chance at a fresh life. Start over. Move away. I didn't work on the force again, I don't think I could have worked with anyone else but you."

Olivia was relieved that he mirrored some of her own thoughts. She had to work without him, but it had been harder than anything else she'd ever been through. It was like learning to live without a limb. It wasn't without pain and difficulty.

"It's not easy," she said.

"You were always stronger than me, Liv. You always had a strength that I never did."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is," he said confidently. "I couldn't have done what you did. I couldn't have gone on working as easily as you did."

Olivia sucked the air into her lungs. "You think it was easy? You think there wasn't a single moment where I wished you were there with me? You think that I went home and I slept like a baby? You think that I took up every invitation to go out and have a good time? Do you really think I went on as if nothing had changed?"

"It doesn't matter, Liv. You went on without me," he pointed out. "And I'm glad you did. I wouldn't want you to feel bad. I did enough of that on my own."

Olivia stood from her chair, feeling angry again. He made it sound easy. "I'm think I'm done."

He stood up, ready to follow her out if he had to. "I don't want you to go," he stated. "Please. I know that I didn't handle it all the way I should have. I didn't come here to fight with you. I don't want that. I want to talk… I want-"

I want you to kiss me, she thought silently. But we don't always get what we want.

"I want to know how to make it better."

Give me back the last year. "I'm tired."

"Let me take you home," he offered eagerly.

Olivia nodded.

Elliot offered to walk her to her door, and when she declined, he got out of the car and did so anyway. She opened the door and turned to him.

Ask him to stay?

"Elliot, I-"

"Olivia, I-"

They both laughed.

Ask him!

"El, do you want to… I mean, I- do you want to come in?"

Elliot smiled. "Yeah, I do."

Olivia gestured for him to go in first and she followed his lead. They walked the stairs and she unlocked her apartment to let him in. The place was a mess. Clothes thrown about all over the place. Dishes in the sink. She hadn't had a chance to clean up.

"Wow, you been having wild parties?" he teased, looking around the apartment.

"It kind reflects my life," she said, enjoying the irony. "It's been a mess for a while now."

"How long is a while?"

"A year."

He smiled weakly. "Funny that."

"Yeah," she agreed. "You want something to drink?"

"No," he stated.

She turned to see him staring at her.

"What do you want then?"

His eyes locked on hers. "I need you to know… Kathy was my dream, Liv. She was what you want but never really have. You think you have it, you work hard to find it, but there's always a missing piece. With you," he said. "There was no missing piece. You were the reality. You were everything I ever needed and wanted and sometimes hated and loved and- I don't remember all the months that I wasn't around you. It's a blur, Liv. All of it. What I do remember is you. I remember your strength and your passion and your empathy. I remember the way you put me in my place. The way you fought for what was right, even when fighting me."

Olivia simply stared at him.

"I want the reality," he said. "I want you."

Olivia could have sworn her heart stopped beating. "What are trying to say to me, El. In black and white. What?"

He took a step toward her and slipped an arm around her waist, drawing her to him. She held her breath. "I don't want to be too late. I am trying to tell you that I love you… I am in love with you, Olivia. I have been for years. I just- I was married. I was stupid. I was- I want a chance. I won't blow it again. I won't. I know what it's like to be without you, and I don't want that life. I want you… I want us."

"And what about what I want?" she said, her voice cracking and her heart erratically beating against the wall of her chest.

"What do you want?" he said, tucking her hair behind her ears.

This. You. Always you.

"Say something?" Elliot pleaded.

Olivia shook her head and silently pressed her lips to his, snaking her arms around his neck to pull him closer. The long-awaited kiss that she'd been dreaming about for twelve years finally came to a head. Finally, Olivia had him in her arms and the reality was so much better than the dream.

She slipped her hand into his and without a word, she led him towards her bedroom.

Life goes on… right?

Again, I'm so sorry for abandoning this story. I hope you didn't forget it. =/

THE END!