Author's Notes: First of all, this fic is entirely ssa-rtune's fault. Second, this is total crack!fic. It is a Rizzoli & Isles parody of the 1970s British comedy "Are You Being Served." If you have never seen AYBS, the following will likely make absolutely no sense. You have been warned.

Overserved, Part 1 of 2

It wasn't fair. No, it just patently wasn't fair. There was…there was… Jane mashed repeatedly on all of the remote buttons in a blind fit of rage. There was stuff on! Stuff. Any stuff. Any channel with any stuff had to be better than this.

She flopped dramatically down onto the sofa, lips puckered in a childish pout as a guttural growl rumbled up from her chest and clawed out through tightly pursed lips.

"Anything…any channel," she whined, "anything but public television."

Maura watched, amused, from Jane's kitchen as she put the finishing touches on lunch, "We could always go out, catch a matinee? Oh! Or perhaps check out the Degas and the Nude exhibit at the Museum of Fine Art?"

Jane quirked one eyebrow as she craned her head slowly towards her girlfriend, "Really!"

"The evolution of the nude figure in Degas' work is fascinating. In fact his later pieces were for the time, shockingly frank in their depiction of the nude in contemporary or personal settings." Maura waggled her eyebrows as she took a seat next to Jane and offered her the plate of sandwiches.

"Babe, you know if you're feeling a little randy you don't have to butter me up with nudey art…at the museum…in public…where everyone can see the big butch cop and her femme girlfriend checking out the nudey art."

Maura chuckled, "I sincerely hope you're just having a go at me and aren't still that self-conscious about our relationship."

Jane huffed. "It's just…we said we were going to spend a relaxing day off at home…relaxing…watching football…and relaxing." She slammed her bare heels onto the coffee table.

"Mmm," Maura nodded turning her attention towards the television, "Yes, watching football with you is always so…relaxing." She reached for the remote and checked the channels. "Public Access…QVC…Oh! Jane! C-SPAN, question time with the Prime Minister! It's quite entertaining…" her amused giggles were cut short as she caught a glimpse of Jane's pained face.

"They…" Maura smiled sheepishly, "yell and boo. It can get quit brash and irreverent."

"Maura…"

Maura switched the channel, "PBS, then?"

"UGH!" Jane folded her arms, resigned to her fate, "I hate PBS."

"I make quite a sizeable donation to WGBH Boston every year."

Jane chuckled, pulling Maura towards her as they cozied up on the sofa, "Of course you do."

"Did you know that WGBH is one of the largest producers of educational programming in the country?"

A theatrical gasp filled the air, "I did not!" Jane feigned horror at her lack of knowledge as she brought her hand in faux apology to her chest.

Maura pursed and twisted one side of her mouth in obvious exasperation, "I've said it before but I'll say it again, you do know not many people would put up with your abuse?" Jane's face relaxed in genuine recognition of her near childlike tantrum. "Besides," Maura continued, "I highly doubt you hate PBS. You probably grew up watching childhood staples brought to you by public television."

"Like what?" Jane scoffed.

"Sesame Street for one…"

"No way! That was PBS?" Jane's jaw dropped. "I loved Sesame Street. Bert and Ernie were my favorite."

Maura snickered, glancing down at her lap and their intertwined hands and then back to Jane, "How apropos," she finished with a wink. "In any event, other children's classics like The Reading Rainbow…"

"Oh!" Jane slapped her knee as she thought, "Yeah! Yeah! With the guy from Star Trek!"

A confused look covered Maura's face, "William Shatner wasn't on Reading Rainbow?"

"No, Maur, not Captain Kirk. From the Next Generation, the Engineer guy…" Jane motioned towards her eyes, "blind…wore the special visor and it gave him like super cool infrared and micro…umm, not that I watched a lot of Star Trek or anything…" her voice trailed off.

Maura patted Jane's leg as she swung her feet up on the sofa and leaned back, nestling into Jane's side.

"Ok," Jane admitted as she placed a conciliatory kiss to Maura's temple, "I guess I have watched a lot of PBS. But, I think we're a little old for Sesame Street or Reading Rainbow."

"Well, fortunately for us, PBS has also carved out a niche in broadcasting British costume dramas and comedies and according to the tv guide they're running a marathon of the Are You Being Served series." Maura smiled as she reached for another finger sandwich, "I've seen it before, it's very funny…once you pick up on the idiosyncrasies of British humor. Very little is taboo in topic and they're quite fond of sexual innuendo and tend towards being heavily sarcastic. On that note, this might be right up your alley!"

She didn't want to like it; mostly for the sake of continuing the contrary tone she had initiated that afternoon. The theme song was legitimately obnoxious, the grating screeching and clanking sound effect of an old-timey cash register. Maura was right, the humor was odd and the slang very different, but in just a few episodes Jane had picked up on it.

The show was nonetheless, quite funny and before they knew it, it was well into the afternoon and no effort had been made to move from the sofa.

Maura shifted onto her side, hand stroking lightly across Jane's ribs as she buried her face into the crook of the detective's neck.

"You know, I had a job in a department store…in high school," Jane snorted as the memory came back.

"Oh?" Maura's voice was groggy, as she closed her eyes and exhaled.

"Yeah, over the Christmas holiday one year. It was terrible, they stuck me at customer service doing gift wrap."

Maura laughed, drawn slightly back from the edge of slumber, "But…you're a terrible gift wrapper."

"Yeah, so the customers told me…every day…eight hours a day."

Maura shifted again, trying to wrap herself tighter around Jane's body, "I never had an…after school job? Is that what you call it?"

"Shocking," Jane chuckled, letting her arms encircle Maura tighter.

"I did a lot of volunteer work though."

"Mmm," Jane kissed the top of her head, "Not the same. When you volunteer, people actually appreciate what you're doing. The retail customers and the ones at my cousin's restaurant where I worked after were horrible. They treated us like crap, like we were slaves with no feelings. They'd make messes just to make them and of course we'd have to clean them up. No matter how horrible a customer was, we could never say anything because…the customer is always right and all that bullshit."

Jane looked down but Maura's eyes were closed, her breath light and regulated. A nap does sound good.

Jane watched from behind the glass as the suspect squirmed. Sweat pooled profusely on his half-bald head; he reached occasionally to wipe his brow with a yellow-tinged and stained handkerchief. He wore an atrocious and ill-fitting plaid sport coat with…well they could only be…polyester trousers. He looked like a used car salesman, from the 1970s.

She checked her watch. It wasn't like Frost and Korsak to be late to an interrogation. The man was pacing the room now. He removed the heinous sport coat but upon noticing the sopping stains spreading out from the armpit of his button up, opted to put the blazer back on. Jane raised an eyebrow and sneered in disgust.

"Later that same day…" Jane exasperated as she stood up and headed back to the bullpen, "if they think I'm going to sit here and let this dude marinate in there until interrogation smells like half-time in the Patriots' locker room they've got another thing…"

Empty. No one was in the bullpen. What the… Jane walked over to her desk and spied a note: Went on coffee break. Down in the Café. ~Korsak and Frost.

"Does no one work around here!" Jane threw her hands up and made her way towards the elevator.

Angela looked around to make sure no customers were approaching as she pulled out a small compact and ran her fingers through her rosy pink coiffeur, smoothing out an errant strand that had come loose during the last round of frenetic baking.

"Angela," Korsak sidled up to the counter, "how are sales today?"

She snapped the compact closed and smiled, "Oh you know Sgt. Detective, Ding-dongs are up and Ho-Hos are down. Same old same old."

Korsak smiled a mischievous smile, "Ah, well I do love a good ding-dong from time to time."

"I'll bet you do, Sgt." Angela winked as she handed him a pastry and snickered as he sashayed back to the table where he and Frost were having coffee.

She reached for the coffee pot and refilled Maura's cup, "Dr. Isles, do you ever get the feeling there's something…a little off about Sgt. Korsak?"

Maura adjusted her silk cravat and brushed her hands down the front of her vest, "You mean, besides his peculiar affection for ding-dongs?" They both laughed. "No, no I can't say as I have. I never did care much for ding-dongs though. Especially not for lunch."

"Tuna?" Angela offered her a plastic container.

"Oh! Now that's more to my tastes," Maura replied with the sly quirk of her eyebrow.

Jane burst through the doors of the café in an overdramatic display, stopping just inside the doorway; she folded her arms and surveyed the inhabitants. "Well, I'm glad to see everyone is enjoying their tea time," she grumbled.

Maura glanced over her shoulder and wiggled her fingers in the air as she smiled, "Jane! Jane! Over here."

She trudged over, giving Frost and Korsak her best Rizzoli stare on the way. "Shouldn't you be down in the morgue? Finishing that autop…oh! Is that tuna?" Maura nodded. "I love tuna!"

Maura grinned, "Yes, your mother and I were just discussing that. Apparently Sgt. Korsak prefers ding-dongs…for lunch."

Jane snorted, "Yeah, none of his wives were able to break him of that." She leaned down as Maura offered a taste of her tuna. "Mmmm," she smiled, smoldering brown eyes dragging from Maura's lips, down her fine neck to her… "What are you wearing?"

Maura shimmied, "It's vintage!"

With the roll of her eyes Jane turned to lean against the counter, "Why didn't anyone tell me it was retro-Tuesday? I would have dug out a pair of bell bottoms."

"Anyway, Angela. You were saying? About your plans this evening?" Maura wiped daintily at the corners of her mouth, giving Jane a wink.

"Oh you know, nothing fancy really. Sometimes after a long day at work I just like to curl up on the sofa, with a glass of wine, under a nice warm blanket and stroke my pussy." The cash register clinked and clanked as Angela took a payment.

Jane arched an eyebrow, looking at Maura and then at her mother, "Ma, I'm not sure it's healthy…how much you pamper your cat."

"On the contrary Jane!" Maura interjected, "Many studies have shown that women who partake in such relaxing activities as stroking their pussy live longer!"

"It has fleas," Jane retorted.

Angela scoffed, "Jane! Are you saying I don't keep my pussy clean!"

Jane raised her hand and shook her head, "Ma, we've been over this, however often you wash your cat is your business. Anyway, I've got work to do."

She stalked towards the door, kicking it gruffly and catching it, holding it open with her hand. Glancing over at the table where her current and former partners sat, apparently enraptured by each other's company, Jane growled, calling out, "Sgt. Korsak! Are you free?"

Korsak's ears perked at the sound of his name as he hopped deftly off the tall stool, "I am freeeeee!" he answered as he minced gayly towards her.

Based loosely on the episode "Dear Sexy Knickers."

Angela Rizzoli as Mrs. Slocombe

Maura Isles as Miss Brahms

Jane Rizzoli as Mr. Grainger

Sgt. Vince Korsak as Mr. Humphreys

Barry Frost as Mr. Lucas

Appearing in the next episode: Lt. Cavanaugh as Captain Peacock