...Because the Denizens want it. And I'm wondering if I can get a story over the 300 reviews mark. And some people have been very clear that no Jimiverse story of more than a couple of chapters is complete without a visit from a certain unmarked white van, and so...

SPECIAL BONUS FEATURE: DELETED SCENE FROM END OF CHAPTER 25

white van pulls up outside Singer Salvage

*knock knock knock*

Bobby: ? ? ? ? ?

*The DDD&SSS Crew stand on the porch. They sing their jingle.*

Have your Winchesters been Hunting, are they damaged, are they bruised,
Have bits of them been broken, have their tailbones been abused?
Call DDD&SSS if idjits make you blue,
We've custard, cream and sprinkles, and we'll sort them out for you.

Bobby: I wouldn't say no to some help; Sam's walking like a penguin and having library nightmares, and Dean keeps trying to exorcise the refrigerator because he thinks that demons have stolen all the booze.

Knivespast: Leave it with us, Mr Singer, we are professionals.

Bartlebead: And we have a certain amount of interest in dealing with drug-affected victims, I mean customers.

Kepouros: (consulting clipboard): We can do the Droopy & Loopy package for you.

Danni1200: Which includes therapeutic custard poulticing, sequin removal, and double inspection for any bruises that may have been missed first time around – that comes with our 'Get It Right' guarantee.

AnjEmm: Which means we will keep inspecting until we find something needing attention, or they start to cry.

PhoenixFelicis: We suggest you ignore any screaming, yelling, or demands to be untied.

Jelly(Bean) (nodding compassionately): Those affected by mind-altering medications can sometimes be... confused about what their therapists are doing to help them.

*They all nod seriously*

ccase13: But never fear, we can have them coated in custard, I mean feeling better, within, oh, I'd say, give us two hours.

Bobby: Wonderful. Have at 'em, ladies.

*the DDD&SSS hustle in*

Upstairs

Dean (tearfully): The Booze Demons! The Booze Demons! They took away the beeeeer! Waaaaah!

Bartlebead (pats Dean's hand gently): What naughty demons they are.

Dean (pouting): And they painted the geraniums, you know. With Gatorade. Now they're all, you know, internationally awkward. With pointy teeth. And furballs.

Ciya: Why don't you just lie back, and tell us about the geraniums?

Dean (looking anxious): You know about the geraniums?

Georgia: Of course – we make it our business. We're here to help you.

Dean (tearing up again): They're all Spanish now! They'll never have puppies! And they keep chasing me! *clutching at the DDD&SSS* They want to steal my socks! They gyrate in my pants! And they bite me on the fender when the knitting goes boink!

SeaGlassGreen (tut-tutting understandingly): Lucky for you, custard repels geraniums.

Dean (slightly cross-eyed): It does? *He brightens up suddenly* Oh, a kitty!

PaulatheCat: Meow, did you know that cats will chase and kill geraniums if they annoy their people?

Dean: Awesome! *grabs PaulatheCat, and shoves her down his pants. He wiggles a bit* Ooo-OOO-er, I think something's gyrating down there.

SeaGlassGreen: To the custard tub, ladies!

Downstairs

Sam: Explain to me again exactly how this is supposed to help?

Katiki: The massage will help to bring out the bruising.

Leahelisabeth: And getting into this box will help to overcome the nightmares about the library.

Sam: It was pretty traumatic – all those books, and no rhyme or reason to the filing system. Er, it's kind of dark in here.

Katiki: You have to free associate. Being massaged in the box represents being unable to take action to bring order to the books.

Sam: Why is she in here with me?

Leahelisabeth: My presence is essential for your Librarian Desensitisation Therapy. Let's have it, Katiki!

*Katiki upends bucket of chocolate sauce into the box*

Sam: AAAAAARGH! What's that for?

Leahelisabeth: The chocolate sauce represents your feelings of being mired in the chaos of an unorganised library.

Katiki: Being massaged with the chocolate sauce represents you letting go of your stress about being in an unorganised library.

Leahelisabeth: And getting rid of the chocolate sauce represents getting rid of your anxiety.

Sam: Er, how does that happen?

*Enthusiastic slurping and the occasional squeal emanate from the box*

Even Further Downstairs

Crowley: It feels like the whole world is against me.

Steelhorse67: Heavy lies the head that wears the infernal tiara. *pats Crowley's knee understandingly*

Crowley: Bobby hates me.

Aeicha: He just doesn't appreciate your... unique talents.

Crowley (bottom lip trembling): He shot me with dog poo.

Knivespast: I think it's time for a group hug.

Crowley (suddenly looking worried): Is this likely to damage my tie?

Aeicha: Would you like it to?

In The Living Room

Bobby: Watching you eat scones is an education, madam.

Lampito: You think that was impressive, wait until I start on the profiteroles.

Bobby: Your mind can have a decidedly risqué cast to it.

Lampito: Don't play coy with me, Mr Singer, I saw Verael do the thing with the éclair.

Bobby: That was nothing; when Danael did that thing with the cucumber sandwiches, I nearly fell off my chair.

Lampito: Indeed.

Bobby: Shall we watch some HELL-TV? I've been finding some of the channels quite amusing. There's the one where Sam gets arrested at the opening of his Broadway show, perhaps? His acceptance speeches at the Tony Awards are hilarious. No, I think you'd enjoy the footage of Dean auditioning for the Bolshoi, that boy can fouetté en tournant like nobody's business...

Lampito (slightly primly): That does not surprise me in the least.

FIN

Aaaaaaand if you're in the mood for some custard, green-screening and fangirl shenanigans, don't forget to pop over to Kepouros's story, 'The Fangirl Chronicles', where she will make them do dreadful things for your perverted fangirl amusement. Just drop her a review, and she will aim to please. Well, she'll aim to make the Winchesters please, anyway. Please also join my Kill Shirley campaign, which have just this moment decided to start. Not only is she molesting Bobby, she's attempting to stop the fangirls from amusing themselves! She - must - die!