"Give me someone I like" He says. He supposes it is unhealthy to not like yourself but what can you do? And he's dying; it really isn't the time to be worried about self-hating tendencies. If he makes it through this, he's got all of time and space; he'll find himself a therapist.

Someone I like. The TARDIS always does what he says. In a roundabout way. She never takes him where he wants to go but where he needs to go. And sometimes the two are really the same. To admit that out loud would hurt too much. He never could just say what he felt. It's a regret that he is living with now, and always. Everything ends, even if you wish it could be forever. Even if maybe you were ready for forever.

She is there, staring at him. Not really there of course, just a hologram. She is exactly the way she was the day he lost her. To himself. Honestly, no-one else in the universe has problems like he does.

That blue leather jacket and the purple shirt. He didn't miss the fact that his clone had on matching clothing. He wonders if his other self did that on purpose. Knowing himself, he probably did. To plant a suggestion in his mind to leave her with him. He had a habit for doing things of that sort in his tenth life. Of course this doesn't help now. He just doesn't want to blame himself for leaving his love behind, so the only other person he can blame is... himself. Really. No One. In The Whole Universe. With Problems. Quite. Like. His.

Now, he has the Boy and Girl who waited. Fairytale Amelia Pond, the Last Centurion. He doesn't think he could find better friends than those two. And River Song, whoever she is. Everything he learns about her seems so unlikely; it just makes him more and more confused. It seems as though he'll never make sense of River, and their supposed life together. He doesn't really want to either.

That is now. That is the present. Living in the wibbly-wobbly, timey wimey TARDIS makes it hard to have a past and present. A future. It's looking more and more likely that his future is running out. Everything seemed so much brighter in the days long ago.

Thinking of her, she has him. They'll be together in every way. His other self is her other half now. He's glad, in a way. Maybe she's happy. That's really all he wanted. He might have manipulated her a bit, but it was for the best. He's sure she's happy. And even if sometimes he thinks maybe he would be happier, maybe she would be happier, if she was here with him, it doesn't take too long to bury that deep inside himself.

That wish, that she was here, now is selfish, so selfish. To believe she would be happier is wrong. Something terrible is happening around him and he doesn't know what it is. He just doesn't know. Something is off. Rose would be in danger, always, around him. Everyone always is. There is no denying that anymore. To wish her here is so wrong. She is happier there. But he wishes she wasn't and the guilt of that wish will drive him mad. He isn't a hero. Like he told Amy, he is just a daft old man who stole a magic box. If she was still with him, he would be her death. One day, he would fail to save her.

He can't see her anymore, her eyes, her face, looking at her is making it all hurt more.

"Oh thanks, give me guilt". Give me someone else.