Pickup Lines

Rating: T

Spoilers: For Series 5

Description: The team is at a pub discussing good pickup lines

Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval or the characters.

Author's Note: Series 5 is finally playing in America, so I'm so happy right now! This is for my 1000 words or less challenge, and it's getting easier. I achieved my goal in just three re-writes.

998 Words!

Pickup Lines

The ARC team had gone for drinks after a hard day.

"Hey, baby," said a man to Jess. "I've heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?"

"That is so lame," said Jess. "Honestly, put some effort into your pick up lines."

The guy stared at her, stunned.

"Beat it buddy," said Becker, sitting next to her. The man didn't move, so Becker stood, and the guy disappeared.

"That was sad," said Abby. "Connor, you have better pick up lines."

"Yes, I do," he said proudly. "I like this one: I'm a brilliant scientist, would you like to help me with an experiment?"

Matt laughed. "That's not bad. I have one. This is an EMD, non-lethal, but effective, like me."

Jess and Abby giggled. Becker scoffed.

"Come on, soldier boy," said Jess. "Let's hear one of yours."

Becker turned on the charm, leaned in close to Jess, and said in his low, sexy voice, "I'm a soldier, do you yield to my superior force?"

Jess giggled, and turned bright red. "I'd say yes."

Becker smirked.

"I'd go for something more suave and subtle," said Lester, clearing his throat. He turned to Emily, sitting next to him. "I'm incredibly rich, and expecting a knighthood any day."

Emily replied. "That is how my husband proposed."

Everyone laughed.

Matt said, "I like something more playful." He turned to Emily, and said, "There's a carnivorous beast chasing you, but don't worry, I won't bite."

Abby laughed. "Some of my early boyfriends needed that as a warning label."

Jess giggled. "Your turn, Connor."

Connor said, "Want to ride through distortions in time with me, baby?"

"Baby?" Matt asked, laughing.

"It would help if you weren't so drunk that you're slurring your words and drooling," said Becker.

Lester tried another one on Emily. "I have a direct line to the minister. Any laws you want passed?"

The women giggled.

Matt composed himself enough to say, "So, you want no strings, huh? I haven't been born yet. How's that for no strings?"

Connor was sipping his beer, and spewed it over Jess.

"Ew, yuck! Connor!"

Becker who sat next to her, tried to help dry her face. He smiled at her and winked.

"This one's my favorite," and he leaned closer to her, using his sexy voice again, he said, "Want to go shoot something?" he asked. She giggled. Then he nodded towards Connor. "Or someone?" She laughed harder.

"OK, its the ladies' turn," said Connor. "Sorry about that Jess, by the way."

"Oh, it's OK. I have a tee on underneath, so I can take off this wet sweater" she said, removing it.

"That's the best line I've ever heard," said Becker, smirking.

Jess laughed loudly.

"It's too bold for me, Becker," she said. "How about, 'I'm not small. I'm travel-size for your convenience."

Becker raised his eyebrow at her.

"I like it," said Abby. "I've used this one before. 'I study animal behavior. Show me yours?"

"Abby! You have not!," cried Connor. "Have you?"

"I was a little wilder in my youth, Con."

Emily had been quiet. "Women in my time would never have approached men. However, in the spirit of tonight, I would like to offer a 'pickup line'."

"Go on, Em," said Jess.

"I am having trouble breathing. Would you help me remove my corset?"

Emily looked at her silent, stunned co-workers "That was not good?"

"It went way beyond 'picking up' Em," said Matt. "You'd have a man wrapped up and delivered with that one."

"You did not like it?"

Mat blushed. "Yes, but don't ever let me catch you saying that to anyone," then he whispered, "but me."

Lester grimaced. "Ew. They're going to start pawing and groping now."

Matt leaned in and kissed Emily.

"Told you," said Lester.

"Got another one, Jess?" asked Becker.

"Hmm. I'm a field coordinator. Care to coordinate something with me?" she said to Becker.

"Sure," he answered, both of them turning red and giggling.

"Oh, wonderful, there they go," said Lester. "They'll be next in the co-ed wrestling fest."

Neither one seemed to hear. They kept staring and smiling at each other.

Abby and Connor laughed, and noticed that Lester had gotten on his mobile.

"Hello darling. Me and the lads stopped off for a pint. Tell me dear, do you have any good pickup lines? Hm, what? No, it's just pub talk dear. Oh, good, she has one, Go ahead dear, ooh, that's rather naughty, isn't it? Um, I think I'll come right home. Hold that thought."

"What did she say?" asked Abby.

"None of your business. Goodnight all!"

"I wonder what she said to get him in a tizzy," said Connor.

"Have no idea, and I don't want to study the mating rituals of Lesters," said Abby.

"We're going to head off too," said Matt, with Emily behind him, blushing. "Bye."

"Wow, pick-up lines still work on established couples," said Jess.

"You know, I had some I never got to use," said Connor.

"Like what?" asked Becker, skeptically.

"Well, how about "if you were a super hero baby, you'd have the power of attraction," he said triumphantly. Jess, Becker, and Abby stared.

"That's awful," said Becker.

"You got a better one, Action Man?"

Becker turned Jess toward him. "Miss, I have to take you into my custody. You broke the law."

"What law?"

"You set off the fire alarm."

"I don't hear an alarm."

"Now your causing hallucinations, threatening public health. Are you coming willingly or do I have to restrain you?"

Jess blushed."Oh, I'll come willingly."

"Sorry, Conn. He's got you beat," said Abby, "but you don't need pickup lines."

She kissed him fiercely.

"He gets the girl while I deliver the best lines," said Becker.

Jess smiled. "Captain, you were taking me into your custody? I'm waiting."

Becker smirked. "Then let's go, Miss. I warn you, when I get you alone, I'm going to have to frisk you."

"Looking forward to it."

The End