I own nothing but the typos
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It is just a bit of fun.
That's all it ever is to him. But how things could go so horribly wrong is beyond him and like always he tries to fix things. Only this time, the fixing is the ultimate sacrifice. Thor will never understand that Loki has done this all for him, for his return, so that Thor could return to the things he wants. Because if there was one thing Loki loves as much as fun, it is his brother.
But his brother is gone, far away from him now, and like everything else in his life he can't take it seriously. He knows that if he starts with sincerity he will not be able to live, because he will know that the pain he puts himself in is self sacrificial, and he will be unable to bear that kind of weight. Like a serpent he is already crawling on his belly, scraping the sands of a foreign world, somewhere he is not use to nor knows well. It is earth, and while he's been once, to stay forever here, among the human is the worse he can think of. They are the scum of the nine realms, the ones who live in fear of everything around them. Loki belongs here. Because he too, is scum.
He jokes have gone too far. His magic is far too strong, and while he knows that using it will cause an uproar, he shakes himself off of the rumble he's in and fixes a few bones under his skin. Healing powers or not, it hurt him like no other, and when he begins to walk it's a struggle, a fight. Every step is a reminder of just how far from grace he's fallen, just how far he is from home and everything he knows. It is a reminder of the self-exile he has created from himself. Here it is cold, and it is not just the air. He can feel creeping slowly towards his bones and while he wraps his human jacket closer to himself, he can't help but feel it seeping through even the itchy layers of fabric. Loki shivers and wraps himself tighter in the fabric, unsure of where he is to go now.
And so he wanders, unable to stop himself from doing so. It gets colder as he goes, and he feels less and less like the God he once was-still is, he corrects himself-and more mortal, with mortal strengths. Carefully he sticks his hand out from the warmth of his jacket and twists his palm. The sparks that fly from his skin are weak but there and it confirms his worse fears. His power is dying. This cold he is feeling is the absence of magic, the absence of power. He tries again, and again and again, and it's gone now, completely erased from him. Unable to stand any longer, Loki falls to his knees, face upturned to the sky.
And it is from his knees he fell, exhausted into the cold, his whole body freezing up and pouring into the cold pavement. Without his power he is not Loki. He looks at his hands, staring at the flesh that is slowly becoming paler and paler. He wonders idly if he brother has come to search for him. He wonders, in this cold place, if they can feel his power returning. He is sure it is not gone, but simply repressed far within him. It will leave him though, and he will become a demi-god, and then finally a man, without power. He had fall from grace, and all he can do is stare at his human formed hands, whispering to himself.
"Thor."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -It was subtle at first. Just on visit to the edge, on the pretense that he was going to see the gatekeeper, to see how he was. He stared over the ledge then, looking down the water fall and towards the stars that swallow everything. The gate keeper guesses and guesses wrong, but Thor will not say that to him. And so that was what he let him believe, because it's believable. But Thor knows that is not the truth.
The second visit is just the same as the first, and Thor stands there on the edge of the rainbow bridge, looking down silently. This time, the gatekeeper does no speak. He looks ahead and away from him, almost as if he is silently giving him privacy. It's been barely 24 hours since he's stood leaning over the edge, and he is back again. The stars beneath him are swirling, taunting him. He wants to jump, but he will not. One son lost is enough to break Odin, two would ruin everything they have worked for.
Mourning his loss has been so hard. It haunts him every day. His nights have been plagued with nightmares of him, watching him as he dangled beneath him, trying to justify the things he did. If only father would listen. But the nightmare ends with him slipping away. And Thor feels the pain in his chest. The hole is aching and he can't help the way he nearly cripples to the ground from it. His visits to the bridge increase dramatically as the visions plague him. If only...
He should search for him, but has not done so. Instead he spends his time staring over the edge of a bridge, just wanting to get a glimpse of him. No one understands his pain, and he will not let anyone feel it. He can't make the images stop, he can't stop feeling the heartbreak that quakes throughout his skin. And on one particular day, as the sun sets, Thor falls to his knees. He grips the edge of the bridge. The images are heart breaking, aching, and he can't make them stop. If only he had reached for him, asked for him to stop. If only he'd seen all that Loki had done for him.
The gatekeeper, in all his subtly, approaches Thor and sinks down next to him. His eyes stare out over the open expanse. There are no words of comfort to offer the God of Thunder as he weeps for his lost brother. And the gatekeeper, in his wise and old age begins to inch towards Thor. He has known for a while why he still comes to this place, but he is kind enough not to say anything.
"I can't see him," he decides to say today, "Loki."
"I know," Thor says, "I can feel his power, he is weak. It is fading."
A heavy silence fits between the two, no words or exchanges come between them. Thor stares down at the stars, swirling beneath him.
"Do you know where he is?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me."
"No," the gatekeeper says, "He asked me, before all this, that if he were to leave, not to let anyone know where he is."
"Then tell me this," Thor says, standing, "Is he safe?"
The gatekeeper says nothing. And Thor gets it. Turning away, he heads back to his throne, and all the duties that lay ahead for him. He is a broken man. And as he leaves, he whispers to himself.
"Loki."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -