Title: On The Right Path
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Rating: T
Pairings: None
Warnings: Lots of ANGST , attempted suicide, During the three year skip, somewhat family fluff at the end.
Disclaimer: Nope.
Summery: Everything was his fault, Lucas though. He wants to repent, so he takes a jump…and sinks.

On The Right Path

Dad? Are you here?

…Oh. You're gone again. You left no note, you didn't wake to tell me you were leaving, but I guess it's okay. I should be used to it anyway. You leave everyday anyway to go looking for Claus.

It's been a couple of months since that horrible day. It's…It's so hard. It still hurts as much as the day it happened. The pain of mother dying…her screams wake me up in the middle of the night. Do I wake you with my nightmares? Is that why you sleep on the couch most nights?

I'm sorry.

I wish I could go back to that day and do something…but what could I even do? All I am is a useless crybaby. I can't do anything right. I couldn't protect mom. I couldn't stop Claus. I can't do anything right.

I'm sorry.

I know it's selfish of me, but I want you to come home and hug me, or to ruffle my hair, or even speak to me.

Please dad, please daddy.

I miss you, I need you. You always look for Claus. It's always Claus. Always. Why can't I be the one you look for?

Oh. I'd have to be dead for you to look for me. Or would you even look for me? If I had gone after the drago instead of Claus and then gone missing would you even look for my body? Or would you just make a grave and continue to live with Claus and love him instead.

…I'm almost glad you're not here to hear what I'm saying. I'm sure you'd be so upset. You'd tell me that Claus isn't dead and that I shouldn't say such things about him. He's the only thing driving you these days, I know.

I'msososososorry.

Don't say a word. Don't look at each other. Don't think bad thoughts. Don't cry. Those are the rules that have seemed to appear between the two of us. It hurts dad. I think the last time we had an actual conversation was…maybe a month ago? Something about the sheep? I-I don't remember.

Ohgodithurtssomuch.

What do I do? How do I express my wants and needs and my emotions to you? Would you even listen or just brush me off like usual? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry dad.

It's all my fault.

You must be so disgusted with me. Your son basically killed your other son, and all he does is cry while everyone else tries and moves on. It's horrible. I'm horrible. I know. I'm sorry.

The voice in my head tells me what a sick little horrible boy I am. Sometimes it sounds like mom, and it hurts all the more because I know mom never lies. Moms always know the truth.

Horrible Nasty Disgusting Boy. You Deserve To Die Instead Of Claus.

…I know.

Dad? I-I'm sorry for being such a bother. But I'm gonna make it right. I will. Maybe if I do what mom says I'll be forgiven for my sins.

Eternal Sins Are Your Sins. Never Never Forget.

I'm sorry.

D-dad, I'm gonna do it. You're gone and I'm sure you won't worry when I'm not back at the house. Soon dad, I won't be there to bother you with stupid things like needing new food or help understanding something, or even want you to comfort me from a nightmare. You hide it, but I know you think I'm disgusting and stupid and worthless. I know you feel like that, because how couldn't you? I'm horrible.

Stop.

I can't stop, not yet. I have to go, I need to finish this.

You can't do this Lucas, please.

I-I have to. I have to mom. I need to be wiped clean from my sins. It's all my fault.

No. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. It was a horrible accident.

Stop it. Y-you're trying to test me. You told me I-I should've been the one to die instead of Claus.

That wasn't me Lucas. Please, step away from the ledge and take the rocks out of your pocket.

I can't! Don't you understand? I don't deserve it. I don't deserve dad's love. I don't deserve dad to even pass me a second glance at me…But I deserve this.

Please Lucas! Suicide will not make everything better; if anything, it'll make things worse!

Goodbye mother.

I plunge into the ocean, the cold waters going straight to my spine and making me gasp in shock. The rocks in my pockets did its trick and I could feel myself being pulled down, down, down into the murky darkness.

There was pain at first, but I let all the air in my lungs go and soon enough the pain changed to familiar sleepy numbingly beautiful bliss. My vision began to darken, along with all my other senses, but I heard a splash and for a moment I thought I saw something swimming towards me but I'm not worried.

I'm…

Finally…

Free.

…GoodBoyLucas.

XxXxXxXx

Flint sighed as he laid another bouquet of sunflowers at the foot of his wife's grave. It had been months since he had lost her, and both him and Lucas were still struggling to get past it. He knew he would never truly get over it, but hopefully they could get past it so they could live.

Lately though, Flint has noticed some things about his son that has made him worried. He would hear his son's nightmares from where he slept on the couch downstairs (He couldn't sleep in that bed, not after Hinawa wasn't with him anymore) but he never came to him or asked to sleep with him like he would have done months ago. So he figured the boy needed time, so he waited.

Sometimes though, Flint would catch his son looking at him with a strange look in his eyes, before he looked away trying not to get caught. It was strange, but Flint wasn't a talker, so he waited for his son to come to him.

The few times he did though, it was as if he was forcing himself to. Like to ask for more food or other necessities.

That was another thing. Lucas never seemed to leave the house anymore, not that he knew of at least. He had talked to Lighter and Fuel and neither had seen the boy (or in Fuel's case) played with him since what had happened. It was slightly disturbing, and Flint was becoming concerned about his son's loner nature.

Lucas had always been a affectionate boy, and he always seemed to crave touch, even if it was just a small pat on the head. Flint can't remember the last time he pat Lucas' head, or even hugged him and he's ashamed. He knows that he's partly to blame and he knows he can change it. He decided to cut his search day in half and go see Hinawa's grave and then go home to have a long talk with his boy.

Flint.

The man froze. What…That couldn't be…

Flint, you need to hurry.

"H-Hinawa?" He croaks, he voice weak and his legs feeling like jelly.

You need to hurry. Lucas needs you.

"Lucas?" Flint gains a bit of strength from hearing his son's name.

He's about to make a horrible mistake. Save him Flint, save our son!

Flint doesn't question his wife's voice but instead runs all the way towards to his house. He's about to head up the path when his wife's bodiless voice calls to him again.

The beach! He's at the beach!

Flint makes a sharp turn and heads towards the beach and the small ledges. He looks around wildly; where is his son?

Flint, over there! In the water!

He just knows where is dead wife's voice is talking and immediately running towards it. He can see the ripples and the bubbles and can faintly see his son's outline sinking quickly. Without even taking off his boots or his hat, Flint jumps in.

The water is ice cold from the upcoming season changing, and it shocked Flint to realize just how hard it was to swim in freezing waters. Never the less, he forced him elf downwards to save Lucas, trying to forget how the water was becoming even colder than it had been seconds before.

Lucas seemed to look at him without really seeing him before closing his eyes. Forcing himself to kick harder and swim faster, Flint finally made it to his son. Looping his arms around his son's waist and kicking his legs hard, trying to make it back to the surface.

By sheer luck and grit alone, Flint broke the surface and the icy cold waters and gasped for breath. Weakly pulling himself and Lucas' limp and unusually heavy body onto the ledge of land that he had jumped from. He looked Lucas over and felt his heart stop when he didn't see any sign of life coming from his boy.

Lucas' lips were turning blue from the cold and his skin was starting to pale. He didn't seem to be breathing either. Flint panicked for only a moment before forcing himself to calm down. He couldn't lose his cool now; he had to be calm for Lucas' sake. Tilting his son's head back he began CPR that he learned years ago.

Once.

Twice.

Three times was the charm as Lucas suddenly began choking and coughing and spitting up water.

"Son, son, are you okay? Does anything hurt? Speak to me!" Flint said desperately, his hands fisting around Lucas' baggy and wet shirt.

"D-dad? What…What are you doing?" Lucas shivered, the cold making him stutter.

Flint picked his son up and cradled him close to his chest.

"We'll talk about that when we get home. Now, do you see my hat?"

After finding his hat, which was soaking wet also, Flint carried his son home thinking of what they were going to talk about once they were home and dry. First things first though, he had to get Lucas out of those wet clothes.

Setting him down in the middle of the kitchen, Flint told him to stay and he'd be right back. He ran to go get some extra clothes for Lucas and himself and some towels.

"Here," Flint said as he came back, handing the dry clothes to Lucas. The blond boy nodded but never said a word as he then proceeded to try and take off his wet clothes.

"Let me help you." The man offered, pulling the clothes off without waiting for an answer.

He pulled the shirt off easily enough, trying his best to be gently with the wet, heavy clothes as it went over Lucas' head and quickly went to his son's pants.

"W-wait!" Stuttered Lucas, suddenly panicked.

But it was too late and Flint had already tugged the pants quickly off and was holding them upside down from the bottoms. The items in the pockets came tumbling out.

They were rocks; and big ones too. Both Flint and Lucas stared at them in silence, one in shame and fear and the other with a confusion that was quickly leading to horror.

"Lucas…" Flint started slow, as if speaking to an injured animal that would come out and bite him. "Why are there rocks in your pants…and why were you in the ocean in the first place?"

Flint waited, looking down at his son who was looking anywhere but him. Lucas' shoulders began to shake and Flint saw tears hit the floor.

"Lucas," He spoke again in the same voice as before, but this time with a firmer undertone.

"I-I didn't want to be a bother anymore." Lucas whispered.

Flint bent down onto his knees so he could look his son properly in the face.

"Why would you think you were a bother? You are nothing of the sort."

Lucas didn't believe him. He shook his head in a strong no, shaking his tears everywhere.

"B-but I am. I'm just in the way and besides, it's my fault Claus is gone and mom is dead."

That caused the tide to break and Lucas began telling his father everything. How lonely he felt, how he was the one who deserved to die, how he should be punished for his sins, how everything was his fault because he was so weak and stupid and worthless.

"Stop." Flint said, holding his son's face in his hands and wiping Lucas' tears away with his thumbs. "Stop talking about yourself like that. You are not any of those things do you hear me, none of those."

Again, Lucas didn't seem to believe him, but this time there was a spark of hope in his eyes. Pulling his son close to his chest, he held him tight and let the boy sob into his already wet clothes.

"I'm sorry I left you alone Lucas for so long. I've made mistakes too and I hope that you can come to forgive me too."

Lucas looked shocked and shook his head.

"N-no! You didn't do anything wrong dad. It was all me. My fault." He whimpered the last part.

"I want you to listen to me Lucas and listen well. It was not your fault. Something like this…something like this could never be done by an nine year old. All it was was a terrible tragedy. I don't blame you for your mother's death or your brother's disappearance. I love you Lucas and it hurts to think that you…tried to end your l-life." Flint's voice broke from his strong speech into a sad and scared one.

Still holding Lucas' face in his hands, he reached forward and kissed his son's forehead.

"I-I love you Lucas, and I'm not the best at words or expressing feelings, that was always your mother, but I don't want to lose you anytime soon. You mean so much to me and you're all I have left besides trying to find Claus. I should have never neglected one son though in order to find the other."

Lucas stared at his father, as if trying to see if it was real. After looking his father in the face for a long time, the boy began to shake. Soon short gasps of air were taken by Lucas, as if he was trying to force himself to calm down.

"It's okay Lucas," Flint said, moving his hands to his son's face to his shoulders. "Let it all out."

With that, Lucas began to cry. He latched himself onto his father with his hands around Flint's neck and began to sob shamelessly. He mumbled apologizes through sobs and the cowboy just held his son and let him cry.

It was going to be a long way to recovery for both Lucas and Flint but they had avoided the most dangerous path of all. Together, they took a step down the right path.

Hinawa watched her son and husband with a sense of relief; glad that her son wasn't going to be visiting her anytime soon.

Good boy Lucas. Good job Flint. I'm so proud of you both.

Hinawa then disappeared, leaving the two to continue their healing.

Owari

Inumaru12: This…Came out of nowhere. I mean seriously, this was planned to actually be a suicide fic where Lucas was successful in committing suicide and that Flint was supposed to find his dead son's body floating but somehow it went from dark and depressing to a somewhat uplifting ending. I was originally gonna end it at the "GoodBoyLucas" when Lucas tries to kill himself and keep it ambiguous…but I think I'd be killed.

Also, if it wasn't obvious enough, Lucas has some serious problems in this. He has a lot of self image issues and depression, all that stems from his mother and brother's death/disappearance. Depression and loneliness alone are horrible things, but together they are even worse. They poison the mind and hurt the person seriously. I've read many stories where the main character will suffer from some tragic happening and then just get over it. I don't think it's very believable and most of the time it's horribly written. You just don't "get over" something like that.

That's why in this I made sure to point out that while Lucas and Flint are both starting to get better, it's going to be a while before they are "fine". Lucas is going to continually question himself if his father will really love him and Flint will have to curb his patience to help his son through the trying period. All in all, it takes time for them.

Also, for the voices:

Italicys – Lucas' thinking/thoughts/speaking/etc. It's Lucas saying this.

BoldWords – This is what Lucas thinks is his "mother's" voice. It's truly just a twisted vision of his guilt and self hatred taking the form of his mother.

Underlined Words – This is Hinawa. Yes, she tried to stop Lucas from committing suicide but failed so she went to Flint instead. Flint was shocked, yes, but she told him Lucas was in trouble and he went rushing to his aid. He loves and trusts his wife to follow her nearly blindly, as she was nearly the sun to the entire family's world.

I really hoped you like it! It changed so much from the original idea…but I like this ending better I think. :) Tell me what you think please!