Chapter 3

IN WHICH KURT FINDS OUT HE'S DATING "THE LESSER ANDERSON BROTHER"

"What on earth are you watching, Finn?" Kurt asked in horror. He'd seen Finn do some pretty weird and disturbing things, but this? Finn yelped and jabbed the power button on the remote.

"Uh, nothing. Nothing! I'm just-um, I'm texting Rachel!" He rambled, whipping out his phone and moving his fingers across the screen erratically as if they were his uncoordinated feet.

"You're not texting Rachel. You don't like texting Rachel, because she always nags at you for using texting lingo. Also, I saw you turn off the TV, and what was on it." He replied. Kurt did love to be right. This was the one of those times when he was grateful for the fact that Rachel told him every detail of her relationship with Finn.

"How do you-Oh, please don't tell anyone!" Finn begged. Kurt gave his step-brother a look of pity.

"Alright, I won't tell anyone that you enjoy watching little girls scream at their mothers and twirl around in purple tutus with way too much makeup. Your Toddlers And Tiaras obsession is safe with

me." Kurt said.

"Cool man, thanks." Finn said in relief. He smiled at Kurt and turned the TV back on. Kurt just turned on his heel towards the kitchen, hoping to find some form of sanity there. But as he stepped through the alcove, he was again disappointed.

Crayons of every color were spread across the table and Carole was feverishly scribbling.

"There's no point in drawing a boy, Carole. It's definitely going to be a girl." Burt was saying. Carole ignored him and grabbed a blue crayon.

"The baby is inside of me. I can feel that it's a boy." She replied smugly, patting her stomach.

"No! It's gonna be a girl!"

"Actually, the baby-" Kurt cut Carole off with a loud clearing of his throat.

"You guys do know that the ultrasound isn't until Thursday, right? There's no way to prove the gender of this baby."

"Oh yeah, I can't prove it, but it's obviously going to be a girl. I mean, just look at this drawing I did! It looks so realistic and baby-Hummel-Hudson-girl-like." Burt said. He held up a paper for Kurt. He was a bit afraid of what he might see, considering Burt had really never been an artist.

"Dad, that is just a horrendous depiction of me as a baby. With a bow in my hair. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's exactly the same as the bow tie I wore yesterday." Burt frowned.

"Kurt! See mine? It's way better than Burt's." Carole bragged. Kurt looked down at her picture.

"It's better than Burt's, but it's still not exactly a Van Gogh." He decided.

"But...I worked so hard on it." Carole looked at Kurt forlornly.

"I still say mine is better!" Burt argued. Kurt just stared at the pair for a few moments, and then spoke.

"Ok, this is just getting ridiculous. You two have got to get out of this house. Um, why don't we go crib shopping? " Kurt clapped his hands together.

He just hadn't had the patience to wait to know the baby's gender before choosing the nursery's color scheme, so there was mint green and periwinkle paint on the room's walls. Kurt had been longing to put some furniture in there ever since he found himself curled up on the floor in there with a very sick Blaine. The fact that he had been cuddling with Blaine had made it more cozy, but it still wasn't exactly comfortable. Some furniture shopping was necessary.

"Ooh, that sounds fun! Let's go, let's go!" Carole exclaimed, getting up and throwing all the crayons back into their box.

"Wait, wait, I think Blaine wants an opinion, I'm going to go call him." Kurt said. In truth, Blaine had never expressed interest in crib shopping, but he knew Blaine was really enthusiastic about this baby. And anyway, Kurt missed his boyfriend and needed an excuse to spend time with him.

"Ooh, I love Blaine! Yeah, let's bring him!" Carole replied brightly. Kurt smiled at his hyper step-mother.

"Dad, please make sure she doesn't fall while she's flailing." Kurt didn't know if it was the excitement of having another child or maybe they were just children inside, but Kurt often questioned the sanity of his guardians. Burt nodded and Kurt went off to find his phone.

After Kurt called Blaine, Burt managed to calm Carole down, and Kurt got rid of those dreadful drawings, the trio piled into the car. Blaine had decided to drive himself. (Car rides with Burt were often awkward due to Blaine's constant need to gush over his boyfriend, and sometimes Carole would randomly start sobbing. He preferred to avoid those situations.)

Soon, the family pulled up in front of Finch Furniture and got out. Blaine suddenly leapt from behind a tree and hugged Kurt.

"Hi Kurt!" Blaine chirped. He then realized Burt was looking at him uncomfortably, and gingerly stepped away from Kurt. " Oh, um, hi Burt and Carole." He then began to ramble, as he often did when he was nervous. "I'm so glad I get to help with this! After all, the baby's crib is such an important part of their life! And since Kurt here is such an amazing decorator, the crib needs to fit perfectly with the room theme." Blaine smiled a thousand-watt smile. On anyone else it would be extremely fake, but Blaine made it completely genuine. Carole stifled a giggle. She really hoped Blaine would be around for a while. And judging by the way Kurt looked at him, she was pretty sure he would be.

Eager to see what the store had to offer, they recovered from the shock of Blaine and walked in. (Well, Burt and Carole walked. Blaine pranced, and Kurt speed-walked to keep up with the younger boy.) Everyone took in their surroundings and immediately zeroed in on their favorite crib.

"Look at that nice pink one." Burt gestured to a rose-colored crib with a teddy bear ballerina painted on the back. Carole took one look and shook her head.

"Burt, the baby is a boy. We're getting a blue crib." She said patiently, as if talking to a stubborn three-year-old. Blaine gasped.

"It's a boy? Why didn't you tell me? Kuuuuurrrrrtttt!" He whined. Kurt closed his eyes and tilted his head back.

"No Blaine, sweetie. We don't know the gender of the baby yet. Burt and Carole are just childishly quarreling about it. Ignore the boy/girl talk." Blaine nodded in understanding.

"Gotcha." Blaine saw that Kurt had his moisturizer-softened hands full with his parents, so made a conscious effort to calm down after that. Kurt began to steer Burt and Carole towards gender neutral cribs. As Kurt examined the quality of a cherry wood one, Carole suddenly groaned.

"What's wrong, honey?" Burt asked.

"Oh, just a craving. I really, really want some Snapple Jelly Belly jelly beans. So much." Carole said, looking at Burt intensely. He smiled at her sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, we don't have any. But I'm sure we can get you some one of these days." Suddenly, Carole's eyes turned dark and serious.

"Burt. I need Snapple Jelly Bellies. Now." Burt took a few steps back and tapped Kurt on the shoulder, quickly explaining the situation. Kurt quickly agreed for the safety of everyone.

"Ok, Carole, Kurt and Blaine are going to get you some." Burt said. Carole smiled triumphantly and pushed Kurt and Blaine toward the door.

"You know what, why don't we just go home now? I don't think Kurt trusts us to pick a crib ourselves anyway." Burt suggested. He really didn't want to be alone with Carole in a store until she had her jelly beans. But he didn't need to suggest that, considering Carole was already halfway across the parking lot. Burt now stood alone in the store. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of absent-mindedness, and followed his wife.

Kurt looked at Blaine expectantly, waiting for him to unlock the car. Blaine just stared straight ahead.

"Um, Blaine? Are we going to go in?" Kurt asked. Blaine looked down at his capri pants.

"I really don't like Rite Aid, Kurt." Blaine shuddered and the other boy gave him an odd look.

"Well, I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is the only place in town that sells Snapple Jelly Bellies. And if we come home empty handed..." He trailed off.

"She'll hang us by our toenails in our sleep?" Blaine finished bluntly.

"Ew! No, she'll just cry for a while...by which I mean three hours." Kurt wasn't joking, either. Blaine sighed.

"Well...ok. But can we make it quick?" He finally undid his seatbelt, unlocked the car and got out, Kurt quickly following suit. But when they got to the door, Blaine stopped again. Kurt raised his eyebrows.

"Are you ready to go into the treacherous Rite Aid, Blaine?" He asked sarcastically. Blaine waved him off and allowed Kurt to pull him inside.

Standing at the counter was a tall, man with a smug smile, light brown, slightly curly hair and bushy eyebrows. The man looked over at them and gave them an interested look before walking over.

"Well if it isn't the curly-haired, short, and overall lesser Anderson brother." The man said casually. Blaine hit himself in the forehead.

"Oh my Gandolf..." He muttered. The man looked amused. Kurt was very, very puzzled.

"Uh...hello? I'm Kurt. Who are you?" He asked, straight-forward. The man smirked and Blaine exhaled deeply.

"He's-" Blaine began. The man interrupted.

"I'm Blaine's superior brother, Vincent. I'm the assistant manager of this fine establishment." He replied proudly. Kurt frowned. Blaine's brother? Kurt had never met him before, and Blaine hadn't really said much about him. Kurt could sort of see why.

"It's Rite Aid." Kurt pointed out. As Vincent opened his mouth to reply snarkily, Blaine cut in.

"Let's just get the jelly beans." He said. Vincent scoffed.

"I'd like to meet your boyfriend, Blaine. You talk enough about him. 'Oh, Kurt looked so cute in his cashmere bow tie.' and 'Ooh, Kurt is so supermegafoxy-" He mocked in a high voice. Blaine interrupted yet again. This seemed to be a pattern with the brothers.

"Ok, that's enough chitchat. Let's go, Kurt." He said gruffly. Vincent rolled his eyes.

"Um...ok. Nice meeting you Vincent...I think." Kurt was so very confused by this interaction. They headed toward the candy aisle, and as soon as Vincent was out of earshot, Kurt spoke.

"Oh sweet mother of gaga, that was the guy I heard on the phone."

"What? When?" Blaine asked. Kurt had talked to his irritating brother before? This was worse than he thought.

"Never mind." Kurt said. He glanced around the aisle, looking for another subject. "Hey look Blaine, Redvines!" He exclaimed, holding up a package of the licorice. Blaine shook his head.

"I don't like Redvines!"

In the next four days, Carole got and promptly devoured her jelly beans ("YESSSS! YUM!"), Kurt found a pretty wooden crib ("See? Perfect. Classy, gender-neutral, and reasonably priced."), Burt improved his depiction of a baby Hummel-Hudson (Can't you see this drawing coming to life?), and Blaine chewed out his brother for freaking out Kurt. ("Now he'll never want to marry me if he has to inherit you!") It was now Wednesday night. Kurt finally succumbed to Burt and Carole's contagious excitement and would randomly squeal in anticipation. Even Finn had bragged about the baby in Glee club, leading to Brittany suggesting that they name him or her Budweiser. Kurt had promptly patted her on the head for trying so hard and mentally ignored her suggestion. Naming this child was going to take some serious thinking.

The next afternoon, Burt, Carole, Finn, and Kurt were on their way to the clinic when Finn had an idea.

Kurt had been singing along to "Don't You" on the radio, grinning for some reason, and Finn was tired of listening to Kurt's incredible voice, so he suggested a diva-off.

"Really, Finn? Are you sure you're not gay?" Kurt said skeptically. Finn frowned and nodded quickly. "Ok, fine, I accept your challenge. Song?" Kurt asked. Carole switched the station just then, and the opening chords of "The Climb" started. Kurt smirked and began singing, followed by Finn trying to match his pitch. Carole covered her ears. It seemed that once again, Finn had given them a terrible idea.

Much to everyone's relief, they arrived at the clinic shortly after Kurt and Finn's disastrous diva-off. Soon Burt and Carole were ushered into the room where the ultrasound process would happen.

"Hi Burt and Carole, nice to see you again." Dr. Wu said pleasantly. He looked down at his purple clipboard and smiled. "Well let's get started then."

"This is outstanding!" Kurt exclaimed. "I can't wait to tell Blaine!"

"Yes, well, let's let the news sink in for us first." Carole said cheerily, bouncing in her seat a little. Burt simply sat silently in the driver's seat, smiling to himself as he drove along. The car was filled to the brim with excitement and eagerness about the newest addition to the Hummel-Hudsons. No one could fathom how they were going to wait the next five months with this wonderful piece of news on their minds.

Here's Klaine Is My Life! Cliffhanger! Any guesses on the baby's gender and name? I ate Snapple Jelly Bellies while writing this. Be jealous. So, I'm sorry this took so long, I take my time trying to get everything to sound right. Did it sound right? You should tell me in a REVIEW! Seriously, we'd love some feedback. Good or bad. Thanks for reading! :)