A/N: It could be a missing moment if you squint hard lol. Written with 4x14 in mind, pre-episode.

They lay side by side in silence, the only sound in the room coming from the slight whir of the air conditioner. Her eyes are closed, and if she didn't know him as well as she does, she would have thought that he's asleep. But he's too quiet, she can't hear his even breathing or the light snore that was always a tell-tale sign of his slumber. He hasn't moved since the moment they both moved away, inching towards their ends of the bed like opposing magnets in the dim light. She imagines him lying on his back, eyes wide staring at the ceiling, his heart beating as painfully as hers. Even after all these months apart, she still knows him like the back of her hand.

The thought of it hurts, the realization that this is what they are now, two people who know each other inside and out, flung to opposite corners even now, even after sharing the moment they just had. The feeling that she had been trying to stave off breaks through her stoic barrier, seeping into every corner of her body until she trembles with the effort to keep her tears at bay. But it doesn't keep her voice from breaking.

"This doesn't change anything, does it?"

He's silent for the longest time, but she knows he heard her from the frozen way his body is refusing to move. One word could make or break both of them, and even though she's old enough to know better, here when she's with him, she feels young enough to wait on his answer anyway.

"No."

It hurts. But it's a familiar pain, the kind exclusively associated with Finn Hudson, and she guesses she knew that it was coming from the moment they both they decided to throw caution into the wind. She feels suddenly all too aware of the nakedness of their bodies, cautiously pulling the sheets higher up against her chest.

"You have a boyfriend." His words are distant, but it sounds accusing and frankly, it's pissing her off.

"You still won't go to New York," she shoots back almost angrily. The truth of their situation is complicated, she knows, but there's still that angry, selfish part of her that wouldn't let go. There's still that part of her whose only fact was that he left her on her own.

"You moved on." She doesn't notice the softer tone of his voice, the subdued way he said the words, because she's too busy being on the defense, protecting herself from him, like she should have done from the very beginning.

"Because you left!" she exclaims, sitting up abruptly, ignoring the sheets that fall to her waist. "You left me."

"And you still hate me for it," he murmurs, undeterred by her anger. Her head snaps towards him in surprise, and it's a little jarring to realize that he's already staring at her. Has he been looking at her all this time? The dim light casts shadows on his features, and she can't quite read his eyes, but his face is somber as his eyes meet hers and he doesn't turn away when he speaks.

"I let you go, and you hated me for it. Do you still hate me now?"

"I- sometimes."

There's a wry smile on his face as he nods his head once, and it strikes her again, how much older he seems since the last time she saw him. It hurts just a little to know how good he's doing without her (but she's happy for him, she'll never not be happy for him). He looks away, sighing when she refuses to back down.

"Sometimes I think about it, you know. That day at the train station."

"Do you think about what would happen if you didn't let me go?" she asks impatiently, waiting for him to continue. She thinks about that one a lot.

"No," he says without missing a beat. He looks up at her determinedly. "If I had to do it a million times, I'd still do the same thing Rachel."

His answer only serves to fuel her anger.

"Well I think about that sometimes. If we had gotten married, if you didn't join the army, if you hadn't put me on that train-"

"You'd last until the Summer," he cuts in. "And then fall would come, and all you'd be thinking about is NYADA."

His words feel like a slap on the face.

"Do you think that little of me?" she asks quietly, hurt. He turns toward her and his expression is firm when he shakes his head.

"Rachel, I think the world of you, you know that. I think that you're- that you're still the most amazing person I know and you deserve, more than anything, to get out of Lima and be a star, and if you'd- if you'd stayed-"

"I could have helped you. I could have helped you find your dream-"

"At the expense of yours."

"I-"

"You know what I think about? I think about doing the same thing. I think about letting you go, and getting you on that train. And I think about- I think about you saying no. I think about you refusing to go, and putting your foot down to stay with me."

"Finn-"

"And when you didn't-"

"That's not fair-"

"And when you didn't," he continues loudly, ignoring her. "That's when I knew that I did the right thing."

He holds his own against her frustrated stare, and she sees the signs of a tired smile on his face, and it infuriates her.

"You bullied me into going," she tells him angrily.

"I know."

"You packed my bag for me, you had my parents waiting for me in New York."

"I know."

"Damn it Finn, you told me you were joining the army."

"I know."

"Then how could you expect me to-"

"I didn't."

"Finn, what are you trying to say?" she asks, annoyed.

"I think about you saying no, and about you staying. I think we could have been happy. For a while. But you wouldn't be happy here, you know that."

"That was my decision to make."

"I know. I realize that now, and I'm sorry. But I don't regret what I did, most of the time. Do you?"

She refuses to look at him, her frustrations still running high. But what's the point of all this now, when it all feels so far away, a lifetime ago. Now there's her and there's Finn, and there's that feeling between them that's still the same (the only thing about her that's still the same), and they're wasting precious time.

"No, not most of the time."

They don't talk about "some of the time," they both know all too well about that. He shoots her another harmless smile, and it pulls one out of her.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "We're just two consenting adults having a good time. I know that. I just-"

"Rachel," he cuts in, one hand reaching out to delicately curve his palm around her waist. His face is earnest when he looks at her, and there's that look that Finn always has, just for her, piercing through her heart. "No we're not. I mean, we are, but- but we're more than that."

She doesn't even realize that he was pulling her closer until she's just an inch away from him. He lets go and sits up too, leans back against the headboard while she watches him.

"Are we?" she murmurs. He nods, holding out his hand once more for her to take. She does, mimicking his posture as she leans back, their entwined fingers resting on her lap. "What are we then?"

"We were- we were two kids who loved each other so much, we almost got married. We were two kids who had to grow up and realize that things weren't that easy, you know it's not," he says without pause, when she opens her mouth to retort. She keeps it shut with a relenting sigh. Finn turns towards her, leaning his forehead intimately against hers. "And we're- we're two young adults who need to- need to find who we are, before-"

He stops, and she can see him vacillating, doubting himself for a second. She hates it when he doubts himself. She turns her body closer towards him, her free hand reaching out to rest against his neck.

"Before?" she whispers quietly, coaxing his words out of him. "Before what?"

He leans forward and closes the space between them, and no matter how old they get or how much they change, she's certain that this will always feel the same. The feel of his lips and his strong arms will always feel like home to her. The kiss is enthusiastic, explosive, just like every other kiss they've shared tonight, that nagging awareness that every kiss could be a last once sticking out sorely in both their minds. He pulls away and she's out of breath, their clasped hands pressed tightly between their bodies.

"Before we find each other again," he says. She swears that her heart is leaping against her chest, but she plays it cool.

"Again?" she asks, raising her eyebrow. He grins, suddenly pulling her down with him. She squeals when he rolls their bodies over and cages her in his arms. His playful smirk gives way to a tender smile, and she feels it from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes when he leans down to press his lips against her cheek.

"Again."

A/N: so fluffy lol