Authors Notes

Hello. This is my first B.E fic (I am new to B.E and caught up in the last 3 weeks) and like many other people I have grown to love the character of Richard Harrow from the moment he first appeared. I have an idea for a full fic but wanted to see what reception this prologue got. The story will be Richard/OC and will eventually be an M. It has not had a beta so I apologise for any errors. Please comment, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

Prologue

It was another day of going through the motions. Richard Harrow had woken up, washed, dressed meticulously and then came the waiting game. The fact that he only truly came alive when Jimmy had a job that needed doing was a fact he wasn't proud of, but with a gun in his hand he felt strong and certain. Being without it was something he didn't like to contemplate much. He'd been cooped up too long and he started to feel a blackness creeping upon him that was oh so familiar and he needed to get out of his room became a necessity. A walk seemed advisable though a deep rooted bitterness within him felt it was also futile, nothing would ever snap him back into place as the hopeful young man he had been before the war.

Richard stepped out; he looked up into the sky and saw the sun hiding behind some thick, white clouds. The air was warm; it was a perfect day for a walk. He walked to the sea front, barely conscious of anyone around him. Experience had taught him to block people out somewhat, that way he didn't notice the glances or hear the whispers spoken behind hands. It was a form of protection that isolated him further from the outside world.

Strangely there were few people about on the stretch of sand that spread out before him and the sound of the waves rumbling onto it lulled in the background. He took his first step on the sand, feeling his shoes sink into it. Part of him wanted to do as children did, to take off his shoes, roll up his trousers and feel the grain under his feet before wading into the sea. But it didn't feel like that kind of day today so he slowly walked towards where the tide was breaking. He decided to shake off his coat and he folded it neatly and placed it down on the sand before taking a few steps nearer to the sea. His hands hung loosely at his sides and he looked out into the distance.

His mind drifted back to his childhood on the farm, he had never seen the sea till he went abroad in the war. The memories of the past played out like an old movie in his mind, he and Emma chasing each other around their parents land, hiding behind tree bows and running through tall grass. Emma had the most wonderful laugh when she was a little girl, he could still hear it now as though it was yesterday. As she grew older it was not that she laughed less but that her manner was expected to be more tempered. It was not seemly to abandon politeness and laugh uncontrollably, it was a knowledge that before the war had saddened him and here he was now barely ever laughing himself. He heard Emma's laugh in his ear, he saw the smile on her face yet the memory could not weaken the steel in his veins.

But the laugh seemed so clear, so nearby that it was strangely haunting. He realised he had been so deep in a reverie that he hadn't realised that a mother and child were making slow progress towards him along the beach. As he came back to the present his peripheral vision took them in and he saw it was a young girl with her mother. The laughter of a little girl echoed up the beach and enraptured him. They were hand in hand and clearly playing a game of running towards the waves as they receded, only to dash backwards to avoid the break as it burst onto the sand. The young girl giggled with joy as several close encounters with boisterous waves nearly caught them out, but her mother saved her every time. Richard turned his head to give them more attention, the waves and thoughts of the past were no longer of any interest to him. Instead the pleasure of observation took over and as he watched he envied the little girls promise and innocence as well as the mothers blessing in having a child.

The mother was only young, clearly no more than twenty one and the way she guided the unsteady steps of her daughter who he guessed to be about three brought a twinge of joy to his heart. It was as though life had taken one of those secret fantasies concealed in his Bible and teasingly played it out before him. As they drew close to him the young mother caught him watching them and he was struck with self conscious horror. He wanted to turn yet he waited expectantly for that well known look he got when people saw his mask. Part of him needed that look to remind him what he could never have.

Richard took in the beautiful chocolate shade of her hair and how the sea breeze had brightened the cheeks of her and her daughter. The woman's large eyes met his and she observed him a moment, her daughter who was swaying on her hand noticed him and the same big eyes studied his face. He waited for the unbearable point where the child would become frightened and her mother would usher her away quickly, barely able to look at him herself. But as the seconds past the child's face did not alter.

"Hello." She said in a little voice that matched her elf like appearance. Her mother looked down at her then looked back to him and she gave a small smile at him. They soon they passed behind him and continued to walk up along the sea, the mother now wrapped her arm around the small girls shoulders and pulled her lovingly to her side. Slowly they became smaller and smaller silhouettes but Richard devotedly watched their progression until they were out of sight.

His face turned back to the sea and the faces of the strangers played briefly in his mind but it was the impact of their brief contact with him that consumed him. Suddenly the day seemed a little better than before and as he turned on his heel and walked away from the sea its sound seemed more comforting to him than before. Today could bring what it liked; he would get through it without as much darkness. Whereas tomorrow he could not bear to think about.