Disenchanted

Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, there lived King Zeff of Baratie. Being a cantankerous and temperamental old coot, very few people could stand being around him. He had an outlandish dream of building a floating castle, which he did. And he traveled the open seas on his floating castle, searching for the mystical, All Blue. Besides that, everyone thought he would die a childless man.

One day, King Zeff was blessed (or cursed) with a son. The Baratie Kingdom was overjoyed and arranged a magnificent celebration for his arrival. Of course no one questioned how King Zeff begot a child without a wife or even a girlfriend. A few secretly whispered it was parthenogenesis. Everyone else was concerned with the grand feast and the free food and booze that came with it.

As tradition demanded, the Baratie Kingdom invited all the good fairies to the celebration and to the Christening of the newborn. Invitations were sent out by the scores. Only three bothered to show up. Fairy Godfathers Brook, Chopper and Luffy. And they only came for the free food and booze.

Flapping his skeleton wings, Fairy Godfather Brook floated up to the cradle, bought out his wand and hummed a tune. "Dear sweet Prince..." he trailed, looking very confused. "Excuse me. What is his name?"

Everyone had a blank face. They all looked to King Zeff, who was only scowling. "What!" he snapped angrily. "You want me to name the brat?" He sighed and stared at the clock. "Call the little eggplant, Sanji."

Fairy Godfather Brook cleared his throat and began again. "Dear sweet Prince Sanji, I bless thee with the gift of fashion. Yoohoohoo!"

There were murmurs of skepticism. Fashion? Was that useful to have? Some shrugged their shoulders, others shook their heads, a few blew their noses and one person burped. The audience was quickly shushed up as the next gift was presented.

Following Fairy Godfather Brook was Fairy Godfather Chopper. He flitted up onto a stool and said in a loud clear voice, "I bless you with the gift of health." He waved his wand and little sparks shot out.

There were murmurs of approval. That was a very good gift. Yes, it was very useful and well-thought out. Fairy Godfather Chopper overheard the crowd's praise and started cussing at them before running off to hide in embarrassment.

Lastly, Fairy Godfather Luffy, who was already stuffing his face with food, spoke up, "Huh? Is it my turn?" He tore off a leg shank and fluttered over to the crib. He took a peek at Prince Sanji and started laughing his head off for no reason. He laughed for a very long while, falling to the floor and hugging his stomach.

King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

When the laughing subsided enough, Fairy Godfather Luffy waved his wand and shouted, "Gift of cooking for you!" He then darted off towards the buffet table.

A stunned silence filled the banqueting hall. Cooking? What was the newborn suppose to do with cooking? He was a prince and heir to the throne. Someone else would do the cooking for him. Again King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

And so the Christening ceremony ended with music and fireworks. The three good fairy godfathers bestowed onto the newborn prince the gifts of fashion, health, and cooking, which were probably better than nothing. So really, there was no point complaining about it.

Now in every one of these fairy tales with the fancy shindigs, there was always a party crasher who ruined the fun and made life miserable for everyone. This tale was no exception.

A loud smash broke the festivity as the doors of the castle blew open. A wet, stinky dark figure marched into the banqueting hall. He was dressed in black leather and wore a mask that covered his entire head.

"Halt!" Chancellor Patty cried, calling in the guards to stop him. An invisible force repelled them back as the dark figure made his way to the old king. The partygoers became scared. The three good fairy godfathers continued eating, but observed cautiously.

King Zeff lifted his head in boredom. "I suppose you're here for the free food and booze."

"No!" the tall stranger screeched. He raised a hand, pointing a finger at the king. "Why was I not invited?"

"Do I know you?" King Zeff asked suspiciously.

"I am a fairy godfather!"

"You're a fairy godfather?" King Zeff asked, noticing no wings or a wand. The mysterious dude was twice the height of the tallest man there. He was a fairy?

"Why didn't I receive an invitation?" he demanded.

"Maybe the invitation was lost in the mail," King Zeff reasoned. He turned to look at Magistrate Carne, who only frowned and shrugged his shoulders. "Since you're here, help yourself to the food and booze. We have plenty for everyone."

"No! I do not believe you!" the stranger screeched again. He stomped foot, furious at the king. "I place a curse on your son for ignoring me!"

"Hmm?" This alarmed King Zeff a tiny bit and a terrible hush fell over the banqueting hall. Even the three good fairy godfathers stopped eating to hug each other and gasp in fear.

"On his sixteenth birthday and forward," the dark stranger sneered, waving his harpoon, "the prince will become madly lovesick with every pretty girl he sees."

There was a long pause of silence and then long sighs of relieve. For a moment there, they all thought the prince would die on his sixteenth birthday, or something worse like acne. Lovesick with pretty girls? That wasn't so horrible.

King Zeff simply waved him off and wandered to his bedroom, rubbing his temples. He could feel a headache coming on. The three good fairy godfathers finished the buffet table and headed for the dessert table. Everyone else returned back to the party, effectively ignoring the party crasher.

The angry fairy godfather yelled and stamped, and then he stormed out of the castle the same way he came in, but not before grabbing some food and booze.

Over the years, Prince Sanji grew into a fine young man. A snazzy dresser and a fantastic cook, he wowed the kingdom with his stylish clothes and amazed them even further with his cooking. Kind and generous, he fed anyone that was hungry and never turned anyone away. Unfortunately he picked up some bad habits like smoking, cussing, and picking fights, but overall he was a semi-decent prince.

No one remembered the curse that was placed on him years ago by the mysterious party crashing fairy godfather. And certainly no one bothered to mention this to Prince Sanji so he had no idea what was in store for him. It was such a long time ago and very unmemorable, so how could they?

And so while the Baratie Kingdom was preparing for Prince Sanji's sixteenth birthday party, it finally happened. The curse took effect. It was a few hours before the blessed day and Prince Sanji was entertaining visiting royalties.

Now you may ask why did the curse occur a few hours before his birthday? Shouldn't it have happened on the day of his birth? Apparently, after a series of conferences with all the fairies, witches, wizards and etc, all curses, blessings and enchantments were to follow the UTC, Coordinated Universal Time. This ruling was decided in order to regulate and to standardize all magic uses. Basically time had to be accurate and precise, down to the very nanosecond. So technically, by UTC standard, the curse did occur on his birthday.

Anyhow, back to the story...

Who could have possibly predicted how badly the curse would go? The people, who witnessed it first hand, were still traumatized by it to this day and they never came back to visit the Baratie Kingdom ever again.

Like a hurricane, it hit. First, Prince Sanji was politely serving drinks and snacks to the neighboring royal family. Suddenly he stood still and stared wide-eyed at the young pretty princess like he had never seen a girl before. The next you know it, he was sprouting nonsensical things like, "Coffee, tea, or me?" His eyes went heart-shaped and his body wiggled like a giant noodle. It was horribly embarrassing.

King Zeff could only watch in horror as Prince Sanji pranced around, uttering poetic jargon and professing his dying love. While the prince did come on a little too strong, it was nothing compared to what came later. The young princess, who was frightened and disturbed by the sudden amorous behavior of the young prince, quickly flew into the arms of her well-endowed, scantily clad maid-in-waiting. The sight of two beautiful girls, locked in a tight embrace, was a little too much for Prince Sanji and so the blood came. So much blood.

Never in all the kingdoms was there such a nosebleed as the one Prince Sanji had. Blood surged out like a torrential river, propelling him off his feet. The visiting guests had enough and left screaming murder. The servants and courtiers came running from every room in the floating castle to help the poor prince, who was lying in a pool of his own blood. They all feared the worst.

Motionless with hearts in his eyes, was he dead? A couple of people started wailing their eyes out.

Suddenly, Prince Sanji sat up and blinked, looking a little worn and confused, but otherwise very much alive. He pulled out a cigarette, lit it and took a long drag from it. Miraculously the gift of health had saved his life.

"So what do you want for dinner?" Prince Sanji asked nonchalantly.

The kingdom was bursting with joy and happiness to see the young prince alive and safe. King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

The forgotten curse had come to pass and the birthday party was sadly canceled, but it didn't end there. At every opportunity, the prince chased after every pretty girl he saw, swooning and cooing. He fell in love with every one of them. But no girl took him seriously and he was rejected at every turn. He was hopeless.

With great sadness, King Zeff had to ban all pretty girls from the kingdom. Only homely old women were allowed to stay. It was for the prince's best interest as well as for the pretty girls.

As the years passed, the Baratie Kingdom fell deep into despair and lost all hope. (No pretty girls and no parties. How would you feel?) For who could ever love a lovesick dumbass?