Heart Attack

Kenpachi hates to go to the doctor

Disclaimer: you know the drill.

Hanataro was just arriving for his evening shift when he heard what sounded like an explosion.

Captain Kenpachi Zaraki had kicked open the door leading into the Fourth Division headquarters. He'd knocked it off its hinges. He stomped in and growled, "where's the lady?"

As a general rule, the higher ranking the patient, the higher ranking the healer. "The lady" could only be one person. The seventh-seat had seen his captain on the way in, and knew that she was just down the hall in her office. He ran to get her.

He leaned into her office. "Captain?"

Retsu Unohana sat at her desk. She looked up and smiled. "Yes, I heard. I can feel his spiritual pressure. Bring him in."

(Hanataro caught that: "bring" him in, not "send" him in. What he didn't realize was that Unohana was angry about the door, and planned to humiliate Kenpachi by treating him in front of a low-ranking officer.)

Hanataro sprinted off and led the legendary fighter into his captain's office.

"I know what yer gonna say," Kenpachi said as he walked into the room. "I drink too much and I don't get enough sleep, and I should eat more vegetables, right?"

"That's right. And are you going to listen to me, and take better care of yourself?"

Kenpachi's eyes burned like coals, but he hung his head in submission. "Yes", he grumbled.

Unohana continued to smile maternally. "So, what brings you to the Fourth Division today, Captain?"

Kenpachi looked at the tiny Hanataro and told him without words that he'd be dead in a second if he ever told anyone about this.

"I think I'm having a heart attack." He slumped down into the chair next to the captain's desk. "My left arm and my chest hurt and I've been having trouble breathing."

"How long have you been feeling like this?"

"Couple a days, I guess."

"Well, let's see what the problem is", Unohana said, and she made room for her young assistant to observe the checkup. She checked his pulse and listened to his breathing, looked in his ears and his eyes as he looked upward, downward, and side to side. She had him lift his arm. He flinched as he did so.

She leaned in, and said, "OK, I see what the problem is. You have a sword."

"A what?"

She reached under his armpit and grabbed a protruding piece of metal. "You've got a sword stuck in here. Past the hilt."

Kenpachi laughed. "Oh, is that all? I was worried."

Hanataro watched stunned as she pulled a three-foot (including grip) katana out from between his fourth and fifth rib.

He stood up and sucked in a deep breath. "Hah! That feels great, doc! You're the best!" He even smiled, a little, at Hanataro.

"Well", she said, "next time don't wait so long before you come in. That could have gotten infected."

"Sure thing, ma'am." He stretched, then took the sword from her hand. "Hey, I wonder who's this is", he said, as he ambled out the doorway. "Someone's gonna be doing laps for a week."