Hey, people I'm back! *cricket noises*

Right….you probably don't know who I am. Well I won't bore you by telling you. But if you want to read my other stories such as Only You or When Love And Death Embrace then just visit my page.

So this is just a crack AU story that really isn't meant to be taken seriously. It was just floating around in my messed up brain and I needed to get it out before I exploded.

It's AU because Blaine is still at Dalton and I basically gave Kurt the life that I want him to have. It's kind of the same but with a few tweaks.

Enjoy if you feel like it!

Fall, 2011

"Burt, what are you doing?" Carole asked as she walked up behind him. He was standing in the doorway looking into the living room at something. He put a finger to his lips to silence her and pointed another finger to the couch. Carole looked over to see Blaine on it with Kurt lying on top of him. Kurt's head was resting on Blaine's chest and Blaine was stroking his hair as he hummed some sort of lullaby.

"I'm not sleeping you know." Kurt said softly. Blaine stopped humming and chuckled.

"You have deceived me Mr. Hummel. I was under the impression you had fallen asleep." Blaine said in a cheesy British accent.

"No. I was listening to your heart beat. It's soothing."

"I'm glad you find my bloody, thumping organ soothing." Blaine said. He yelped when Kurt swatted him on the arm.

"Don't turn something romantic into something weird and awkward. We get enough of that from Wes and David." Kurt said. Carole smiled as she watched the two boys bicker playfully. She glanced over at her husband and noticed that he was smiling as well.

"He deserves it."

Carole and Burt jumped as Finn spoke from behind them.

"He deserves Blaine. He deserves what he has, what he does. He went through a lot of crap." Finn said quietly as he watched Blaine and Kurt laughing on the couch.

"It's good to see him happy." Burt agreed. "To think, a couple of years ago he had to wake up every day to god knows what." Burt and Carole left but Finn stayed and walked into the living room. Blaine had begun to tickle Kurt on the couch.

"Have mercy." Kurt gasped between laughs as Blaine continued to tickle him relentlessly.

"I'm not quite sure what that means but I'll help you." Finn said as he picked Kurt up by his waist. The boy was still clad in his pajamas which consisted of a t shirt and his old Dalton sweat pants. Or maybe they were Blaine's. Finn really didn't want to know.

"Alright Finn you helped me. Now if you could be so kind as to put me down." Finn smiled sheepishly and placed his brother back on the ground. Blaine was still laughing on the couch. Kurt reached over and punched him in the arm.

"Go to hell."

"I love you too."

"Alright." Finn said. "Could you please stop with the lovey-dovey stuff while the older brother is in the room?" Kurt glared at him.

"I'm older than you Finn."

"Yes but I'm taller than you." Finn countered as he picked Kurt up again and held him above his head.

"Finn Hudson put me down right now or I swear to god, I will shove my sai swords up your ass!" Finn laughed as he placed Kurt back down.

"You know, a little while ago it was awkward for you to even be near me. Now you prefer to pick me up randomly and dangle me in the air. I kind of liked it better when you didn't."

"Oh shut up. You love me. " Finn said with a dopey smile.

"I must protest. I believe I am the one that is loved by Kurt." Blaine said as he stood and started to walk towards the door.

"And where might you be going?" Kurt asked as he followed Blaine to the door. Blaine put on his shoes and turned around to wrap his arms around Kurt.

"Contrary to popular belief, I don't live here. I have to go back to my real family now and confirm that I have not been murdered by your father." Kurt pouted.

"I'll miss you." Blaine smiled and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's lips.

"I know. It's because I'm so awesome isn't it?" He smirked and Kurt opened the front door.

"Don't make me be ashamed to know you." Kurt said. Blaine laughed and kissed Kurt's nose as he walked out the door.

"Wouldn't dream of it babe." He called over his shoulder. Kurt shut the door and let out a content sigh.

"What the hell did I do to deserve him?" he muttered. He sat down on the couch and Finn sat down next to him.

"It's the universe trying to repay you. You went through hell and now you're being rewarded for all of your strife."

Kurt looked at him. "Do you even know what strife means?"

Finn nodded. "Rachel told me."

"Alright, so you could say that I'm being rewarded for all of my strife, but it sounds stupid when you say that. So let's just say I went through shit." Finn nodded.

"I like shit better."

Kurt laughed and turned the television on to a Saints game. Blaine had gotten him hooked on football.

"You know," Kurt began, his face turning thoughtful, "it would be cool if I could go back in time and see the past me. You know, tell him that things get better." He stared down at a silver ring placed on the ring finger of his left hand. He thought of the matching one on Blaine's ring finger.

"Blaine, you really need to stop distracting me. I'm going to screw up the cookies." Blaine continued to press feather light kisses to the back of Kurt's neck.

"Your cookies will be fine." Blaine murmured as he tightened his hold of Kurt's waist.

"My cookies? You're the one who begged me to make them." Kurt said as he pushed Blaine away and placed the cookie tray in the oven.

"What? I knew you would want to cook something since we were ordering pizza." Kurt shook his head.

"I still can't believe how you talked me into ordering pizza."

"What's wrong with pizza?"

"Nothing, but it's our six month anniversary. We could have at least gotten Chinese food or something." Blaine walked over to where Kurt had his iHome and plugged in his iPod.

You think I'm pretty without any makeup on

You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong

I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down

Kurt smiled and turned to Blaine to see him with a look of pure adoration on his face. He walked over and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck.

"You're a sap, you know that?" Blaine smiled and leaned towards Kurt.

"You love it." He murmured against Kurt's lips. Kurt pulled away and walked over to the oven to check on the cookies. When he turned back around, Blaine was on his knee and holding a small velvet box up. Kurt's eyes widened.

"Blaine, get up. Get up now." Blaine shook his head and opened the small box to reveal a simple but elegant silver ring.

"Blaine, please get up." Kurt was getting dizzy but Blaine once again shook his head.

"Kurt, I have loved you since the day you tapped me on the shoulder on those Dalton stairs. The first time I saw you, I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful you were. The reason I kept distancing myself from you was because I had the mindset that you needed a mentor at the time, not a boyfriend. But I swear that I never stopped loving you for one second."

"Blaine, I'm going to faint. Please stand up now."

"Please don't faint. Don't be freaked out. This is only a promise ring. It's a promise that one day we will get married. Kurt, you are my teenage dream. So, when the time is right and we're both ready, will you marry me?" Kurt stared at him with wide eyes before his face broke out in an enormous smile.

You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream

The way you turn me on, I can't sleep

Let's run away and don't ever look back

Don't ever look back

"Why do you even have to ask that? Of course I'll marry you…in the future." Kurt giggled. Blaine stood and took Kurt's left hand. He slipped the ring on and pressed his lips to Kurt's. Kurt reached up and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck, tugging on the curls at the nape of his neck. When they pulled away, Kurt chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Blaine asked.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about how my dad will react when he sees the ring." Blaine's eyes widened.

"Crap."

Kurt smiled and turned his attention back to the game. He was about to get up to grab a bag of chips and a couple of beers for him and Finn when the screen of the television started to flicker. Suddenly, the game turned into static and finally the picture disappeared and was replaced by black.

"What the-" Kurt began but stopped when words appeared on the screen.

As you wish.

And then everything went black.

Fall, 2009

"Attention students." Principle Figgins' voice flowed through the intercom causing Kurt to look up from where he was stuffing textbooks into his designer messenger bag. "The slushy machine in the cafeteria has been such a success that we have made the decision the keep it. Enjoy."

"Dang it." Kurt muttered. He shut his locker door and turned to walk to glee rehearsal. He was trying to avoid getting slushied before he reached the choir room. Apparently, he would have no such luck today. The slushy came from none other than Dave Karofsky.

"Have fun in gay club, Lady!" He called as he and his other jock friends walked down the hall laughing.

Kurt sighed but immediately rushed into a bathroom when he realized that the red dye was going to stain his clothes. Also, it was starting to burn his eyes.

He washed off as much of the slushy as he could and left to go to glee club. But on the way there, his bad luck continued. He was shoved into lockers by Puckerman multiple times before he actually made it to the choir room.

He walked in to the sight of Tina sitting in a chair talking with Artie quietly, Mercedes arguing with Rachel over song choice, and Finn watching them, probably hoping it would turn into a cat fight. Kurt sighed and went to sit down when Rachel stopped him.

"Kurt, you're late. It's not good to be late to a rehearsal. If you're truly serious about this glee club then you need to-"

"Look Rachel, I'm sorry. But what makes you think I should explain myself to you?" Kurt asked as he pushed past her and sat down in a chair. Rachel spun on her heel and followed him, her hands on her hips.

"You should explain your tardiness." Kurt sighed.

"First of all, isn't even here yet and second of all, I was washing slushy off my face." Kurt spit back, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Rachel humphed and walked away as Mercedes came up and sat down next to Kurt. She put an arm around his shoulders.

"Are you alright?" She asked. Kurt sighed and put his head in his hands.

"You would think that after your freshman year is over, the rest of your high school life would be simple. You're done with all the insecurities and uncertainty of being in a new school. But no. My life is just getting worse. I used to think that after I got out of this dreadful place, that my life would finally turn around and I'd be happy. Now…now I'm not so sure." Mercedes squeezed his shoulders.

"All you talk about is going to New York and having those Neanderthal jocks work for you. Are you honestly telling me that you're giving up your dreams?" Kurt slowly shook his head.

"Not at all. I still want all of that. I still dream of it. But I'm becoming a bit skeptical of how great my future will actually be." The two sat in silence for few moments as the sounds of Artie talking with Tina and Rachel complaining to Finn played in the background.

"It would be great if, just for a moment, I could go into the future. Just to see if anything changed or if I still had the same crappy life that I have now."

"What type of life would you want?" Mercedes asked quietly. Kurt thought for a moment.

"A life where I wasn't being thrown into dumpsters every morning and shoved into lockers every afternoon. Where I was in a relationship with the perfect…person. And that the person I loved was equally in love with me."

"That could happen sooner than you think." Mercedes said softly, shooting Kurt a sideways glance which he ignored.

"A perfect life would include the jocks that torment me everyday being kind to me. Respecting me even." Kurt sighed.

"Do you hear how unrealistic this all sounds? My life was terrible in the past. It's terrible now and it'll be terrible in the future." They sat in silence again.

Kurt jumped as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out to see that it was a text message from an unknown number. He was curious so instead of deleting it, he opened it up and did a double take at the writing on the screen.

Don't be so sure.

Mercedes looked over at his phone.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked. But before Kurt could answer, everything went black.

Right, so if you want to send me hate mail then you'll have to review. Just let me take cover first.

*runs and hides behind a giant squirrel*