Chapter Eleven
"Somebody tell my head to try to tell my heart
That I'm better off without you
'Cause baby I can't live . . ."
When the morning came, Jamie was still stabilized. I woke up feeling stiff, my thoughts in a blur. Then I remembered. Jamie had passed out in my arms yesterday and as I looked at her now, she still slept. I stretched a little and then leaned forward in my chair towards her. I kissed her head, taking her hand, but then pulled away so I could see her face. I smiled at her, but then my eyes filled up again. "Wake up Jamie." I whispered. "Please wake up." She didn't.
After about an hour went by, Jamie's dad entered the room and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Landon . . . run home son." And for a moment, I was in the past again, reliving some old scene. I blinked quickly, wondering if I were dreaming. I wasn't.
"I'm not tired." But this time he didn't say he needed a minute with her, so I looked up at him. He was just starring at me and nodded.
"How is she?"
"The same."
"I just spoke to the doctor . . . looked up at him expectantly. "He suggested surrounding her with something memorable in her life. Maybe we could play for her or have her listen to something she's recorded." I sat up in my chair suddenly.
"I've got an idea." **************************************************************************** ****** I was alone with Jamie again, guitar in hand. I cleared my throat and began lightly strumming its strings.
"There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over and over again. So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope" I looked at Jamie. No change. "Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again" I closed my eyes and thought of when I proposed to her. How she slightly nodded and I kissed her. "So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope" I could see her walking down the aisle in my mind, smiling and filled with joy. "I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back" And when we got our first miracle and then our second. "So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope." I brought my fingers to a halt, my eyes still closed and the room now silent. "Landon?" My eyes flew open at her soft voice. She was looking at me peacefully, a smile on her face. I tried to lean closer to her, but then realized my guitar was in the way. I set it on the ground and then sat down on the bed with her. "Hey . . ." I whispered smiling. "You're awake." "What happened?" "You uh . . . fainted yesterday." Her eyes closed as she gave a slight nod. "I remember now." She looked at me suddenly. "Is she okay?" "Yeah . . . you're both fine." She nodded relieved. "I'm sorry." She whispered a moment later, causing my brow to furrow in confusion. "For what?" "For putting you through this." I covered her hand with mine, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Without you I'm nothing." "That's not true." She countered in a soft, but firm voice. I starred at her for a moment, knowing what she was thinking. "The thought of losing you.I haven't had to feel that in a really long time. I don't want to ever feel that again."*
************************************************************* Jamie stayed in the hospital for another three days and was only released on the condition of being put on immediate bed rest at home until the baby was due. I know it was hard for Jamie to not do much all day, but she did it with joy just like she did everything else in life. We tried to make the most of it though and on my days off, I would often stay in bed with her for a long time or whatever she needed me to do.
One day we had a huge storm blow through and I remember crawling back in bed with Jamie during the afternoon and watching the rain fall from the heavens. Jamie was lying on her side, staring out the window and I lied down beside her, wrapping my arm around her waist. "It's beautiful isn't it? The rain I mean."
"Yeah it is." I kissed her neck and I could see the corner of her mouth turning up. She placed her hand on mine, and then began gently playing with my index finger.
"I love you Landon." She said with a touch of sadness in her voice. It startled me a little and I urged her to face me with a gentle tug on her arm. She turned slightly on her back and looked up at me with those deep brown eyes.
"I love you too." I told her, grazing her cheek with my thumb.
"I just want you to know.how special this time together is to me. It's like I've waited my whole life.just to get to moments like this.with you." Her eyes danced between mine, her voice now filled with hope.
"I feel the same way. I don't even remember who I was before I fell in love with you." She smiled.
"I do."
"Without you I'm not okay
And without you I've lost my way
My heart's stuck in second place ooh
Without you . . . "
TBC
Song Credits: "Without You"-Dixie Chicks "Only Hope"-Mandy Moore-by Jonathan Foreman
"Somebody tell my head to try to tell my heart
That I'm better off without you
'Cause baby I can't live . . ."
When the morning came, Jamie was still stabilized. I woke up feeling stiff, my thoughts in a blur. Then I remembered. Jamie had passed out in my arms yesterday and as I looked at her now, she still slept. I stretched a little and then leaned forward in my chair towards her. I kissed her head, taking her hand, but then pulled away so I could see her face. I smiled at her, but then my eyes filled up again. "Wake up Jamie." I whispered. "Please wake up." She didn't.
After about an hour went by, Jamie's dad entered the room and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Landon . . . run home son." And for a moment, I was in the past again, reliving some old scene. I blinked quickly, wondering if I were dreaming. I wasn't.
"I'm not tired." But this time he didn't say he needed a minute with her, so I looked up at him. He was just starring at me and nodded.
"How is she?"
"The same."
"I just spoke to the doctor . . . looked up at him expectantly. "He suggested surrounding her with something memorable in her life. Maybe we could play for her or have her listen to something she's recorded." I sat up in my chair suddenly.
"I've got an idea." **************************************************************************** ****** I was alone with Jamie again, guitar in hand. I cleared my throat and began lightly strumming its strings.
"There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over and over again. So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope" I looked at Jamie. No change. "Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again" I closed my eyes and thought of when I proposed to her. How she slightly nodded and I kissed her. "So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope" I could see her walking down the aisle in my mind, smiling and filled with joy. "I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back" And when we got our first miracle and then our second. "So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope." I brought my fingers to a halt, my eyes still closed and the room now silent. "Landon?" My eyes flew open at her soft voice. She was looking at me peacefully, a smile on her face. I tried to lean closer to her, but then realized my guitar was in the way. I set it on the ground and then sat down on the bed with her. "Hey . . ." I whispered smiling. "You're awake." "What happened?" "You uh . . . fainted yesterday." Her eyes closed as she gave a slight nod. "I remember now." She looked at me suddenly. "Is she okay?" "Yeah . . . you're both fine." She nodded relieved. "I'm sorry." She whispered a moment later, causing my brow to furrow in confusion. "For what?" "For putting you through this." I covered her hand with mine, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Without you I'm nothing." "That's not true." She countered in a soft, but firm voice. I starred at her for a moment, knowing what she was thinking. "The thought of losing you.I haven't had to feel that in a really long time. I don't want to ever feel that again."*
************************************************************* Jamie stayed in the hospital for another three days and was only released on the condition of being put on immediate bed rest at home until the baby was due. I know it was hard for Jamie to not do much all day, but she did it with joy just like she did everything else in life. We tried to make the most of it though and on my days off, I would often stay in bed with her for a long time or whatever she needed me to do.
One day we had a huge storm blow through and I remember crawling back in bed with Jamie during the afternoon and watching the rain fall from the heavens. Jamie was lying on her side, staring out the window and I lied down beside her, wrapping my arm around her waist. "It's beautiful isn't it? The rain I mean."
"Yeah it is." I kissed her neck and I could see the corner of her mouth turning up. She placed her hand on mine, and then began gently playing with my index finger.
"I love you Landon." She said with a touch of sadness in her voice. It startled me a little and I urged her to face me with a gentle tug on her arm. She turned slightly on her back and looked up at me with those deep brown eyes.
"I love you too." I told her, grazing her cheek with my thumb.
"I just want you to know.how special this time together is to me. It's like I've waited my whole life.just to get to moments like this.with you." Her eyes danced between mine, her voice now filled with hope.
"I feel the same way. I don't even remember who I was before I fell in love with you." She smiled.
"I do."
"Without you I'm not okay
And without you I've lost my way
My heart's stuck in second place ooh
Without you . . . "
TBC
Song Credits: "Without You"-Dixie Chicks "Only Hope"-Mandy Moore-by Jonathan Foreman