Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters mentioned below. Copy-right belongs to their respective owners. No money has been made in the creation of this work.

Genma's Notes:

Hello everyone. My name is Genma Saotome. I'm a martial artist by trade, but for the purposes of this book, I am a father! I suppose it's strange that you find me writing a parenting book, when my skills are obviously elsewhere ... or are they? For you see, I have dedicated more than a quarter of my life raising my son, Ranma to become the BEST martial artist in the world. And, as can be expected, he is indeed one of the most successful (and powerful) martial artists today.

Which brings me to this book; it has been told by many that while my parenting methods are un-orthodox, they have accomplished amazing results! In fact, many are shocked that Ranma actually turned out the way he did! I m sure that there are many, many parents out there who want to raise their children into successful adults and it is to them that I write this for.

Yours sincerely,
G. Saotome

PS - To avoid piracy, a curse has been put on this work so that, unless you are reading it from an authorized publisher, the techniques mentioned here will seem so outlandish that you would drive your child insane, instead of raising them to become productive members of society. If due to not purchasing a legitimate copy of this work, you kill your child instead, I or anyone else for that matter, will NOT be held responsible. Thank You.

And now without further adeu, here's the first chapter,

What to Raise?

I often say that I spend more time and energy on my one boy than on any of my girls. Other parents would be quick to say the same. Why? The answer is simple, I don't have any girls.

There is only one woman in my household, and she's my wife. I think that's more than enough for a martial artist. There are bound to be some households that differ. Take my best friend, Soun Tendo, for example. He has not one or two, but THREE girls! And he tells me that it's no picnic. Just about every day, he has to deal with fashion senses, cooking fiasco's and a far greater grudge-holding capacity from his girls than I have to do from my boy.

Is it worth it? I highly doubt it. In order to raise the girls properly, he decided to settle down in a Tokyo suburb and live a "settled" life. NOT the kind of living you should be experiencing if you want to create a hardened warrior! A True Martial Artist should be taught the perils of the road from a very young age, ... but I digress. In spite of all the attention he showered on his children, only ONE of them grew up to practice martial arts. And I mean just practice! I won't EVER call HER a master by any measure.

And that too, it's his youngest! What about the other two? One of them spends most of her time in the kitchen cooking or moving around the house doing chores. The other spends her time studying stock options! I suppose, for a girl, those could be ... O.K. choices, but HOW can any of THAT help you defend yourself from an armed bandit?

You can't. It's as simple as that.

And as for the supposed martial artist in that family, her pacing is so slow, it makes me want to puke! As I understand things, at the age of 2 she was breaking bricks with her bare hands. THAT is supposed to be impressive? When my boy was just 18 months old, I hung him upside down from a tree for 5 hours straight!

Everyday.

For 2 months.

Hanging 30 Kilograms of concrete blocks from each hand.

Sure, it hurt in the beginning, but, by the time he was 2 years old, he was demolishing buildings! What's a few mere bricks compared to THAT?

Every child is an individual, of course. His or her innate personality helps shape how life unfolds. Environment (including the parent) plays a role too. Which, brings me back to what I mentioned earlier. If you want to raise a True Martial Artist, you NEED to get them used to the road as soon as possible. Holding back, is just spoiling your child's future. And you don't want to do that, now do you?

No, as a parent, it's YOUR responsibility to make your boy kiss the raw dirt as soon as he is able to crawl! I've never tried it myself, but an ancient scroll I once read, mentioned that chains help. Unfortunately, my boy was 7 years old by the time I found that scroll, so I couldn't try it out on him. But, if YOU, as a responsible father, want to make your son the best martial artist there is, then, I urge you to shackle your ward in chains as soon as he beings to crawl! The strength they develop in their early years will be of immense use, years later, long after you've passed on.

And your child will thank you for it.

Hmm.. I find myself veering a bit off-topic for this chapter. Still, coming back to our original discussion, don't forget - discipline! Girls are just not worth the bother. If you try spanking or slapping them, they open their big mouths and make such a fuss! True, it's the same for a boy ... initially. After throwing your ward to the wall a few times, he'll get the picture and shut up. As for girls, well, they just aren't sturdy enough for such things.

There was this tribe of warriors that I knew of; trying to get their young girls to shut up, they killed all of them one way or the other. In the end, for daughters, they captured animals and cursed them to become human females. In fact, it's a rather effective way to ensure that you get a good strong girl. But, we're discussing how to grow strong children that you make on your own, NOT ways to adopt the neighborhood pet!

So, .. just forget about what I just said, ok? Well, if you really want to know more details, just contact me. If I get enough queries, I might just write another book on the subject.

I hope I've made my point clear. If you want to raise a world-class True Martial Artist, you NEED a boy. NO EXCEPTIONS. If you don't get one on the first attempt, try again. And Again. Though, by that time, if you still haven't got one, just accept the fact that Kami has cursed your bloodline and settle for what you have. In fact, if you have a baby girl, a good option would be to look for other families with baby boys and arrange a marriage when the children come of age.

Next Chapter: "The Stages of Boyhood"

Author's Notes:

It's been a good while since I last posted a story here. What got me in the mood? Well, I was browsing around the TFF forum when I came across a comment by Dark Knight Gafgar. It went something like this "Alternatively, Keitaro's ancestors subscribed to the Genma Saotome School of Raising Children, and thus through a series of wacky and implausible legal circumstances by the time he arrives at the Hinata House he's actually engaged to everyone. Yes, including Tama-chan."

That got me thinking, "What if Genma actually wrote a book?". It was an itch that stayed in my mind for a good while and I wrote a one-shot. That, was surprisingly well received, and one suggestion was to convert it into a full-story. Or book. Whatever. ANYWAY, the result is what you see above.

I plan about 3 or 5 chapters total in this series, followed by the original one-shot that spawned it.

To all my female readers out there, please understand that this story/book is meant as humor/crack. I most certainly do NOT have as low an opinion on the female half our population as the fanon-Genma who wrote this nonsense. I apologize if any of you feel offended and suggest that you stop reading.

Please consider leaving a review. They brighten my day and are a good incentive to keep me writing. (^_^)

-chronodekar