Dragon Age Origins: ©BioWare

Heart and Blood

Chapter One: Introductions—The Circle

"Stop fussing Jowan. Why must you always fuss?" Rae chastised as she attempted to straighten out his robes. He was always so fidgety, so nervous, and at times it got on Rae's nerves, but it was his quirks that she'd come to enjoy the most about him as they grew up together in the Circle. Jowan had been there a year longer than her, and they became fast friends when she was dumped on the tower steps. His situation, as well as many of the others residing within the tower were very much alike. Most were given up as children by fearful families when they began to show signs that they possessed magic. Another large amount, though not as much as the orphaned children were taken by the Templars when neighbors, friends, or a passerby would report something they'd seen. Either way, they all ended up in the tower, or if they didn't—well… most of them didn't want to concern themselves with apostates or maleficarum.

All apostates are maleficarum; it had been drilled into their skulls as they went through their training, though as the children became older it was very apparent that it was only what the Templars and the Chantry wanted them to understand. Not all apostates were maleficarum—and not all maleficarum may be evil. The latter however was less believed even by some of the senior enchanters themselves, but with so many mages in the world Rae had figured it stood to reason that not all maleficarum were darkened remnants of their former selves; which essentially negated the moniker entirely. However, Rae was more than content upon never crossing one to test this theory. Such thoughts considering maleficar and blood mages had come to surface in her as of late because it was rumored that her most beloved friend was a blood mage himself. Rae refused to believe it. There was nothing in Jowan that was capable of any such magic.

As he nervously fidgeted before her, creating creases in his robes where she had just straightened them, it was even more affirmed in her mind.

"I just… I can't help it. You're going to be put through your Harrowing soon I just know it… and I worry," he said. Rumors had begun to surface that Rae would be tested soon, but as always, the exact time and way in which the testing would proceed was kept a well-guarded secret.

Rae smiled and stood back from him, inspecting his robes. His hair was a mess, and his face was set into a permanent state of paranoia, but his robes were perfect.

"There's nothing to worry about Jowan. Really. I will be fine," Rae said in an attempt to reassure him.

"Perhaps. But if you don't, make it…" Jowan added.

"Oh Jowan. Are you worried you'll be left all alone?" Rae teased.

"No! Of course not. No. Why would…"

"Jowan…" Rae folded her arms and tilted her head to the side, quirking a brow. She thought it was endearing that he still hadn't learned by now that she could always see through him. With her he was transparent—at least, she believed he was until the rumors began. She would lay awake at night when the rest of the apprentices were fast asleep in their bunks all around the room and wonder if Jowan had taken leave or not. He would make no noise in his coming and going. Not once did she think to follow him, she trusted him and his reasons. If anything she was a little envious he was able to keep doing so without officially being caught. Every mage deserved a moment of quiet time to themselves, without worrying about eyes boring into their backs. Perhaps tonight she would actually follow him.

No, she didn't believe he was a blood mage in the slightest—but it pained her that after all their years together he didn't trust her enough with his secret. All he had told her was that he had met someone. He was very secretive about who she was, what she looked like or even where she was in the tower. Such capable duplicity from him was somewhat impressive, if not altogether maddeningly frustrating; but it was why Rae was sure he was not blood mage. He must have been sneaking around to see her—but this she would find out with surety tonight.

"Who will I have to fix up my messes for me if anything were to happen to you?" Jowan said. Rae's heart warmed and ached as he spoke to her. She opened her arms and moved forward, embracing him, rubbing his back.

"I will make it through my Harrowing Jowan. If anything, I will make sure that I concentrate harder than I've ever done before, just for you, alright?" Rae said. When she felt his arms embrace her tightly back she smiled.

It had been eye opening when she realized—to her, Jowan had become more than a friend. His bumbling, even sometimes neurotic ways had become something of a welcoming comfort and constant to her in her life. He wasn't always that way; they enjoyed many moments of laughter and merriment, and even sometimes pranks as they grew, but it was her realization that she'd even miss the most irksome of his habits that it was love. Then she was thankful that she was not nearly as transparent as him. Of all the things she shared with him, this was not something she was willing to speak of, not yet. Her decision to keep her feelings to herself was solidified of course the day he told her of this mystery woman.

Jowan let her free from their hug and took a step back from her, keeping his hands on her shoulders.

"I suppose it's still a happy moment yes? You're to become a full-fledged mage. No more having to deal with grunt work, and much more privacy," Jowan said, gesturing to the rows and rows of beds.

"All fine things indeed, but what will I do without our late-night candle light talks Jowan?" Rae asked. Her friend smirked.

"I think you'll manage."

"Alright well, you still won't let me touch your hair and I respect your wishes, but the rest of you is positively presentable. Have a good lesson Jowan," Rae said. Jowan stepped forward, kissed her forehead and patted her on the shoulder, then left. Rae sighed and placed her fingers on her forehead where his lips had touched the skin. Get a grip, seriously. This was ridiculous. Rae strode across the large chamber, passing small groups of chatting people. Some apprentices had pulled bunks together and were playing some sort of card game that had picked up around the lower floors.

Somehow painted portraits attacked one another, casting fake spells and doing fake damage, and the one with the greatest match-up of beasts and warriors won. It was all too dizzying for her to follow up with, as if learning how to control real magic and evade demons wasn't enough. She sat down at one of the vanities along the far wall and took a good long look at herself.

Her blonde hair had faded over the years, possibly from stress of lessons—and nightmares. She picked up a piece between her fingers and looked at it, sighing. If First Enchanter Irving's hair was any indication of her physical future she'd better get used to it. However, she would've rather had lack-luster locks than be inhabited and twisted by a demon. That would've really ruined her complexion. Then there was the Rite of Tranquility. Rae shuddered just thinking of it and wondered what would've been worse. Becoming a demon infested abomination, or an emotionless drone, cut off from the Fade. Then she wondered why she was even thinking of such things. Of course… the Harrowing. She rested her head down on her arms atop the vanity and heaved a great sigh. She was nervous, she was more nervous than even Jowan was for her, but she had to be strong. For him, and a little for herself. Perhaps if she faked courage enough, she would actually find some. With a deep breath inward Rae lifted her head and stood from the vanity.

She wasn't without beauty—that was certain. There was more than one apprentice, mage, and in one instance—a senior enchanter, who had a focused eye on her. However, out of all of these admirers there was one that had interested her most, and that was the templar Cullen. It was not the safest of trysts by any means—but that's what Rae found most intriguing about it.

At first she was none the wiser, but it was Jowan who had indicated to her that Cullen was often… staring in her direction, or that he always happened to be posted in whatever class she was in attendance. Rae refused to believe Jowan initially, she thought him to just be making up stories, or that his anxious mind was concocting these tales of fancy. Regardless, the information had taken root in her mind and she began looking out for the signs Jowan spoke of. Indeed the templar was always in the room where she was studying, and he often glanced her way. So one day, Rae decided to test this theory by taking an innocent stroll past him and pretending to trip on her robes. He immediately shot out to catch her and when he held her she could see it there in his eyes—and she was unable to ignore the thumping in her own chest.

So Cullen was a wonderful distraction from her confused feelings for Jowan—and it wasn't a bad distraction she would tell herself. Cullen was a very handsome man and often spoken about by the other female apprentices. He was kind, if timid, and immensely popular. She wondered if he even knew.

Sure enough as she left the apprentice quarters there he was, posting a vigilant guard in the corridor. When he saw her his lips cracked into a brief smile then faded quickly. Rae grinned and shook her head. Sweet, sweet man. She was disappointed that nothing had gone on between them beyond walks through the halls and chats during meal times. She wanted to meet with him in quiet, where she could really get to know him, but he was sworn to his duty and she… well she was cursed.

"Good day Cullen," she said kindly as she approached him.

"Good day Miss Amell."

"How many times do I have to tell you Cullen? Please call me Rae," she said smiling.

"Perhaps next time," was always his reply. Rae found she loved it. It was a game and she was ready to play. Apprentices were very limited in things to do—study, or brood over when the time would finally come for their Harrowing, which for all their preparation, would come without warning.

There was also the thought of what some of the apprentices unashamedly did with one another during the night; it was not something she cared much to think about either. At least, not until it was her turn; but she abhorred the idea of such an intimate moment being so public.

"Will you be joining me again for dinner tonight?" she asked.

"If you will have me—er… I mean… if my stomach feels so inclined. No… wait…" Cullen shook his head and shifted nervously. "Yes I will."

"Wonderful. I look forward to continuing our discussion on the mysterious lake beast beneath Calenhad. You had quite a compelling argument but I'm still disinclined to agree," Rae said. Now Cullen fully smiled, his eyes lighting up with the prospect of the things he was going to relay to her.

"Then you best prepare for what I have in store to tell you tonight. I've some evidence that you won't be able to refute."

"I look forward to it," Rae said. She enjoyed his smile. It was genuine—and it made her chest ache with longing.

"Are you alright?" he asked her suddenly. She realized she must have been displaying her turn of emotions on her face. As she prepared a pithy statement to cover up the truth, she paused. If the rumors and the buzz was true, and she was to be going through her Harrowing soon—then there was no reason to hold back any longer.

"No… Cullen," she began to say, somewhat sadly. They heard the sound of clanking armor down the hall and watched as a pair of chatting templars approached and moved past. Rae kept quiet, and kept her eyes down until they disappeared through the door into the next wing.

"Are you not feeling well?" Cullen asked. His concern touched her and made things even more difficult.

"I will probably be going through my Harrowing any day now… though you more than likely already know," Rae replied. "It's so stressful when they don't tell us exactly when…" she said as an aside. Cullen nodded somberly. "You know, sometimes I think…" She looked away from him over to the door the two templars had gone through, then back to him. "What do you see when you look at me Cullen?"

"I… what?" he said, caught off guard by the question—and rightfully so. She could see his cheeks begin to redden ever so slightly and she smiled, shaking her head.

"Not that Cullen, I mean… person to person. When you look at me, what do you see?" she asked again.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… do you see… Rae Amell, or do you see… a mage?" She watched his expression change as the meaning of her question began to sink in. It was pity he looked at her with, pity and confusion. One of the things that Rae found herself admiring about this man was his overwhelming sense of duty, but as she felt herself becoming closer to him, she wondered what he defined that as. Was it a duty to protect others from mages, as well as the mages themselves? From themselves; and from others who would harm mages out of their fear of them? Or was it that he only believed that mages were inherently evil, born evil, and would eventually steer in that direction at one point or another?

"I don't think… I should be answering that question," Cullen replied carefully.

"It's just… I don't… ha, I don't think I should even be speaking with you about this, isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy that I feel like—I can trust you enough? You, who are charged with cutting me down at the very hint of something wrong?" She looked up at him and a worried expression crossed his features. "Oh no no! No… please… Cullen don't think—this is going badly. I should just be out with it shouldn't I? What I mean Cullen is… am I just a mage to you? Or am I a person?" Rae asked. She felt an overwhelming sense of relief as the question left her lips. So overwhelming she was spurred on to continue. "This thing between the templars and the mages, does it truly have to be? Are we not two sides of the same coin Cullen? I'm sure some of my fellows would disagree with me, but I know that I harbor no ill towards the templars, when I truly sit and ponder things I know that all any of us ever hopes to do is the best with what we're given and to uphold our duty."

"Miss Amell…" Cullen began, but Rae held up a hand.

"The fact of the matter is I care… about what you think, isn't that strange too? I care about your opinion. I'm tired of passing templars in these halls Cullen and thinking I'm some kind of separate creature. Am I not a human? Like you? I…"

"Miss Amell."

"No… I'm sorry. I've said too much. I've lost my appetite perhaps I will just… rest through dinner," Rae said nervously. "Good day Cullen." She turned from him. That feeling of relief replaced with a deep uneasy knot forming in her stomach. That was disastrous. This was something Jowan would have done—uncontrollable word vomit, that's what she did. She would be lucky if he didn't report this conversation to his superiors, to Greagoir—to the first enchanter. Rae grimaced and began walking away when Cullen caught her by the arm. She looked at him, surprised. Perhaps he was going to take her to them right away. Such a display of harried emotion would most certainly be a poor reflection of her focus and her control. She didn't wish to be tranquil. A fate worse than death. Anything but being made tranquil. If she begged enough, perhaps he'd let it slide just this once and…

"Rae…" Cullen said. As he spoke her name she felt her heart jump.

"Y—Yes Cullen?"

"When I look at you, I see a woman who works hard, who studies, who focuses—who is intelligent… beautiful, and is a mage," he answered, his words thoughtfully crafted.

"Oh… I… see."

"No listen. You being a mage is part of who you are. Something you were born with, just like your hair, your eyes… your lips…" he paused and cleared his throat nervously then continued. "But it is not all of who you are," Cullen said. Rae smiled, comforted by his words. It gave her a bit of hope. A grin tugged at the corners of his lips. After a moment of silence Rae's eyes glanced to his hand.

"May I have my arm back?" she asked. Cullen released her, his cheeks deeply red, and straightened out his post. "…I'll see you at dinner," she said. Cullen nodded and she left him to his watch.

****

Rae listened to Jowan explain the lessons they covered and how he was growing very weary of the basics. They were things he and Rae knew very well, and as boredom set in, that typically indicated an upcoming Harrowing—or Rite of Tranquility. Tonight especially, Jowan was having a time of griping on the whole system at work. He'd never been all that agreeable with the way the Circle operated under the thumb of Chantry rule, nor their templar babysitters; but he'd tolerated it because he had to. It seemed all the worry over Harrowings made him far more vocal. He even went as far as to bring up good 'ol Anders who had escaped from the tower for his fifth time a week prior; and every time he was brought back. Then the first enchanter would have to wage war with Greagoir not to have Anders made tranquil, and Irving would win—but by a dwindling amount each time.

Rae noticed well how Jowan was a different person when Anders was around; the male presence did good to put a little spine back into him. As she thought about Anders she realized she hadn't spoken to Karl, Anders' close friend, in quite some time—but the man was deep into his studies and it wasn't easy for an apprentice to grab some time with mages, unless they were being taught.

Rae played with the food on her plate, becoming distracted as she built small structures from her potatoes and rolled pees on top to create little domes. All these things she'd heard from Jowan before, but this time she had quite a bit on her mind. "So when exactly are you going to tell me what's going on in there?" Jowan asked as he took a forkful of food and shoved it into his mouth. Rae set down her fork and pushed away her plate, leaning over the table. Jowan swallowed his food and followed suit.

"…I spoke with Cullen today," she said.

"And? You speak with him everyday." Jowan shoved another forkful of food into his mouth in moderate disappointment. When she leaned in he must have figured it would've been something far more interesting. It had always been a curious thing to Rae; as paranoid as Jowan could be, he never turned aside the opportunity for good gossip.

"And… I may have asked him… what he thinks of me," Rae said. Jowan nearly choked on his bite of food, setting his fork back down. They heralded looks from neighboring tables, but once they saw that it was only Jowan they continued on with their conversations.

"Thinks of you, how?" Jowan asked eagerly once his food managed to find its way out of his throat.

"Exactly," Rae replied. Jowan raised a brow.

"You know I don't like it when you do your female cryptic talk," he pouted. Rae reached across the table and gently knocked him on the shoulder. He laughed and rubbed the spot. "So, come on tell me!"

"I asked him… if he thinks of me as a person, or a mage."

"I wasn't aware anyone other than a person could be a mage, unless Mabari are casting spells now and I just haven't heard," Jowan teased. Rae threatened to give him another go on the shoulder, but she spared him. It was a clever comment. "So what did he say?" Rae sat back and grinned, pushing her peas about her plate.

"…He said I was beautiful." She glanced up at Jowan to see his smile somewhat fading. "What? What's wrong?"

"What? Oh, nothing! Great! That's so, great. Did he say anything else?" Rae ponderously studied Jowan. This response was—unlike him. Her heart jumped into her throat; was he, jealous?

"Jowan…" Rae smirked in a sly fashion. "Are you jealous?" He frowned and stuck his fork into a piece of meat, shoving it in his mouth and chewing with all the anger he could. "Alright, alright. Wow I feel awful for the poor creature who gave its life just to be masticated in such a violent fashion." Jowan sneered at her, his cheeks puffed full with food, and then he swallowed.

"Did he say anything else?" he repeated, patience dwindling.

"Well… beautiful… of course," Rae said, tossing her hair from side to side, "then he said I was intelligent, studious, focused…"

"All of the things a templar would love of a good obedient Circle mage," Jowan mumbled. Rae let her hands drop to her lap as she tightened her jaw into an angered frown.

"That was uncalled for Jowan," she said sternly. She couldn't even fully understand the depths of pain she felt in her chest from that one jab, or how quickly it had come on—but it surfaced in outright anger.

"It's true Rae," he said.

"You know Jowan, for years I've tolerated your…" Rae leaned in and whispered, "your dissident speech because firstly, you are my closest friend, and secondly, I am in league with some of your ideals, but that… what you said… that's something I won't tolerate. Not because it impugns on Cullen's character but that it was just outright hurtful to me." She sat back in her seat and they stared at one another, stubbornly refusing to speak. "Why would you say something so awful to me Jowan?" Rae finally asked, unable to hold her words back any longer.

"Because you should be more careful. You've heard the stories Rae. Templars making female mages—do things for them, threatening them with the Rite of Tranquility," Jowan explained. A great fire rushed up the back of Rae's neck and into her cheeks. Cullen was not that kind of man. He may have been a bit strict, but he was not lecherous or abusive of his charges.

"Cullen is no such type of templar," Rae shot back defensively. "…And I know you know that. You want to know what's strange to me? Since we're being so open with our feelings right now…" She got up and moved over to sit beside Jowan on his bench, making sure to lean in threateningly close. "You've always jested about this, you've always teased me—at one point you even told me I should have fun and make him nervous. Now all of a sudden you've changed your opinion?"

"I never thought you'd actually be naïve enough to go through with it!" he admitted, irritated.

"Really?…Where do you go at night Jowan? I know you sneak out… and it's not just once or twice every once in a while—it's several times a week." Rae bit her bottom lip, debating on whether or not she should ask him what was really on her mind, what she'd been attempting to justify to herself for quite some time. "…Are you a blood mage." She regretted the words the moment she said them, but there was no going back. He opened the door, and now he needed to deal with what came through it; but the way he looked at her cracked her heart in half.

"No," was all he answered. Rae could immediately tell he was suppressing a potential outburst in shock and anger at her words.

"Jowan…" she tried to say, but he shook his head. He stood and took his tray in his hands, then left her at the table.

"Lover's quarrel?" asked a neighboring female apprentice mockingly.

"Shut up Alena," Rae said bluntly.

What Jowan had said was awful, and there was no excuse for it—but Rae knew that what she had accused him of was far worse.

"He seems awfully upset." Rae shut her eyes at the sound of Cullen's voice. She'd completely forgotten. At first, Cullen joining her for dinner was all she could think about as Jowan prattled on about lessons, and then the fight happened. She looked around and watched as the templars filtered through the room, joining pockets of mages at certain tables.

Rae had heard of the way some of the other Circles operated. The nightmare scenario was the way the Kirkwall mages suffered. From the stories it seemed the Ferelden mages had life the simplest. Well that wasn't entirely true; the Tevinter magisters led golden lives, but they were also a hot-bed of all kinds of controversy. At least the mages and templars from her experience in the Ferelden Circle existed in relative peace. They even ate together.

Cullen set his plate down across from her as she turned to face him. "I hope all is well," he said as he cut at his meat.

"It will be… eventually…" Rae remarked, rubbing her face tiredly in her hands. She would need to make this right before the day was over—she was not about to go to sleep angry at Jowan. "He's just… a little moody sometimes."

"I see…" Cullen said, gazing suspiciously after Jowan as he left the dining hall.

"Don't. Don't even go there," Rae asked of him. "Mage or no, everyone's allowed to just have bad days right?"

"Right," Cullen replied with a knowing grin. Rae smiled in relief. He seemed, more relaxed than normal. Was it the things she had said to him earlier?

"So, you have some convincing to do. I'm all ears," said Rae. Cullen chewed a bite of food then launched excitedly into his reasoning. He cited passages from books and pamphlets, and repeated numerous amounts of quotes from those who lived around Lake Calenhad—including many Redcliffe folk. Rae listened with piqued interest. It wasn't that the topic was particularly riveting, but she enjoyed the way he spoke of it, and his facial expressions. He was an intelligent man, and thorough—if a little naïve to think that some sort of scaled creature lived beneath Lake Calenhad, but it was charming. Rae decided she was going to remain silent tonight and let him talk. She felt like she just wanted to hear his voice, and it served well to calm her. The fight between her and Jowan became nothing more than a distant event in her mind the longer she sat across from the templar. The hall began to slowly empty and only the die-hard conversationalists remained, including Rae and Cullen.

However it wasn't long before Cullen began to notice how empty the hall was. "I think it's best if we wrap things up for tonight. It's becoming late," he said.

"I suppose you're right," Rae said. She stretched her arms high up into the air and yawned. It was late—she could feel it. Half of her wanted to sprint to the apprentice dorms and see if Jowan was still there so she could speak to him—and the other half wished she could speak with Cullen all night; but the templar would need his sleep at some point. Rae stood followed by Cullen. "Well, you sort of convinced me. I'm thinking it may not be impossible for something to be creeping around under the water out there."

"Ha. Success," Cullen spoke in triumph. He smiled broadly as they went to dispose of his plate that he'd polished off hours earlier. No, Jowan was wrong. Cullen was not that sort of templar, nor was he even that sort of man. He was a gentleman, perhaps a little too much even, but he was a good person. They strolled from the dining hall, nodding to Cullen's fellow templars as they passed. Rae caught their heads turning. Oh let them look. She wondered how much more the templars must have loved a good bit of gossip than the mages. Cullen escorted her through the halls down to the apprentice chambers. Voices poured from the open door of the room. The majority of them were still awake. That was something else to get used to—falling asleep when faced with situations filled with noise and distractions. Laughter echoed and reached their ears, it seemed everyone was merry and content. "It was another enjoyable evening, as to be expected with someone such as yourself," Cullen said.

"Oh Cullen," Rae said. She lightly, girlishly chuckled—very aware of what she was doing. Move delicately here, a little brush with his hand there. Damn the armor. She found herself very curious as to the feeling of the skin of his hand. It wasn't as if she'd never held someone's hand before, but she wondered if the skin of someone one admired felt so different from anyone else's. Was there a difference between holding the hand of your mother, and your lover? That wasn't a good comparison; she barely remembered her parents, much less her mother holding her hand, if that ever happened. It must not have—or else she wouldn't have been here.

"You are quite a thinker, aren't you?" Cullen asked, drawing her away from her thoughts.

"Oh… yes I suppose. Not much else to do you know—except ponder things and play pranks on the templars," she replied. Cullen laughed knowingly. He'd experienced his fair share of pranks in his time at the Circle. Rae counted as guilty among some of those experiences.

"What do you think about?" Now that question was altogether surprising. It was the first time he'd ever asked her something so intimate. What she had said to him earlier must have gotten into his head somehow. Rae leaned against the wall and considered his question. Of course she was going to answer, but where to begin? How about the beginning? That was always a good start.

"Sometimes I try and remember my childhood, before the Circle. I try to remember if there was anything—well—worth remembering. There must not have been considering it's quite difficult to do," Rae replied. Cullen leaned against the wall beside her on his shoulder so he could face her as she spoke. He looked at her with slight sympathy in his eyes to which she shook her head at. "Don't pity me please. It's not as if existence here has been awful. I'm under no illusions of course—this is more a gilded cage than a home, but at least it's gilded." The sympathy in his expression only further deepened. In a small way it made her heart glad to see him reacting like this—it truly meant that he saw her as a person, and not just a mage. "I do consider where I could've been—an apostate, on the run. Possibly even an abomination. I count myself as blessed to be here. I've made many friends, and it's uplifting to be among those who share in my situation. I count among those friends as well some of you templars… like you," she admitted, feeling a heat rush into her cheeks and ears.

"That's admirable," Cullen said. "I…" he glanced around quickly to make sure no one was nearby. "I find myself wondering what things would be like if—friendship and amiability was a greater commonality between us. You know the templars and mages. Perhaps fears on both sides would be, lifted."

"Well it all starts with a few good people," Rae replied.

"Indeed it does." The silence between them was oddly devoid of any sort of awkwardness—but it seemed as if it was well placed; a moment for one another to ponder the words that were spoken and to become drawn closer by them. "I have… there's something I need… want to tell you," Cullen said. Rae straightened and looked at him eagerly.

"Please you can trust me."

"I know." Cullen sighed and glanced past her as voices echoed from down the corridor. Patrolling templars escorting a group of apprentices approached. Cullen stood from his lean on the wall and straightened as if at post. Rae pretended to be asking him some pertinent information, feigning interest in apostates and their wrongdoings and whatever else was pleasing to a templar's ear. Ultimately the group dispersed as the apprentice mages entered the quarters, whispering as they stared at Cullen and Rae, and the templars continued their patrol.

"Aren't you off tonight Cullen?" one of the templar's asked him. They looked at Rae who smiled congenially and crossed her arms over her chest, bowing, in the sign of reverence to the Maker. They mirrored her greeting.

"I hope your night is going well ser templars," Rae kindly said. They smiled at one another then nodded in turn.

"It is so far my lady. You should be in the apprentice quarters however, curfew is fast approaching," one of the templars gently reminded her. Rae nodded gratefully.

"Then that is where I will be. Thank you Ser Cullen for being so patient with all of my questions. I bid a fond goodnight to you gentlemen." She turned and headed for the door to the apprentice quarters, resisting the urge to angrily grumble aloud. Why? Right when Cullen was about to finally really open up to her; he was going to trust her with something as one friend does to another—then they had to show up. When she was inside of the apprentice quarters she hurried to the far wall, back-tracking in her steps until she stood on the other side of where she believed the templars were still grouped. She leaned against the wall inconspicuously pretending to be intrigued by something in her nail while she let her magic seep through the stone. Little by little—so as to not be detected, and what returned were the sounds of the templars on the other side straight into her mind. The voices echoed a bit at first as they cascaded through the stone and into her head, but she was able to adjust the flow of magic to fix it.

"—and then you're here on your night off? It's a little suspicious Cullen you best tread carefully."

"We're only acquaintances Jon," Cullen said somewhat defensively.

"That's not what we've been hearing. There's a lot of word going on about you and that little mage. Rae her name is? Look… don't worry, we get it. She's a pretty little thing, it's forbidden, it's exciting I mean… I can't say I'm not guilty of it either… but don't be so public about it," the one called Jon replied. Rae scoffed quietly to herself. Pigs.

"There is nothing like that going on," Cullen argued. Unfortunately, Rae thought.

"Right. Come on then. You get back to barracks. I heard you're the blade at her Harrowing," Jon said. Rae froze. So she was to be put through a Harrowing—and Cullen… Cullen was to be the one to strike her down if she failed? Was the Harrowing that dangerous? "I think that's a little cruel, even for Greagoir," added Jon.

"I'm sure she will do fine," Cullen said, somewhat uneasily. Their voices began to fade as they moved away from the wall, leaving the corridor.

"What are you doing?" Rae looked up startled from her trance to see Jowan standing before her, arms folded strictly across his chest. Her eyes searched his face and found no comfort for her there. He was still so angry at her from before. The look on her face however must have been something awful; for his expression softened the longer he stood before her. "Are you alright? Rae?" He approached her quickly and put his arm around her shoulders, escorting her away from the flurry of conversation to the corner of the room. They took a seat in a couple free chairs, Jowan bringing his to face hers while he held her hands, resting them on her knees.

"I just… overheard—I am indeed to be put through the Harrowing—and Cullen is to be point blade. I think he was going to tell me, but we were interrupted. I heard through the stone…" Jowan's face looked at her deep with concern and worry. Rae brought a shaking hand to her chest. She realized it wasn't the fact that Cullen could be her slayer—it was the realization that she could be slain. If she failed, if she took one wrong step, let down her guard for just a moment then it would have to be Cullen to take her down in her failure. "Rae, you have to be brave," Jowan said. It wasn't as if this was the first time he had to comfort her. Rae had learned very early on as she grew alongside of Jowan he was far braver than he looked, or than he even acted at times. He was a good and noble soul.

"Jowan I'm so sorry please forgive me," Rae said, covering her mouth as her lip began to quiver. She couldn't stop her eyes from watering and her throat began to tighten with a sob she tried to hold back.

"Yes, yes I forgive you," Jowan said. Rae nodded. The last thing she wanted was to go to her Harrowing and there to be anger still between them. If anything happened—no…she couldn't think like that; but she wasn't naïve. There were plenty of mages who never came back from their Harrowing for one reason or another. "You are one of the most talented mages I've seen. You will do fine."

"I just wish we knew what to expect… they train us for everything but what we're to actually do," Rae said.

"I know, I know."

They paused in their conversation as several apprentices came near to them, laughing about something Rae had no care for. Jowan continued tightly holding her hands and she heard them mentioning something quickly about it; then they walked on. She focused on Jowan's hands. They were warm, and strong. This was how the skin on his hands felt. Rae squeezed his hands a bit and he looked back at her. She smiled and wiped her tears on her shoulders.

"You just have to let me do something about your hair Jowan, seriously. It's getting out of hand." He laughed and sat back, releasing her hands so he could run his own back through his hair.

"It is getting quite long isn't it?" He picked at a few pieces then sighed. "Fine… how about I let you give it a nice trim after your Harrowing?"

"Oh I see. If I don't make it you're off good and free to live with your disgusting long hair. I bet that's what you're counting on," Rae jested. He looked somewhat mortified.

"Rae don't even joke like that!" There was the Jowan she knew well. She loved to poke at his nervous side and there it shone in all of its glory.

"If I don't joke what else is there to do?" she said. Jowan relented and nodded in agreement. "…So… since you brought up Anders tonight—how long do you think it's going to be until he gets his sorry self dragged back in here kicking and screaming?"

"It's been a week right?" Jowan asked. Rae nodded. He sat and tilted his head, putting on a face like he was giving it some heavy thought. "I give him another solid day, maybe two. He just perfected advanced teleportation. It may take the templars a little bit longer to catch that bastard." Rae laughed and nodded.

"I do miss him though when he's gone. The templars hate him so much, but he pulls the best pranks," she said. Jowan gave her a thumb's up.

"Lights out!" a voice called from the doorway. There was a loud groaning that filled the room in reply. One by one the apprentices trickled to their bunks, lingering until the very last moment in their conversations, while others went around the room systematically blowing out the candles. Jowan and Rae hung about in their corner, watching everyone shuffle around the room while their little candle on the small table between them continued to weakly flicker. Soon the room was dark and there were hushed voices and whispers that followed the settling of the apprentices in their beds. Rae looked over at Jowan in the dim light of the candle and wondered if he was going to leave tonight again. All at once she began to feel a slight jealousy stirring in her chest for the unseen woman. For all she knew, this mysterious lady may have been false, but there had been a softer change in Jowan over the past several months—and a heightened nervousness, even when Anders was around to add brevity to the moment. Even now he wore that look that indicated he was thinking of something not necessarily allowed.

"Well… we should go to bed," Rae said.

"Oh, right yes. Definitely," Jowan replied distractedly. Rae blew out the candle and they navigated the floor first to her bunk. She disrobed, hanging her clothing on the post of her bed while Jowan looked away and she slipped into the thin night-dress. She grinned and shook her head, even after all these years, such a gentleman. One had to get over the issues of shyness quickly in the apprentice quarters. Many of them slept nude, or in their undergarments alone and were not afraid to strip down in the middle of the room before climbing into bed. It was normal. Soon it became second nature for everyone—except the new apprentices of course; ultimately, it stopped being arousing and became normal. Like they were all family. Of course, there were still the people who coupled—but that was something else entirely.

"Good night Jowan," she said with a smile and slipped beneath the covers of her bed. It had taken some time—but she finally managed to finagle the bottom bed. That way she could slip out the next time Jowan did. He was none the wiser.

"Night Rae." She watched him disappear across the room behind a row of bunks then lay back down. There was still the soft sound of whispers over the room—it would be a while yet before everyone was asleep and Jowan could sneak out. Rae was impatient, but there was nothing for her to do but wait. She folded her hands behind her head as she lay down and stared up at the underside of the bed above her. The wood was carved in all sorts of things—most were interesting, little words of advice from passing apprentices, poems, or just simple meaningful phrases. Some were borderline inappropriate and brought a blush to her cheeks when her eyes ran over them. She found her eyes beginning to feel leaden and her mouth opened wide in a yawn. Must not fall asleep—cannot fall asleep. Jowan was going to go out tonight; she saw it on his face. Her eyes lulled open and shut. Maybe a few moments of rest; just a few, until the talking stopped. She wouldn't sleep; she would just let her eyes rest and relax. Rae closed her eyes and exhaled deeply.