Pushed Beyond the Limit

By: Maranni123

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: Sorry for the long wait you guys. Seriously, I never meant to leave you hanging for so long. But if it makes you feel any better, I have a reasonably good explanation for why this has taken so long. During NaNoWriMo, my little laptop died. Just died. But thankfully, all of my files were saved on my flash drive. So, after NaNoWriMo, I bought myself a brand new laptop. It was bigger, it was better, and I was extremely excited about it.

So, on December 3rd, I plugged my flash drive into my new laptop, ready to finally upload my chapters. And every single file on said flash drive was deleted. Every. Single. File. Everything! Everything was deleted! All my chapters, all of my stories! EVERYTHING! So I have spent all of December re-writing everything I could, managing to fish what I could from the internet! Needless to say, I'm still pretty pissed about the whole thing!

So yeah, that's why I'm late. Because technology hates me and hates my life. Le sigh. So, here at last, is the re-edited, re-written, back from the freaking dead chapter four. As you will notice, this is when things will really start to change. :D So please, enjoy. For this chapter and I went through a lot to get to you, dear readers. :D

P.S: If I'm getting too heavy on the details guys, please let me know. I know I tend to pile on the detail in the beginning, but that's just because I like to get the back story out of the way in order to get to the action, you know? Anyway, let me know if I go too far with the detail. :D

Beta: Once again, this chapter was edited originally by T'Key'la.

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"Mommy?"

Jimmy stares at his mother, who's hunched over the kitchen table, her face in her hands. And she's sobbing. "Mommy?" Jimmy asks. "Why are you crying?"

Heart-wrenching sobs that make her body shake, Winona Kirk continues to sob uncontrollably. Her hair is tangled and messy and she's still dressed in her pajamas. Jimmy frowns, his little seven year old face full of concern. Why is his Mommy so sad all the time? Why can't she ever be happy like the other mommies?

Jimmy takes a careful step into the kitchen towards his mother and he reaches out to her, trying to understand why she's so sad. He knows that it has something to do with his Daddy, because Sam had told him so before he left. But if his Daddy made his Mommy sad, then why does she cry every time she looks at him?

"Mommy?"

Suddenly, a rough hand grabs onto Jimmy's little shoulders and violently spins him around. Jimmy blinks, and then lets out a small whimper as Frank glares at him, his hand digging into Jimmy's shoulder.

"Your mother's upset because of you, you little shit," Frank seethes, his sour breath washing over Jimmy's face, making him want to gag. "You're the one who makes her cry. She doesn't want you! She's wishes you were dead! If you weren't here, our lives would be fucking perfect!"

Jimmy lets out another small cry as Frank's fingernails dig deeper into his shirt. "No!" he cries pathetically. "You're lying! You're a liar! My Mommy loves me!"

Frank laughs, and then spins Jimmy around again so that he faces his mother again. She's still sobbing. Sobbing her heart out.

"She never wanted you," the man whispers in his little ear. "She wishes that you died up there with your no good, bastard of a father!"

Jimmy shakes his head, trying to escape the grip of his step-father. "No!" he screams. "You're wrong! You're wrong!" Jimmy shuts his eyes so that Frank can't see his tears. "Let me go! LET ME GO!"

A sudden push sends JK backwards and he falls. The dirt is cold and hard against his palms and he takes in a breath as his thirteen year old mind is fighting off the urge to panic. Beside him, he can hear Kevin crying softly, his sobs laced with terror and grief.

"M-My dad," the child moans. "…Where's my family?" JK opens his eyes and looks over to Kevin, trying to muster up a smile for the scared seven year old.

'We escaped,' JK thinks as he moves closer to Kevin to try and offer the boy some comfort. 'We escaped. We're alive!' He can't think of what they've just witnessed yet. He simply can't. His mind can't handle the horror right now, especially when Kevin needs him.

He looks around the small shack they managed to run to before the guards could shoot them down. It's dark and dry, but they're alive. As JK tries to sooth the boy in front of him, he can remember the woman who shoved Kevin towards him as the gunshots had begun to sound throughout the air.

"Take him," she had screamed. "Take him and run! Both of you!"

JK can remember the sound of that woman's body hitting the ground, blocking the guards with her body to give JK and Kevin more time to escape. He can also remember Kodos's words before the mass killings had started.

"The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of our society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV."

JK shivers and he shuts his eyes as Kevin's sobs into his shirt. "Where is my family?" the boy asks again and he raises his hands to grab at JK's collar. "What happened to my family?"

JK tries to calm Kevin down, but it's no use. Kevin is still crying and he's still holding onto his shirt, pulling on his collar, cutting off his air supply. JK coughs, trying to take in some air. He can't breathe! He can't fucking breathe!

'There's no air,' he thinks frantically. 'I can't breathe! He's killing me!'

Jim tries to pry Spock's hands away from his throat to get some air into his lungs, but he can't. The half-Vulcan is too strong. Jim attempts to cry out, to tell Spock that he's killing him, but all he manages is a soft gasp. He can feel the rage seeping from the man above him, the absolute fury and grief.

And Jim knows that it's all his fault. He had to do it. But that doesn't make it right. He insulted Spock's love for his mother, the woman who had clearly been Spock's everything. Any chance of friendship between them is lost now, Jim knows this. And it's breaking his heart.

'Spock,' he thinks faintly. 'I'm so sorry...' He starts to black out from the lack of air and he begins to relax. His body begins to shut down. 'I'm so... sorry...'

Then a pair of warm, loving hands grabs James's shoulders and pulls him away from Spock's grip. James laughs as an older Spock swings him around so that the two can face each other.

"Jim!" Spock cries, happiness and relief clear in his voice.

James is blinded by the dazzling smile that Spock is giving him and he can feel the relief and love coming from his First Officer. Spock had thought that he'd killed him. Spock was so sure that he had killed his Captain. Then Spock notices that McCoy and Chapel are in the room and the half-Vulcan pulls it back together.

He releases James and tugs at his shirt. "I'm…pleased to see you Captain," Spock manages to stammer out. "You seem…uninjured."

James has to hold in a laugh as he watches his First Officer struggle to regain his composure, not caring if McCoy and Chapel are watching. He's too happy to care.

'You don't have to hide your emotions from me, Spock,' he thinks as his smile grows. 'You know that I would never judge you.' James wants to reach out and just give his First Officer a hug. He reaches out his arms… and meets... air...

Jim gasped, sitting up in his bed as he woke from his dream, a small alarm sounding off from his PADD. Instantly, tears formed in the young Captain's eyes and he let out a small groan, curling up in his bed with his head in his hands.

"God damn it," he mumbled, his head throbbing horribly. Blindly, he reached out towards his nightstand and managed to grab a bottle full of small red pills. Popping the bottle open, Jim desperately chocked down two and then curled back into the fetal position to wait out the pounding, head-splitting headache that was the unfortunate side effect from his now nightly nightmares.

Slowly, after a few minutes passed, the horrible pain subsided into a simple dull ache in the back of Jim's mind, allowing the young captain to finally take in a full breath of air. His body uncurling, Jim tried to relax and ignore the ache. It's wasn't that difficult. Jim had had lots of practice over the last three weeks since his little incident in Sick Bay ignoring his pain. One more day wouldn't kill him.

Opening his eyes with a soft sigh and trying his best to hold in the tears of pain that managed to escape him, Jim eyed the two bottles standing on his bedside table, one filled with blue pills and the other filled with red. He stared at them, only breaking away his gaze when a loud beep from his desk signaled that he had an incoming message.

"Transporter room to the Captain."

Jim stilled his tears immediately and he quickly wiped them away as he climbed off his bed and made his way over to his communication screen.

"Kirk here," he managed to say, his voice rough from sleep. He had to hold in his moan as Spock's face appeared on the monitor, his expression blank as always. Colors swam through his vision yet again and he almost groaned.

Spock grabbing him…so full of relief…his Captain is alive! "Jim!" And that smile…that wonderful smile…

"Captain," Spock said, oblivious to his captain's pain. "You're needed in the Transporter room to welcome the Ambassador on board."

Jim nodded, pulling in his composure as he said, "Got it Spock. I'll be down there in a few minutes. Kirk out." And then he shut of the communication screen and let out a long sigh.

That's right. The Ambassador was arriving today. And thank God too. Although Jim had been keeping a tight lid on his hallucinations, day by day Jim could tell that he was losing the battle. And that battle was getting all the more worse since Jim had stopped taking the sleeping pills McCoy had given him.

It wasn't that he didn't need them, but they made him feel numb after he woke up and Jim had grown use to feeling and emotions from his vision-filled dreams. That being said, the dreams were the price to pay for the hallucinations constantly toying with him during his every waking moment.

But Jim was good at hiding things and he managed to hide the fact that he was slowly starting to lose it. He didn't want to admit it, but it was true. Jim was starting to lose his mind. The visions were starting to linger, staying with him longer. They were getting louder as well and it was growing more and more difficult for Jim to separate the voices from the hallucinations and the voices from his actual crew.

'It's okay though,' Jim thought as he managed to pull on his Captain's uniform. 'The Ambassador will help me. He knows me and he can help me. Everything will be fine.'

Jim nodded to himself, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. 'I just have to greet the Ambassador, take him to his quarters and then ask him about the visions. It's as simple as that.' Jim nodded again, and then walked out into the hallway, making his way for the turbo lift. 'Nothing can go wrong.'

With his seemingly flawless plan secured in his head, Jim entered the turbo lift in relatively high spirits. He had a plan. He'd get the Ambassador to help and then everything would go back to normal. He'd be able to go back to his normal self and not this person who was so afraid to say or do the wrong thing.

'Everything's going to be fine,' Jim thought as the turbo lift made its way downward.

He smiled brightly as he stepped out of the turbo lift and entered the Transporter Room. "Hello everyone," he said cheerfully. From where he stood next to the transporter's controls, Scotty smiled as he watched Jim strut into the room while Spock simply nodded in his captain's direction, a glint of amusement hidden in his eyes.

"Captain," he greeted. "Are you ready to beam aboard the Ambassador?"

Jim nodded, taking his place next to Spock near the transporter. "Yep." He looked over to Scotty and gave him a thumbs up. "Energize, Scotty."

Scotty nodded and muttered, "Aye Captain."

The Transporter Room went quiet as Scotty started up the transporter, Jim too focused on controlling his emotions to notice. 'This must be what Spock feels like,' he thought. 'Always trying to keep your emotions under check.'

Honestly, Jim was excited about the Ambassador coming aboard, and not even because of his own issues. Ever since Delta Vega and his own promotion into captaincy, Jim had been keeping in contact with the Ambassador, finding comfort in the other Spock's support and absolute faith in him.

Soon, breaking Jim away from his thoughts, a stream of light filled one of the transporter pads. But then almost as soon as it appeared, it disappeared, leaving a tall and proud figure, garbed in the traditional Vulcan robes of the Elders, standing on the pad.

Jim let out a gust of air he hadn't been aware of holding in as he quickly raised his hand in the Vulcan salute, Spock doing the same beside him. "Ambassador Selek," he greeted, his tone soft and respectful. "It is an honor to welcome you aboard the Enterprise."

The Ambassador returned Jim's Vulcan salute with one of his own, his expression serious, yet Jim could see the hidden glint of happiness in the old man's eyes. "It is an honor to be welcomed Captain Kirk," he said. He turned to Spock and gave his counterpart a nod. "Mr. Spock."

"Ambassador," Spock greeted, lowering his hand to return the elderly Vulcan's nod. "It is pleasing to see that you are doing well."

The Ambassador allowed his gaze to travel from one man to the other and finally allowed a small smile to break across his face. He looked back to Jim, who was struggling to keep up his formal composure.

The Ambassador's small, barely there smile grew ever so slightly and he surprised everyone when a soft chuckle escaped him.

"Jim," he said warmly. "It is good to see you again, my friend."

Letting out a laugh of his own, Jim's posture relaxed somewhat and he reached over to clasp Selek's shoulder, a bright smile. "It's good to see you too Selek," he said, motioning towards Spock. "Mr. Spock here has personally seen to your guest quarters, making it as comfortable as possible." Jim smirked and added, "And don't give me any of that 'comfort is illogical' bull, because I totally know better."

"Indeed," Selek agreed, allowing his aging body to relax. "I shall hold my tongue then."

Jim laughed out loud, surprising Spock although the half-Vulcan didn't show it. It had been so long since Jim had looked so carefree and relaxed. It was odd that the Ambassador could invoke such a response when others in the recent past, including himself, had not. It was... disquieting.

Finally in seemed, Jim remembered that he was needed on the bridge and he handed Selek over to Spock, but not before promising the Ambassador a friendly chess match during Jim's lunch break in next day.

At this, Spock couldn't help but clench his fists behind his back. For weeks Spock had been offering Jim chess matches, before shift, after shift, during lunch breaks. And Jim had shot him down, albeit gently and with great care, every single time. It seemed that Jim was avoiding him. The fact that Jim accepted the Ambassador's chess proposal was proof of that.

Spock did not "feel" jealousy. Nor did he "feel" betrayed in any way. It was just not logical.

"Ambassador," Spock said once Jim had left the room. "Allow me to escort you to your guest quarters."

Selek nodded and followed Spock out of the transporter room. It was quiet as the two walked, Spock only speaking when Selek asked him a specific question. But Selek didn't mind the rather cold act Spock was giving him. He knew the act quite well himself.

Finally reaching the Ambassador's quest quarters, Spock nodded to Selek again before he said, "I do hope that your stay aboard the Enterprise is pleasant Ambassador. I must now return to the bridge. My apologizes."

Selek tilted his head downward. "I am sure that my stay will be agreeable Spock," he agreed. "But I thank you for your personal touches to my quarters."

Spock nodded again, but didn't say anything, instead turning on his heel and walking down the hall and into the turbo lift. Selek chuckled to himself as he entered his quarters, allowing himself a sigh as the warm air embraced him. 'This will be quite an interesting trip,' he thought to himself, a small and all too knowing smile on his face.

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A/N: Can you see the obvious differences? :) Yeah, don't be afraid of the changes. There are still puzzle pieces that need to be played and everything will come into place, I assure you. :) Review and ask questions please! :) Good night!