I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do. Rated R raw humor, language, Lemon

Halloween season has arrived and it is hell month once again it is also war and every man for himself as Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru get an extremely early start on their dog war and of all places it begins in the kitchen. Inuyasha is unexpectedly caught in a very compromising situation and position. Written for Halloween 2015, Sessh/Kag

Happy Freakin Halloween 2

By Raven 2010

Halloween sniping, Kitchen horror, lover's lane

"The fuck, do I look like a hotdog to you?" Inuyasha bit after he had mustard squirted on him from head to foot

"If it looks like a dog than dress it as such," Sesshoumaru replied

"Oh really?

"Little brother I only responded to your silent call that said I'm naked dress me," the elder of the two responded

"Is that so? Kay"

"I will shred you," Sesshoumaru snapped when Inuyasha did the same to him with catchup "Your blood will stain the floors red this night,"

"Hah, well don't go havin your period all over the floors and they won't get stained," the younger needled "One wimp you started it, and two and most importantly you can dish it out but you can't take it wuss. wuss, wuss. Damn never thought I'd live to see the day that I would see a six foot four hotdog, gotta send out invites hey neighborhood kids want some?"

"Wimp you claim," was Sesshoumaru's only response than

"Ahhhhh," the hanyou shrieked "Bastard ice water, are you trying to murder my innocent harmless nuts? Oh my babies" he said looking down his pants to check the twins "Are you trying to kill them and me?

"Hm" Sesshoumaru responded "It is not they I have a problem with it is their owner. And I am just trying to keep the nearing rancidness meat fresh,"

"That's all ya got lord high and mighty his pants are to tighty?"

"I think it is more than enough," was the taiyoukais smug reply "You six foot rancid meat roll,"

Meanwhile with an observer

"At it already," their hiding observing father mumbled "Oh my babies he calls the twins hilarious,"

"Yawn, I came down for a glass of water and heard a commotion, inupapa what's going on?" Kagome asked

"Well my dear it seems my sweet little puppies have decided to get an early start on their Halloween war this year, a very early start," Sugimi answered

"Oh no, they usually start one or two weeks before Halloween but this is new October first way far ahead" when did they start?

"Imagine my shock and surprise when it began exactly at midnight," the elder inu answered

"Ah let me guess Inuyasha started it by putting sugar in the salt shaker or something else?"

"Nope surprisingly for the first time in all the years of their Halloween wars my eldest started it,"

"Hah, what, you mean I'm a bad boy but I am always a good dog Sesshoumaru started it? Wow" the shocked miko exclaimed "Sweet"

"Indeed my good dog has gone bad refreshing change" yes? Sugimi was immensely enjoying this new turn of events

"Hell yeah, hehehe Inuyasha looks like a giant hotdog,"

"Yes a new brand known as the hanyou hell dog," he replied "The all claws and fangs hotdog,"

Back with the brothers

"I see" Inuyasha said

"Vermin"

"Oops, why fluffy better get a pad looks like somebodies having a heavy flow this month," the hanyou gloated after pouring red liquid over Sesshoumaru's head that Kagome figured was fake blood from the joke shop "Very heavy,"

"Prepare for evisceration mangy mutt," Sesshoumaru growled with one hand extended elongated claws ready to swipe at his brother "I hate you and I am about to fulfill my lifelong dream of your death and the benefits of being an only pup,"

Bang, bang, bang "Let me out you can't do this," two voices wailed

"I'm killing you believe it," Inuyasha barked

"Of course you know this is all your fault," Sesshoumaru said

"Really he who poured the gasoline lit then threw the match? Inuyasha shot back

"Die" Sesshoumaru snapped then tried using his deadly claws "Ow, ow, ow," he yelped 'Son of a,"

"Ooo Sesshy nearly swore. Aw did somebody bang his delicate knuckles on the?" the taunting hanyou was cut off

"Silence fool,"

"Ah go chew your toe nails and call it a manicure," Inuyasha retorted

"Let me out," both brothers growled

"How's the fit boy's?" Sugimi taunted "Nice clubhouse, hah? And FYI I just had it renovated to" isn't it cozy? He added in a dreamy tone of voice sounding all moon eyed

"When I'm outta here ya geezer you die" got that d-e-a-d dead? Inuyasha snapped

"Usually I rarely agree with little brother but this is one time I do," Sesshoumaru added "Senile old coot,"

"Really? After what you two flea breeding farms just did? Sugimi replied "The bloodiest horror movie could not top it,"

"What did I do? I didn't do anything" the two griped

"Really boys, rewind your shattered brains and replay that last thing you two fools did?" Sugimi answered "And you Sesshoumaru can thank your dear sweet loving little brother for your current predicament,"

"Vermin you will die," Sesshoumaru snapped

"Who started it princess?" Inuyasha shot back "I'd say look in a mirror but it broke from your ugliness the last time,"

While they continued bickering

"Inupapa you are so evil, hehehe," laughing Kagome said

"Why thank you my dear,"

"Really Madusa-yasha? Damn near turned yourself into stone last time you looked in a mirror which is why you cannot have or use any mirrors"

"Stow it fluffy," Inuyasha snapped

"Damn you to hell when I am free I am going to shove that infernal nick name of yours so far up your back door you'll be taking a crap standing on your head," Sesshoumaru bit

"Ooooo, nasty," Kagome whispered to their sire "Great bomb hah?

"Yes who knew fluffy had a naughty side I like it," Sugimi added

"I'd like to see you try lord loveless," Inuyasha retorted "Overdosed on bitch pills did we?"

"Good one," Kagome said

"Bitch pills overdose deadly flaming arrow shot nice," Sugimi exclaimed

"I will not try fool because it will be done, I sincerely hope you had an ounce of brains forethought and the good sense to make out your will," Sesshoumaru shot back

"You did gee fluffy who knew you were so considerate" so who gets your truck load sized secret stash of Kotex pads and Midol?

"Now, now little sisbro oops sorry I mean little brother envious because I'm much prettier than you?"

"Well if you'd stop wearing all that makeup you'd look like a real man,"

"I bid you a good night boys," Sugimi said "Sleep well,"

"Nooooooo, let us out," they howled

"Yeah of all places in here" what's wrong with you? This is overboard even for you" Inuyasha bit "And why in here? Sick old geezer"

"Damn you, it is thanks to you that we are in here to begin with," Sesshoumaru snapped "Ow, bastard," the never cusses inu barked

"Aw did lord spanky in his attempt to slug me bang his dainty delicate fragile knuckles on the refrigerator shelf again? Inuyasha taunted "Damn there goes you're Stella's salon manicure" you do know that joint is for girls only right?

"Fuc," Sesshoumaru started

"Shhhhh don't speak just feel," Inuyasha badgered "Just feel,"

"Miko this is a momentous occasion fluffy sama cursed, and even made a second attempt," madly grinning Sugimi teased Kagome

"Dad I want out nooooow," the hanyou bellowed

Sugimi began "To answer your previous question I was saving that jar of cherries you so nicely poured over your brothers head to have with some vanilla ice cream, in fact that is what I came down here for, I was also going to invite the miko to join me as well. Had you only used the juice and left the cherries in the jar I would not have cared,"

"See told you it was your fault of all things you had to use father's cherries," Sesshoumaru jabbed "Nice work Sally simpleton,"

"Well excuse the crap out of me pot belly Nelly I didn't look for a gods damned label father time should have put one on it, duh," Inuyasha shot back "So stow it Maxine the beauty queen,"

"Well Inuyasha junior has all the brains the beauty and the one good eye you should let him do the looking for you, then there is the brown eye aka the rear door portal,"

"Why you, I ought to," the hanyou tried

"Now, now don't drop a load your diaper might fall off,"

"Whoa mama just when you think Sessh cannot get any better he kicks it up a notch," Kagome said to Sugimi

Two days later

"Father may I borrow your suit?" Sesshoumaru asked

"Have a hot date do we? And a flaming need? Sugimi teased

"Yes very hot," Sesshoumaru smiled "Steaming hot,"

"Remember no glove no love,"

"What do I look like a twelve year old? And perhaps you should follow your own advice we do not need any extra puppies running around here" now do we?

"Not to worry pup daddy thought ahead and had you boys neutered when you were six months old," Sugimi shot back thrilling when his sons golden eyes widened and filled with a look of sheer horror

"Sadistic in dire need of spanking neko,"

"Why thank you, go ahead get the suit mister I'm horny I've got a hot date," Sugimi replied

"This Sesshoumaru thanks his most generous sire," he responded bowing then left

"Guess he wants to look dog beautiful," Kouga joked

"Yep," the others chimed in

That night with Inuyasha

"Oh hell yeah," Inuyasha said "Shit that's it just like that,"

"Like this? The female teasingly asked

"Ah shit, yes oh baby that's the sweet spot,"

"Ooo" she moaned when he thrust upward hard into her "Yes the airplane has landed,"

"And is parked on your runway" like that do you?

"A-again," she panted "Ahhh, I-I'm so close,"

"Me too,"

Tap, tap, tap on the car window broke the silence

"The fuck, now you've got to be friggin kidding me?" he bit "Don't stop it's so close,"

Tap, tap

"Whaaaaaaat? He bellowed, a flashlight shining in his eyes nearly blinded him "Uh gods dammit yes," he exclaimed while his female companion continued riding him he was about to release

Bang, bang, bang

He was yanked back to cruel reality by the persistent banging, rolling the driver's side window down "What? He yelled

"License and registration please?" the male commanded rubbing his eyes in order to focus on said male then looking saw a uniform

"Dude ya mind? I cannot see your blinding me with that freaking light?" The flash light went up that's when he saw it was a cop "You could have at least let me come first sadistic prick,"

"Step out of the car hands on your head," the officer replied

"Are you fuckin kidding me? The irate hanyou snapped "I'm buck ass naked,"

The flash light went up a bit revealing the males face "Hi Sesshy," straddling Inuyasha Kagura greeted

"Good evening Kagura as always it is a pleasure to see you again," she grinned

"Sesshoumaru you prick I am going to kill yooooooou," Inuyasha bellowed

"Now, now little bro don't take on so," Sesshoumaru taunted "You wouldn't want to rupture something precious it would not be good for your female to witness such horror she might never want to mount you again,"

"Inuyasha Taisho you're under arrest," another male said

"Oh lovely fluffy striped bastard brings a real cop with him, heartless prick,"

"No I just got here, you're under arrest," the male said "Step out of the car hands on your head please,"

What for? The hanyou snapped "And I am of legal age to drive and fuck morons,"

"For getting nooky in a no nooky zone, indecent exposure, unlicensed carnal activities in a public place," Sesshoumaru needled

"This is lover's lane, duh," the hanyou wisecracked "Emphasis on lovers doing it etcetera you halfwits,"

"Step out of the vehicle hands on your head," the real cop commanded

"Fuck you Naraku," Inuyasha bit "You'll just have to shoot me,"

"You wouldn't have any objections to my doing so would you? Naraku asked

"He did tell you to," Sesshoumaru replied "And one must grant another's request at all times,"

"Where the hell did you get a friggin cops uniform from? Last time I checked you weren't one thank god" Inuyasha insulted "But I did see the document that says you are a licensed moron,"

"Father's April fool's day prank, costume party, and Halloween day uniform,"

"Well aren't I a lucky bastard, not?"

"Yes very much and nearly illegally so," Sesshoumaru casually replied

"I may be rotten with practical jokes but at least I never cock or pussy blocked you either,"

"No you just poured fathers jar of cherries over my head getting us locked in that cursed refrigerator,"

"Whoa lock and freeze, nice job Taisho," Naraku needled

"I'm in just in the mood for some spider steaks you eight legged meat shop," the cracking his knuckles hanyou bit "Shit" he said when his female companion shifted her hips ever so slightly

"Does this mean I get to take pictures? Oh this is the best" Naraku practically cooed "And remember to smile,"

"Damn" he groaned when straddling him Kagura tightened her sheath around his rod "Ah fuck it stay and watch if you want I don't care I ain't waitin till my dick explodes," then he thrust his hips upward hungrily kissing and groping Kagura's butt while she eagerly rode him

"Say what?" Naraku exclaimed

"Our hanyou is pornographic and a public exhibitionist who knew," Sesshoumaru joked "Freak"

"Guess he really is all dog after all," Naraku teased "What a naughty boy,"

"They're nearing eruption and I have no desire to be here when they do," Sesshoumaru exclaimed "Regular porn is fine but brother porn is out,"

"See you dog," Naraku said

"Later spider," Sesshoumaru replied both took off

"Now where were we? Oh yeah round two and maybe three and four" Inuyasha said

"Make it all night," Kagura replied "Inuyashaaaaaaa," she called out when he started slamming upward deep into her bringing them both to completion

"Oh fuck, my kind of girl," he said

At home a few hours later

"Oh fluffy my love" where are you fluffy sweet cakes? Inuyasha sweetly called as he entered the house

"Fluffy cakes," the others whispered to one another

"Oh I so need to find out what happened," Sango exclaimed

Sesshoumaru casually came sauntering down the stairs "I know it's early but let me be the first to wish you a happy freaking Halloween little brother," Sesshoumaru taunted "Say cheese," then took pictures

"Sesshoumaru I will get you for this if it is the last thing I do you can bank on it,"

"Oh lord it's something really bad?" Sugimi exclaimed

"Father would you have it any other way? Sesshoumaru calmly and innocently answered

"Pop your gonna have one less puppy so get ready to become a one pup daddy I'll be in heaven," Inuyasha said

"Eldest pup did something really naughty, did he?" Sugimi said

"And that would be? Pretending to be unknowing of the previous events Sesshoumaru innocently asked

"Don't know but I just know it's something epic," his father answered

"Yes vermin why don't you tell our most honorable sire?" Inuyasha spoke formally imitating his brother to drive him batty

"Most honorable sire, oh yeah epic it is this proves it," Sugimi said "Tell us all Inuyashamaru," he teased

'Yes canus fluffieus start talking, dare ya," Inuyasha needled

"Gentlemen do not speak on such things," Sesshoumaru replied

"Somebody tell something I don't care who, tell something before I start shedding blood," Sugimi threatened

"Hope ya made out your will cause your about to go to an early grave," Inuyasha said

"Well I'm bored now so I'm going for a walk," Sesshoumaru responded in a bored tone "Toodles"

"I'm coming with," two streaks zipped by and out through the back door disappearing into the night

"Dammit now I'll never find out," Sugimi exclaimed, the phone rang "Hello?

"Sugimi I am dying man I've got to-to tell you," panting Naraku said and started telling him what happened

"Hah? He what? Uh hah, I see," suddenly the dog lords eyes grew impossibly wide "Oh my god," Naraku continued he listened "Cough, holy crap so Inuyasha was doing the front seat polish my dog log and his-his brother posed as a cop tapping on the window just when they were about to," the laughing gasping for air inu said

"Shit" the others exclaimed trying but barely managing to keep from howling with laughter. Sugimi put the call on speaker phone

"But that's not all here's the best part," Naraku said after regaining his ability to speak "Inuyasha said and I quote you could have at least let me come first," Naraku paused "That is my favorite part,"

"Oh shit now that's raw,"

"Then there's," Naraku started

"There's more?

"Yup, he-he said, ah fuck it stay and watch if you want I don't care I ain''t waitin till my dick explodes," Naraku barely finished before another fit of uncontrollable laughter took over "That's my, my second favorite,"

"Cough watch?" Sugimi was in shock "You mean he resumed playing drilling for oil with an audience?" Sugimi said

"Guess that proves he's all dog" hah? Naraku teased "Bow wow,"

"I had no idea my youngest was pornographic and a public exhibitionist," a thought crossed his mind "This might come in handy and be useful one day,"

"Uh oh," Naraku responded then laughed again as various scenarios played out in his mind

"Inuyasha indulging in public show and tell, oh I am so needling him with that next time he calls me a perv," Miroku said

"More like drill and tell," Bankotsu teased

Sugimi told Naraku all about the jar of cherries and how he locked them in the refrigerator "Oh yes Sesshoumaru is getting revenge big time," Naraku spoke "Spec-freaking-tacular hah?"

"Oh this is going to be the wildest wickedest Halloween in history," Sugimi exclaimed

In the shower, boney love, Inuyasha's twisted revenge

Sesshoumaru patiently waited for Inuyasha to get into the shower "Ahhhhhhh" what the hell? How the hell did you get in here?

Casually and sweetly "You screamed little brother?

Inuyasha was about to speak when the skeletons boney hand reached out took hold of and stroked his shaft "Hah, What the fuck? This thing's possessed. Get off me"

"As long as it is a female I see that you have nothing to worry about dear brother," Sesshoumaru teased "Cheating on our lovely Kagura fear not though I find it despicable I will never tell,"

"What the hell do you mean as long as it's female? You constantly whacking your Willy whack job"

"Just as I said" Have you switched teams and joined the all boy's love club? Have you gone deaf in your old age? Sesshoumaru loved his hobby it was his favorite

"Sesshoumaru you suck and I don't mean lemons eith" Inuyasha never got to finish

"What I suck or do not suck you will never know," Simultaneously the skeletons arms went around his neck and legs around his waist, then it moved up and down "What no gifts and courting first? You animal you" Sesshoumaru wisecracked "Perverted exhibitionist,"

"Asshole this fucking thing jumped me, rape,"

"Well at least have the decency to take your time it is of the utmost importance that a caring male should always make sure to fully pleasure the female this guarantees her return she will always want more," Sesshoumaru needled fighting to keep a straight face

"Then why don't you take the bitch to your room and pleasure her? My heart goes out to all the poor girls that have a crush on you little do they know you prefer bone bitches to live warm flesh"

"No she is your woman I'd never take another dog's mate," Sesshoumaru teased

"Bullshit Sammy sexless,"

"Wow Sara seedless don't worry you can always adopt," Sesshoumaru jabbed

Inuyasha finally managed to get the skeleton off of him, then after drying off and dressing he came barreling down the stairs "Here's your bone bitch, you take care of her." he bit throwing it at his sibling "Happy humping freak,"

"Sesshoumaru my son I swear with each passing year you become more unhinged," Sugimi said

"Be that as it may little brother has just learned the consequences of messing with the big dogs, and besides he is just so much fun to torture,"

"Who knew a simple jar of cherries would lead to his never ending torment," Kouga teased "Nice job dog breath,"

"Shut up trendy Wendy," Inuyasha shot back Kouga laughed irritating him even more

"As if and stow it trip van winkle drinks so much water he constantly has to tinkle," the wolf replied

"Sally meet me in the ally free service twenty four seven,"

"After you jump off a cliff lord can't keep it stiff," Kouga jabbed

"The wolf version of trash talking Inuyasha," Kagome pointed out "Oh I looooove it,"

"Shut it wench," Inuyasha bit

"Remember you asked for this sugar lips," The miko sweetly replied "Oh how he cried when his limo died, the poor thing hadn't a chance because a busy right hand was it's only romance, overworked it begged and it pleaded for it's life but it's cruel heartless owner wouldn't get it a nice warm soft furry wife,"

"My woman doesn't get all A's in poetry for nothing," Kouga said

"Limousine good one miko,"

"Why thank you Sesshoumaru sama,"

"Kagome," Inuyasha responded

"So where'd ya bury the poor thing? She needled

"Oh so that's how you want to play? Okay you asked for it" the hanyou cracked his knuckles "Meet me in my room hotness and I'll show ya where it's buried repeatedly,"

"Really? Alright but it'll cost you a thou,"

"Cough, I thousand dollars? Geez I only offered to mow your lawn not buy a damn car" he shot back

"Pay for it or leave it," Kagome was what Inuyasha had never known she was as big a wiseass ball buster as him

"Mink is not free my brother just check out the prices in the stores it is one expensive fur," Miroku needled

"Well than monk ya better start working three jobs and saving all your money cuz you are going to be paying big bucks," Inuyasha shot back winning that round "Top dollar mink for a lecherous fink,"

Tropical Paradise, my stylish new ride, renovations

A few days later

Sesshoumaru was itching to have some fun and had plans for a certain hanyou so he'd wait for the opportunity to present itself then take action. The taiyoukais lips turned upward into a devious smirk when his brother and prime target retuned home. Knowing Inuyasha's love of his delicious new fruit juice blends unintentionally creating Inuyasha's new crack, he offered the hanyou some of his new stalk passion fruit pineapple orange white grape and too many more to list Sesshoumaru called it tropical paradise

"Little brother I bid you welcome and offer you a sample of my latest creation tropical paradise,"

"Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie," the deliriously happy hanyou said one arm extended with an open hand

"Such a child, here," Sesshoumaru handed him a glass of the concoction

"Why do I smell a skunk in the wood pile? Jakotsu asked

"Because my son Sesshoumaru the ripper Taisho is on the case," smirking Sugimi replied

"Mm, big dog you've outdone yourself with this one you ought to bottle and sell this shit," inuyasha praised "More, more,"

"As you wish I am immensely pleased that you like it so much,"

"Big bros rule," Inuyasha said

"Uh oh," Bankotsu and his male pals exclaimed

"Oh crap," Sango added

Inuyasha began to feel really good "Hey poppy how did your bikini wax go? Bet it hurt like hell" hah? He teased his father

"Shhh keep that secret to yourself others do not need to know you do such things. Alright my drunken pup off to bed you go," Sugimi said, put Inuyasha over his shoulder, and carried him up to his room

"Weeeee, Daddy gives Yasha pony ride giddy up lil doggy,"

"You can pay me the fifty bucks you owe me for the ride in the morning,"

"Filthy dowars is too mush for such a short wide," the hanyou replied

"Taxi service is not free drivers must earn a living,"

"Awwwww no fair,"

The following afternoon

Inuyasha with tools in hand was hard at work creating his new masterpiece all done he packed up the toolbox and headed in to get something to eat "I'll be back I'm going to go pick up some Halloween candy for the trick or treaters," Sesshoumaru announced

"Okay be a good dog no drag racing," Sugimi teased

"Very funny nekopapa,"

"Glad you approve," Sugimi replied Sesshoumaru groaned then left

"What's up Yash usually gets the sweets," Kagome mentioned

"Leave sweet fang alone with goodies not a good idea," Sugimi answered

"Hey I paid for that bag with my own cash money," the hanyou griped

"A whole jumbo sized shopping bag full?"

"Yeah so? Inuyasha responded

"A tad much don't you think? It is a good thing we are not human for if you had human teeth they'd all have rotted away centuries ago," his father humorously scolded

"Yeah" so why are you preaching then? Planning on giving up demonhood to become a monk? Damn you old man" the hanyou griped after a claw flicked his ear

"How dare you speak such blasphemy?

On the highway

Sesshoumaru took the shortcut to his destination the highway where he could cut loose open up and speed as he drove along the highway, he loved the feel of the wind blowing through his hair. As he sped down the highway Sesshoumaru noticed his car was receiving a lot of attention looks smiles like a proud papa he smiled warmly. He was now driving through a neighborhood and noticed people's eyes were bugging out not understanding what was going on he simply shrugged it off

"Hey buddy nice car," a man driving by said

"Whoa that's one of a kind," a woman commented as they drove past one another

"Okay odd but not annoying," Sesshoumaru said after they were gone

"Yo dude where'd you get that car made? A young guy asked

"What are you talking about? At a normal car store like everyone else nothing special" Sesshoumaru answered

"Well brother not to be a smart ass or anything, but either you had it altered and forgot or someone rigged your ride," the man said

"Say what? What do you mea? And before he could say more the front of the car suddenly began bouncing up and down then music started blaring

"This tune is called I Be Ridin,"

Yo some people call me ghetto cuz I be ridin crazy and hell no I ain't driving miss Maisy I don't care what they say cuz I love my ride she is my pride and joy and I'm a happy boy

Chicks are all getting up in my grill looking for a thrill I tell em I'm down with that but no dice if you ain't on the pill

I be ridin yo, yo I be ridin, I be ridin yo, yo I be ridin

Some call me the range rover cause girl I am all over

Ya say you don't know me hay baby let me introduce myself I'm Sesshy aka Sesshoumaru lets pull over so I can rock you

My hoopty is bouncing up and down ride me like a rodeo baby I'm your bucking bronco

Yes, yes, yes for the ninth time it's getting nearer damn she's a noisy lover hope nobody can hear her

Watch that round booty bouncing in the air enjoying the feeling of the breeze through blowing my hair

I be ridin yo, yo I be ridin, I be ridin yo, yo I be ridin

She turned me every way but loose damn this chick really cooked my goose

Yo it's a miracle I'm still walkin guess I won't be doing no shit talkin

Mornin comes I take her home my ass is dragging never had a girl do me like she did she nearly took my life think I wanna make her my wife

The music was bad enough in fact to him it was the most horrid thing on earth but nowhere as bad as what he was about to discover. He finally decided to look then saw he had been so euphoric about his ride down the highway he hadn't been paying attention. He looked down and nearly drove off the side of the road jamming his breaks he came to a screeching halt. He got out of the car and let his eyes scan over the body of his previously cherry red baby. Murder burned in his angelic golden eyes his baby had somehow morphed into a pink flesh tone penis that sparkled like glitter in the sunlight from the metallic additive that had been added to the body paint

The other guy pulled over coming to a stop "Hey man let me help you out," the young man said then got out of his car

"As you wish,"

"Hi my names Shikimaru Kurenai just call me Shiki," he put his hand out and shook hands with Sesshoumaru

"I am Sesshoumaru Taisho it is nice to meet you,"

"I am a mechanic and if it's alright with you I would like to check your car," Sesshoumaru agreed "I am very curious to see what's going on here," Sesshoumaru popped the hood for him after a few seconds "Ah I see how it was done very clever guy must be a real pro,"

"What do you mean?

"Look here," Shiki pointed "See that thing that looks like a computer chip," Sesshoumaru nodded "Well that is what we in the business call a hydrolic morphing chip they use them on movie sets for Sci Fi films it can be programmed to morph vehicles into other shapes by the simple press of a button, turning on the ignition, set on a timer, while driving at a certain time it'll kick in, or even by remote control,"

"I see" do they have one that can morph little brothers?

"Oh boy you mean your own brother?"

"Yes sadly it is true," Sesshoumaru answered

"He also did a good job with the hydrolic lift in the front kids a pro" does he work for a movie set or something?

"No apparently it is a new hobby he has picked up," the dog demon replied

"Hey who did that rap piece?

"Again little brother,"

"Man dude went all out," Shiki commented "Kids loaded with talent,"

"You have no idea the boy is warped and depraved beyond comprehension,"

"Man and I thought my brother was a pain in the ass, only difference is in my situation I am the little brother and big bro is the terror,"

"It seems we both occupy the same spot in hell," Sesshoumaru smirked

"You know it, I have an idea if you're interested,"

"Do tell I am all ears," Sesshoumaru was eager plus he had just found a new comrade in arms. Shiki shared his battle plan "My new friend I have just found my new partner in crime I'm not alone in battle anymore,"

"Awesome let's go pick up our supplies," they swapped business cards now the new buds had each other's info

Later that day

Inuyasha had gone out to get his enough for a family of eight Halloween goody supply sweet fang was a happy canine, he headed up to his bedroom to hide his stash after all it was best saved for Halloween day. The grinning hanyou eagerly headed for his bedroom "Stash goodies take shower then chill," that was his plan.

He opened his room door the bag immediately hit the floor the sweet treats inside flying and scattering in all directions his mouth gaped open he was unable to speak it was as though his vocal cords were frozen. He was so confused he did not know what to do, then felt something stirring and growled. He ran into the room trying to tear all the magazine pages off of the walls but soon made the ghastly discovery these were not magazine pages it was wallpaper. Yes his room walls had been covered with wallpaper that had been made to look like hardcore porn magazine pages. He groaned as his buddy aka Yashy junior stirred again the poor hanyou was officially in boner hell his pants snake wanted attention and it wanted it now. Then something very loud and alarming happened

"What the hell? Sugimi said when something loud kicked in

But oh that was not the end of his surprises nope he also made the discovery that it was not just the walls but also his bed clothes, curtains, and hell even his bathroom wall tiles all followed the porn motif. Sesshoumaru it turns out was a through renovator for he even had the forethought to decorate his loving brothers computer and furniture similarly. Along with the loud sound an anguished scream tore from the hanyous mouth alerting all within hearing range of his pain concerned his father followed by his companions came bolting up the stairs

"This is a little tune called I be humpin," the voice announced

Yo some people call me ghetto because I be humpin like crazy I'm in the backseat of my ride driving miss Daisy crazy my little man's so overworked he's getting hazy. After a few rounds she releases a euphoric sigh says again and I just wanna die

Girls are getting all up in my grill looking for a thrill I tell em baby just chill. This girl named Tsuki climbed inside my hoopty proceeded to hump me then told me I better take action and deliver satisfaction. She was wrapped so goddsdamned tightly around me didn't know If I was gonna make it cuz this chick is so intense thought she was gonna break it

I be humpin yo. yo I be humpin. I be humpin yo, yo I be humpin

Some call me the range rover cause girl I am all over bow wow I'm a dog and I want to introduce you to my canine log

You say you don't know me let me introduce myself I'm Inutrasha I wanna rock ya. Yes, yes, yes for the ninth time she's getting nearer damn she is one noisy wench I hope nobody can hear her. Five hours later my dick got so tired he expired. So I had to switch it up and take an alternative route hope she's done soon cuz I think my friggin tongue is permanently sprung

I be humpin, yo, yo I be humpin, I be humpin yo, yo I be humpin

Then she did something to me sneaky wench had a plan she grabbed and started sweet talkin my little man soon the kernel was saluting and then like the army he came in shooting.

Watched her round plump booty bounce up and down she released a squeal when something cold touched her skin I told her girl watch out for the stirring wheel

The visual was bad enough but the provocative suggestive lyrics along with it caused such steamy visions of himself with a female was maddening achingly so against his will his body was strongly reacting. The poor tormented suffering hanyou was torn between two things should he first run hide and not come back until his torment was relieved? Or kill his currently most hated on the top of his kill list big brother then take off? When his father and friends arrived on the second floor they found Sesshoumaru standing just outside of his brother's room inupapa could not believe it

"Happy freaking Halloween dearest little brother," Sesshoumaru greeted

"You, you did this? The walls were bad enough" But did you have to do my computer, furniture, and curtains to? Fuck you even went so far as to do my bathroom tile and the fucking sex song with it"

"Hoooooooooly shit," the other males exclaimed after getting their first look

"Can I have your room? Miroku started

"Figures the perve would like this twisted shit," Inuyasha bit

"Oh wow it's like a paper porn movie set," Jakotsu teased

"With music to," Sugimi added

"Yeah, fine yuk it up you bastards," Inuyasha snapped then with his hand on his crotch bolted out of the room

"Ah huh something Yashy has an impacted wisdom pecker tooth," Kagome said

"Want Jaky to make it all better? Jakotsu called out

"Hell fucking no whacky Jackie," Inuyasha yelled back then disappeared

"Poor mutt's in hard on hell," smirking Kouga exclaimed "Don't strain your wrist I mean paw later,"

"Not that I do not admire your artistry but tell me dearest son" why did you grace your brothers room with your talents? Sugimi asked, Sesshoumaru told them all about his car "Well I guess this is an appropriate thank you,"

"Why thank you father I thought so as well,"

"Sessh you are the dog," Miroku praised

"Mutt had it coming never under any circumstances mess with a guy's ride," Kouga said

"Or his woman," Jakotsu added,"

Sesshoumaru called Shikimaru to let him know the results of his idea Shikimaru nearly fell off his chair "Yeah my brother was yapping about getting a flame thrower when he saw his new porn room. Well he did empty all my cologne bottles and refilled them with sweet girls perfume, put mayo in the crotch of my underwear, and neon green dye in my shampoo so I'd say we're even,"

"Wonderful, and let us hope our brothers never meet and become pals or we're all doomed," Sesshoumaru teased

"My brother ran out holding his little man who was saluting,"

"Mine put a pillow over his and went in hiding and hasn't come back yet,"

"They are two evil seeds from the same pod," Sesshoumaru said Shiki agreed

"Yep my porn paper and your raunchy song killed them off, well for now anyway,"

A common enemy creates new allies, sweet revenge

Inuyasha and another male at school unknown to them shared the same pain in the ass and school nightmare the one all called hell spawn. Something that would soon occur would bring them together to share one single goal getting payback and this is how it began

Bam crash "Ah shit,"

"Ow fuck," Inuyasha exclaimed the two running males ran into each other banging their heads together landing on their asses at the same time were rubbing their heads "Yo, you alright man?"

"Yeah no prob bud,"

"Say what were you running for teacher trying to nail ya for something? Inuyasha asked

"Nah, what were you running from pretty girls trying to hunt you down," the other teased

"Hell spawn," Both simultaneously answered each other

"Oh no you too," Inuyasha replied "What's your name?

"Daichi Kurenai, and yours?"

"Inuyasha Taisho,"

Elsewhere

Ring, ring "Hello"

"Shiki they've just met,"

"What? Nooooooo, come on Sessh say it isn't so that you're just yanking my chain" pretty please? I'll pay ya a hundred bucks"

"Well sorry to destroy your escape from reality but I'm at the school right now they met running down the hall and slamming into each other banging heads,"

"Why, why is fate such a cruel spiteful bitch? Shiki groaned

"Because she is female so we cannot call her a bastard," Sesshoumaru answered smirking when hearing his friend groan in defeat

"Very funny ha, ha, ha I'm peeing my pants laughing,"

"Well it seems they've already bonded and share a common enemy," Sesshoumaru told him

"Oh lovely they will be working together now god help the planet. Sessh I think the end of the world is upon us,"

"Well we will just have to stay on our toes,"

"So tell me who is this common enemy our felons share? Shikimaru asked

"Hell spawn,"

"Oh yeah big bros been swearing revenge left and right," Skiki said

"They'll be working together on the case they are already plotting and swapping ideas,"

"Well so long as they don't blow the school up I guess it's okay," Shiki replied

"My sentiments exactly, plus they will be to occupied to bug us,"

Back with Daichi and Inuyasha

"No man I'm telling ya we can make it in the lab I don't get all A's in chemistry class for nothing," Inuyasha told his new cohort

"I get all A's in shop class,"

"See that's what I'm sayin A's in shop and chemistry put em together their unbeatable," Inuyasha proudly exclaimed

With Inuyasha's friends

"Uh oh Daichi Kurenai," Ayame said

"Inuyasha Taisho," Kagome added

"And they're together," Kagura chimed in

"Oh no the new twins of evil," Miroku groaned

"Yeah it's like twin Inuyasha's one mutt face is too much two is certain doom," Kouga spoke

"Kids there goes the school," Bankotsu exclaimed

"Well guess it couldn't last forever," Kagura added

"You know who their after right?" Kouga asked "Hell spawn,"

"Oh snap, gang I vote we sit back observe and enjoy this will be epic we better wear diapers because we may pee ourselves laughing," Miroku teased

Back with Inuyasha and Daichi

"Yeah this'll do it," Inuyasha said

"Man this has to be my finest piece ever," Daichi added, they left the room

What are you two pervs up to you know you are not supposed to be in there right?" the female scolded

"Well tell ya what toots loosen up that binder your wearing and you won't be so anal," Inuyasha insulted

"Yeah detached from their owners anuses shouldn't be walking and roaming around," Daichi needled, he and Inuyasha high fived irritating her to no end

"How dare you? She snapped

"Well I don't dare to with you so give it up it's a lost cause," Inuyasha jabbed

"Why I never,"

"And you never will looking more like a man then a man," Daichi shot back

"Why you I ought to," she bit

"Ought to get tons of plastic surgery? Inuyasha badgered

"Say a face transplant would work and save time, I hear a gorilla at the zoo died they'll be glad to donate his face," Daichi was evil incarnate "She'd look good then don't you think Yash?

"Definitely, I'd stop having nightmares every night after seeing her,"

She said not another word and stomped off swiftly heading away from them yes they were too much for her therefore she had no hope of winning. The two grinning miscreants leaning against the wall gave each other knowing looks waiting for what they set up to do it's job. It was quiet but it wouldn't be long now, even Sesshoumaru was waiting eager to see what was going to happen. Then it began and everything went still as if frozen in time

"Intruder alert, intruder alert, intruder alert authorities have been contacted and are on the way, intruder alert," A loud booming voice spoke along with the blaring alarm. Boom followed by a high pitched shriek rocked the building

"Ahhhhhhhhh" silence then "Oh no" what the hell? Eew gross" she wailed

"Inuyasha what the hell did you? Kagome started

"Shhhhh my precious wench wait for it,"

Slam a door hit hard against the wall and out sprung hell spawn aka Kikyo Nagasaki coated with what looked like brown goo and turds falling off of her and a stench emanating from her person so overpowering it could raise the dead and kill them all over. It smelled like ass stinky jock straps piss and rancid meat this was the sickest prank in the history of the school surely no other could ever surpass it, well maybe if Daichi and Inuyasha's sons went to this school in the future

"All right I want details and I want them now talk or your lives are forfeit," a deep male voice spoke

"Yes mom," Inuyasha and Daichi answered

"I made a booby trap so that when hell spawn ah Kikyho sat down on the toilet seat it went boom just a tad," looking like an innocent angel Daichi told him

"Just a tad ay, it was a big tad," the man spoke

"And I used my knowledge of chemicals to make the lovely perfume au de la poo and the turds were made with chocolate that I mixed with it for authentic rankness," Inuyasha replied

"I see and your reasons are?" the male asked

"She told the teacher I was smoking weed in the closet and selling joints," Daichi replied

"She told everyone I was secretly a cross dresser who posed as woman and worked as a female stripper in a strip club at night," Inuyasha explained

"And for what reason did she do these things?

"She wanted money and I said no," Daichi said

"And you? He asked looking at Inuyasha

"I wouldn't hook her up with my big brother I said no, not even the rottenest guy on earth deserves that hell,"

"I see well they sound like good reasons to me," the male said

"Thank you Naraku sensai," the two hellions replied

"We never had this conversation and I know nothing of it," Naraku spoke

"Deal" they responded

"Oh good work by the way," smirking Naraku praised then left humming

"Whoa I thought we were dead men," Daichi exclaimed

"You haven't heard have you?" Daichi nodded no "One day everyone was outside in back of the building eating lunch. Teach was in his classroom going over some papers she sneaked up on him he nearly leapt out of his skin when he felt a hand on his jewels trying to grope them,"

"Saaaaay what? You mean she had the nerve to cop a feel on teach?

"Yup, he godsdammned near broke her wrist and told her next time he'd kill her. Her wrist was bandaged up for a week she passed it off as a sprain, only a few of us know what really happened," Inuyasha told him

"Oh man that's great blackmail material,"

"Dude she's like an off its tracks train never stops rolling," Inuyasha wisecracked

"Hello little brother,"

"Yo big dog" what up? Inuyasha teased his elder sibling

"Another of your masterpieces and I see you have help this time,"

"Sure why not share the fun?" the hanyou joked "Daichi this is Sesshoumaru aka the big dog my elder brother, Sessh this is Daichi, play nice ladies,"

"Cretin" Sesshoumaru said "Nice to meet you Daichi

"Same here,"

"So ladies what's say we go to lunch Shiro's has the best food," Inuyasha suggested "Ow" he yelped after getting smacked "Damn everyone's a food critic fine we'll pick another place" happy now?

"I'm not a lady," two glaring males replied

"Oh ex-squeeze me," they continued on their way to Shiro's

'Aw my two babies hells assassins' Naraku thought 'With those two on the loose hell spawn will not have time to torment' hm wonder what the boys will come up with next?

Next day in gym class

"Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm," two innocent looking boys sitting in the corner hummed

"Oh boy I know that look mutts got a plan," Kouga whispered to his companions

"Hope he doesn't blow up the school cuz that'd really suck major balls," Bankotsu said

"Come on even Inuyasha isn't that rotten," Miroku spoke "Well not intentionally anyway,"

"Yo Kagome," Sango called out to her entering the gym friend

"Over here," Kagura motioned for her to join them

"Comin" she was cut off

"Higurashi since when they start letting dogs in the gym?

"Hell spawn they let you in so I guess it's okay bow wow,"

"So how was the orgy your mom had over the weekend? Kikyo needled

"Why you I ought to," Kagome was going to pound her this time she didn't care who talked shit to her but nobody did that to her mother

"Chill Kaggy," Inuyasha said at first she struggled and squirmed in his arms to free herself and commit homicide "If you just wait a few seconds I promise it'll be worth it," she nodded in agreement "Good girl," he let go

"Is it epic?

"You bet your sweet little round ass it is," he answered

"Good"

"And after I know a way to add a ton of fuel to the fire," he whispered in her ear, she asked what it was he told her

"You know you think so much like a female it's scary," she teased

"We wenches have to stick together," as he walked Kagome toward the corner where Dachi was sitting with one hand he signaled their male and female friends to come to, they did

"Alright mutt spill what did you do?" Kouga asked

"Sorry princess knobby knees you have to wait, besides if I tell you now it'd ruin the surprise,"

"Tight as," the others exclaimed

Kikyo was a cheerleader and always thought she was superior to all the other female students which got under the other team member so riled they kicked her off the team. Now she took to gymnastics and still thought she was better than the rest. She had to go change into her practice clothes

"Be back in a sec," she said to the other girls and took off

"As if I care," One girl said to the others

"I know right?" another added

"Ohhhhh, why couldn't she do something to get expelled? Then we'd be rid of her for good," a third groaned

"Hear that? Ayame asked

"Yep" the rest of the group replied

Kikyo returned wearing a leotard with a very short skirt, she was good at doing cartwheels on the balance beam and loved showing off frequently too frequently. She did a few stretched to loosen her muscles up then hopped up on the beam and began her cartwheel. Peals of uncontrollable laughter tore through the gym when the seams of her skirt leotard and bra opened up and fell off along with all the things she had stuffed in her bra revealing that the ample bosom she was famous for was nothing but padding. But that was not all something else like a beam of light would called everyone's attention to a certain thing and all widened eyes were glued to it

"Eew, look it's all," one pointing boy exclaimed

"She's on the rag and isn't even wearing a pad," a girl pointed out

"And look it's dark red meaning she's been wearing bloody undies all day without changing," another exclaimed

"Oh I think I'm gonna hurl," Bankotsu added just to annoy her more

The look of horror shock and disbelief had Kikyo so stunned that for a few seconds she was unable to move or form thoughts. She was cruelly snapped back to reality when the most horrid stench reached her nose it smelled like a bloody slaughter house and it was coming from her. The foul odor turned her stomach and swiftly carried through the gym causing the spectators to clamp their hands over their noses

"Be back in a sec,"

"Where ya goin wench?" Inuyasha asked

"Yo, you know the old saying pee your pants laughing well if I don't get to the bathroom soon I will," Kagome panted and took off

"This is better comedy and funnier then movies," Ayame said

"Real life shit always is," Bankotsu got out

Suddenly "Ahhhhhhh" a scream jolted all there

"There hun thought this'd help you out," Kagome said

"Higurashi, Higurashi, Higurashi," the other students cheered

"Shit Kaggy just hit her with a bucket of water," Ayame pointed out

"Freezing achingly cold water," Miroku added

"How do you know? Bankotsu asked

"The ice cubes on the floor," pointing Kagura said

"I smell lemon disinfectant too," Kouga told them

"That's our wench she thinks of everything," gloating Inuyasha exclaimed "Kagome returned to her friends "Devil woman I did not see that coming,"

"Surprise, I just could not pass up that golden opportunity," Inuyasha patted her on the back "Hey how the hell did you make it look like she was having her period?

"Chemistry class I mixed a few chemicals coated the crotch of her favorite gym undies with it when she put them on her body chemicals activated it,"

"But what about the seams of her clothes how'd you do that? The miko asked

"That was me I swiped her outfit from the locker cut a few stitches here and there and ta da like magic when she started the cartwheel the tension popped the rest of the stitches and off the clothes fell," Daichi told them

"He's like a second Inuyasha," Kagome commented

"Yeah Daichi's the little bro I never had," Inuyasha said

"Aw shucks you'll make me blush," Daichi teased

"Higurashiiiiiiiii" a grating shrill voice pierced everyone's ears

"You shrieked,"

"I'll get you for this," Kikyo bellowed across the room

"One wish I could claim it as mine but I cannot because sadly I didn't do it, two if I had I would have done way more than rig your clothes to come apart,"

"Yeah sure," Kikyo bit

"Little brother at it again I see and you've corrupted Daichi as well," Sesshoumaru said as he approached

"Hey he was already corrupt I just added a few things you know Like Christmas a few extras makes it even better," Inuyasha smirked "Kaggy remember what I said after?

"Oh yeah,"

"Ha? Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Woo hoo," all present cheered when Kagome planted a kiss on Sesshoumaru's lips with her own

Kikyo gasped the horror as she considered it to be was too much "You cheap little," she started until she was cut off

"Um aren't you forgetting something?

"What kicking your ass," Kikyo snapped viciously

The miko smiled evilly "Except for the period undies you're wearing tittles Tina you are buck ass naked,"

"Wha-what? Kikyo stammered than looked "Oh, oh my god," she whined then ran with her hands over her boobs, all of the students applauded as she ran

Kagome tried to back away from Sesshoumaru but he encased her in his arms holding her tightly to his own body "Yo, fluff what's up? Are you cold or something?

"You think to leave me now? Was all he said then they disappeared

In a closet

Lemon starts

"Sesshoumaru , what the hell? Are you? Do- doing? She could not form complete sentences "Ow" she groaned when her virgin barrier was torn away

"Your mine and no other will have you," he hadn't waited for her to adjust to the intrusion and kept moving inside her. He was in a savage state because his more primitive side had taken over and she understood this "I promise I will make you enjoy it more then you ever knew possible,"

"Se-shou-ma-ru," came her strangled gasp

"So good,"

"I, I" she panted heavily "Sesshoumaru please? Oh gods yes right there" she said when he slightly shifted

"That's it I want to feel you wi-with me," he groaned as they neared completion

"Sesshoumaru,"

Lemon continues

Outside with Inuyasha and the others

"Hey what happened why'd they disappear like that? Bankotsu asked

"Sesshoumaru had a secret," Miroku teased

"Fluffy was hiding a boner," Inuyasha said

"Eloquent as always mutt," Kouga fake scolded

"Well excuse me Sesshoumaru sama had shall we say a wardrobe malfunction below the waist?" Inuyasha replied speaking formally "There better now?

"Yes tiz much better dog breath sama,"

"So you played evil cupid" didn't you, you sneaky dog?" Miroku spoke

"Sure did" why do you think I told her to kiss him in front of Kikyo? Revenge plus fluffy has been mad crushing on her so I figured kick it up a notch and get them to hook up. He's finally getting his hinges oiled"

At home

Sesshoumaru and Kagome returned home hours later "Well, well, well it's alive hinges oiled and everything. Happy freakin Halloween big bro,"

"Perverted puppy," Sesshoumaru shot back

"Took ya long enough to figure that out, duh,"

"Is that why you told me ti kiss him? Kagome asked

"He's been mad crushing on you like forever if I waited you could have married someone and had five kids before he did anything about it,"

"Welcome to the family daughter," Sugimi greeted "And thank you my little demonic cupid," he added looking at Inuyasha

"Aw come on pop stop," the hanyou whined when his sire scratched behind one of his ears he practically purred

"I've got a new daddy," Shippou chimed

"And I got a new mommy," Rin added then high fived each other

"Okay peeps let's start the party," Kouga said and they did "Happy freakin Halloween and honeymoon," you two