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Chapter V - Cold and Clear

"The laws of chance, strange as it seems,

Take us exactly where we most likely

Need to be."

"A Soft Seduction" – David Byrne

"Have you ever killed a man, Sesshomaru?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Father. Um..."

"Ahh. Say no more. May I ask what you have killed, my child?"

"Father and I have done away with the...unworthy."

"The 'unworthy'. I see. Would you say your natural talents are being wasted then?"

Sesshomaru's eyes shot open, his grandfather's voice still echoing in his mind. He lowered his eyelids and took a deep breath. The night was dark, and the forest was black with the absence of human life. There was no moon in the sky and there were no fires in the distance, only the darkness and the rustle of startled prey.

He knew sleep would not come to him now. He was thinking far too much for that.

Jaken lay curled up against the trunk of a nearby tree and Ah-Un had wandered off earlier in the evening. He'd have to tell the imp to find the dragon in the morning. A soft breeze tilted the branches above Sesshomaru's head Eastward and he felt a mild sense of foreboding.

It had been several months since he'd begun his search for Inumamoru, but the old demon was proving hard to track. In fact, until now, Sesshomaru had been unable to find anyone of use. His first stop, of course, had been his mother's floating fortress. He'd grown suspicious at Inumamoru's mention of her during their brief meeting. Was she involved in his miraculous escape from Mount Koya?

When he'd arrived at the fortress, however, it'd been empty. Well, accept for Inuyua, who was, as usual, little to no help. She'd only been able to tell him that Inukimi had left several months prior, heading to the East, and that other than that, no one knew her whereabouts.

Sesshomaru's expression darkened, "They could be anywhere." He thought.

Standing up, he prepared to leave the campsite. The beasts and the prey of the forest were calling to him. If he couldn't find his mother, or lay his hands on Inumamoru this night, he could at least rip something else apart.

Yes, if now was not a good time to sleep, it was a perfect time to hunt.

eleven months later...

"Houshi-sama! Houshi-samaaa!"

Rin ran as fast as she could down the dirt path. The evening was unseasonably cool for late August, but the fireflies had still made there way out into the air and the cicadas buzzed in the trees. She could see the young monk and Inuyasha making there way toward the village. Pushing her legs harder, she felt her muscles burn with the strain. Her breath came like fire and she loved it.

With her fists balled tightly and her knuckles white, she plowed into Miroku, almost knocking him clean off his feet. Bouncing a few steps back, he cried, "Woah, Rin! What's the matter?"

She had no breath left, but between gasps she was able to squeak out, "Sango!"

Miroku grasped her shoulders tightly in both hands, eyes wide.

"Sango?"

Rin nodded vigorously, "Yeah.*gasp* Sango!"

For a minute Miroku kneeled, motionless before her. He had the look of a man who want to faint, throw up and laugh all at the same time. Finally he replied in a voice much too high, "Really, Sango is…?"

Rin nodded again and started jumping up and down, crying, "Let's go! Let's go!", but the monk still didn't move. For the next few minutes, Inuyasha watched with a vague sense of disappointment as his brother's tiny ward tried to tug the much larger holy man up the path to the village. Needless to say, she was unsuccessful. Shaking his head, he took one big step and hit Miroku hard upside the head.

Rin gasped and jumped back. Miroku's hands flew up to clasp the back of his head and he crouched low to the ground. "Ow! Hey! What was that for?" He whined, rocking back and forth on his heels.

"You're such a coward. For years you've been asking women to bare your children, and now the moment's come, you're just pussyfooting around! Come on, get some balls! Lets go already!"

The monk was about to counter, when Rin innocently pointed out, "Doesn't Houshi-sama already have balls?"

Inuyasha turned bright red, but Miroku snapped right back to life. With the speed of lightning, he grasped Rin firmly to his side and, giving both her and Inuyasha his very best smile, said, "Why yes I do! Thank you, Rin! Unlike Inuyasha here, you are a true friend!" Then shooting to his feet, Rin hanging under his arm like an oversized rag doll, he pointed off into the distance and continued heroicly, "Why you are more than that! You're a great guardian of those who are righteously fearful! Of the unfairly blamed! Of the…"

As Miroku barreled on, Inuyasha could hear Rin's confused voice punctuating every gleaming compliment, "I am? Why? I don't get it, Houshi-sama. Tell me! Please? I really don't get it. Don't all men have test-?"

At that, Inuyasha clapped his hand swiftly over her mouth and, leaning close to Miroku's face, growled, "I know what you're doing, you know."

With his face shining bright like the belly of the lucky Buddha, Miroku replied through gritted teeth, "What am I doing, Inuyasha?"

"You're stalling." The hanyou replied flatly.

Confident that his statement had successfully deflated the monk's vigor, Inuyasha plucked Rin from Miroku's arms and started toward the village. After about twenty paces and a good minute of Rin tugging at his haori sleeve, saying, "Inuyasha-sama! Inuyasha-sama! I still don't get it!", Inuyasha turned back to see if Miroku was following them. The monk stood waving lamely in the distance.

"She'll never forgive you, you know!" He called back between cupped hands.

"I might be okay with that!" Miroku replied.

Rin stood shocked, but then she got really confused when Inuyasha looked down at her, shrugged, seemingly decided something, and shouted back, "I didn't mean forgive you! I meant forgive you!"

There was a pause.

"You know what I mean?" he added slowly for effect.

Rin didn't.

But, before any of them knew it, they were all on their way. Once they were in hearing distance of the village, it was easy to distinguish which was the birthing hut. Miroku's name, along with a wide and remarkably creative assortment of curses, was emanating ominously from a little hut demarcated only by a foul smelling smoke pluming up from the chimney.

"Miiiiiiiirokuuuuuuuuuuuuu! You BASTARD!"

Rin stopped short and looked nervously up at the monk. In a small voice she said, "Maybe you should stay out here."

Miroku looked down at her and replied weakly, "You think?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and with a mumbled, "Coward," barged into the hut.

Sango's voice rang out, "GAAAAHHHH! Whyyyyyyyyy!"

And he shot out like a rocket. Grabbing Miroku's arm he said, "Yeah, you're not going in there." Before Rin could blink, both hanyou and monk were at the edge of the village waving their goodbyes.

"Wait! Where are you going?" she called.

"We'll be down by the river! Call us when we're needed!" shouted back the monk.

Rin pouted and placed her hands on her hips.

"I don't get grownups." She thought.

Turning slowly, she drew the straw screen aside and entered the hut.

...

Neither Rin nor Kaede slept that night. Sango passed out for a little bit, so in Rin's mind she didn't count. It wasn't until the sun had risen and the majority of the villagers were hard at work in the rice fields that Sango was able to sigh in relief and hold her two newborn daughters in her arms.

Rin was washing her hands in the clean water basin when Kaede came over to her. Wrapping the girl in a warm hug, she said quietly, "Good job, Rin. I'm proud of you. You were a big help last night."

With a lopsided smile, Rin blushed and hugged her back. After a moment, Kaede let her go and told her to go fetch Miroku. She nodded, and with a last glance at Sango, left the hut. As she crested the hill above the riverbank, she saw both Miroku and Inuyasha, still sitting side by side, waiting. Inuyasha was asleep, leaning heavily into his sword, snoring softly. Miroku, on the other hand, was just hanging on. His eyelids were drooping and he was rocking back and forth, determination written clear on his face. She touched him lightly on the shoulder and he looked up wearily. He didn't seem like a coward to her now.

"Is it time?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Uh huh. Kaede-sama said they're both healthy little–"

"Boys?" Miroku interrupted hopefully.

"Uh no. Girls." Rin replied perkily.

Miroku's eyes widened and he looked away, not saying anything for a moment. Rin leaned in, worried, "Are you okay?"

He swallowed and said softly, "I'm a father, Rin."

"Yep! Do you want to see them?"

Miroku nodded and they started up the hill in silence. They left Inuyasha sleeping at the edge of the river and he didn't wake up until mid afternoon.

one week later...

It took nearly a week for Miroku and Sango to agree on the names Asami and Mei for their two little girls. And for that week both Rin and Inuyasha were unfortunately held captive by the cooing new parents, forced to listen to countless name options. In the beginning, Rin had been excited. She'd never helped pick out baby names. Before she'd met Sesshomaru, the villagers she'd lived with had wanted nothing to do with her. In fact, many of the women told her that she brought bad luck and disease to their newborns. For more than a year she'd preferred to stay out of site, walking through the nearby woods, avoiding the ache caused by human distrust.

Her excitement died pretty quickly, however, when she realized she wasn't actually going to help pick any of the names. She was only there to listen and be quiet. Remarkably, Inuyasha seemed to be an expert at just that. He sat silent in the corner, thinking his own thoughts, and responding appropriately when addressed. His minimal efforts didn't seem to phase Miroku or Sango; they were both too enamored with their little girls to truly notice anyone else.

It wasn't until early September that Rin got any time to herself. The naming frenzy had passed, it was too early in the season for any of the villagers to be really sick, and the one pregnant woman in the village was Aiko, who was only two months along. The day was all hers, and she had a great idea of what she wanted to do.

"Mushroom hunting!" She called to no one in particular.

If there was one thing she could claim to be an expert at, even at her young age, it would have been mushroom hunting. Well maybe stealing, but that was in the past – for now.

It was early morning when she set off. The breeze was cool against her skin, causing goose bumps to run up her arms and legs. The kimono Sesshomaru had given her a year before was wrapped snuggly around her; the thick blue material warming her as she neared the woods. When she'd first received it, the garment had smelled like him a little. That first night after he'd left again, she'd been unable to sleep and had snuck over to the corner where she'd tucked it away. Pulling the kimono out of its wrappings, she'd held it close to her nose and breathed it in. It was comforting. It smelled like…protection.

Gradually, as the months wore on, and she dawned the kimono more frequently, Sesshomaru's scent receded. Soon the things that had given her comfort for so long, his presence, his smell, lost their grip entirely. It had been many months since she'd seen him, and now all she had was the thought that he existed somewhere, and a gift, now completely hers, that tied her to a companionship they once had.

Touching the cloth and letting the haring bone stitching run through her fingers, Rin walked deeper into the forest. She climbed over bulging tree roots, crawled under bushes, and thwacked apart low hanging vines in her search for edible mushrooms. She knew exactly what she was looking for – Matsutake. She loved them for their sweet and spicy smell and flavor. They were tall and knobby headed, and in Rin's opinion, there was nothing better than popping a freshly cooked one into her mouth after a long day of hunting and digging.

It was almost noon by the time she'd found her first batch. They were growing from the roots of a red pine just a couple miles into the forest. Crouching low, she brushed the leaves covering the Matsutake into small piles on either side of the tree. She clapped her hands and cried, "Ah! So tasty!"

Leaning down, she was about to pluck the tallest mushroom out from between two roots, when she heard a snort and felt hot breath tickle her bangs. She looked up in alarm, ready to run, when she saw Un's head looming out of the brush staring at her.

"Eep!" She fell back just as Ah's head reared up around the other side of the pine. The dragon made a deep rumbling noise in its throat and snorted again. Wide eyed, Rin cried out, "Ah-Un!" and rushed forward, embracing each head.

"Where did you come from? Is Sesshomaru-sama with you? Did he send you to find me?" she asked, breathless.

The dragon snorted again and bobbed each head up and down. Rubbing her face against Un's scaly muzzle, Rin grinned and asked hopefully, "Will you give me a minute to collect these mushrooms? I'll be done real soon."

Ah-Un took a few steps back and began to chew on some grass at the foot of another pine. Rin took that as a signal and knelt down, carefully pulling each mushroom out of the ground. When she was done, she wrapped them into a spare sash she'd brought along. Tying it tightly, she ran over to Ah-Un and tucked it into his saddle.

She then mounted his back and gently tugged on his reins. He groaned and began a leisurely pace toward the heart of the forest. Rin unconsciously began rubbing her hands clean against the leather of the saddle. She wiped at her cheeks with her forearms and tucked her hair behind her ears. As they walked deeper into the woods, the light around them began to change. The leaves were more numerous and the tree limbs were thicker. Islands of shadow ebbed and flowed into bright spots of light scattered across the forest floor. She could barely see the sky. It was a cloudless day; blue kept peaking through the leaves as the wind rustled them apart.

Mesmerized by the beauty of the day, she took no notice when they arrived in the clearing where Sesshomaru and Jaken sat waiting for her. She made quite an impression to the two demons. Ah-Un had come to a complete stop. He was even kneeling, waiting for her to dismount, but she still gazed smiling up at the sky, completely unaware of her company.

"Rin! What do you think you're doing? Are you a simpleton? Show some respect!"

Her gaze snapped back to earth when she heard Jaken's high-pitched screech. She gave the imp a quick look of surprise and jumped off of the dragon. Then, it just couldn't be helped, a smile so wide it hurt spread across her face as she saw Sesshomaru sitting at the base of a tree, looking at her, his eyes keen, relaxed.

"Sesshomaru-sama." She sighed.

She bowed low and waited for him to speak. It was several moments before he broke the silence.

His voice low and smooth, he said, "You seem taller."

Grinning, she shot up and ran right up to him. She puffed out her chest and replied, "I am! I am! I'm now twice the height of Jaken-sama!"

Rin heard a sputtering noise, but Sesshomaru's eyes flicked behind her for a moment, and nothing more was said. She plopped to the ground and giggled into her hand. It was as if nothing had changed. After a moment of silence, she looked up at Sesshomaru. He was leaning his head back against the tree, his gaze so hooded that his eyes seemed to be near slits. Something held her there in that moment. He was thinking about something…something terrible.

The gold in his irises was so deep and cold, inhuman, that for the first time since she'd met him, Rin knew she should have been scared of him. But she wasn't, and she wondered why.

"Speak to me." He said, his voice languid, careless.

"What?" Rin replied, confused.

He looked away, leaving her to do as she wished with his command. She faltered for a moment, letting out a soft, "Um," and then took a short breath, and began a narrative of the past year that lasted well into the afternoon. Sesshomaru sat patiently, never indicating whether he was listening or not. Most of the time his gaze rested on the sway of the tree branches above them, sometimes brushing across her face. She thanked him for the kimono, telling him off all the days it had kept her warm. She told him of all the teeth she'd lost and gained. She even gave a quick demonstration by wiggling with her tongue the last baby tooth clinging to her gums.

Jaken grunted behind her when she did this, but she ignored him.

She told Sesshomaru of all her favorite spots for sweet berries and healthy mushrooms in the forest. And she told him of all the children she'd helped Kaede bring into the world. The only time he said anything was when she made an off hand comment about the births of Asami and Mei.

"…and it's strange. When I helped Sango have her girls last week, I'd never known, but –" she pause, "I guess…I guess when people come into the world, there can be just as much blood as when they leave it."

She was about to continue when Sesshomaru gave her a curious look. When he didn't say anything, she mumbled, suddenly aware of his attention, "I mean, I guess, it maybe makes me feel a little bit better about…about what happened to me and my family." Rin looked up at him with hopeful eyes, but it was clear that he held no sympathy for her past; only a removed curiosity for her current state.

Looking over at Ah-Un, she sniffed, thinking about her former life; a life in a world that had come to a horrific end.

Sesshomaru's low voice called her back when he asked, "Does blood comfort you?"

Her attention snapped up to him, confusion clear on her face. He was looking away, off to the side, contemplating something.

"No." She answered, her tone making the word sound like a question.

He lifted his thin eyebrows briefly, as if he were shrugging. "I see."

She stared, waiting to see if he would continue, but he didn't. He never said a word, allowing the silence hang, and letting his eyes drift to her face, lingering, and then letting them wander away.

"Sesshomaru-sama?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"Yes?" He responded.

"How long are you staying?"

"The night."

"May I stay with you and Jaken-sama?"

"If you wish."

Rin smiled. "Good! I was hoping you would say that."

She then rose from her position at his side and walked over to Jaken. The imp had fallen into a light doze a little earlier, and she could see a small bubble of snot expanding and deflating with each breath. Laughing, she knocked him on the head and called, "Jaken-samaaaaa!", as if she were on one side of a field and he on the other.

He jumped, eyes crazy, crying out, "Wha – what? Who? Oh he's going to kill me! Ri-!"

When he realized that she was standing in front of him, leaning in curiously, and that Sesshomaru was looking at him, clearly annoyed from across the clearing, the little imp sank into himself and said in a feeble voice, "Oh. It's just you."

Rin laughed again, and said, "You have really big eyes for such a small head, Jaken-sama!" Jaken blanched, his fear of Sesshomaru gone, and let his annoyance bubble to the surface. "What do you want, you little brat?"

Still giggling, she responded, "Sesshomaru-sama said that I could stay here tonight. Do –"

"He did?" Jaken cried, then turning to Sesshomaru he pleaded, "But Sesshomaru-sama, aren't we to -?"

"Silence."

"But –"

Sesshomaru turned to the little imp, the muscles in his face stiffening, his eyes implying. Jaken's face contorted in horror, and Rin could barely contain herself. She watched with a sense of glee as the imp turned slowly back to her, swallowing, and said, "You should go collect some wood for a fire."

"You will go, Jaken." Sesshomaru was still holding his gaze steady on the imp.

With another gulp, he gave a feeble, "Right," and scuttled out of the clearing.

Rin couldn't take it anymore, and once Jaken was out of site, she burst into giggles. Peels of laughter bounced off the trees, and echoed in nearby animal dens. Sesshomaru watched, wondering whether it was Jaken's pathetic expressions or his own cruelty that amused her; maybe it was both? She spread her arms wide and twirled on her toes back to Sesshomaru. Sighing, she walked over to sit next him again. This time however, she leaned against him, pressing into his left arm.

"I like your new arm, Sesshomaru-sama." She whispered.

He blinked slowly, "It's not new anymore."

"Can I see it?"

He looked down at her, her eyes filled with child-like curiosity and trust. It was an odd request, but there was no reason why she shouldn't see. He drew his sleeve up to his elbow and held his arm out in front of her. She smiled, and watched as the late afternoon breeze played gently with the thin white hairs covering his forearm. The sinews and muscles under his skin were taught with strength, and in every pore there shimmered a vague, unearthly glow. Not lifting her eyes, she said, "You know, Jaken-sama always says that you are the most beautiful creature that he's ever seen." Then, looking straight up at him, fearless, she asked, "Do you think he's in love with you?"

He stared at her, unblinking, and she stared right back; there was nothing to say, really. When he didn't answer, she blushed and looked away. He felt her lean into his arm again, and after a few minutes, heard her breathing slow. When Jaken returned, juggling a pile of wood much too large for his stature, Sesshomaru made certain to ignore him. He instead concentrated on the small human child sleeping at his side.

Then a sudden thought occurred to him and he said softly, "He wouldn't expect it at least."

Rin shifted, burrowing under his arm and plopping her head onto his lap. He heard a soft, "So presumptuous," from Jaken by the fledgling fire. Ignoring him, he let his hand rest on her head and a decision was made.

He could hear Inumamoru's voice in his head again.

Your father may not like it, but sometimes risks are necessary.

"Precisely." Sesshomaru said, his voice cold and clear.

Preview: Chapter VI

Through the Well

Kagome says goodbye.