Chapter 1 – Grown Up

The last few years were hard, trying to put my life back together from the shattered mess it once was. The pieces were unrecognizable shards and there sharp points refused to be put back into their place. I've learned a lot about myself from the time of my 'zombie' period and the following months. I never forget anything, despite what he believed. I learned to live with the separation and loss, until it wasn't painful. The pain became life; part of my life. I didn't let it consume me, but rather become a part of me. From that, I grew up. I learned that, even though I was in pain; that was no reason to stop living when you've barely begun.

Charlie and Renee were so proud as they watched me graduate, not only from high school, but from college as well. My parents were worried about me more than anyone else. When everyone left, friends and acquaintances, they remained. I had to pull myself together for them and for myself. I realized I began to live to make others happy; never myself. That wasn't living, it was existing.

High school was a blurred memory. From the isolation in large crowds of people wanting to meet the new girl, to an intense yearning love; then devastating destruction, onto the months of isolation again. During my seclusion, my mind was a mess. On the outside seemed perfectly healthy and normal, but inside, it felt black. I refused to enter my college years in the same manner.

It took me a long time and a lot of work, but now, I'm better. I still missed Edward and his family, but the hole from his absence wasn't there anymore. There were no burning, gnawing edges that forced me to hold myself together. His absence after all these years helped me to become a stronger person. Someone, my parents were proud of and I was proud of myself.

I found myself watching the reflection of my eyes in the double paned window. These eyes have seen things that were made for horror movies. I've survived things that would have killed so many others. My time with Edward was short, but irreplaceable. Time with Jacob was life-changing and very must irreplaceable. There were times I wished I never came to Forks, but if I didn't, I wouldn't be as strong as I was today.

"Valami itallal, miss?" (Something to drink, miss?) The train attendant leaned over my seat. She was gesturing to the cans of soda on her cart. I fumbled for my Hungarian to English dictionary. "Éppen vizet, köszönöm szépen," (Just water, thank you) I answered hesitantly. I was still trying to learn the language, but I was getting better. The attendant smiled approvingly, "Very good," she responded in heavily-accented English, "Hungarian is not difficult to learn." She handed me a bottle of water and it was slick with condensation, "How long have you been in Romania?"

After college, my parents surprised me with open airline ticket to Europe. They wanted me to go out and see the world. Anything to keep me from turning back into a 'zombie.' I didn't blame them, but it's been five years now.

"About a month," I answered, "I'm just leaving Dracula's Castle." Her hands rested on the handle of the cart, "Many take that tour hoping for a good scare." My head nodded once, "It was fun and educational, not scary." The attendant smiled again and went on to see to the other passengers.

The tour of the castle was too cheesy for my taste. Tour guides dressed as the undead with fake scars. The castle was dank and old; the complete opposite of the way the vampires I knew lived. Their home was bright and immaculate. Not a cobweb in sight.

Some tourists were joking around, frightening the others by pretending to be moaning ghosts. The walls were wet from water coming from an unknown source, leaving the halls smelling of mildew. The tour groups' footsteps echoed off the walls as we went through the old castle. It was a bit cold and drafty; perfect for the legendary vampire. Ah, vampires have come a long way; I laughed to myself. The castle was over 800 years old and went through many renovations just to keep it from crumbling.

The tour was interesting, once you got pass the layers of nonsense. From the 1920's, the castle was home to the royal family members of the Kingdom of Romania, including Queen Marie. There were many artifacts from her time, including traditional furniture and tapestries that the queen collected to highlight Romanian crafts and skills. The castle was passed down to her daughter, Princess Ileana. But the ownership was lost when it was seized by a communist regime after the royal family was expelled from their home and land in 1948. The castle was recently opened to the public as a tourist attraction. The true historical facts held my interest, while everyone was interested in the fantasy and stories of Count Dracula.

The tour ended in the courtyard, with many vendors selling ridiculous vampire souvenirs. The most ridiculous vampire coffee mug caught my eye. His dark eyes were set in a pale face, with long fangs over his lower lip; hilarious. "I think we should go to Volterra next, DJ. They have legends about vampires there too." My head jerked up, knowing the truth of that place. There were vampires in Volterra; ancient, mad with power and always protecting their city. The couple pointed to their map, smiling happily. I said a silent prayer, hoping the tourists wouldn't fall prey to the Volturi.

Veering away from the tourist groups, I found a small coffee shop. The shop was tucked away, not far from the usual tourist stops. A heavy set man behind the counter handed me my coffee, asking where I was from. "Washington." He smiled, crinkling his skin, "American. They usually don't come to this shop."

I smiled from his honest remark, "I wanted a genuine Romanian experience. If I wanted an American one, I would have stayed at home." The man chuckled, "Very good." Finding an empty table, I pulled out my map. Looking over the route, I wasn't far from the inn I was going to; just a train ride away. I looked forward to the train ride; to be able to get off my feet and get some rest. Also, I wanted to email my parents badly. My laptop, a graduation gift from Phil was in my backpack and in need of charging, but I had my phone.

"May I join you?" a tall man, with dark blond hair held the back to the chair across from me. He was dressed in a denim jacket, cotton button down shirt and faded jeans. His stare was hopeful as he looked at me. He reminded me of Mike, when we first met, especially with that eager look on his face. "Of course," I answered. I bit my lip as I caught myself about to call him Mike. The young man sat while I folded up my map, "How are you enjoying Romania?" His eyes scanned my face, ending with my eyes, She is beautiful, like most American woman. His thoughts were the same as other European men. They thought American women were thrilling, reckless with wild abandon. So not me. "I'm enjoying it very much." He rested his coffee mug on the table top, "How long are you in town?" In his mind, he spoke his native language. I was glad I couldn't translate all of it. "Not much longer. I'm catching the next train to the Carpathian Mountains." I laughed nervously, "Well, I know I'm in the Carpathian Mountains, but I'm heading further in."

His smile fell, clearly disappointed, "Oh." Not feeling too bad, I asked for directions to the train station. I was getting better at receiving male attention. The young, once enthusiastic you man told me; being kind. "You should be careful there," he said in a low tone. I looked at him, wondering if he was trying to talk me out of my trip to the mountains. "Why is that?" He put his arms on the tabletop and leaned across closer, "The people deep in the Carpathian Mountains are nice, but legend has it that they have their own vampires there." My eyebrows shot up in disbelief. Well, this is the land where the Dracula legend started, so some are bound to believe in them.

"Oh," I answered, trying not to laugh. "The vampires are part of the problem," he continued, "It's also those who hunt them." My eyebrows pulled together, "Vampire hunters?" I asked, trying to maintain a serious tone. He smiled from the tone in my voice, believing I was nervous, "It sounds silly, I'll admit, but they are very skeptical of newcomers to their town. Just be careful. You don't want them to stake you." That did it and I burst into laughter. My hand covered my mouth, trying to muffle the sound, "No, that would be awful, since I'll be there studying the soil. I've read it has very strong curative properties. Please forgive me for laughing." The man stood, chuckling himself, "I laugh about it myself from time to time. The towns there are so old fashioned. The people there don't even have televisions and hardly anyone has internet. Enjoy your time in the mountains."

The train finally pulled into the station, shaking the rows of seats, waking me from my half-sleep stupor. Looking through the window, the town seemed even smaller than Forks. The settlement was nestled into the mountains, along the timberline of the forest. The sun was just setting behind the peaks, making them seem purple. I groaned as I thought about the weight of my pack. I wanted to sleep. Soon, very soon. Pulling on my heavy backpack and taking my rolling suitcase, I made my way to the inn. My body was slow, after being on the train for three hours. Dracula's Castle was a nice tourist stop, but it was time to get to work. Then again, work was going to have to wait.

The inn came into sight, standing beside the outstretch forest. Before I moved to Forks, I would have thought the trees made the place seem depressing, but after my years there, the inn seemed like home. That and I have been living out of my backpack and suitcase for days. Smoke billowed out of a hidden chimney and lights were on in a few windows. Inside the inn, the architecture had an Old World charm to it. The hand carved mahogany moldings in the ceiling were beautiful. The artist was very specific on the details. The smell of fresh burning wood filled the room, with a light taste of hickory. I was home.

Behind the front counter, an aging woman was fusing with envelopes, humming silently to herself. "Mrs. Galvenstein?" She turned in her seat, "Yes?" Her green eyes looked up, almost in surprise. They must not get new faces here often, especially not a woman travelling by herself. "I'm Bella Swan. I should have a room reserved." She fluttered her hands in a forgetful manner, "Of course, dearie." A drawer was pulled open sharply and she handed me a small silver key. She laid a ledger down and pointed to where I needed to sign.

My room was in the second floor. My eyes drifted up the stairs and I frowned a bit. I barely had the strength to climb the stairs, but the prospect of a hot shower and a warm bed gave me a small surge of energy. "Dinner will be served in the dining room within the hour. Enjoy your stay." I smiled and took my key. I was a few feet away from my room. The inn was a small, homey place.

"Oh, Bella?" Mrs. Galvenstein was brandishing several slips of paper, "You have a few messages, honey." My forehead crinkled, "For me?" She nodded and extended her arm, "From your mother." My eyes rolled dramatically; who else would call across the world to track me down? "Thank you." Mrs. Galvenstein moved from behind the counter, "Make yourself at home. Dinner will be served in the dining room," and she pointed down the hall to the dining room.

The weight of my luggage was wearing me down as I drudged up the stairs. The short hallway stretched on, until I found my door. The room wasn't bad. A bed in the center with a small balcony. There was a small hearth in the corner, with a strong fire burning. Old World and charming. The desk was along the right wall, near an outlet. I took out my laptop and plugged in the power cord. The screen hummed to life, powering up. The wireless router was plugged in, giving me a good signal, considering how deep I was in the mountains. First thing was first. Getting out of my traveling clothes felt good; taking away a layer of filth from my body.

Before checking my laptop, the shower beckoned to me. I could almost hear it calling my name. The water turned on, offering a soothing practice. Hot water ran through my hair and down my skin, washing away the traveling dirt and grim. My strawberry shampoo filled my nose and it really reminded me of home. I sighed deeply, not wanting to get out of the hot water. Steam clung to the mirror over the sink and visibly swirled in the air. The skin of my fingertips were crinkled with the over exposure to water. This was the best shower of my life.

The room was warm from the small fire. Outside the balcony doors, the mountains were in the distance and so picturesque. I was going to enjoy the Carpathian Mountains. Then again, it could have been the hot shower that has me in such high spirits. My cotton pants waited for me, along with a tank top. I pulled on some thick socks and shuffled across the room. Sitting in front my computer, while towel drying my hair, I saw there was a long list of emails from my mom and a few from Charlie.

I went to my favorite website to call Mom before she sent another email. The small dot of light came on above the screen, signaling my webcam was on. "Bella!" Renee squealed over the computer screen. She learned to be more computer literate so that we could talk online. Her blue eyes lit up, finally seeing me after a week, "Sweetie, you look so tired. What time is it there?" I glanced at the clock, "Just after 6:30 in the evening. What about there?" She shrugged, "11:30 in the morning. I was just going grocery shopping. What's going on with you? How's Europe?"

She was interested in my travels. It was something she wanted to do in her youth, but then she met Charlie and had me; canceling those plans. No regrets; just something she dreamed of. That's why I think she was encouraging me to go; to live the life she wanted. However, Charlie and Renee were concerned about me funding this trip. I told them I was going to rough it, but what they didn't know is that Carlisle and Esme had set up a trust fund for me.

A letter came for me at Charlie's from a PO Box as the return address. "Here you go, kid." Charlie handed me the envelope, he said, heading to his favorite spot in the living room; in front of the TV. The letter was written in Esme's handwriting. My heart sank, seeing the familiar scrawling on the paper. Steadying my trembling fingers, I opened the letter. She wrote hoping that I was good. She mentioned Alice having a vision of me opening my acceptance letter to University of Washington. She and Carlisle wished me good luck. It continued to her providing the information to a small bank in Port Angeles, where she and Carlisle left me $19,000,000.

She hoped that the money would pay for my education and any other financial obligations in the future. It was the Cullen's birthday/graduation gift to me. Her parting words were 'I miss you and I know you will do great in college.' The hole rippled with agony, but I ignored it. It wasn't because of Esme and Carlisle that they couldn't see me go to college.

Charlie and Renee never knew I was on the Cullen College Scholarship. And I had no intention of telling them. . Renee would have thought it as a very generous gesture, but Charlie would have seen something wrong with it. As if they were paying off the ex-girlfriend of their son. Then again, Charlie had a great deal of respect for Carlisle. That was how I was able to afford a great wireless router for this trip, and a new car for college

Renee told me about her and Phil planning to move to Georgia, because he was traded to another baseball team. They were excited because he would have more time on the field. "Bella, you have to come home soon. The new house is beautiful and we have a pool. Oh, Bella, come home." "Mom, you know I have to do research here. I just got settled anyway. My real work hasn't even begun. And besides, I love it here. Things are so different than they are at home. When I was in Spain, the work day breaks at noon and people went home for lunch and a nap for like two hours, then go back to work. They need to have that back home."

My mom laughed as I told her more about the differences in the cultures, but she still pleaded with me to hurry home. My mom was so childlike. I missed her, but I had to get out on my own life and she had to do the same. The good thing about Renee is she could be easily distracted. I got her talking about her current book club and how Phil was doing on his new team. "Mom, how about I connect Dad into the conversation? I'm sure he misses me too." She nodded, "Of course. I'll get him." Over the speaker was the clacking of the computer keys and another screen popped up.

"Hey Bells!" Charlie was clearly excited to see me. It must be early morning in Forks. The living room was lit by the lamp. I could see the window behind my dad and it was still dark, but that was the case almost every morning in Forks. He was as entertained with everything I did as Mom was. "What about your work, kiddo?" "Getting started tomorrow, Dad."

Charlie and Renee, no doubt, were bragging to their friends that I was in Europe studying natural healing remedies as part of my studies in graduate school. Charlie talked about how things were at home. Jacob was getting married in a week. "By the way, Bells, he's pretty down that you won't be there for the ceremony." I hid my frown, "Tell Jacob I'll be home soon. Besides, he and Donna won't even miss me."

It was great that things were going so well for everyone. Mom and Phil were still madly in love; Charlie and Sue have been married for three years now. My best friend/werewolf imprinted two years ago. She was a distant relative of Emily Young-Uley. He met her at Sam and Emily's wedding and he hasn't taken his eyes off her since. This was part of the reason I decided to travel. Everyone around me was settling down and moving on. Angela and Ben got married right before I left. Angela asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I couldn't turn her down. Now, their family lived in Portland and she was expecting a baby.

Angela, Ben and Mike were the only ones I spoke to after high school. Tyler signed himself into the Army. Jessica fell in with Lauren Mallory and neither of them really spoke to me for the rest of senior year. Mike lived in Nevada, running his own business. Everyone was building up their lives and I thought it was time I did the same. It was a big pill to swallow when I decided to move away from Forks.

With the last bit of my masochistic behavior, I took one last visit to the Cullen's home. The house was consumed by the forest. Vining leaves covered the glass wall completely. The steps were taken over by the chest-high grass. Even the white paint lost its luster to the wind, snow and rain. The pain was there, but it didn't make me double over. With one last look, I said my goodbye to the memories and the life I once had within those walls.

My parents said their goodbyes and wishes for me to call soon and to come home sooner. I shut down my laptop and left it to charge, while I went downstairs for dinner. I had to eat as my stomach snarled. I haven't had solid for in a while either. Dinner, then bed; that is what was on the agenda for tonight. Before leaving my room, I pulled on a sweater over my tank top. The dining room was small, with only three other guests. I sat at the table by the fireplace, hoping to warm up. There was a chill I couldn't escape, not even from my thick shower and fire in my room. "Hello, Ms. Swan," Mrs. Galvenstein greeted. She told me what was being served; roasted chicken with rosemary and sage, beef stew and a garden salad. "I'll try the beef stew and salad, thank you."

What a sweet girl, she lamented as she walked away. My pen drifted across the pages of my traveling journal, filling the pages with the day's activities. Early train ride from Budapest, the tour and coming to the inn. Finishing the passage, I took out my second journal, my diary. No one knew I had one, not even Edward. If he known, I'm sure he would have read it while I was sleeping. There were things about me I wasn't ready for him to know. When I wrote in my diary, my mental blocks were stronger, so that Alice wouldn't see me. No one ever knew, because I never spoke about the fact that I'm a mind reader, like Edward. The way he described the babble of voices was exactly right.

The loud jabbering would go on and on, getting louder by the minute. The noise would be too much for me, triggering terrible headaches. My mom worried about my headaches, as I got them frequently when I was younger. From then, I learned to build mental blocks. I had to make them strong for them to constantly block out Edward, even when I was asleep. But now, knowing about the world I truly lived in, I had to learn to endure the mental voices, picking out the dangerous ones. The last thing I needed was to be picked off by a vampire who thought I smelled delicious. Enduring the barrage in my head, I protected myself from a mugging a few months ago and I helped a classmate from being carjacked. Becky and I were driving back to campus from a party, when I picked up the thoughts of the assailant. He was keeping himself low, so that neither of us saw him in our side mirrors. I told her to drive quickly, because I had a bad feeling.

She pressed the accelerator, then glanced in her mirror, "Oh my God, you were right, B. There was someone by the car." She thanked me constantly after that. I started to use my ability to help keep myself and others around me safe. I don't know why I didn't feel the need to trust this bit of information with Edward, I just never did.

Mrs. Galvenstein set the steaming bowl of stew in front of me, along with a small bowl of salad, "I hope you enjoy it, sweetheart." I ate quickly and quietly. I didn't realize how hungry I really was. It's been a long time since I ate and longer still since I had a real meal. The stew warmed me up, sending the chill away. Along with sitting next to a fire and the thick sweater, I was starting to sweat.

After eating, I went back to my room. Everything was set in the dim light of the lamp. The bed looked even more inviting. The quilt was puffed up and the sheets beneath it were crisp and warm. Pulling off my sweater, I settled into the soft mattress and pulled the thick quilt over me. The pillows cushioned my head and sleep took over almost immediately.