I hope you all had a good Christmas. I finally found the time to finish this story. Thank you all for reading and reviewing so far. I've been thinking about the ending for this for a long time, trying to find the best version but I've kept coming back to this one, so I finally wrote it and I think it took the least time to finish from all the chapters in this story. I really hope you'll enjoy it.

They made love again in the morning when they woke up and afterwards lay in each others' arms, happy, sated, content and completely oblivious of their surroundings for the moment. But a faint knock on the door to Castiel's office quickly made them return to reality.

When they heard the door open and steps moving into the office, just a wall away, Castiel hastily jumped out of bed and looked for his clothes, quickly pulling his robe over his head.

"Castiel? Abbot?" they could hear Bobby's voice call out.

"Just a moment," Castiel called back and signaled Dean to stay absolutely quiet before he opened the door to his office just wide enough for him to slip through. Dean could just hear the muffled conversation between Castiel and Bobby.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted you," Bobby was saying.

"No, no, it's fine," Castiel answered. "What do you need?"

"I'm worried about Dean. He's been keeping to himself a lot lately and today I thought I'd talk to him but I can't find him anywhere. I don't know if you know what is going on but if he hasn't come to talk to you yet, maybe you could try to find out what is wrong with him," Bobby said and suddenly Dean felt the urge to hold his breath to make sure that Bobby wouldn't realize that he was just next door and still naked in the abbot's bed.

"I can't tell you where Dean is at the moment but I'm sure he is fine. We just talked yesterday. He has some issues we've been dealing with but I think he's feeling better. I understand that you're worried but I assure you there is no reason for that. Just give Dean some time to work things out for himself," Castiel said after a short moment of silence.

"Okay, thanks Castiel," Bobby answered. "I guess he'll show up again when he's ready. Probably just needs some time alone at the moment then."

Dean could hear steps, when Bobby turned to leave and then he heard the door open and close and only then did he release the breath he'd been holding, ever since Bobby had mentioned his name. A few seconds later the door to the small bedroom he was in opened and Castiel stepped through, closing the door behind him again and leaning against it with a long sigh.

Dean sat up in bed and regarded him for a while. Neither of them said a word, they both just looked at each other, longing and pain in both their eyes, as they realized what needed to be said.

"This is not going to work, is it?" Dean finally broke the silence with a strained whisper.

Castiel took a deep breath. "I'm afraid it isn't," he agreed in a broken voice and Dean hung his head. He had known the minute Bobby had walked through the door and the fear of discovery had grown almost unbearably strong. He suspected that Castiel had felt the same way, even though he'd seemed so calm on the outside.

"You want me to leave the monastery," Dean said quietly and it was a statement, not a question. He looked up at Castiel again, knowing what he'd see in those blue eyes. He found pain but also relief and love.

"It's the only way," Castiel answered and Dean nodded.

"I know."

He got out of bed and quickly put his clothes back on, before walking towards Castiel and stopping right in front of him.

"You could come with me," he said in a neutral voice, not wanting to get his hopes up because really he knew the answer already.

Castiel gave him a sad smile. "You know I can't," he answered and Dean nodded again. "I love you, Dean and I have never said that to another person. But this can't continue and I cannot leave. My first and strongest love is for Him," he explained, looking up as he said that.

"I know that," Dean said, softly stroking Castiel's cheek, making the man look at him again. "And I understand. I never expected you to say yes but I had to try, didn't I?"

They both smiled at that.

"Just answer me one thing. Knowing what you know now, would you do it all again in exactly the same way?"

Castiel thought for only a second. "I would."

"Good. I would, too," Dean told him and then leaned forward to kiss Castiel for the last time. The kiss was soft but it had a desperate edge to it because they both knew it would have to last them for a lifetime and all their emotions were put into this one last kiss.

Finally Dean pulled away. "Thank you for everything you have done for me. I will never forget it and I will never forget you."

"Neither will I," Castiel replied. "I hope you can be happy now and live your life the way you want. I am grateful that I was able to get to know you and help you a little." He moved away from the door to let Dean pass and walk out of the room and out of his life for good and although it hurt he was okay with it. It was the right thing. They'd had their moments together and it had been wonderful but it had never been something that could last.

"I love you," Dean whispered just before he closed the door again and then he was alone. For a moment he wanted nothing more than to open that door again and hold Castiel and never let go of him but he knew that wasn't an option. It would only bring them both and many people around them great pain eventually. The way things were now was okay. He would move on and he would keep the memories of the last night with him forever.

Finally he moved from his spot and went straight to his room to change clothes and pack his few belongings. When he looked around the empty room one last time a wave of sadness suddenly hit him and a single tear slid out of his eye, which he wiped away, before it could fall to the ground. Then he left the room to find Bobby and Chuck to say goodbye to them. They had become good friends to him and he owed them at least a personal goodbye, even if he couldn't fully explain his reasons for his decision.

An hour later he was walking down the winding path he had walked up just a few months ago. When he reached the end, where the path met the paved road he turned around one last time. It had only been a few months but it felt like so much longer. So much had happened during those months that he was a completely different man now.

He hadn't yet told anyone in his family that he was leaving the monastery. Not because he was afraid of their reaction, John certainly would be livid but Dean didn't care anymore about what his dad thought, but because he wanted a little more time alone to slowly make the transformation from novice to the confident, young, gay man he would be from now on.

The longer he walked, the more the sadness about leaving Castiel dimmed and he was happy and excited about what was to come. Going to that monastery had been a good decision, although he had never expected things to turn out this way. Castiel had helped him accept who he was and he was thankful for that and ready for a life he would never have been able to have without Castiel's help.

This is probably not the happy ending most of you have been expecting or hoping for but I think it is a happy ending still. And it seemed like the only reasonable ending, too. Let me know what you think about it.