You hate yourself. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. The only thing you feel is hate. You don't even look to the mirror because you can't handle.

You don't live, you barely survive. Wake up, go to work, go back home and sleep, it's your routine. You live alone in NYC, but otherwise other people, you aren't happy to be here.

You aren't happy at all.

The only place you'd like to be is whenever she is.

Santana Lopez, that's who you are, but you wish you were anyone else. Now you're 21 years old and you live a life totally different from what you imagined. You had thought you'd be with her, happy, living your dream in NYC.

But you were weak. When you were 16, you felt in love with a beautiful blond girl. Her name was Brittany. She was the cutest thing you ever saw, she was naïve, but she was perfect.

She was everything you wanted to be and to have.

You were lucky because she felt for you too, so you were together. In secret. You had your ups and downs, but you knew you were meant for each other.

Apparently, you were wrong.

She asked so many times for you to come out with her, to tell everyone you were a lesbian and you didn't care.

But you did. Your popularity was more important, at that time. So.. in the end, she gave up and everything ended.

The day after your graduation, you were in NYC. You wanted to be a singer, but now you can't even hear your voice. You don't even remember it, actually.

You are soulless. Lifeless.

It's a Saturday night and you're in your bed, taking your painkillers to sleep. You only sleep in that way. You look to your nightstand and you look to the only picture you have in your house. It's you and her, with you Cheerios outfits.

The only thing you can think is why you can't change the past.

Silence now is your best friend, your thoughts are the only thing that keep you sane.

You're bored, waiting for the pills to take effect, your grab your notebook and start to see Brittany's pictures. You hit the radio, in the other nightstand, angry. Sometimes you hit anything you find. But this time, the radio answers, breaking the silence. One music started to play.

You frown, don't believing how you turned it on. But you recognize the song and you're sure your heart stopped beating.

It was her favorite song.

You sang it for Brittany, just for fun. She smiled and told you were better than Adele.

You want to turn it off, but you can't. It's been years you don't hear this song it's been years you don't hear any song. You want to cry, but you don't have tears. It hurts too much.

The first words start and you sing along, without hesitation.

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you

You imagine if she has someone. If she forgot you and the history. You hope she's happy, because that's all that matters. You hope her dreams came true.

Old friend
Why are you so shy
It ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over

Your voice breaks a few times, but you don't stop. You're finally putting the pain in words.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah"

You'd know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summery haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over yet

Now you feel your heart breaking (again), you feel the real pain once more. It takes your breath away. You wanna die and think where's the rope or if you should cut your wrists. You want a quick death, you have already suffer too much.

You grab a paper and pen and write 3 sentences only. Then you get up and continue.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah"

Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes they're memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

You certain didn't. You try to breath, but the air is missing. Somehow, you don't stop singing.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

The song is almost over and so your life. You grab the box under your bed. You dad gave a gun to protect yourself. You lived in Lima Heights Adjacent, you grew up taking care of yourself, hit girls or boys. But NYC is different and your fists aren't enough anymore.

You load the gun and put it against your head. Then sing your last words.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

You pull the trigger and fall on the floor. Next to you, there's your letter.

"I'll never find someone like you.

I'm sorry.

I love you, Brittany."