a/n: so this came to me the other week, when I saw an interview with Idina Menzel who kept saying she was too young to play Rachel's mother. Then I got talking to a friend about the whole Eastenders Kat and Zoe story line, and well, I wrote this.

You Aren't My Mother

Three little words. Three little words screamed at her in the heat of the moment and Rachel's life has just turned on a dime, or tilted on its axis as you will.

Shelby is still rooted to the spot, tears running down her face, make up smudged, babbling like a crazy person. She takes a step to move toward Rachel, "Baby" she croaks "Baby please" her hand reaching out in front of her for Rachel.

That's what spurs Rachel into action. "I'm not your baby" Rachel shouts, turns her back and begins running out of the room and down the hall. She flies up the stairs to the bathroom, the only room in the house with a lock on the door. She slides down the back of the bathroom door, curls up in a ball on the bathroom floor, and only then does she begin to cry.

Her thoughts wonder to her life, her family, her upbringing. Desperately trying to make sense of where the truth ended and the deception began.

The story began in New York City. Her father Hiram was ,as Santana Lopez might put it, a late in life gay. Not that late, but rather he was still dating women and trying to convince himself that he was straight right up until his senior year in college. Which was how he ended up having a short fling with a woman named Maria Corcoran. It fizzled out after a month, after which time Hiram decided enough was enough and came out of the closet.

Within a couple of months, at the age of 22, he met Leroy Berry at an LGBT mixer in lower Manhattan. The pair fell in love, moved in together, and things were going swimmingly until one day Hiram came in to message from the local police precinct telling him to give them a call. A young woman had dropped a baby girl off at the police station, a note tucked into the baby carrier telling whoever found the baby to call Hiram Berry, along with a note addressed to Hiram simply saying 'I'm sorry I can't do this, Maria.' The young woman fled into the night and was never seen again.

One DNA test, several fraught conversations with Leroy about their future, and multiple court hearings later, baby Shelby came to live with her new fathers. The two men doted on their little girl, and by the time she was 16, both Leroy and Hiram, now aged 38 with more money behind them, decided to add to their family, and hired a surrogate to have baby Rachel. When Rachel was still just a toddler, they relocated to Lima, Ohio. End of story. Or so Rachel thought. Until tonight.

Liars.

The thing is, Rachel loved her big sister. When her dads moved to Ohio, Shelby had stayed on in New York for college. As such, she doesn't really remember Shelby being much in her life before the age of 4 or 5. There are photos of course, and stories, but no real concrete memories. That didn't stop her from worshipping her elder sister.

Shelby was everything she wanted to be. Shelby was fun. She was one who, when she finished her studies and followed her fathers to Ohio, would baby sit Rachel and let her stay up late. She would paint Rachel's nails and braid her hair properly like Daddy couldn't do.

They had this ritual, every Christmas, Shelby would be the one who would take Rachel to go visit Santa at the mall. Though Hiram was Jewish, Leroy was raised a Christian, so the girls were brought up in both faiths. That was their thing, their special 'sister thing'. Shelby would take Rachel, who would usually be beside herself with excitement. They'd go and Rachel would tell Santa what she wanted, there would be a photo and a toy and then the two of them would go for ice cream.

In fact, now that she is thinking about it, Rachel remembers one year in particular. She must have been about 8, and she was in trouble with her dads. She can't recall what for exactly, but for her punishment, she would have to wait another week before she could go visit Santa. She remembers Shelby arriving all happy, and then her dads taking Shelby aside and telling her that she can't take Rachel this weekend. Then the oddest thing happened, or at least it seemed odd to Rachel at the time: Shelby starts crying. She starts bawling and pleading "Please Dad, you and Daddy can't do this to me." It turns out Shelby is working the following weekend and this is the only time she could take Rachel. Leroy relents, telling Hiram, "This is Rachel's punishment, not Shelby's." Rachel doesn't understand the logic, but brushes it off because she gets to see Santa. Now, all these years later, it makes sense.

Anyway, Shelby was the best big sister. As she grew older, Shelby was the one who gave Rachel advice about clothes and make-up and girly things. She was the one Rachel confided in about boys she had crushes on. Shelby was her alibi, the one who let Rachel watch scary films that her dads had forbidden, or lied to their fathers and said Rachel had spent the night at Shelby's house, when in reality Rachel had gone to a concert midweek that her dads said she wasn't supposed to go to because it would finish too late.

Shelby was who she talked to about Finn and more importantly, her and Finn Doing It. Which is what had led to tonight's screaming match.

Their fathers were going to Columbus the following night, to celebrate their anniversary. Pre-empting the thought of Rachel and Finn being left to their own devices in an empty house, they'd asked, or rather told, Rachel she was to spend the night at Shelby's.

Shelby had popped in earlier that evening to drop off an anniversary card for their parents.

"So shall I pick you up straight from School tomorrow?" she asked Rachel.

"Yeah about that, I'm going to need you to cover for me." Rachel says, chopping vegetables for dinner.

"Cover for you? What for?" Shelby enquires.

"Duh" Rachel rolls her eyes as if it should be obvious. "I'm going to Finns of course."

"No you're not" Shelby tells her simply

"Yes, I am. His mom is away, the timing is perfect."

"You are NOT going over there. You're too young."

"Firstly, where's all this coming from you've covered for me for loads of things before? Secondly, you're such a hypocrite; you were having sex at my age!"

"I wasn't. I kept myself virtuous until I was 25."

"You did not! Remember when you gave me the female version of the facts of life? You said you were 15, but felt ready because you were very much in love with your boyfriend. I remember these things because I have an excellent memory. So there."

"Well, it doesn't matter what I said or did. We were too young, it was too soon, we couldn't handle the consequences, and neither can you or Finn." Shelby's voice begins to rise, getting more and more frustrated.

"What consequences?" Rachel demands.

There is a pause before Shelby responds with "Doesn't matter. Can we just drop this? You're not going to Finns".

"Clearly it does matter or you wouldn't have said anything. And, YES, I AM GOING TO FINNS"

"No you are NOT, will you just listen to me?"

"I don't have to listen to you"

"Yes you do"

"No I don't. You can't tell me what to do" Rachel bellows "You're NOT my mother"

"YES I AM" Shelby screams.

Then there is silence. Horrible silence. Time seems to stand still, while Rachel just stares, and Shelby realises what she has just said, and she begins sob with the release of pent up emotion. She can't seem to look Rachel in the eye. Then all of a sudden she feels this urge to explain, to fill the silence. She's reaching out toward Rachel, and then of course Rachel runs.

And now she's here in the bathroom, her whole life in pieces around her. She's aware of a shuffling on the other side of the door. It must be Shelby. Dad and Daddy work late on a Thursday.

"Baby" comes Shelby's voice "Baby please let me explain."

"Stop calling me that. I'm not your baby" Rachel shouts.

"Rachel" Shelby coughs as if it pains her to call Rachel by her full name. "Please come out so we can talk."

"NO"

"I'm sorry it came out like that. I didn't mean….I should have….I'm so sorry …"

"You've lied to me. All of you, for my entire life. Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it."

"I know, please just let me explain. Please come out"

"No. I don't want to see you right now. You can stay there. Now, start talking".

a/n: Would you like to hear Shelby's side of things?