Tonight on the Dukes:

When Boss Hogg gets wind of a money-making scheme, he can't wait to get his grubby little paws on it. He has to make sure nothing goes wrong with this plan...and to do so he has to get rid of the Dukes for a few days. But his 'harmless' little trick takes on a life of its own, and will take the whole gang to rescue Luke from a maniac.

Rated: T for now, may go up for violence and mild swearing.

Disclaimer: Do not own Dukes or any lyrics I use. Any non-canon characters I own, though. I get no compensation for writing this, except for the pure enjoyment of writing it. I hope you like reading it as much as I loved writing it! Without further ado…the story!

When the leaves start to change in Hazzard County, it's a time for folks to fix up their houses, gather in the herds, and break out the cider. It's also a time for Boss Hogg to be up to his old tricks, and this year is no exception to that.

"J.D., this shipment has to go through Hazzard; there's no way around it. I want you make sure nothing happens to it. Understand?"

Boss Hogg reclined in his chair, cigar lazily dangling in his mouth as he talked into his telephone.

"Sissy, dear, I need to know exactly what this shipment is you're so concerned about. It seems to me that you're making a fuss over a little load of moonshine."

There was a silence, then a feminine voice spoke. "It's not moonshine, Piglet. It's rather large shipment of diamonds that I have...acquired, and I would dearly love to have them remain in my possession."

"Diamonds…" Boss's eyes went wide. "Honey, you can send that shipment through as soon as you wish."

"That's good, Piglet."

Boss Hogg ground his teeth against the hated nickname, but still managed to bring up money.

"Sissy, dear, you said something earlier about payment?"

"Oh, of course. If you help me get those...packages through without incident, I will reward you with, say, one hundred thousand?"

"Dollars?" J.D. almost swallowed his cigar.

"No, eggs. Yes, dollars you fool!" There was a sigh from the other end. "If you're going to be my pack mule you need to be a little smarter. But, Piglet, don't get any ideas of keeping a few of those boxes for yourself. I have counted those diamonds several times and I know exactly how many there are. If even one stone is missing, my boys will be serving up a load of bacon the next day, if you catch my drift."

"Sissy, I am offended. Those boxes won't be disturbed by the beating of a butterfly's wing." He was getting his greedy look in his eyes. "And that shipment will go through without a hitch."

"Make sure of that, Piglet. I do not want to have to prepare a smoked ham."

The sharp click in his ear told J.D. that Sissy Hatchmoor had hung up on him.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane eyed Boss Hogg uneasily. "Boss, was that Sissy Hatchmoor?"

"Yeah, what's it to you?" The rotund man sat the phone down shakily.

"Well, isn't she in charge of the Hatchmoor organization?" The graying sheriff scratched his head. "The very dangerous 'shipping' thugs?"

"Again, what's it to you?" Boss glared at the man.

"Boss, it was never proven, see, but we all know they were the ones responsible for Old Boss Seller's mysterious demise. " Rosco rubbed his hat brim nervously.

"From Atlanta? The one that fell off his bank's roof?" Boss raised an eyebrow.

"The very one. Rumor has it that he skipped out with a shipment of Sissy's that was running through Atlanta and she sent her goons after him."

"Really." Hogg rubbed his chin. "You don't say." His face was a little whiter than normal.

"I do say. I think we may be in over our heads here." Rosco lowered his voice.

"We? Ha! What we?" Boss laughed. "Listen, dummy, that little lady there is going to give me one hundred thousand dollars for safe guarding and transporting those boxes. One hundred thousand Semolinans!" He cackled greedily.

Rosco's eyes went wide. "That- that would mean ten thousand of that is mine! Kyuck, kyuck, I love it, I love it!" He rubbed his hands excitedly.

"What? Ten thousand? How you figure?" Boss Hogg frowned.

"Ten percent is ten thousand, Boss!" The sheriff rubbed his hands. "No matter how you slice that!"

"Hm." Boss grunted, trying to figure out a way to skim Rosco's share further. Then something occurred to him.

"Say, Rosco...I want you to answer something very honestly, no matter how you think I will react, alright?" He smiled shakily, his nerves suddenly on edge from his thought.

"Yes, that suit makes you look fat." Rosco nodded, oblivious to Boss's outraged look.

"That wasn't what I was going to ask, you dipstick! I was going to ask you about the Duke boys."

"Oh."

"How many plots of mine do those boys mess up?"

"Oh, at least three out of five. They sure mess up your schemes, Boss." Rosco chuckled.

"That's what I thought. I don't like those odds when my neck is on the line. Rosco, we can't let them mess this one up or it's curtains for us!"

"Us? What's with us?"

"You're my right hand man-Merciful Lord help me- and Sissy knows that. If something happens to that shipment she'll come after both of us!"

"Oh!" Rosco looked concerned.

"So, we need to get rid of those Dukes, at least until Sunday."

"What happens Sunday?" Rosco glanced at the calendar; it was Thursday.

"That shipment comes in tomorrow. We have to hide it for a day or so then send it on in a different car. See?"

"Yes, that makes sense. Well, we could just arrest them boys for something."

"No, they'll just get out again; they always do. No, we need something that will keep them occupied for a while."

"Well, as long as those boys are together there's nothing you can do to them. Peas in a pod, those boys."

Boss nodded, then lit another cigar. Then the light bulb went off. "Rosco, you're a genius."

"I am?" Rosco cocked his head slightly. "How so?"

"You just gave me an idea on how to keep those Dukes busy for a few days!"

"How?"

"I will have my old buddy Simmel-"

"The middle man you use for dirty jobs?" Rosco nodded knowingly.

"Yes, you fool. I'll have Simmel hire an out-of towner to hold one of the Dukes until Monday!"

"Sunday."

"Better add another day to be sure."

Rosco nodded, then frowned. "Wait, you mean kidnap one of the Dukes?"

"No, no." Boss shook his head quickly. "Just...retain them for a few days."

"That's kidnapping, boss. I don't like it. "

"Oh, they won't be hurt, and it will save our necks! Look, if one of those Dukes is missing, the others would be so busy looking for him they would pay no mind to a little old car coming through, now, would they? Of course, if it might be better to hold both of them. No, they'll just get away like they always do." Boss picked up his phone and dialed, despite Rosco's protests.

"Hello? Simmel? I have a rush job for you. It has to be done today."

"I still don't like it." Rosco muttered.

Folks, I never thought I would say this, but I agree with Rosco. I don't like this.

"Thanks for the emergency patch, Cooter." Luke grinned as he slapped the friendly mechanic on the shoulder.

"No problem, Luke. She almost didn't make it over here." Cooter pushed back his cap grimly. "I still can't believe your spare was flat too."

"Yeah. I think someone might have been messing with the General."

"Really?" Cooter leaned over the hood, doing a general once-over before letting Luke leave.

"Yeah. You know Jimmy Jackson?"

"Do I ever. He's my best customer next to you fellows. He's always ripping up his poor car jumping Catfish Creek."

"Well, he and Bo have been going at it for a while. They were supposed to race this afternoon. I wouldn't put it past Jackson to make double sure he won."

"Really?" Cooter continued his check up as Luke talked. "Uh oh."

"What?" Luke's face clouded. "Bad news?"

"Oh yeah. One fast run and your brakes would have been shot." Cooter rolled out from under the car. "You said Bo was racing this afternoon, and Jimmy wouldn't mind making sure he won that race?"

"Yeah." Luke frowned again. "I can't believe Jimmy would be so careless with something like this. Bo could have gotten hurt."

"No," Cooter corrected. " Bo would have been a goner, if he was is the wrong spot when these babies blew. I can fix them, but it will be about an hour wait. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I'll just go take a walk." Luke was obviously upset, but was hiding it.

"Okay, sounds good. Say." Cooter blinked. "Where is Bo? I thought he and the General were surgically attached."

"He got the short straw on helping Uncle Jesse fix the roof, and I got the errand run." Luke's eyes twinkled. "Usually works out the other way." He added smugly.

Cooter laughed and waved as Luke headed out of the garage. Luke let his feet take him around the town, down a little side path to a collection of old abandoned buildings. Luke loved walking alone, soaking up silence. As a Duke, he didn't get too much of that. He leaned against an old building with a boarded up window, alone with his thoughts. He tensed suddenly, sensing someone behind him. He turned in a fighting stance but never had a chance to throw a punch. A large hand clamped down over his hand and mouth. He caught a heavy whiff of chloroform, and then he pitched forward, striking his head on the boarded wall beside him as his world went dark.

Oh, Luke what did you get into, or should I say, what did Boss Hogg get you into?