I remained still for several more minutes, waiting for my body to calm and my blanched skin to return to its pale tone. The words of both Damon and I, however, rolled around in my mind and my skin remained the deep pink color. A moment ago, I was aroused. Now I'm embarrassed. I peeked down over the staircase for Damon and was relieved to find he had apparently left the room. I took the steps of the spiral staircase hastily and when outside his door, I quickly darted across the length of the hallway to the door leading up to my room.

Closing my bedroom door upstairs, I snapped the lock close and turned my back to rest against it.

What had I just done?

I had turned into a fucking porn star, that's what I'd just done. I had never spoken like that during an intimate moment with Matt. Ever.

"Just like that, Damon!" Ugh! Why would I say that?

Well… I know why I'd say that, but why would I want to?

No respect. That's why. I had absolutely no respect for myself anymore. That's why I went to him in the first place.

I closed my eyes and let my head drop.

I had to admit it, though – Damon was right. That moment with him in his darkroom had effectively removed me from my world for just a few moments. The incident with my dad's box had been completely forgotten.

But now, here alone in my room, the incident was back along with my new problem of how to deal with what I'd just done with Damon. That was where Damon had been wrong. This deal of his was adding to my problems.

I shook my head and began walking toward the couch in my room, a new decision forming firmly in my mind.

No more. That was the one and only time I would sleep with Damon… Fuck, I didn't even know his last name.

I dropped down on the couch and sighed. But it had been so nice. Being that close to someone. Having him hold me. Having him control me. I had liked it.

But that didn't matter. There was no way that kind of arrangement would work. Not with him or anyone else. No matter what problems were thrown my way, I would not go crawling back to him.

I would not go back to him.

I would not go back to him.

I repeated the mantra in my mind, willing the words to stay put. But even as I thought it, there was a wavering edge to the words.

Shit.

…

I stayed in my room for most of the remaining day, only leaving once to take a quick shower. Jeremy had brought my boxes to my room while I'd been out and I worked slowly on giving everything a new home in the room, finding that it effectively took my mind off of earlier. Close to 7 o'clock, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I shouted as I sat in the middle of my bedroom floor, surrounded by stacks of vintage 45's – it had been a hobby for my dad and I.

Jeremy stepped into the room. "Hey."

I looked up from the record in my hand. "Oh, hey, Jer."

"How are you?"

I shrugged.

"The movers have called their company and are sending guys back to the old house to look for that box."

"Good," I replied simply.

"Yeah, well, dinner's ready. Everyone's already in the dining room."

"Dinner?" For some reason the idea of having dinner with the household seemed foreign to me. They didn't seem like the type of people to gather at night for some family time around the kitchen table. "Who's 'everyone'?"

"Me, Ric, Stefan, Damon. Everyone. The only people here."

"Are getting together… for dinner?" Even when spoken the words sounded strange to me.

Jeremy sighed with clear exasperation. "Yes, Elena. For dinner. Now, come on." And with that, he turned and started down the stairs.

…

Walking into the dining room, I picked at the edges of my long sleeves and stared down at the ground. When I glanced up, I was met with four sets of eyes gazing intently back at me. An involuntary blush heated my cheeks.

"Nice of you to join us," Ric smiled and his tone was not at all sarcastic. He was genuinely glad to see me.

I nodded once and sat in the last available chair next to Jeremy. Across from me, I noted uncomfortably, was Damon, his crystal eyes burning into my skin. Next to him sat Stefan and at the end of the rectangular table was Ric.

Everyone sat in silence for a moment before Ric cleared his throat and we all looked toward him.

"Well, um… I guess this is our first real dinner together. Not really sure if I should give a toast or a speech or what, but, Jeremy, Elena, I'm sincerely glad to have you guys in my home."

"Thanks, Ric," Jeremy smiled.

"So," Ric continued, "I'm not sure if you guys pray before you eat or…?"

Jeremy shook his head. "No, we don't typically. Do you?"

"Not at all," Ric laughed. "I guess that means just dig in."

On the table, there were multiple serving bowls set out with foods like mashed potatoes and salad. On a larger platter was a group of steaks that had apparently been cooked on a grill. I wondered if Ric had cooked them or had some help from one of the other guys. I knew Jeremy didn't know how to cook hardly anything so it definitely wasn't him. Either way, with how I was feeling, I wasn't sure my stomach could handle any food.

"Not eating?" Damon's voice spoke softly over the table and I looked up from my empty plate.

"Not hungry," I muttered back and averted my eyes. Everything in my body was tense from the uneasiness I now felt around Damon. We definitely shouldn't have hooked up.

"Oh, come on, Elena," Ric chided. "You've got to eat. I'd feel like an irresponsible guardian if you didn't."

"I came down and ate earlier," I lied.

"No you didn't," Damon chimed in and my eyes shot to his. How dare he?

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "Yes. I did."

"No," he repeated. "You didn't."

My jaw ached to drop in complete astonishment at his audacity, but I held my composure.

"She did," Stefan suddenly spoke up and we all turned to him. "I came through and saw her. Peanut butter sandwich, right?" he asked looking at me.

My eyes softened, grateful for his interruption. "Right," I nodded and smiled slightly.

"Well, guess that's settled," Ric smiled and began to eat, turning to engage Jeremy in a new line of conversation about school.

Stefan and I held eye contact for a few more moments as I mentally thanked him, then he reached out for food. When I looked back at Damon, his eyes were a bit icier than before and his mouth was pressed into a hard line. I didn't understand what his problem was.

…

Later that night, I found myself on the outside swing again, sans cigarettes. My jeans and long-sleeve shirt were protecting me nicely against the chill of the air, but I still wrapped my arms around my knees more out of habit than necessity. The swing rocked slowly beneath me and I stared blankly out into the night.

"Elena?"

I turned my head and saw Stefan striding toward me.

"Hey," I responded.

"You must really like this swing," he laughed as he walked around to the front and sat.

"It's a good place to think."

"About?"

I shrugged. "Oh you know. Life and stuff."

"Life and stuff," he repeated. "Heavy stuff."

"Heavy stuff, indeed," I agreed, then turned to him. "Hey, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to thank you for earlier."

He shook his head and looked down, almost seeming shy. "Don't worry about it."

"You just didn't have to do that, is all. But I'm glad you did."

"Damon just likes giving people a hard time. He likes picking on the weak."

"I'm not weak," I countered with a smile.

He looked up at me, his green eyes studying me for a moment before responding. "No. You're definitely not. So, why was it you didn't want to eat?"

I half-shrugged again. "I don't know. I just have a hard time eating when I'm stressed."

"That makes sense. It's understandable you're stressed."

"Is it?" I asked him. "No one else seems to be."

"Everyone handles loss differently," he answered.

"How have you handled yours?"

He sat up straight, his brow furrowed slightly in thought. "You know… I don't think I ever really handled it at all," he finally answered. "I mean, like I said before, I didn't know my parents. So, there wasn't much for me to lose there."

"You've never missed them?"

"When you never had it, you can't miss it," he replied with a small smile. "But sometimes I wonder. You know, what it would be like. I think Ric does a great job in kind of showing what it'd be like to have a dad."

I nodded and we fell silent for several moments, Stefan pushing the swing back and forth. Suddenly, a thought popped into my mind and I looked at him. "What's your last name?"

"Salvatore."

Hm. Salvatore. That's an attractive last name. Damon Salvatore.

My subconscious popped up and slapped me hard across the face. No! It should not be so easy for his name to show up in my mind at any time. Stefan Salvatore. He was the one I was speaking to. Not Damon.

"Why?" he asked.

"Just curious. Honestly, I think it's kind of weird to be living with," slash sleeping with, "guys I don't even know."

"Well, get to know me then," he smiled. "Shoot."

I bit on my lip. He was inviting me to ask him questions. Part of me only wanted to ask him about Damon, but I had a feeling that wouldn't go over so well. I looked out into the night as I tried to think of something.

"Um… what's you favorite color?" I asked, not being able to come up with anything else.

He thought for a moment. "I don't know that I really have a favorite color. I guess if I did, it would be black."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I think I'd say the same," or maybe my new favorite color would be blue… ice blue… like that of a crystal.

Shit.

No. Do not think of his eyes.

"What do you do for fun?" I questioned, trying to navigate away from my thoughts.

"Well, I kind of like sports. I played football in high school."

"Oh, I cheered," I chimed in, memories of nights on the field washing over me. My parents in the bleachers, Matt on the field, the bright lights illuminating my friends and I as we shouted encouraging words to our boyfriends.

"Do you miss it?" he asked, almost as if he could sense the images flashing behind my eyes.

"Part of me does, maybe. It was fun."

"You have a year left. I'm sure the school would love to have you on their team."

I shook my head. "I don't think I could. A lot's changed. I just… I don't know. That's not really me anymore. Honestly, I hadn't even thought about school since we got here."

"Ric mentioned Jeremy starting next Monday. I assumed you would as well."

I sighed and leaned back into the swing. "I don't know," I answered simply. A new school was the last thing I wanted right now. I wasn't interested in making new friends or explaining to everyone who I was, where I came from. I'd moved once before when I was 10 and I remember what it was like to have all the kids stare at me and whisper behind my back. It would be a million times worse now. I'd be the new girl from the strange world of the west coast who's parents were dead.

"If you decide to, let me know. I've still got friends there that would be more than happy to hang out with you, show you around."

I smiled warmly at him. He really was a nice guy and I appreciated his offer. "I'll think about it. Thanks."

Involuntarily, a yawn suddenly built in my chest and I pressed my hand against my mouth to suppress it. "Sorry," I muttered mid-yawn.

Stefan laughed. "Honestly, I'm pretty tired, too. Come on, I'll walk you up."

…

"So, tomorrow I'm actually going to hang out with a few of the friends I mentioned earlier," Stefan said as we walked up the stairs to the second floor, him trailing just a step or so behind me. "You could come if you want to."

"What are you guys doing?"

He shrugged. "We'll probably go eat, maybe go to the movies or something. It really depends on what everyone feels like doing."

"What time?"

"Around 2."

I looked down at the steps as we walked, wondering to myself if I was really ready to meet any new people. "Can I think about it?"

"Absolutely." He reached out and gently touched my elbow to stop me on the top step. A sweet tingle ran up my arm and I looked down at him. "If you're not ready, don't be afraid to say so," he said, his eyes soft with concern. He always seemed to know what I was thinking, how I was feeling. What was it with these Salvatore brothers?

I nodded. "Sure."

"Well, look at this," a new voice intruded and we both turned to see Damon sauntering down the hall. "Seems like someone's made a new friend."

My eyes narrowed and darkened slightly. I was still angry with him for the incident at dinner earlier.

"Damon," Stefan greeted curtly, a slight edge in his tone.

"Stefan," Damon answered back, mimicking his brother's voice.

I looked back at Stefan. "So, I'll let you know in the morning, K?"

He nodded, his eyes remaining a few seconds longer on Damon. When he looked back at me, he smiled slightly and his eyes lost their sharpness. "Goodnight."

"'Night."

Stefan stepped past me and began toward his bedroom. I turned in the opposite direction for my room, making a point not to speak to Damon.

As I climbed the last step and began closing my top door, a hand reached out to stop it and I startled a bit, not realizing anyone had been behind me.

"Can I come in?" Damon asked as he pushed back on the door and stepped in regardless of my resistance.

I backed up from the door and crossed my arms over my chest. "Does my answer even matter?"

"Not really," he concluded and walked over to the couch, dropping down to stretch out on the cushions, his arm hung casually on the back of it.

"What do you want, Damon?" I asked, not even bothering to suppress the annoyance in my voice.

"What were you doing with Stefan?" he asked casually.

I rolled my eyes. "None of your damn business. Now get out."

"You're angry with me," he said matter-of-factly and put on a fake pout. I huffed in exasperation and nearly stomped as I crossed the room to my closet. "Because of earlier?" he continued. I remained silent as I began searching for nightclothes. "Well, I'm not going to apologize."

"You should," I spit out and turned to him.

He shook his head. "You need your stamina. You need to eat."

"What? Why?"

"No one likes a sex partner that tires too easily," he answered with an arched brow. "And I don't want you losing weight. Your body's perfect the way it is."

I closed my eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. I had made my decision earlier. Now it was time to tell him.

"We're not sex partners, Damon. We won't be doing that again," I said quietly, dropping my hand and turning back to the closet, moving some clothes on the hangers idly, mostly to give me something to do.

His side of the room was quiet for several minutes and I was beginning to wonder if he was hurt, upset, angry, when suddenly I was pushed into the dark closet, face first in the clothes, and the door shut behind me.

I gasped, my eyes wide, and twisted around. A light above my head switched on and I found myself face to face with Damon in the small space.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed.

He moved forward fractionally and I moved myself deeper into the clothes to avoid contact.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why what?"

"Why have you decided we're 'won't be doing that again'?" he repeated my words.

I shook my head and pushed against his chest slightly, attempting to move around him for the doorknob. "I'm leaving."

He blocked me and grabbed my wrist with his hand, holding it steadily to his chest. "Answer me, Elena."

I looked up into his eyes and they were glaring at me somewhat menacingly. I felt slightly intimidated.

"Because we just can't."

"That isn't an answer."

I closed my eyes and let out a deep exhale. "Because I feel as though it made things worse for me."

"How?"

"It just did," I snapped. "I felt horrible about myself. It made me feel uncomfortable around you after. And it didn't take away the prior issue at hand, thank you very much."

He looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "You're over. thinking. it," he bit out.

I yanked my hand away from him and folded my arms over my chest. "So what if I am. That's just how I feel, Damon. Now, please, respect that and get out."

His eyes travelled back to my face, his jaws tensing. "Fine. I'll get out," he nodded then swiftly leaned down and pressed his lips hard against mine. I was stunned, my eyes large. I couldn't even think to make him stop as his hand lifted and tenderly wrapped around my neck, tilting my head slightly for a better angle. His lips molded perfectly against mine for several seconds, sending my heart into a frenzy. When he pulled away and opened his eyes, the crystal orbs were swimming with desire and smugness and I was nearly panting. "But I won't respect it," he finished.

He reached behind him and pushed open the closet door, his eyes remaining on me as he stepped out.

"See you soon," he told me, and it sounded like a promise. "Goodnight, Elena."

I was left in a stupor, my mind and body racing with confusion, anger and pure, raw lust.

I quickly realized quitting him would be like quitting a drug.

I guess I needed to find some rehab.

A/N: Hi, guys! I've missed you!

So, I finally graduated college. Got two degrees - Yay - But more importantly, free time to work on my fic's. :D

I'm getting married in 25 days so I may not have a ton of free time, but definitely more than before. I'll work on this story and 'Addictions', for those that are reading it, as much as I possibly can.

Thanks for hanging in there.

See you next chapter!

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