Chapter 13
Garlic Butter

So vampire venom and cash register boy's breath were apparently two things that could take down a vampire.

After mentally counting my nose hairs and eyebrows after that acid of a breath attack I continued on my pursuit as match maker.

"So how about I hook you up with my home girl up in laser tag?" I probably should have learned her name.

"Laser tag? You mean Trixie. Ugh no way, dude! She's a total twerp."

I was trying to listen but all I could hear were insults between the burst of acid breath. Dude had got to lay off the garlic bread on his breaks. Good thing the whole vampire-can't-stand-garlic myth wasn't real, because dude was totally going to slay me with that fire breath.

"What are you talking about? She a lovely long lady . . . to somebody . . . somewhere . . . maybe. But hey that could be you.

"No thanks bro. Did you know she snorts? Like really who snorts!" He laughed and believe it or not snorted. Oh the irony.

"No how about you hook me up with the blond that walked in here with you. Oh, man she was smoking!"

I saw red.

"Yeah, no that won't work, she's taken," I said trying desperately not to crush the larynx of the little kid.

"Sea biscuit; the cute ones always are. Am I right or am I right."

I tried to agree but the huff of breath that left his mouth was too much for my delicate nasal passages.

"Look let's face it," niceties were out the window, "you are a pimple face little creature whose breath smells like you've been licking the garlic butter straight from the bowl. You have the personality of a wet paper towel and believe it or not dude you snort when you laugh, which is why you and Juicy Fruit upstairs will make the perfect couple."

He just looked at me for a minute. I was about to walk away and give up on the good deed. But then he called back.

"So you think she'd want my number?"

Wow two days in a row . . .

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