Disclaimer: Labyrinth doesn't belong to me. Any Goblin names or practices mentioned are taken from The Goblin Companion by Brian Froud and Terry Jones.

Authors Note: Gosh folks, it has been a while, hasn't it? It's nice to be back. This isn't my usual shtick to be honest. It almost borders on crack!fic but I hope you have as much fun reading asI did writing.

I'd also like to add, that if anyone reading is a Wiccan, there's no offense intended. 'Tis all in the name of fun.

It's A Wiccan World

By Chaimera

Come You Sprits...

Lightening briefly illuminated the small room and a cold winter wind that blew outside, causing the old house to moan. Another flash, another moan and the sound of several pairs of small feet skittering across the wooden floor, towards Sarah's location, curled up in an arm chair, alternately watching the rain pound down outside and reading a book. Small hands tugged on her trouser leg and she looked down kindly at three goblins, whose eyes were as round as saucers. Sarah giggled and lifted the smallest of the three on to the arm of her chair.

"Honestly, you'd think with what you lot do; a little rain and thunder wouldn't scare you? It certainly doesn't when you take a child."

The tiny creature clung to her arm as Sarah hoisted up the other two and set them on the side table next to her. They also scurried up the arm of the chair, one curling into a ball on her shoulder, the other dumping itself in her lap, quite ungraciously she noted. The one in her lap looked up at her, large eyes shining with fear.

"'S not the storm Lady, it's the ladies."

Sarah frowned in confusion. "The ladies…? Oh, you mean Christy and her friends. Ignore them, they don't know what they're doing."

Sarah was referring to her house mate and her coven of 'witches'. They gathered in the living room every week to chant, cast spells, and generally burn things that Sarah thought made the house smell disgusting. It was, Sarah had concluded some time ago, the worst thing about being broke; being forced to share a home with a bunch of complete strangers. Now, to be fair to her other three housemates, they were perfectly sane, rational human beings. Christie on the other hand...

"Speaking of the Wicked Witch of Wisconsin, have you guys been stealing her jewellery and hiding her keys? Because she's threatening a room by room search if they keep going missing."

Another wail echoed up from the living room and the goblin in her lap pulled its rusted helmet down over its eyes and pressed into her side. The one still clinging to her arm (making it difficult to turn the pages of her book or more importantly, reach the glass of wine on the side table) shook its head vigorously.

"Ladies can't be trusted with the shiny shiny."

"...Right. And her keys?"

The goblin on her shoulder sniffed in a rather self important manner. "We mays or mays not have temporarily relocated the means of transportations for the mosts worrisome of ladies."

"It's being for the good of Goblin kind!"

The words were rather muffled but Sarah was fairly sure that's what was said as the goblin continued his attempts to burrow into her sweater.

"You know what? I really don't want to know."

Sarah rearranged the creatures slightly and took a sip of wine before returning to her book. After a while, despite the thunder, lighting and occasional wail or chant the three of them seemed to have drifted off. She smiled slightly as muffled snoring reached her ears and turned the page. She was just getting to the best part...

"Don't let them grind my horns!"

Sarah jumped at the deep voice which sounded from her closet, causing the three sleeping goblins to tumble to the floor, all landing in a heap before brandishing their tiny weapons and spinning around to find the threat.

"I'll stick you through!"

"I'll let none of ye near my beer!"

"Mummy!"

Sarah looked down at them and raised an eyebrow when, as they realized they were not under attack, looked at each other in puzzlement before sitting down on the spot and passing around what appeared to be the goblin equivalent a hip flask.

She sighed and began to cautiously approach the closet where the voice had come from. She could hear a sort of soft clacking coming from inside.

Grabbing the nearest heavy object (a rather large dictionary), she raised her arm and pulled the door open. There, peeking out from between her winter coat and a rather expensive silk dress was a very large and very familiar goblin. His teeth were chattering and he looked up at her pleadingly.

Sarah put her hand on her hip and pointed at the rest of the goblins, who were now brandishing small, sharp pointy sticks at each other and she hoped to God that they weren't going to try knitting again.

"Røem, get out here."

The large goblin (at his full height he stood level to her waist) lumbered out and dumped himself at the foot of her armchair. Røem Bååbå was one of the first goblins she ever encountered. Not that she knew it at the time as she had been trying to calm her hysterical baby brother and he had been hiding in a pile of stuffed toys. He was now a regular visitor to her room (though God knows why) along with a small parade of several other goblins who had taken a liking to the girl, now woman, who had beaten the man who regularly kicked them halfway across the Labyrinth.

Sarah leapt forward as the larger goblin also removed a small stick from his pocket and snatched them away.

"No! No knitting. Not here."

"Aww, but Lady..."

"Not ever. You know my rules and you've got to stick to them if you want to keep coming here. And that includes no stealing from my housemates."

"But..."

"No. I don't want to hear it. I will make sure you each get tied to a tree in the Bog if I hear anymore about crystals going missing or talismans going walkies by themselves. Got it?"

The four goblins gazed up at her with gazes as blank as a piece of granite... though, on refection, Sarah knew some pieces of granite that were quite more expressive, not to mention, talkative.

"Okay." She looked at Røem and crouched down beside him. "Why were you hiding in my closet?"

He fiddled with a loose bit of his armour, not wanting to make eye contact.

"They said... they said they needed powdered horn to complete their spell and who..." Here he gulped dramatically. "... Who has horns in Lady's house except for Røem?"

The last word came out rather high pitched as he suddenly clutched at her sweater and the other goblins scuttled to take shelter by her legs.

"Who? Christie?"

He nodded quickly. "Yeah. The other ladies with the smelly sticks."

"I hears they burn bits of goblins."

There was another wail from downstairs and several squeaks from around her. Sarah sighed and stood, running a hand through her hair.

"Alright. If I make the ladies stop, will you lot calm down or go home?"

There were nods and noises of agreement before they all piled on to the big arm chair and looked at her expectantly.

Sarah grumbled as she made her way downstairs. They were goblins for goodness sakes and here they were cowering, in the room of a broke writer, at some self-proclaimed wiccans who thought that a bit of rose quartz and some incense was magic. She had better things to be doing with her time.

She knocked on the door to the living room and opened it slightly, sticking her head inside. The stench of burning sage was enough to make her head spin as she blinked through the smokey haze. She was met by the gaze of ten women with enough eyeliner and white powder to do up the audience at a Kiss concert.

One of the girls who wasn't Christy (she had been introduced to Sarah as Topaz, but she had an inkling that wasn't her real name) stood and smiled, gesturing towards the circle.

"Welcome sister. Have you finally decided to join us? I knew when I first saw your aura that the aether had a strong draw to you. You are drawn to magick."

Sarah held back an eye roll and arranged her features in what she hoped was an apologetic face.

"Err, no. Look, I'm sorry to interrupt but, it's past midnight and I need to be up early in the morning..."

She trailed off, hoping they would get the point.

Christie gave her a dirty looks and piped up. "Yes, well, as anyone would know, the witching hour, that's midnight, is the most powerful time for us to do our casting so..."

She looked at Sarah in a triumphant manner before her face dropped when Topaz spoke up.

"Of course. We are truly sorry. What Moon says is correct but that time has now passed. We won't keep you up."

The strange woman surged forward in a whirl of chiffon and shawls, clutching Sarah's hands tightly.

"Oh. Okay, thanks. Em... Goodnight?"

"Blessed Be, my sister. Blessed Be."

Sarah smiled tightly, extracting her hands from the other woman's grip. "And you."

She fled back to her room faster than she thought she could, quickly shutting the door behind her. She leaned back against it and let out a whoosh of breath.

"Wow. That was weird. Even for me."

"And that's saying something, ain't it?"

Sarah jumped and then smiled, crossing the room to hug her diminutive friend. "Hoggle. What are you doing here?"

He gestured to the pile of snoring goblins on her chair. "I heard you was having a bit of an... infestation problem."

She grinned and rolled her eyes. "I don't know why they come here."

"You encourage them."

"I do not."

"You do."

"...Well, fine. They're harmless. Most of the time. I suppose the question is why did they start coming here?"

Hoggle shrugged and glancing at the pile of gnarled limbs in distain. "Apparently, they like you. Everyone does."

"They do not."

"Name one thing that does not like you?"

"Well, Moon-face down there, for one."

"Eh?"

She shook her head and yawned. "Oh, never mind. Are you going to take this lot back or what?"

"Oh right. Ahem..." He cleared his throat and then thumped the side of the chair while shouting "Rocks!"

"Rocks?"

"What?"

"Save yourselves!"

"Run away!"

The four goblins ran in all directions but eventually encountered a solid object, usually a wall, which stopped them in their tracks. Hoggle grabbed the closest one by the scruff of the neck and hauled him over.

"All right you lot. Come on. The king'll be mighty miffed to find out you've been spending all yer time 'ere."

The smallest goblin (Sarah thought his name might be Dogsthorpe, but she could never be sure) sniffed slightly and hugged Sarah's calf before trudging over to stand beside Hoggle. Røem was lumbering across the room when something about the size of a tennis ball detached from his body and began to hop around the room. Sarah knew, from unfortunate personal experience, that this happened to be the Worlds Biggest Flea also known as Betsy. She shuddered as she watched it hop over one of the other goblins (she would hazard a guess at Bubl... or possibly Sqeek) upon which Røem pulled some mouldy looking gold coins from his pocket and promptly stuffed them up the other goblins nose, who looked surprisingly pleased at this turn of events. A few seconds later, after a hasty wave from Hoggle, the room was empty save for Sarah. She glanced around before throwing herself down on her bed and gazing at the ceiling.

"That..." She said to no one. "...was disgusting."

A/N: Don't forget to feed the author below.