Recreate My Soul

Chapter 1

I would be lying if I said it was the first time I thought like this, if I said I didn't look in to all their stupid faces and see them scratched, bruised and blood covered. I would be lying if I said that I hadn't had a plan to ensure that happens. I would be lying if I said that I didn't act differently around them, keeping up a façade whenever I wasn't alone. They saw me as normal, maybe even chipper if you would like to go that far, but I wasn't. I wasn't this hero, they saw and as time moved on I began to become farther from it.

The actual change in me started awhile ago. I made up this hero façade to cover it up. As a child I was always admiring of heroes so it seemed like the perfect disguise. In reality though I felt like crap. A couple years ago I would get an ache in my chest where my heart is, like it was literally breaking inside of me. I would get headaches where I would literally be gripping the sides of my head because it hurt so much. I would play it off as something small, I was strong I could handle pain. I didn't want to involve anyone else in it, because I knew they wouldn't understand, plus none of the other nations seemed to notice while I sat there in agony. I tried to tell Britain one time, but he just called me fat and said I was probably having a heart attack. He didn't understand. It got bad; after my headache would finally go away I began to feel dizzy and distant, like I wasn't myself. No one noticed, it's not like they talked to me or anything. It was very rare that any of the nations would want to hang out with me. Even Canada my own brother didn't seem to notice. Every so often he would ask if I was alright when he saw me in pain, but I knew that if I told him the truth he would just say the same thing as Britain, so I told him it was nothing, that sometimes it hurts to contain the over flowing awesomeness within me, with that he just nodded and went back to ignoring me.

Then it happened. It was during a UN meeting, Britain was prattling on about something boring and then she appeared, It had been years, even centuries since I have seen her, but there she stood looking as beautiful as always. Her golden hair was blowing in a nonexistent breeze, her snow white dress covering her perfectly, her eyes a mixture of blue and violet looking at me with both a mixture of sadness and joy. I looked around. There she was standing in the middle of room but no one seemed to notice. She danced around the room but everyone seemed to stare only at Britain as he talked about the drop in economy at his place. I watched her amazed.

"America," Britain said noticing as my eyes seemed to move around the room distracted. "Are you alright?" She seemed to freeze at the sound of Britain's voice, her smile dropped.

I forced a smile at him. "Yeah dude, just thinking about who would win in a fight, Superman or Captain America, I mean Superman has totally awesome powers but Captain America totally has America in his name making him totally badass." I had to come up with something to say, when I really just wanted him to shut up and end this boring hell already, I needed something that fit the façade I worked so hard to create.

"Right," England said rolling his eyes and continuing his boring ass speech.

She looked back at me and smiled her warm smile, I had missed that smile.

"America," she whispered happily, and with that she disappeared.

"No!" I shouted standing up. "Don't leave me again!"

Everyone went silent and stared at me, startled.

"America!" Britain shouted at me with false concern. Fuck! I messed up my act. I tried to think of something to say when my head began to hurt like hell. I screamed gripping my head. God, I had gotten use to the pains, I barely felt them anymore; I knew how to shut the pain off or what to do to distract myself so I wouldn't be focused on it, but nothing worked, the pain had never felt this bad. Britain and a few other nations ran over to me.

"America," they all shouted as they ran over to me. My legs felt wobbly I gripped my chair to keep myself from falling. France and Britain quickly put my arms on their shoulders, supporting my weight. I began to gasp for air, I felt like I was underwater. I tried and tried to breath but no air seemed to get to my lungs, my heart which at the time was racing seem to suddenly stop, giving only a last haunting thump before complete silence. The last thing I saw before my eyes rolled in to the back of my head was Matthew, standing in front of me, tears rolling down his cheeks; he had his hands on either side of my face.

"Brother!" he shouted. I could see her behind him. She was resting her head on his, the smile once again on her lips.

She began to hum a familiar lullaby.

I let myself fall in to the darkness, holding the light of her smile with me.

My body collapsed.

So is this what it felt like to die?

Alright, so this is just the beginning everyone! I have some awesome plans for this story, and it is gonna get really intense. Please review I really want to know what you guys are thinking XD