This is the results of sugar, boredom, and Internet access. *Sigh* Pure crack. Hope it makes other people laugh as hard as I did. I only own Riella, I don't own the test.

Riella and Prowl take a Mary Sue Test

Riella was searching the Internet over her datapad, and Prowl was updating the list of items banned from the base, when they found it.

"The Mary Sue Litmus Test," Riella read off. "What do you think that is?"

Prowl took a look. "It says it's a test for OCs to determine if they're Mary Sues - you know, ridiculously overpowered and perfect characters with tons of drama."

"Ew," Riella commented.

Prowl got a mischievous grin on his face. "You should take it."

"Me? Why? You don't think I'm one of those, do you?"

"No, but you're an OC," Prowl pointed out.

Riella crossed her arms. "If I'm taking it, so are you."

"I can't. I'm not an OC."

"Technically, no, but you know the author combined characters from two different continuities to make you. You qualify."

"Okay, fine, fine. What's the first question?"

Riella read it out loud. "Is your character named after yourself or your screen name? (+1)"

"Um...I'm not." Prowl looked at his mate with a smirk. "Well, she's used T'Reilani, which is your full name..."

"Hey!" She whacked him. "That doesn't count, I never use that name. And anyway, she wrote the story before using the name."

"If you say so. What's next?"

Is your character described as beautiful? (+1)

"Well, yes..." Riella thought about it. "Attractive, anyway." +1

"I'm not, again. Although she did comment that you thought I was attractive..." Prowl smirked.

"Yeah, yeah, ninja-bot."

"Unusually" or "astonishingly" beautiful? (+2)

"Of course not." Riella arched an optic ridge. "We're both fairly average."

The most beautiful Transformer who's ever lived? (+3)

"Now that's just ridiculous." Prowl sighed. "I'd say you are, but I doubt anyone else would."

"Thanks, I think." Riella kept going.

Do the other characters feel intimidated or threatened by her beauty? (+1)

"Don't need beauty, I've got wrist-blades. Moving on."

Are her optics an unusual color? (+1)

"No, and no." Prowl took off his visor. "Personally, I wouldn't mind purple or something, but the Twins would look weird with that optic color..."

Riella whacked him again. "Next one."

Do they change color according to her mood? (+1)

"No," they both said simultaneously.

Does she have long, flowing hair? (+2)

"Um, yeah...but only in organic mode." +2

"It still counts. Sorry, Riella."

Do you describe it on the first page of the story? (+2) (or the first post of the RP?)

"No, what would be the point? The readers didn't need to know it then. I think all she said was that it was long. In fact, I don't know if she ever actually described it."

"Okay, we've got a lazy author, but it keeps the points down..."

Do you describe it more than once? (+3)

Riella rolled her optics. "No!"

Is she a recolored and/or "feminized" version of a canon character? (+1)

"If I am, please shoot me now."

Prowl nodded. "You're not. We're similar because we're both cycleformers, but no more so than any others."

Is she a Seeker? (+1)

"No! What do we look like, 'Cons?"

Do you spend more than two consecutive paragraphs describing her physical appearance? (+1) (character apps don't count)

Prowl sighed. "That would have been great, but we only got one paragraph between the two of us."

Do you make it a point to mention that she's as tall, or taller, than the average male? (+1)

"No..."

"Because neither of us is!"

Does the story begin with something like "Hi! I'm [insert name here] and this is my story!"? (+10)

"No way!" Riella huffed. "Skids and Mudflap could come up with a better opening line than that."

Does she have wings on her shoulders? (+1)

"Hmm..." Prowl thought about that. "Do jetpack fins count?"

"I don't think so..." Riella twisted, trying to see her back. "They don't really look like wings."

Does she have wings on her butt? (-20 and you're excused from the rest of the test.)

"Wings where?" Prowl's expression was horrified.

"Ewww!" Riella moved on quickly.

Does she have more than one alt-mode? (+1)

"You do. I don't." Prowl looked all too smug. Riella glared at him. "Hush, you." +1

More than two? (+2)

"Nope. Too space-consuming."

Is her robot mode surprisingly lacking in the "kibble" that would logically be necessary to transform into all these things (because then she wouldn't be as purty)? (+2)

Riella looked down at the wheels in her legs, then over at the windshield on Prowl's chest. "Um, no. We're motorcycles, we don't need much kibble."

Does she transform via "magic" or some advanced and/or alien technology? (+2)

"No!" Riella sighed.

"Magic doesn't exist," Prowl pointed out.

"Yeah, well, technically neither do we."

"Hey, don't mess with the fourth wall."

"Sorry. Next question!"

Is her name a painfully blatant feminization of a canon name, like "Starscreamia" or "Lady Optimus"? (+10)

They stared at each other for a moment, then cracked up laughing. "I'm so calling Starscream that next time I fight him!" Riella giggled.

Is one of her alt-modes an animal with wings?(+1)

An animal that doesn't usually have wings, like a cat? (+2)

Any fantasy-type creature (dragon, unicorn, gryphon, etc.)? (+2)

"No, no, and no."

Is one of her alt-modes organic or partly organic? (+2)

"Well...yeah." Riella winced. "But it's not my fault. Blame the author." +2

Does her name contain one or more of the following: Sky/Sun/Star/Fire/Flame/Night/Day/Dawn/Shadow/Black/Silver/Cat/Wolf/Raptor/Dragon/Dark/Blood/Death/Blade? (+1)

"Wow...I'm getting some interesting name ideas here..." Prowl shook his head. "Those are so unoriginal."

Any variation of Optimus, Ultra, Mega, Galva, Prime, or -tron suffixes? (+2)

A deliberately misspelled word, like Fyre or Darke? (+2)

An inexplicable capital letter in the middle of the name? (+2)

"No, no, and no. What self-respecting 'bot would want an name with any of those?" Riella shook her head. "If I ever suggest we name one of our sparklings like that, please stun me and take me to Ratchet."

Does she have a name composed entirely of the previous, like "FyreBlade NightDragyn"? (+20, and come on)

"WHAT?" they yelled simultaneously.

Does her full name contain a "the", followed by some supposedly cool-sounding descriptive, like "DeathWolf the Soul-Flayer"? (+2)

They both cracked up laughing again.

Is her name a completely made-up word like no canon TF has ever had, just because you thought it sounded cool? (+3)

"Well...Riella, your name is made up, but it's not because it sounded cool."

"No, it's because I'm Vulcan." Riella touched one pointed audio fin. "It's actually T'Reilani, but my author decided "Riella" was easier to type and say."

"Yeah, like we said, she's lazy." Prowl looked at the next one.

Have you used the same character for a non-TF in another universe? (+1)

Two or more universes? (+2)

Is it because she's actually the same character and has the ability to travel between dimensions and alter her appearance to suit each one, or some such? (+10, and sigh)

Riella thought about it. "Well, no. 'Prowl' is from TF to begin with, and 'Riella' hasn't been used for any other characters."

"Although she does have a tendency to recycle names." Prowl chuckled.

Does she have any of the following abilities:

Telepathy? (+1)
Teleportation? (+1)
More powerful than Skywarp's? (+2)
Super-speed? (+1)
Faster than Blurr's? (+2)
Unusually keen senses? (Sight, hearing, smell, etc.) (+1 for each.)
Telekenesis? (+2)
"Magical" powers, often vaguely defined or whatever the situation calls for (including magical healing of self or others)? (+2)
Time-travel under her own power? (+2)
Control of the weather or other natural elements? (+2)
The ability to communicate with animals? (+2)
Precognition or a "sixth sense" regarding imminent danger (including precognitive dreams or visions)? (+2)
Any ability which no canon TF has ever been shown to have? (+3)
ALL of the above? (+100 points and kindly never write anything again.)

"Telepathy, yes. Keen hearing, yes. That goes for both of us." Prowl marked that down on his datapad. +2 both

Riella looked at the last sentence and giggled. "I'd love to be the character that got all of those. I could take out anyone I wanted."

Is she:

A brilliant scientist and/or inventor? (+1)
So brilliant that she effortlessly solves problems that Wheeljack, Ratchet, and/or Perceptor couldn't? (+2)
Is she a phenomenally skilled martial artist? (+1)
In Metallikato? (+2)

"Definitely no to the first two," Prowl commented. "But we're both martial artists, and we know Metallikato..." +2 both

"I had no idea those made us Mary Sues," Riella sighed. "I mean, it's not like it's uncommon..."

In some hitherto-unknown Cybertronian martial art that you just made up? (+3)
Is she the only female ever to be trained in this art? (+1)
Is she an incredible sharpshooter? (+1)
At any distance? (+1)
With any weapon? (+1)

"No to the first two, the author's not that creative. Also no to the other three."

"What do I look like, Ironhide?" Prowl raised a brow ridge. "Maybe Blue meets those categories, but neither of us do."

If you've made Tech Specs for her:

Are they all sevens and/or eights? (+1)
Nines and/or tens? (+2)
Higher than tens? (+5)

"No way. We both scored pretty low in the social skills department - "

"Especially you," Riella teased.

Prowl threw his stylus at her. "- and we're not all that strong either."

Does she have a beautiful singing voice? (+1)

"Nope. We're both average."

Does she play a musical instrument? (+1)

"Yes, it's the lytherette." Riella sighed. +1

Is it the flute? (+20)

"Didn't you hear her? She just said it wasn't."

Is it the bagpipes? (-20)

That made them both crack up again. "Prowl, you should learn those..."

Is she extremely fond of a particular Earth musical group, TV show, movie, etc.? (+1)

"Not really..." Prowl shrugged. "I like certain genres, but no one group."

"Same here." Riella looked further down the list.

That just happens to be YOUR favorite musical group, TV show, movie, etc.? (+2)

"Her favorite things change every month..."

Is she so obsessed with a particular rock band that she named herself after it? (+10) ;-)

"People DO that?"

Is your character the daughter of a canon character? (+1) (adopted counts)

"I'm not..." Riella looked at Prowl.

"Neither am I. I don't think our creators even have names yet."

Is it Starscream? (+1)

"NOOO!" they both yelled.

Is it Megatron? (+2)

"I'm not even going to comment on that!" Riella made a disgusted face.

Is it Optimus Prime? (+3)

"That would be great, but no."

That your character does not originally know about? (+1)
Because your character's mother (or father) hid her away to "protect" her from something? (+2)

"No and no."

Is your character the sister of a canon character? (+1)
Is it Megatron? (+2)
Is it Optimus Prime? (+1)
Is it Starscream? (+3)

"Is is me, or are these getting a little...creepy?" Prowl's optics were unnaturally wide.

"Don't think about it, Prowl. You're getting that "I'm going to glitch" look."

Does she have a twin of the same gender? (+1)
Of the opposite gender? (+2)
Do they communicate telepathically? (+3)

"No, no, and no. That goes for both of us."

Is she the product of a tragically doomed romance between an Autobot and a Decepticon? (+1)

"Definitely not!" Prowl's optics got even wider. "I don't think that even happens."

Was your character on board the Ark or the Nemesis? (+1)

"The what?" Riella arched her optic ridges again.

Is she part-alien or part- any other non-TF creature? (+1)

"Yes, Riella, you are." +1

"Don't remind me."

Is she a non-Cybertronian mechanoid who joined the TFs for whatever reason? (+1)
Is she a human who was turned into a TF? (+2)
No beating about the bush: is she you turned into a TF? (+3)
Do you secretly believe that this is really going to happen some day? (+5)
Seriously, though? (+10)

"No, no, no, no, and no. The author turned into one of us? That's a really scary thought." Riella tried to picture it, then gave up.

Is she a fantasy-type creature (elf, mermaid, dragon, unicorn, etc.) who was turned into a TF? (+2)

"No way! I'm normal, and Riella's..." Prowl stopped when he saw her glare. "Semi-normal?"

"Nice save."

Is she a canon character from a non-TF universe who was brought into this universe and turned into
a TF? (+3)

"Please! I'm original! Well, kind of."

For any of the above: does she become a TF:

Because she was badly injured by/because of a TF and this was the only way they could save her life? (+1)

"Sort of..." Prowl thought it through. "I guess that counts." +1

Because she wanted to Join In the Fight Against Evil? (+1)
Because Megatron (or Galvatron or whoever) had the idea to turn humans into Decepticons and use them against the Autobots? (+1)
Because she was in love with a TF and this was the only way they could be together? (+2)
Due to a Convenient Unexplained Phenomenon (a dimensional portal, an energy bolt from space, etc.)? (+2)
For Mysterious Reasons of Her Own? (+2)
Because she wanted revenge on an annoying ex-boyfriend? (-100 points and please send me the story.)

"No, no, no, no, no, and no. But the last one could be arranged."

Prowl grinned. "If she writes that story, I want to see it too."

Is she a member of a hitherto-unknown "third race" that fled Cybertron during the Great War? (+2)
Is she royalty of any kind? (+2)
That she does not originally know about? (+3)
Is she a member of a non-allied mercenary group that Plays By Their Own Rules and Answers To No One? (+3)
Is she the leader? (+1)
Is this group made up of stunningly beautiful and incredibly dangerous femmebots? (+1)
Are they Feared and Respected Throughout the Galaxy? (+1)
Do they have their own spaceship? (+1)
Or did your character presumably come about in a perfectly ordinary way, because you don't feel her origins are worth going on about? (-30 and thank you, thank you, thank you.)

"Those are all just ridiculous. Except for the last one."

Does your character fall in love with a canon character? (+1)

"Depends." Prowl looked at Riella. "Do I count as a canon character, and do they mean, in the story we were introduced in or in the entire biography?"

Riella shrugged. "Well, I'd say no. After all, the "falling in love" bit is part of our backstory for now -"

"Isn't she writing that part, though?"

"Hush, you. And you're not really canon in that sense because you weren't in the movie originally."

Is it Optimus Prime? (+1)
Is it Megatron? (+2)
Is it Starscream? (+3)

"Optimus is taken, and the other two...ugh...what do I look like, that Seeker femme?"

Does she fall in love with someone from an opposing faction? (+1)
From a different continuity? (i.e. an Autobot and a Maximal)? (+2)
From an opposing faction AND a different continuity? (i.e. an Autobot and a Vehicon)? (+3)
Did they fall in love within days of meeting each other? (+1)
Did they fall in love At First Sight or The Moment Their Eyes Met? (+2)
Do they defy anyone's direct orders to be together? (+1)
Does one of them defect from their faction so they can be together? (+1)
Do they BOTH defect from their factions so they can be together? (+2)
Do canon characters fight (or otherwise compete) for her affections? (+1)

"Gah! I can't believe this!" Prowl stared in disbelief. "Of course it wasn't at first sight! That doesn't really happen!"

"Prowl, calm down. I don't want to have to pick you up off the floor."

Does she "reform" a thought-to-be-irredeemably-evil character through The Power of Her Love? (+100 and pass me the Pepto-Bismol.)
Does your character have sex with the object of her affections? (+1)
More than once? (+2)
That you describe in point-by-point detail? (+1)
For more than two consecutive pages? (+3)
Is it a life-altering experience for her? (+1)
For him? (+1)
Do one or both of them cry afterwards because it was so beautiful? (+1)
Did you cry afterwards because it was so beautiful? (+2)

"Well, that's happened, because we're sparkmates, but what makes you think our author's going to bother writing that stuff? She's got a life, people! And of course it was life-altering, it was the day we bonded. And who cries afterward anyway? These are ridiculous. Prowl?"

There was a slight pop, and smoke started coming out of Prowl's helmet as the mech slowly fell to the floor.

Riella sighed and went to fiddle with something in his helmet. "Knew that was going to happen. Maybe I should read the rest of the ones on love before he reboots."

Do they get married? (+1)
Do you describe the wedding ceremony? (+1)
For more than two consecutive pages? (+2)
Including giving the name of every single character who was invited? (+3)
Is the wedding attended by members of opposing factions, because they decided to set aside their differences in order to share in the joy of this wondrous event? (+20)
Does this wedding ceremony bear an astonishing similarity to a late 20th/early 21st century American middle-class Christian wedding, complete with vows, veil, and bouquet, despite the fact that this is far from the only type of wedding ceremony that exists (or has ever existed) on Earth, so to expect giant robots from outer space to use this exact same ritual is PATENTLY ABSURD? (Sorry.) (+50)

"Good thing I'm reading these without him. If the last ones hadn't made him glitch, these would have. Well, let's see...the first one doesn't count yet, because we already got married. And why is this question after the sex one?" Riella shook her head. "No, don't think about that. No, she didn't describe the wedding ceremony because it isn't in the story. There was no invitation list because we didn't invite anyone, they just showed up." She glared at the screen. "And why in the galaxy would we want 'Cons attending? Not that they would anyway. And who writes Earth rituals for Cybertronian characters?"

Prowl lifted his head, optics flickering as he rebooted. "Oops. Did I miss anything?"

"Nothing worth seeing." Riella scrolled down before Prowl could take a look and glitch again.

Do they have a child together? (+1)
More than one? (+2)
More than three? (+4)
Are any of them twins? (+5)
With telepathic powers? (+6)

"Not in the stories that have been written so far, thank goodness, because if they had been written we'd have all of those." Prowl looked over at Riella. "Should we count it?"

"Maybe just the first one." +1 both

Is your character an orphan? (+1)

Riella looked at Prowl. "My creators are dead, but they died of old age and I was already an adult...what about you?"

"Yeah, same here, except my creators didn't die of old age. At least I don't think."

"Whatever. It doesn't count."

Were her parents killed in an attack by the opposing faction? (+1)
In an attack by pirates, mercenaries, an alien invasion, or anything other than a canon TF faction? (+2)
Did this attack destroy her entire city or colony? (+2)
Her entire world? (+3)

"Nope. Go ask Bee and Blue those. On second thought, don't."

As a result of this attack, was she Left Alone To Fend For Herself In a Cruel Uncaring Universe? (+1)
Was she Forced To Do Terrible Things To Survive? (+1)
That she deeply regretted doing, because deep down inside she was still a good and kind individual? (+1)

"Given that there wasn't an attack that orphaned either of us...NO!"

At any point in your character's history:

Was she kidnapped? (+1)
Was she sexually assaulted? (+2)
By more than one individual? (+3)
By a canon character? (+100 points and shame on you.)
Was she forced into slavery? (+2)
Was it sexual in nature? (+5)

Prowl was scarred for life just by thinking about it. "NO! NEITHER OF US!"

Was she captured by the opposing faction or other evil persons? (+1)
Was she tortured? (+1)
Was her mind forcibly read by a telepath or some kind of evil brain-scanning device? (+1)
Was her mind altered in any way (false memories implanted, brainwashed into betraying her faction, etc.)? (+1)

"Yes to the first two," Riella shuddered. "But that happens to most 'bots eventually." +2 both

Prowl shook his head. "The last two...I'd just like to see anyone try! These are stupid."

Did she swear revenge on a particular group or faction as a result of Her Tragic Experience (whatever it was)? (+1)
Did she swear revenge on a particular individual? (+1)
Did she change her name, upgrade her body configuration, or otherwise alter herself in any way because of it? (+2)

"Triple no. All our upgrades were standard procedure."

At any point in her history, does she change factions? (Going from Neutral to a named faction, or vice-versa, counts.) (+1)
Does she change factions more than once? (+2)
More than twice? (+3)
Do the other characters get so sick of her faction-swapping that they finally just haul off and shoot her? (-50)

"No, no, no, and no, but if that ever happens, I want video footage." Prowl snickered.

Is she insane, or suspected of being insane? (+1)
Does she experience flashbacks or other mental lapses? (+1)
Does she suffer from a pathological phobia of clowns? (-20)

"No, no, and definitely no."

"Although if the first one applies to the author..."

Riella whacked Prowl again. "Be nice."

Does your character die? (+1)
Does she sacrifice herself to save the object of her affections? (+2)
To save her entire faction? (+3)
To save Cybertron and/or Earth? (+4)
To save the galaxy? (+5)
To save the entire universe/multiverse/space-time continuum? (+10)

"Nope. At least, not yet."

"And if we don't die, logically, we can't die to save anything."

"Although we've come pretty close before and probably will again..."

Does she repair a time paradox by dying? (+2)
Does she cause one? (+2)
Is her death witnessed by five or more canon characters? (+1)
Do any of them cry? (+1)
Does anyone shout "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" at any point? (number of O's and exclamation points may vary.) (+2)
Is it more than two paragraphs long? (+2)
More than two pages long? (+3)

"THERE IS NO DEATH SCENE!"

"Although, you shouted "NOOOO!" at one point in the story..."

"Oh, hush, Prowl." Riella's cooling vents switched on. "Blame the melodramatic author who really, really thought the scene with Jazz needed more emotion."

Does she sing "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" in a loud, bellowing voice? (-10)

They both cracked up laughing yet again. "I wish..." Riella gasped.

Do you describe her funeral? (+1)
Is it awfully similar to an Earth-type funeral? (See the question about weddings.) (+2)
Do the attendees make moving speeches about how wonderful she was and what a difference she made in their lives? (+3)
Are these speeches more than two paragraphs long? (+4)
More than two pages long? (+5)
Does anyone break down and cry in the middle of their speech? (+5)
Did you cry while you were writing it? (+5)

"There is no death, so there is no funeral! Although, when there is, I want someone to cry during their moving speech about me..." Prowl tipped his head back, imagining it.

"Egomaniac." Riella moved down the page again.

During the funeral, does she come lurching out of her coffin as a hideously decomposed cannibal zombie and massacre everybody in sight? (-20) (Well, I'd like to see that.)

Both of them gave the page what humans described as the O.o look.

Did she leave a will or any kind of last message? (+1)
Does it begin with an "If you're reading this/seeing this, it means I'm dead" sort of thing? (+1)
Does everyone think she died, but she actually didn't? (+3)

"Nope. And we don't plan to."

Does she actually die, but somehow come back to life at the end of the story? (+4)
Will she come back to life in a subsequent story? (+3)
In which you blatantly contradict and/or ignore the events of the current one? (+20)
Does someone else sacrifice him- or herself to restore your character to life? (+2)
Does the object of her affections bring her back to life solely through the Power of Their Love? (+50 and you're determined to kill me, aren't you?)
Does she die and get resurrected more than once? (+2)
More than twice? (+3)

Prowl sighed. "Oh please. That stuff only happens to Optimus Prime. And, well, maybe Mary Sues, though I have trouble imagining who would write this..."

"DON'T!" Riella smacked his shoulder. "Don't you dare think about it."

More than Optimus Prime? (Never mind, that's not possible.)

"Well, I'd agree with that." Prowl nodded.

Have you written (or are you planning to write) more than one story centered around this character? (+1)
More than two? (+2)
More than three? (+3)
Do you ONLY write stories centered around this character? (+10)

"I think we need the author for this one..." Riella looked up. "Hey, Author, we need you."

*Author pops into view* Yes?

Prowl glared at me. "Answer the questions."

Well, since I'm the one who wrote him as a bit anti-social, I couldn't complain...so I answered the questions. "Yes, yes, yes, and no. I write for other fandoms too." +6 both

"Hey!" Riella crossed her arms.

"What? You're not the only OC out there."

"Hmmph."

Have you altered the canon in any way to favor her (i.e., changed the plot of an episode, re-written the Movie so a character doesn't die, etc.)? (+1)
Has she appeared in more than one continuity? (G1, BW, etc.) (+1)
More than two? (+2)
More than three? (+3)
As soon as you hear of a new TF continuity coming out, do you immediately start thinking of how you can involve your character in it? (+5)

"I can answer the first one. Yes." Prowl grinned. +1 both

"Just adding what they left out. You - Prowl - were supposed to be in the movie, but they picked Barricade instead. That's why you got to beat him up."

"Ohhh...well, I suppose I should say thanks."

"You're welcome. And as for the other three, no, no, no, and no."

Riella gave me another O.o look. "That's four."

"That's what I said."

"Moving on!"

Do you get cheesed off when readers don't adore and worship your character? (+3)
Do you resent the suggestion that stories based around your fanchars are not as interesting to other people as they are to you? (+5)
And finally, while taking this test, did you feel periodic stings of recognition, flashes of annoyance, a temptation to say, "So what's wrong with THAT?" or "You're making fun of ME, aren't you?" etc. etc. etc.? (+1 for each time this happens.)

They both looked at me.

"No, no, and no."

"Okay, then..." Prowl added up the results. "Riella 23, me 14, and the author 1."

"What? How did I get one?"

"You got one because you're certifiably insane."

"Okay then...wait, what?"

"You're done here. Goodbye."

*Author disappears*

Riella turned to Prowl. "So...neither of us is a Mary Sue."

"That's right. At least not yet. You better be careful, though. You're getting close."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Prowl turned back to his list of banned items. "Don't worry, though. The author should be careful. Even if she is crazy."