I know I said I would stop writing angst, but I can't help it with the state of mind I'm in :(

It's 1am and I just wrote this, so sorry if it's complete gibberish. I don't have a Beta at the moment so if anyone's interested.. let me know :)

Oh and I finally got Tumblr! revert(dash)to(dash)deviation(dot)tumblr(dot)com

Kurt sat on his bed in his dorm room looking at the various objects in front of him: 3 different razors, a bandage, the small blades from a pencil sharpener, a compass, a pair of sharp scissors and a phone. He slowly stripped until he was in just his boxers and picked up a small blade. He laid it on the palm of his hand and just stared at it. Did he really want to do this? He'd been clean ever since he came to Dalton, but sometimes the pressure just got too much. Being in the Warblers was a wonderful thing but it didn't give him the time he needed to voice his opinion the only way he knew how, through song. He felt as if he has lost his voice.

No longer with an emotional outlet Kurt begun to feel the pressure of the rigorous classes and general tasks of day to day life creeping up towards boiling point. That is why he found himself sitting on his bed in his empty dorm room on a Saturday evening, when almost everyone else was out with their respective other. Most likely including Blaine. Blaine, perfect and carefree Blaine. What did he have to worry about? He was a straight A's student, lead soloist of The Warblers and could reduce anyone to a puddle of goo by just looking at them. Perfect Blaine who would never consider anyone as messed up as Kurt as anything more than a broken doll.

Kurt took a deep breath and carefully picked up the small, but sharp blade. His eyes racked over his skin, searching for a place to cut. He settled just above his hips where no one would ever see. It wasn't like anyone was going to be taking his shirt off anytime soon.

He slowly lowered his and arm positioned his hand, resting the cool blade against his skin. Letting out the breath he had been holding, Kurt added a little pressure and moved the blade cleanly and expertly across his skin. He watched with a strange sense of euphoria as the blood rushed out of the wound and ran down his abdomen. It was almost like he was relieving the pressure that had been bloating his body and mind for so long. Kurt swiftly finished up, grabbing a nearby towel to press to the cuts. Sitting cross-legged and bending over to keep the towel in place, He gathered his instruments back into the box and turned the key before placing it to the side to be put away later. He stood up and slowly made his way to the bathroom, wincing as each step caused the skin around his injuries to stretch.

He made it into the bathroom and peeled off his blood soaked boxers, throwing them in the sink, before turning the shower on and stepping into it.

Kurt hissed as he turned around, letting the warm spray hit the damaged area around his left hipbone. He let his mind wander as he unconsciously slowly rotated in circles. He had been so close to hitting the 2 month mark, now he had to start again. Or maybe not... I don't have to stop at all. It won't be hard to hide it from the others; they never pay attention to me anyway. Blaine doesn't even ask to go for coffee anymore. It would be my little secret.

Kurt turned the knobs and stepped out on wobbly legs, almost excited about the concept. He gently dried himself off and grabbed the bandages off his bed, slowly wrapping them around his middle. He didn't bother putting anything else on apart from some new underwear, too tired from the emotionally exhausting afternoon. He crawled into bed, completely forgetting about cleaning up as he drifted into a deep sleep.

I can do this.

No you can't.

I could continue this, I have it planned out. It's up to you if it's worth it though.