Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it.

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. — Kahlil Gibran

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Chapter Thirty-Four

A Place to Call Their Own

Addison pushed open the doors and walked into HQ, her heart falling when she glanced over to the lockers and noticed no one loitering around. She had gotten so used to seeing one of them around that when she found it deserted, she grew more than worried. She sighed and dejectedly walked towards Parker's office, "Addison?" She heard behind her and turned on her heels, her heart pounding a screaming crescendo.

Ed stood a few feet away a mile-wide frown marring his face, his arms crossed over his chest, "I heard about Miller, are you okay?" He asked.

She swallowed her guilt and nodded, not even realising she had crossed the distance and was already in his arms, hugging him tightly, "Ed—" She bit her tongue, she loved Ed like a father but she wouldn't ask him to carry her secret around with him. He mantled so much; she wouldn't let him carry this. "I missed you."

He kissed her forehead, "Glad you're back, Addie."

"Where is everyone?" She asked shoving her hands awkwardly in her pockets. She wanted to see them so much she itched for it.

He shrugged and glanced around as well, rolling his eyes, "They're like children. Someone brought some popsicles in and they're probably fighting over the box."

She grinned and nodded, "Save me the purple one?"

"Always." He said with a smirk, shoving her towards Parker's office. She knocked hesitantly and opened the door hearing Parker's voice call out.

She stuck her head in and smiled with him, "Hi, boss."

He motioned for her to have a seat and she closed the door gently before sitting down, "So…Miller." He said, staring at her intently.

She sighed and leaned back in the chair, crossing her legs: Parker had enough on his shoulders that she would never willingly tell him what she had done. But the way he was looking at her, she hedged a bet that he knew, "Well, bombs aren't the safest, it was bound to happen sooner or later." She explained with a little shrug.

He stared at her before nodding, "Well, let the records show that you didn't learn it from us." He said with a small smile and she threw a glare his way. Since coming to the SRU in Toronto, Ed and Parker had ribbed her incessantly about her 'cowboy' ways and not learning any of the rule-breakers from them.

She rolled her eyes and laughed, unable to hold back her mock irritation, "When can I come back?"

It was his turn to be reticent and she worried if Miller's death would be held against her, "How are you healing?" He asked squinting at her.

She shrugged, "Can't even feel a thing." And despite being so excited about coming back to work, she wasn't even telling a lie.

He nodded, "Well, come back on Monday and you can take it slow with just training."

"Boss." She groaned.

Parker grinned, "Now get out of my office and say hi to everyone." Addison exaggerated a sigh and got up, "Oh and Addie?"

She glanced over her shoulder to stare at him, "Yes, boss?"

"Tell Spike to come back on Monday as well." He said his attention riveted in the open dossier on his desk.

She swallowed, forcing herself not to react, "Boss?"

He shrugged, reaching for his pen, "I gave Spike the day off but just tell him to take the rest of the weekend off."

"Uh, okay." She said too afraid to make a run for it. She stared at him for a good minute before grasping the doorknob, "See you on Monday, sir."

"Addie?" He called out, her foot just past the threshold into freedom. Damn it, she was almost free.

She relaxed her tense shoulders, "Yes, boss?"

"Keep it under wraps okay? I don't want the higher ups to know, they'll rip this team apart." He commented dismissing her and began scribbling.

She swallowed and left, he knew. She closed the door gently behind her, too shocked to move. Parker knew! All this time her and Spike had kept things discreet and the old bard knew. She started laughing, unable to stop even when her ribs protested: Parker was a tricky man.

"What's so funny?" Sam asked sauntering over to her. He stared at her suspiciously, she had been gone for a while and the first thing she does when back is laugh? Maybe she had gone crazy. "Are you okay?" He asked wondering if he should take her back to the hospital. He reached over and touched her forehead like he had done so many times to his younger sister and frowned harder, no fever…maybe she had cracked. He cursed inwardly; he knew she shouldn't have gone off by herself without him. Damn it, it was his job to be there for her and now she had gone completely crazy and it was his entire fault.

She wiped her eyes and grinned at him, "I think I'm losing it." She shook her head when he paled and hugged him, "Missed you."

He grinned and lightly punched her on the arm, "Yeah?"

Addison nodded, "I'll be back Monday and get ready to have all your records broken. Again."

Sam smiled, "Pfft, I just broke a new one today."

She rolled her eyes, "Of course you did." Maybe she should tie his shoelaces before he went through the obstacle course.

"You know, I think I'm jealous." Wordy called out, a towel around his neck and a light sheen of sweat covering him.

"See you around?" She asked Sam.

He nodded, "Damn straight you will."

She sauntered over to Wordy slowly, knowing it would annoy him that she hadn't run towards him. "Hey, Wordy." She grinned at his frown.

"Not excited to see me?" He asked shaking his head, "you've been gone so long you don't even remember me."

Addison bit back a smile, "You're right…you are Wordy right?" She asked squinting at him.

He raised a brow, "Don't tease me, I'm a sensitive man."

She bit her lip, "A sensitive man? Really?" She mocked stepping farther away from him.

He stared at her and took a step towards her; "I guess it's not safe to share anything with you anymore. It's just not a safe place."

Addison broke, she tried so hard to hold back the laughter but seeing Wordy's mocking torment, she had fallen apart, "Ah, I missed your face." She laughed, a huge grin marring her face.

He gave her a weird look, "Come here and give me a hug."

She shook her head and took another step back, "No, you're all sweaty and smelly." She made a disgusted face.

"Shh, just come." He opened his arms.

"No." She laughed when he swooped in and pulled her into his sweaty arms and she struggled, "Let me go. This is against the law. You're assaulting an officer."

"May I be of assistance, officer Bennett?" Ed asked stepping out from the training room.

Addison nodded and reached towards a frowning Ed, "Please save me."

Wordy tightened his hold on the cargo and stared at Ed, quickly wondering if the other man would pay a ransom, "Did you know she's ticklish?"

Ed wiped his brow with the towel and threw it back on his shoulder, "Is she really?" He asked Wordy and Addison began to struggle even more.

"No, I'm going to smell like you…you're both too sweaty, its nasty." She pleaded shaking her head as Ed advanced.

She screamed in laughter as Ed began his tickling assault, her pleas not taken seriously because she kept laughing. When she got out of this, she was going to buy a baseball bat and make sure they could never torture her again. How unprofessional was it that they were both tickling an SRU officer in the middle of HQ? But for once, she didn't even care. She didn't know how long both of them tortured her for but she finally got her reprieve when Ed grunted and stumbled away from her, Jules on his back, "That's not a proper welcome back!" Jules shouted into Ed's ear, "Run, Addie!"

Addison stomped on Wordy's foot, not even feeling a second of remorse and ran towards the women's changing room, Jules hot on her heels. Addison thanked her lucky stars she had a set of clean clothes in the locker because she was freaking out just thinking about all the sweat her clothes absorbed. "So you're back for good now?" Jules asked watching Addison move around the changing room. She couldn't help but grin when her friend had a slight panic attack when she glanced in the mirror at the sweat stains that weren't even hers.

Addison stripped her shirt off and sighed, staring at the tiled showers in the annexed part of their changing room, "I'm back for good." She had wanted to throw herself in Jules' arms and confess everything, to break down just for a little while. But she couldn't…she wouldn't allow herself the option. She had done the unthinkable and it was just another stain that she would have to mantle. She knew Jules could handle the weight of what she carried but she refused to let her stain ruddy Jules' sunny disposition.

Jules sat down on the bench and waited for her friend to finish her shower: there was something different with Addie. She felt different, like she was holding something away from them. Jules leaned her elbows on her knees, staring at her clasped hands. Addison may not tell any of the men with their sense of duty and law and Addie may not even tell her because out of everyone on the team: she had never doubted right or wrong. She sighed, Addie would never tell her what it had cost her to come back to them. She watched her friend step out of the shower, clad in a towel, "Is he gone for good?" She asked quietly.

Addison swallowed and schooled her thoughts from her features, "Miller? Yeah, he won't be bothering us again."

Jules nodded, just as she suspected. Maybe she suspected that it had cost Addie a lot and maybe one day she'd finally understand how much it had taken out of her friend to be pushed to the extremes. Hopefully one day, she'd fully be able to comprehend the magnitude of the mantles Addie carried on her shoulders. But there was no room for judgement or uncertainty, rage or sadness that her friend had taken a life. Sam had told her once in bed when they quietly held each other, that for every kill he was forced to do, for every life he had to take, it changed him. She had a feeling it was the same with her friend. "I'm sorry."

Addison glanced over her shoulder at her friend, trying not to succumb to the rolling in her gut, the nervous fluttering of impending tears, "For what?" She asked not wanting to understand that her best friend knew and it would be any moment before she would be cast aside. It wasn't every day someone murdered another living person and regardless of how much she could justify things, she had murdered. And she doubted she'd ever be able to sleep again.

"For what you had to do." Jules quietly said.

She swallowed past the lump in her throat, "Jules—"

"You're free now, Addie. I know its…it should never have been this way." She began, noting the way her friend's shoulders slumped and she forged forwards, trying to ease the pain from her friend, "The system should have never let things get this far, and he should never have been released. And you should have never had to…do what had to be done because he wouldn't ever have been your problem." She quietly said and sauntered to her friend.

Addison nodded, "I'm sorry Jules."

Jules reached out and shook her friend slightly, "Damn him, Addie! You're absolved, okay?" She snapped, hugging Addison tightly.

Addison wrapped her arms around her friend, humbled and grateful beyond words that her knees buckled, she didn't know how much she had needed to hear that from someone in her life. Sure, Suits hadn't thought much wrong with Miller dying; in fact, Suits thought it was the only way and the best way for everyone to move on. The world didn't need another Miller, he had said and though she agreed, it should never have even been her choice to make. "Jules…I love you man." She said and Jules chortled with laughter.

"I love you too bud."

0000000000000000

Addison stared at her apartment door and waited. She didn't know what she was waiting for; there was no one there for her anymore. Suits had left and Mike…she shuddered. She had screwed up royally but she had survived without him…she just had to teach herself to do so again. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, realising it was too late for her to react, too late to reach for her gun in her black duffel.

She glanced around and swallowed, wishing she had a weapon against the intruder: and then she stopped breathing when she recognised the pair of rocket slippers by the door. She glanced around and realised that it wasn't a thief stealing her stuff because there were so many things in her apartment that weren't her own. From the stack of movies on her TV, to a few very masculine things thrown around her place, she dropped her duffel and stood dumbstruck.

Addison inhaled and closed her eyes, her heart painfully beating in her chest; it smelt of the grass after a thunderstorm…it smelt of Mike. She shook her head, surely she was daydreaming…right? She opened her eyes and died, seeing Mike leaning against her bedroom's doorjamb, "Hi." She huskily said, trying to breathe against the pain and the joy. She was so confused and it must have shown because the next thing she knew, Mike grinned.

"I was just cleaning up…Jules called me." He explained. In fact, Jules had not only told him she was coming home, she had also told him about Miller. And though he knew it tore Addison up inside, he couldn't have been prouder or happier. At least now they had a future unfettered together.

She nodded and glanced down at his slippers by her fallen duffel, "Mike…I—"

He shook his head but remained standing across the room, "I made a few mistakes in my life, Addison but the biggest one I ever did was not tell you how I felt." He watched the sheen in her eyes grow before continuing; "You told me that you loved me…when you were holed up in the bathroom." He mentioned, refusing to say when she had almost died by bombs: he had a feeling it would take fifty years with her by his side before he could even fathom how close he had been to losing her that day.

Addison nodded, now wasn't the time for shy or coyness: it was all or nothing, "Yes…I—" She swallowed and tried again, having never said the words to another person in that context and meaning it more than she had ever thought possible. "I love you Mike."

He nodded, "Damn straight you do." His arrogance was astounding but despite his words, his eyes spoke to her and told her he was humbled by her gift to him. "I've decided that its high time I make the decisions, at least for a while." He mended, knowing her independence ran too deep. But he knew it was about compromise and so did she.

She stared blankly at him, "I don't understand." She muttered dumbly.

"I moved in, at least for a while before we decide how big we want our house to be." He quietly said.

She swallowed and ignored the silent tears, "Mike…are you sure?"

This time, Mike did push away from the jamb and walk towards her, his eyes never once wavering from hers, "I love you, Addie. I want forever with you. But we're going to do things right."

She shook her head and smiled when he scowled, "There was never anything wrong with the way we did things." She quietly said and walked into his arms. But pulled back when she remembered something, "Mike…about Miller." If she didn't tell him, she could never move forward without coming clean.

"It was either going to be you or him and I'm damn glad it was him." Mike retorted into her hair.

She closed her eyes in acceptance and burrowed deeper into his embrace, letting the guilt ease from her. When she was with Mike, the coldness of the silence ebbed, the screaming and the weight she carried around with her disappeared and once again, she thanked her luck that she had found him. It would be a while before she came back to herself again but she had no doubts that she would return. Growing up, all she had ever wanted to do was leave the hell that was Toronto and she had. She had made a place for herself amongst the ranks in the army and in CSIS before thinking Vancouver would be her settling down spot. But how foolish she had been.

Nothing had ever been her home because it was only now that she realised: buildings and places wouldn't make something a home but people did. And finally, with the team as her family, Suits impending move to join her and with Mike wrapped around her, she finally understood that they were her home. Amidst the violence, she had found much more than she had bargained for, more than she had ever thought would be possible and more than she could have ever fathomed. She had found love.