It's bad I know, but hey! It's my first fanfiction so :P

I was going to make it a one-shot, but it got kind of long so I made it into chapters…

"I love you, Masaomi-kun!"… The words came out. I wasn't all that surprised; Mikado had always acted that way towards me. To be honest, I was just waiting for him to confess. I even occasionally tried to push him into situations where he would feel pressured to admit it, because frankly, I was getting bored of pretending I didn't know.

But…

Unfortunately, I couldn't return those feelings. I really wanted to. I did. I wanted to grab onto his hands, and tell him honestly, "I love you too, Mikado" and then everything would be fine, happy, wonderful, but that was all fantasy. 'Maybe I could pretend?' was my first thought, but then I later realized, it would probably just do more damage to him than if I just told him the truth. I knew I could never hurt Mikado, I mean, he was my best friend, and what kind of friend would hurt his best friend, it's just not right.

So I gave it to him straight. "Yeah, I knew, but… I don't love you". Only after I said it, did I realize how cruelly I stated it; it was probably the worst way possible. I fumbled around, trying to correct my mistake. In the end, I did solve the problem, and we laughed at my stupidity. When we laughed, together, it felt how it used to. But I knew this would change our relationship forever. Never to return, to the way it should be.

Should, it sounds so pitiless, I know, but everyone can be without mercy. In a way, it was heartless of Mikado to force his feelings upon me, and expect me to be happy, or even return them also. Either way, the damage was done.

I was right about it changing, but I was also wrong. I thought it would change for the worse, I thought that, as I turned him down, he would start ignoring me, stay away, and maybe even find someone else. I couldn't have been more wrong. He began to cling to me, more than before, like a baby clinging to its candy. And, I'm sure that, at that point in time, if you took me away from him, he would certainly cry like one. It felt like we were getting closer and closer everyday, which I was happy about.

As time passed, Mikado asked a question that I assume he had wanted to ask for some time. "Does it annoy you that I like you?" was what he said. For a moment, I was stunned. I lay on the floor, in my sleeping bag, which was placed next to Mikado's, as he had decided to sleep on the floor also, thinking for a while, but not that long.

"Not really," was what I replied, with a smile plastered to my face, but I was not finished yet. "Honestly, it kind of makes me happy, like it brings us closer together, it makes me feel like… we'll be friends forever… If you get what I mean?" I said it. Was it really so hard for me to say that? It undoubtedly felt like it.

"We'll be friends forever, no matter what, I know it" Mikado replied. At that tick in time, I felt so happy, I felt like I meant something to someone, I had a purpose, and I knew for sure that we would be friends forever, and ever, till the end of time, an eternity. You name it, next week? Certainly. A thousand years from now? Most likely to be dead, but we're still friends.

But unlike last time, this time I was most definitely wrong.

It had to have been around two months since Mikado had confessed. I accidently let it slip that his constant grasp on my arm was getting slightly annoying. But that was a lie. Except there was nothing I could do. He was gone; he thought he was irritating me, so stayed away from me, but again, that wasn't true. I wanted him there, by my side. I'll admit, it was slightly embarrassing, some people actually thought we were in a relationship, which I didn't like so much.

But it just goes to show how true that saying is,

"You never know what you've got until it's gone."

A while after all of our uncertainty, which was never solved, Mikado asked to talk to me, on the roof at lunch, in private. I had no idea what to expect, but I expected it was something bad. One thing I do know is that whatever I could have hoped it to be could not have prepared me for what announcement awaited me.

With my elbow on the table, hand on my chin, I looked at the clock, longingly waiting for it to tell me I had permission to get the fuck out of that classroom, and leg it up to the roof. Once I heard the final tick of the clock, and the bell ring, I released myself from my seat, and belted out of the door. Through the hallways, up the steps, steps, and more steps, I ran, until I finally reached the top.

I looked around for Mikado, and turned to the clock on the side of the building. I then realized that I ran up here so fast, Mikado couldn't possibly have been up yet. Even if he ran, he was still a slow runner. Slowly, I walked over to the metal fencing around the roof. I looked out onto the campus wandering, once again, what he could possibly want to tell me. I fell to my knees. It had to be something bad, right? Otherwise he wouldn't have been so serious about it. That singular thought disturbed me. My thoughts tangled off onto many paths I did not wish to chase after, until I was interrupted by a startling noise.

It was the door, the handle creaking down. Abruptly, I turned and stood up, and put on my happy act, which I always performed at these times. At last, the door opened fully, I smiled. Mikado smiled in return. He then walked up to me, surprisingly slow. I flinched. I don't really know why, it's not like I was afraid. Well… I guess I was. He then told me to sit down, I did so. Mikado then placed himself next to me, but also as far away as he could be, at the end of the bench. Patiently, I watched until he said these words, "Masaomi, I don't want you to get upset by this, but please listen," My eyes widened with astonishment. What could he possibly mean by that? He continued "basically… well… ummm…" His stuttering was beginning to piss me off. All my nerves had gone, turned into vibes of fury, and I just wanted him to tell me. Without comprehending it, I shot him a glare. He looked at me, and looked frightened, then blurted out the words I wished to hear, yet dreaded the most. "Anri and I have started dating!" Once again, my eyes widened, but I quickly put on a smile, a fake one. But, why did it have to be fake, I always thought they'd be a great couple, they were cute together, so why was it so fake? I chuckled, at my own bewilderment, but when Mikado asked, blamed it on the fact he thought I'd be upset. He may have been right, but I couldn't admit that, not to him.

"So you're not upset?" he queried

"Nope," I lied. "You know I've always been telling you you're perfect for each other, so why would you think that?" It was a question that didn't need to be answered; I already knew the resolve, though it would solve nothing.

"I, well… ummm, just thought… you know, because," I interrupted his rambling, because I knew it was getting nowhere.

"Now, come on, you love her, right?" Mikado nodded. "Then you should be with her, what am I to stop you?" That was a rhetorical question. But, again, I had my own opinion of the answer in my head. The moment I said those words, I felt a terrible feeling in my stomach, or was it my heart? All I know is; it hurt.

Not after long, I couldn't control it anymore. I began internally screaming, whilst attempting to keep my composure on the outside. After a while I couldn't take it anymore, so I told Mikado I had to go, my lunch was waiting, and ran, as fast as I could. Down the steps, I had just journeyed up, faster than I thought possible, and out of the school. I didn't even care, I knew I would be in so much trouble for this, just running out so suddenly, but I kept running. It felt like the only option. Eventually I reached my apartment, slammed the front door open, up the steps, kicked my bedroom door, into my bedroom, closed it behind me and finally flopping onto my bed. I began to scream into my pillow, I couldn't take it, it was too much to take in, and I felt so betrayed, almost cheated. Even though he had no obligation to me, I still felt that way. I sat up, beginning to calm down. It wasn't until at least five minutes later that I realized that tears were streaming down my face. I started to wipe them away, but they wouldn't stop. Frantically, I began hitting my head, in a futile attempt to make them go away. Futile, was unquestionably the right word.