Prompt: river x doctor, alice in wonderland

He woke up with a start. His head ached and he sat up carefully. "Legs - yes. Bowtie? Cool." He ran his hand over his neck and then further up. "And the hat survived! Oh excellent." He grinned to himself and clapped before glancing around and spotting his cane on the ground beside him. He clambered to his feet slowly, picking up his cane and checking around.

"I must have hit my head harder than I thought." He looked round the woods - dark and grey and mysteriously misty - if woods could be called such things. "I think they can." He responded to himself and glanced up and down the path.

"Talking to yourself. Never a good sign." A voice spoke from above him but when the Doctor glanced up, nothing was there. He frowned and glanced around once more, twirling on his heel with the assistance of his cane.

"Who's there?" He asked quickly, but echoing laughter was his only response. "Well. That's rude. I mean what's the point in talking to people if they can't see you? Unless of course, you're invisible, in which case, my bad - terribly rude of me."

A row of even teeth appeared, hovering in the air over a near-by low-hanging tree branch. Slowly two glowing green eyes materialized after and then several long strips of teal blue fur. The Doctor sighed and pulled his fob watch out of his pocket, making a show of checking it. "Is this going to take all day?"

A cat appeared with a soft pop and hiss of smoke, looking incredibly put out. "Well, if I'm keeping you from wandering about, completely lost - by all means, don't let me stop you." He huffed, crossing his paws in front of him as he glared balefully down at the Doctor.

"Oh a cat - excellent. I speak cat you know. Though, I suppose you speak english, so what's the point eh? Ah well, onwards I suppose. Where am I?"

"Right here, of course." The cat lolled onto its back, grinning at him with glee.

"Yes, quite right. Should have been more specific. Where is here exactly? I fell you see-"

"Down the rabbit hole, of course." The cat spoke over him, rolling over once more and placing his face on his paws.

"Yes! Bigger on the inside rabbit holes. Who'd have thought - honestly? So again - where is here?" The Doctor asked politely, and the cat laughed, the sound echoing through the trees.

"Nowhere. Middle of."

"Right. And how do I get back?"

"Can't go back - only forward. Silly man." The cat hummed as he spoke and looked him up and down. "She'll like you."

"Who will?"

"Can't ruin the surprise. Where's the fun in that?" He grinned again, and the tip of his tail started to fade from view.

"Wait - but how do I leave?" The cat's mocking laughter as he disappeared from view whispered around the Doctor. Soon enough, just his mouth was suspended above the branch again.

"You can check out whenever you like, Doctor. But you don't ever leave."

"How did you know my name?"

"How did you know mine?" He grinned and the Doctor frowned.

"But I didn't - I just said you were a cat."

"And so I am. I am a cat. A Cheshire Cat to be precise. And how did you know that?" The cat demanded in a huffy voice and the Doctor frowned.

"Because it's what you are."

"Precisely. I am a cat. And you are the Doctor. Should we not call things by their proper names? Well except for her - nobody calls her by her proper name, not in a million forevers."

"Her who?"

"Go forward, Doctor. She'll be right behind you." And then with a puff of smoke, all trace of his mocking laughter was gone.

"Well. The locals are immensely helpful." The Doctor muttered to himself before picking up his cane with a grin. "Ah well, nice evening for a stroll anyhow."

xx

Music. He could hear melancholy music coming from over the hill, and he climbed on in search of it. When he reached the top he saw a dilapidated windmill, and in its courtyard, a series of tables, covered in white table cloth with tea set out, willy-nilly. A rabbit - no not a rabbit, a hare - sat on the left side of the table and a small mouse sat across from him. At the head of the table was a woman, and the Doctor stumbled down the hill toward them, tripping along lightly. She was in a black dress - formal, and her hair was absolutely mad. Big and curly and rather more and more impressive the closer he drew. She looked incredibly bored. Or incredibly sad. Or maybe both at the same time.

"Hello!" He spoke as he reached the table and the hare stared at him in shock while the mouse screeched and hid in a teapot. The Doctor glanced over in concern. "Hopefully that's empty."

"Of course it is you ninny." The hare snapped. "Why would she hide in a hot pot of tea? That would be ridiculous."

"Right, of course it would be. My mistake. Hello. I'm the Doctor." He nodded to the two animals - the mouse had lifted the cover a bit to peek out - and glanced to the head of the table. She was standing now, staring at him in shock before she recovered.

"Well hello, sweetie." She practically purred, her expression darkening a bit and she licked her lips. The Doctor swallowed heavily, suddenly nervous.

"Ah. Well. That's... friendly." He managed to squeak out. "And you lot are...?"

"Well I'm March Hare, and this here is Dormouse. Oh bless, she's asleep again, Hatter." The hare addressed the woman and she adjusted her dress before leaning forward and hitting the table with her fist. The teapots all rattled and Dormouse stretched and yawned before curling into the pot, fast asleep.

"Well, so she is." The woman observed and shrugged before seating herself once more. "I'm Hatter."

"But that's just what they call you right? It's not your name, can't be your name - who would name their little girl Hatter?"

"Presuming one had parents." She spoke pleasantly and he raised his brows.

"Everyone's got parents."

"Well if I had, I've forgotten. They've always called me Hatter-"

"Because she's mad as the day is long. Also - hates hats." The hare whispered. "I'd watch out if I were you."

"Why am I always ignored?" A voice demanded from the end of the table and the Doctor looked back in shock.

"Well perhaps if you weren't invisible, we'd chat with you more, love." Hatter spoke indulgently and the Cheshire Cat materialized with a grin.

"Oh, quite right. Forget myself sometimes." The cat admitted and the Hatter laughed - a full rich sound that tickled the Doctor somewhere in between his lungs.

"Don't we all, dear?" Just then the mouse leapt out of the pot, clutching the remains of a bonnet and wailing.

"Mad Hatter. We should have called her hat murderer!" The Doctor looked at her in surprise and pointed at the woman with his cane.

"What, her?" Hatter smiled at him, a gleam in her eyes that made him feel as though he needed to sit down.

"Look at my bonnet - I am so upset I could just-" she yawned and promptly went back to sleep.

"Daft old thing. That bonnet was atrocious. I don't hate all hats. Just the horrid ones. Or sometimes even decent ones I suppose if they're the wrong size. Too large for a too small head or too small for an overly large head-" The hare snickered at this and the Doctor blinked. "Yes, well."

"Is it because you can't wear any yourself, perhaps?" The Doctor moved to the head of the table, pulling out a chair and seating himself to her right. She stared at him for a moment, surprise on her face.

"Well the hair is a bit mad, but that's just because everything is here." She said with a grin and the Doctor found himself grinning back, despite the oddity of the entire situation. "Do you want to know what I call me, Doctor?"

"Absolutely." He nodded, leaning forward eagerly as she poured him a cup of tea, ignoring the others at the end of the table.

"Above all else?" She teased him, and he found himself studying the curves of her face - it was a lovely face, honestly. "What if I said I would answer three questions, if you can answer one of mine?"

"That sounds like a fair enough trade." The Doctor spoke thoughtfully. "More than fair actually." She smiled and sipped her tea, and he watched her mouth press against the fine china, leaving a faint smear of lipstick behind.

"All right, my question first. Why is a raven like a writing desk?" She grinned wickedly and the hare moaned in protest.

"Not this again!"

"Well if you lot were intelligent enough to come up with an answer, perhaps I'd have stopped asking. No one in this infernal wretched place can answer me, and I need to know." She snapped down the table and the hare rolled his eyes, turning to the cat and ignoring her. She looked back at the Doctor, leaning forward eagerly. Her hand brushed against his wrist on top of the table and the Doctor felt a strange tingling sensation, his skin growing hot and then cold again.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" The Doctor mused, before looking up at her with a grin. "Flat notes. Every note that each produces is flat." She stared at him, before breaking out into a wide grin.

"You're smart."

"I am."

"Finally." She breathed the words out, and moved suddenly, out of her chair to kneel on the ground beside his, her hands grasping his as she tugged him closer. "I fell too Doctor - a million forevers ago and time never passes here. It is always tea time, and this place drives you mad. If you are intelligent - can you find a way out of here, do you think? Can you escape?" She whispered the last words, leaning in so close that he could feel the brush of her lips against his hair.

"Of course I can. I always do." He promised her solemnly and she looked up at him, her eyes wide and suddenly she didn't look so dark or imposing, she looked like a young girl, even though she wasn't. "Now my three questions?" She nodded quickly and he leaned toward her. "Where are we?"

"I do not know. A land of madness and upside-down downside-ups. Ruled by the red Queen, and she is a vicious woman. It is vast and unending and I have walked all across it, and never discovered a path home." She swallowed and he brushed a knuckle against her cheek. It was petal soft and she smiled at the sensation.

"What is your name?"

"A long, long time ago - they called me River. River Song." She whispered the answer into his ear and he pulled back to stare down at her.

"Beautiful." He murmured and she blushed. "And my last question is this - will you come with me?"

"Oh yes. To where?" She asked in after-thought and he stood, lacing his fingers through hers and pulling her up beside him.

"Everywhere."