A/N: Updates come much faster on weekends. Just a heads-up. And reviews would be nice too, you know. XD

Special note to any readers, I have a special Christmas story planned that will begin at around November. I love holiday stories, if anyone remembers, my most popular story, Flight Delay, is holiday-based. I'll use this story to post previews if I get enough reviews. :)

Re ply to Shockheaded Peter's Sister: Totally agree with you there- that's why I adore Beatrice so much. She's one of Shakespeare's strongest female characters (save Lady Macbeth . . . but let's not get into THAT . . .).

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NEITHER THE PLOT NOR THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY. ALL RIGHTS GO TO SHAKESPEARE AND STEPHEN SCHWARTZ.

Act 2, Scene 2

Fiyero lounged in the garden of Frex's home, reading. It was an odd habit, no doubt, but one he had picked up, unfortunately, from Elphaba. Also unfortunately, the habit was not the only thing he had picked from her.

This was her book.

That was the bad part about reading, if you grab the wrong book, you're stuck with it. You can't tell it to shut up and go away, you just have to read it.

He would be in major trouble later, but it was worth it. He was not about to use his valuable energy to walk back to the livig room, put the book down, and find his book.

And though Elphaba would never admit it, she was a romantic. All of her books were dramatic love stories, some with comedic twists, but mostly just dramatic. It was part of her charm, he supposed. The romantic flower hidden inside the growling, drooling, evil conniving, vicious, mean, deceitful, he could go on for days . . .

So now there he was, stuck with a sappy romance novel and thinking of the irony of it all.

I'm amazed that a man, after watching romance turn another man into a fool and laughing at that man, can turn right around and become the thing he's scorned. That's the kind of man-or Munchkin-Boq is.

I knew him when he listened to nothing but the military drum and fife; now he would rather hear the sweet and refined music of the tabor and pipe. I knew him when he would've walked ten miles to see a well-crafted suit of armor; now he spends ten nights awake in his room designing himself a fancy new jacket. He used to speak plainly and to the point, like an honorable man and soldier; now his speech is elaborate and flowery. His words are like a miraculous banquet, full of strange new dishes.

Will I be changed like that, and see the world through a lover's eyes? I'm not sure, but I don't think so!

I can't promise that love won't transform me, but I can promise you this: until I truly fall in love, a woman will never make me act like such a fool. A beautiful woman comes along, but I'm unmoved, at least the morning after. A wise woman turns up, but I'm unmoved, because she makes me feel stupid. A virtuous woman appears, but I'm unmoved because she bores me. I refuse to fall in love until all three qualities unite in a single woman.

She must be rich, certainly, and smart, or I'll have nothing to do with her. She has to be virtuous, or I'll never bid on her; beautiful, or I won't bother to look at her. Mild-mannered, or else she should stay away from me. Noble, or I won't have her even if she's an angel. She must be well spoken, an excellent musician, and her hair should be—well, I suppose the color doesn't matter. Maybe black and long? Hm . . .

But certainly not like Elphaba. I will never make a mistake like her ever again. So what if she was different, and understood me? So did my mother! She wasn't right for me, and even though it's not my fault I left her, she is still as cynical and bitter as ever- and acts as if it's my fault! It's not my fault she's so full of herself! It is none but her own . . .

Fiyero was moved from his thoughts by the sudden appearance of Manek, Boq, and Frex. They all seemed to be in deep conversation.

Ha! Look, it's the Prince and Mr. Love. I'll hide in the arbor.

And with that thought, he took himself and Elphaba's book and strode off behind some bushes.

"Do you see where Fiyero has hidden himself?" muttered Manek to Boq. Boq nodded towards the bushes, which rustled slightly. Manek chuckled. "Frexspar, you know your duty?" The balding man smiled and nodded.

Manek cleared his throat and said quite loudly. "Come here, Frexspar. What was it that you told me today—that your niece Elphaba was in love with Prince Fiyero?"

Fiyero, who had been attempting to sit on a bench, toppled over it, landing hard on the ground. He quickly got back up, leaning against the bushes.

"Oh yes," agreed Boq, who then muttered to Manek, "Go on, keep walking: our prey is in sight." and then continued, "—I never thought that woman would love any man."

Frex nodded most sincerely. "I didn't, either. But how wonderful that she should be so fond of Fiyero, whom she has always appeared to hate!" Fiyero blinked.

Is it possible? He thought to himself. His heart pounded in his chest.

"Really, Your Highness, I don't know what to make of it, but she loves him with such a passion that it's past all understanding!" Frex cried. Fiyero was now craning his neck so far that it was beginning to get sore. But he was beyond caring.

"Maybe she's just pretending," suggested Manek. Fiyero's heart stopped, and he found himself shaking his head angrily.

No!

"Pretending?" Frex cried, "No one has ever faked passion as skillfully as this, then!"

"Why, what symptoms of love does she show?" Manek asked. Frex hesitated.

"Bait the hook well; this fish is going to bite," Boq whispered.

"What symptoms, my lord? She will have a seat—you heard my daughter tell you how!" Unable to think of anything else, he simply pulled Manek and Boq in and acted like he was whispering to them. Fiyero strained to hear, leaning as much as he could against the bushes.

Manek pulled away, a look of utter astoundment on his face. "You AMAZE me!" he cried, so ardently that Fiyero toppled over back onto the path. "I would have thought she was invincible against any assault of love."

"I would have sworn that, too, your Highness, especially against Fiyero."

Fiyero found himself slightly insulted by that remark.

I would take this as a joke if the old man weren't saying it. Mischief surely can't be hiding in such a respectable man.

Boq grinned. "He's hooked now- keep it up!"

"Has she told Fiyero how she feels?" Manek asked loudly. Fiyero already knew the answer to that one.

"No," -no surprise there, "-and she swears she never will." Wait, WHAT? "That's what's driving her crazy."

Not telling a cath like me of passion would drive me crazy too . . .

"It's true, Nessa says so," Boq added, "Elphaba asks, 'Does it make any sense to tell him I love him when I have always treated him with scorn?'" They walked closer to the bush.

"She'll be getting up twenty times in a night, sitting there in her slip until she's written a page full of words of love. My daughter told me everything," Frex put in.

A whole page? I'll have to see that . . .

"Now that you speak of paper, I remember a funny story of Nessa's," Boq said with a twinkle in his eye. Manek grinned.

"Oh, you mean when Elphaba writes a letter and Hero sees that it has 'Fiyero' and 'Elphaba' written all over it?" Frex asked.

Elphaba and Fiyero . . . Fiyero and Elphaba . . . Fiyerphaba . . . Fiyeraba . . .

"Yup!" Boq replied with a smile.

"Oh, she tears that letter into a thousand small pieces and berates herself for being so forward as to write a letter to a man she knows would mock her. 'I compare him,' she says, 'to myself, and I know that I would mock him if he wrote me such a letter. Yes, even though I love him, I would mock him.'," Frex added.

She always did hate the cards I gave her . . . called them sappy . . . whatever that means.

"Then she falls down to her knees, weeps, sobs, beats her breast, tears her hair, prays, and curses: 'Oh sweet Fiyero! Lurline give me patience!'" Boq cried out passionately.

Fiyero blinked.

I do incite passionate reactions to my charms . . .

"She did indeed, my daughter says so. She worries that Fabala is so overwrought that she might do herself harm someday," Frex added.

Whoa. Hey now.

"If she won't tell Fiyero, someone else should," said Manek.

Yes. Someone should.

Boq scoffed. "And what would that accomplish? He'll just turn it into a joke and torment the poor woman even more."

Manek nodded sadly. "If he did that, it would be a charitable deed to hang him. She's an excellent, clever woman, and there's no doubt that she is virtuous." Frex nodded proudly.

"-And she is very smart," he added.

"Except for the fact that she loves Fiyero," Manek put in, and all of the men nodded.

Yes, except for the- wait, what?

"Oh, when wisdom and passion are in one body, it's ten to one that the passion will win. I am sorry for her, as I should be, since I am both her uncle and her guardian," Frex said sadly.

"Please, tell Fiyero about her feelings and see what he has to say," Manek suggested.

Yes!

"Is that a good idea, do you think?" Boq asked, "You know Fiyero . . ."

"Hero thinks Elphaba will surely die, for she says she'll die if he doesn't love her, and that she'll die before she tells him, and she'll die if he woos her and she's made to hold back even one of her usual insults!"

I wouldn't make her hold back for the world . . .

"She's probably right. If she offers him her love, it's very possible that he'll scorn it, since, as we all know, he tends to be contemptuous," Manek said sadly.

I protest that!

"But, alas, he is a good guy," Boq offered. Manek nodded.

"Yes, for sure, he is good-looking, brave, um-"

"Smart?" Boq asked. Manek shook his head.

"Only around Elphaba."

It hit him hard in that moment- what Boq said was indeed very true! Elphaba brought out the best and worst in him, his wit, his will to study, she was the reason he even made it through Shiz! His best quips were made around and for her, he realized, and he complimented her so much without even realizing it! And of course, he couldn't forget who he thought of during his tightest spots in battle . . .

"Well, I'm sorry for your niece," Manek said sadly, "Should we go find Fiyero and tell him about Elphaba's love?"

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!

"No, don't ever tell him," Boq advised, "Let her get over it, with the help of good advice."

"No, that's impossible!" Frex cautioned, "Her heart will break first!" Manek nodded sadly. Fiyero stepped back a bit to hide himself better.

"Well, we'll hear more about it from your daughter," Manek decided after a long pause. "Let it sit for a while. I care about Fiyero, and I just wish he would take a look at himself and realize how unfairly he's treating this good woman."

Fiyero had to duck behind another bush as Nessa came wheeling from the house.

"Fabala says dinner is ready!"

She does? Should I go, or will that seem to obvious? Maybe I should stay here for ten minutes, or maybe I should . . .

"Will you come with me?" Frex offered to Boq and Manek. Both consented, and together the three walked off, grinning hugely.

"If he doesn't fall in love with her now, I'll never trust my intuition again," Boq snickered under his breath. Manek nodded.

"The same trap must be set for her; that's your daughter's and servants' job," he said to Frex, and then turned back to Boq. "The real fun will be when they both believe the other to be in love, without any of it being true. I can't wait to watch that drama—it'll be a pantomime, since both of them will be totally speechless!" All three of them laughed jovially. Manek thought for a moment before grinning maliciously. "Let's send Elphaba to call Fiyero in to dinner!" They all three laughed yet again as they entered the house.

Fiyero, on the other hand, was a complete and utter wreck as he slowly made his way back towards the house for dinner.

This can't be a trick. They spoke with great seriousness, and they have Nessarose's testimony. They seem to pity the lady. It seems her love is stretched to the limit. She loves me? Well, that love must be returned!

I hear how I'm criticized. They say I'll be smug if I find out she loves me. They also say she'd rather die than give any sign of her feelings. Typical Elphaba, exactly how she was the first time I had her.

I never thought I'd marry. I can't appear to be proud. People who discover their faults and can then change them are lucky indeed. They say the lady is beautiful; it's true, I've seen it myself, her skin is exotic, not at all like others may say. And virtuous; that's true, I can't disprove that. And smart, except that she loves me. That may not be any proof of her intelligence, but I swear it won't be evidence of her stupidity—for I'm going to be horribly in love with her!

People might tease me here and there, since I attacked marriage for so long. But don't tastes change? A man can love a dish when he is young that he hates when he turns old. Will quips and clever remarks and scathing written words keep a man from getting what his heart desires? No! The world needs to be populated.

Fiyero was very smug with himself by the time he reached the edge of the garden.

When I said that I'd die as a bachelor, I just meant that I didn't think I'd live until I got married.

He was ready to enter the house when he saw a flash of green. Elphaba was marching towards him with a very annoyed expression.

Here comes Elphaba. Sweet Lurline! She's a beautiful lady.

I think I sense some signs of love in her.

He ran back to the garden and settled himself on the edge of a fountain. Elphaba found him in little time, and didn't even bother to look him in the eye.

"Against my will," she began, "I am sent to bid you to come in to dinner." With those words, she set off, not caring if he was following, and half-hoping he wasn't.

"Fae!"

Elphaba froze in her tracks. So he had followed her. She turned around slowly.

"I thank you for your pains," Fiyero said with a dazzling smile.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow and glanced around. Was this some sort of joke? Only last night he had called her a harpy! She looked back at Fiyero, whose smile was still just as wide and toothy.

"I didn't take any more pains bringing this message than you took pains in thanking me. If the job had been painful, I would not have come," she replied evenly, and turned around to leave.

"So you took pleasure in bringing me this message?"

Wouldn't he ever shut up?

She turned around to see if he was joking, but he appeared perfectly sincere.

"Yes," she said, her annoyance growing by the minute, "Just as much as you may take upon a knife's point." Fiyero laughed, shaking his head at her.

"Funny, Fae, funny."

"Stop calling me that!" she hissed. She glanced down at what he was holding. "Is that my book?" Without even waiting for a reply, she snatched it away from him, hitting him on the head. "You aren't hungry then? Goodbye."

And with those words, a very confused Elphaba Thropp marched off.

"Ha!" Fiyero laughed, still grinning toothily.

"Against my will, I've been told to bring you in to dinner." There's a double meaning in that. "I didn't take any more pains bringing this message than you took pains in thanking me." That's like saying, "Any thing I do for you is as easy as saying 'thank you.'" If this doesn't move me to take pity on her, I'm a horrible person. If I don't love her, I'm completely hard-hearted.

I think I'll go make myself look suitable.