A Week In The Life Of Americat

an: old deanon from the livejournal meme. It's exactly as it says in the title, with a background of USUK.

Monday

There's a new mouse in the cellar. I can hear it but I can't find it and it's driving me insane. I'll catch it eventually, though, because I'm the hero.

Anyway, I read this article in the newspaper when Master was out. It was this weird story about some war finally ending. I'm gonna be honest here, I don't read newspapers a lot, so I'm not sure what war they were talking about but it seemed pretty important. I only read the article because when Master read it this morning he danced around the kitchen for a while and then ran out of the house. He didn't tell me when he'd be back but he said he was going out to see that guy with the weird hair.

I don't like that guy. He's scary.

Master didn't lock the door behind him and I'm sort of worried someone might try to break in, but maybe if we did end up being robbed that mouse would get scared and leave.

Tuesday

Scary Guy was here this morning. He spent about an hour talking to Master about that war and they were drinking like sailors even though it was only nine AM. That's far too early to be drinking as much whiskey as they were having. I've had whiskey once when Master gave me it instead of milk by accident; it tasted horrible and he spent ages trying to apologise but I wouldn't let him near me for a whole week after that. Good times.

I have my reasons for disliking Scary Guy, just before you start thinking I'm paranoid. He gave Master a really funny look, like those dogs next door do when they're challenging each other. And then Scary Guy tried to eat Master's face. Seriously. It was horrific. But Master didn't seem to mind, so I guess it's alright. Master's really smart, after all.

Wednesday

I'm recounting this from under the kitchen table because I've been banished from my usual place. I was sleeping on Master's pillow like I always do, minding my own business when BAM, Scary Guy walks in and throws me out, saying he needed the bed more than I did.

And guess what? Be warned, this sucks- Master let Scary Guy throw me out. He just stood there and said- and this is no lie- that I was annoying sometimes. Me! Annoying! What the hell, right? I'm never annoying.

There's some weird noises coming from up there and I think they're making kittens. I hope Master doesn't try to replace me with one of them.

Thursday

Oh my God, I take everything back, Scary Guy is awesome. He tried to give Master these things called 'scones' or whatever but Master didn't want them so Scary Guy gave them to me and they were yummy; I don't know why Master said they weren't. So, Scary Guy has risen a few ranks in my opinion of him.

Around lunchtime, Master's brother visited for a while with his bear but everyone just ignored him. They must really hate the guy. I feel sorry for him, whatever his name is.

That mouse is still in the cellar, by the way. I saw him when I was walking around. He just stared at me for a while and then walked off. I was pretty pissed but I was too full to do anything so I let him go. I'll get him sooner or later.

Friday

Master went out with Scary Guy for the day so I stayed in and listened to the radio for a while. It's kind of boring and the sound isn't as clear as people talking but I guess it's a pretty neat invention. I'm not allowed to have the television on while Master's out because he's scared of house fires, and it sucks that he doesn't trust me but hey, what can I do? I've not got opposable thumbs and whatnot so I doubt I'd be able to put out a fire if one ever did arise.

When they finally got back it was super late but I was awake anyway so I went in to see them. They were in the living room for a while, just sitting down and talking and being really dull, but then Master fell asleep and Scary Guy started stroking him and then he stroked me when I jumped up on the couch.

Scary Guy says I can call him Arthur. It was a stupid thing to tell me because I can't speak human but I guess he's just not as smart as Master.

Saturday

Arthur made the radio play music today and it was great. He tried to teach Master to do this weird mating ritual called waltzing. It was funny to watch because Master really couldn't get the hang of it. Well, it was funny at first, but then he stood on my tail, so naturally I scratched him. Master said it was my fault but Arthur didn't believe him and he sat down and stroked me for ages. That made Master really angry but Arthur didn't care.

And the good news is Master seems to like Arthur too because he always wants to spend time with him. I still get a bit creeped out when he tries to eat Master's face but the stereotype about the British having bad teeth must be true because Master never seems to get hurt. They call it 'kissing'.

Sunday

The mouse and I have sat down and drawn up a treaty. We are now friends. He's actually quite a nice mouse.

I think I'm gonna call our friendship "the Special Relationship".