11

It was odd.

How small a word for this whole experience. He was a Kryptonian or he had been. He didn't care what Chloe said about muted powers not making him human; he was now. The point was in a life that had included rocks that could change his personality, aliens who could fly—or at least girls named Kara who'd been made to seem that way—and a crazy computer, this was the weirdest thing that had ever happened to him.

He stood on the steps to the loft looking up at himself.

Kal-El looked just like him and why wouldn't he? Yeah he had this creepy thing for black jeans and black silk shirts and, yeah, his hair was longer than Clark usually kept his, but they were twins. The only real difference between them were the cold blue eyes that stared back at him.

"Clark? Why are you not with mother and Sull-I-Van?"

"They wanted to see how you were. After pie you sort of took off to mope."

"I do not mope," he replied and it awed Clark to watch him. There was regality to his posture, a noble bearing that Clark had lacked. He'd always felt awkward in his body, unused to every new change. Kal-El held himself like the leader he had been born to be.

What kind of leader was the big question lingering between them all.

"Maybe you do."

"I do not, but I do become tired of pests."

Clark nodded. "I don't really wanna be out here either."

"You are free to murder the English language somewhere else, Clark ." Kal-El chuckled as if his name was the biggest joke in the world.

"I don't get you."

"You do not?"

"Yeah," Clark said, starting to pace. "I really don't get you. Mom and Chloe think you're amazing."

That caused Kal-El to quirk his head. It was a jerky movement, as if a raptor or bird of prey and made it. Had Clark ever seemed that alien? "They do?"

"You know they do. It's 'don't make Kal-El feel bad' that and 'check on your brother' this. They think you're a great guy and, hey, not shot so I think you're at least honorable, but you treat me like crap. The little digs, the laughing about how I'm just human. Newsflash-I want to be this way!"

"You want to hide. I do not find that honorable or worthy of us."

"I am not hiding. You're the one sitting in the loft, remember?"

Kal-El considered that. "I was contemplating. I thought that after all this time mother and Sull-I-Van would prefer to catch up with you."

"They wanted us all to have coffee. Mom says you like Pinocchio . She thought we could watch it. And are you the lamest alien ever or what?"

"I did not spend my time wishing to be anything than what I am."

"You hate me for that? For wanting to fit in?"

"I do not hate you, Clark. I do not like your weaknesses. There is no shame in who we are."

" You're the alien. I'm just a guy. Of course there's no shame in being just a guy."

Kal-El opened his mouth to say something but paused, before Clark could ask him what he was waiting for, there was a blur of motion and someone tapping on his shoulder. Clark spun around, forced to face Kal-El eye to eye. "You would believe that, would you not? That the shame you always felt was natural. That is was natural to fear our gifts."

"We had to hide. They'd find us," Clark replied, his voice small. It was the first thing his parents had taught him. Hide, be safe. Don't let anyone know. It was the rule of his life and for the first time in over a decade, he no longer had that worry. There was no strength to temper, no speed to compensate for.

"This I do understand but there is a difference between prudence and shame." Kal-El shook his head. "I should not be surprised. You are your father's son."

Clark swallowed at that. Two days ago, that would have been a compliment, but after his father's request in the barn, Clark wasn't sure he wanted to be just like his dad anymore. "Mom and dad kept us safe."

"They did what they could. There were no instructions for how to raise us, no guidance. They did most admirably for anyone, human or Kryptonian. They kept us safe until now, until I was ready."

"You're going to have a press conference?" Clark's tone was snottier, more defensive than he'd like. Kal-El was implacable. God, Clark wanted to be like that.

"No, I shall wait a bit longer. I need to understand this world, as much of it as I can before I can serve it. I do believe that a tour of it after Sull-I-Van and I graduate will be best. But I am not afraid any longer. I can protect myself and those I care for. It would not have been so had anyone caught us as a child."

"I know," he replied, suddenly feeling cold. "I never wanted to have to lie, to hide. I'm just glad that I don't anymore, that there's nothing special about me."

"There will always be something unique about you, Clark Kent. You merely wish to bury it as you have buried me, but, again, I understand. As wonderful as mother was, as much as I do believe Jonathan tried with you, they could not teach you to hide and, at the same time, teach you not to be ashamed of what were. They chose your safety over your sense of self."

"No they didn't."

Kal-El nodded. "They did what they could, but it was not quite good enough to help you, Clark. I do not know if you would ever accept me as part of you. I suppose we shall never know."

"Guess not."

"So, yes, I pity you and I hate that you could never embrace what we could be, but I do not hate you."

"Well I think you're pretty much an ass."

"An ass to whom you owe your life."

"There is that," Clark groused. Why had he ever tried to be nice to this guy in the first place? He might take a flesh wound in exchange for not having to talk to His Smugness. "Mom must love you a lot."

"Is this your pity? To make me feel better that you are the clear favorite."

"I didn't say that…lately."

"I do not deny it. I know that Sull-I-Van and mother loved you first and, I fear, love you best. You do not have to lie to my face."

"I'm not. She didn't come for me. She could have. Dr. Swann has tons of the black Kryptonite. I could have been out a year ago, almost, but she was that scared of losing you. Chloe too."

"They were going to ask the Fortress how to rescue you. I would not count them out yet."

He nodded and sat down on the steps, not caring if Kal-El followed his move or not. "They're my family."

"I was aware."

"Mom's still my mom, you know."

"I am painfully aware of that."

"Chloe's my best friend, not yours, and I-"

"You love her." It was not a taunt. The statement that issued from Kal-El's lips was barely a whisper.

Clark looked up at him, shocked. "I don't. She's my friend. We're friends."

Kal shook his head but stayed standing as straight and tall as he could, posture rigid. "You cannot lie to yourself, Clark. "You may lust for Lana, even now, but you love Sull-I-Van. You are only now realizing it."

"We're friends. I can't wait to call Lana in Paris, thank you very much, and stop trying to get into my head. It's closed for business. You have my memories. It fucking doesn't make you me."

"I suppose I was wrong then," his "brother" replied. "But I had thought-"

"You thought wrong."

"Wrongly," Kal-El corrected by rote. "At either rate, I feel like an interloper."

"You are."

"To me, you know, I was here first."

"I don't wanna share," and even Clark knew he sounded like a five year old.

"Nor do I but both mother and Sull-I-Van seem to insist we must. I shall have to learn with the knowledge you were here first and are the favored son and you shall have to learn to live, knowing that I was always a part of you, that you started life alien , as you so prefer to put it."

"Joy."

"I am not thrilled by this development either, but for mother and Sull-I-Van-"

"I know. They have me whipped too. I'd do anything for them."

"I as well. Then we have an accord. I am not requesting that you stop insulting me for I enjoy my own slights on you as well."

"Huh?"

Kal-El nodded. "I have your intellect, forgive me. We only have to play nice around mother and Sull-I-Van. I do not expect us to become best friends."

"Good, cause we're not."

"I do not wish for that to happen."

"Fine then."

"Right," Kal-El replied, finally leaning against the railing. "We are adults; we can do what is best for their sakes."

"I think so." Clark frowned. "What about dad?"

"He is not my father. I feel no filial obligation to him. You may take all his attention. He has certainly never shown me any."

There was a sadness there. Clark wondered if Kal-El knew how vulnerable he actually was. "I have to talk to you."

"We are conversing."

"No, I mean, you need to try harder. I get it. You have this whole sneering alien in charge, full of himself thing going on."

"Why Clark Kent, you sweet talk so well."

"I mean it. You might be defensive-that's Chloe's theory at least-but you're also a jerk deliberately too. You need to work things out with dad. I know it's hard. Hell, I can't even believe I'm saying this, I'll insist we do that stupid fishing thing the three of us or a Sharks game or something, if you need a buffer."

Kal-El frowned at him. "Why would you offer to do this for me? You have Jonathan Kent's undivided attention."

Because I'm scared.

But he couldn't say that, couldn't tell Kal-El that, for the first time since his father had fallen off the barn roof, that Clark was scared of him. Something wasn't right, and he could tell if Kal-El and dad couldn't work it out and soon, it would only get worse. "I know that he had a dream about you, like mom did about me."

"I should have suspected as much."

"It's a fear. Those dreams weren't true. I wasn't in pain like mom thought and I really don't think you're…well, I…"

"That I'm not a monster as he thinks."

"I was gonna opt for Jor-El trick. The other way sounds mean."

"Perhaps it is; it makes the sentiment no less true."

"It was a nightmare; you just have to give him reason to get over it. I'd say the nick of time rescue and saving me from a bullet are a great start to build on. Kal-El, I need you to believe me. You have to try harder."

Blue eyes narrowed at him. "You are holding something back. We were never a good liar."

Still weird. Clark was never gonna get used to talking in plurals about himself even if it were true.

"Just try, for mom's sake, okay?"

"Tell me what you know."

"I have. Hey, it's time to do some Disney and Chloe didn't eat all of her slice. You know we like pie."

"This is a distraction."

"Uh, yeah."

Kal-El considered him. "Alright, but I shall sit next to mother."

"No way! I've been gone for a year. Mom's mine and I'm her favorite, you know."

"No, I am."

"Me."

"Me."

Clark followed his brother out of the barn, grateful that he was keeping to a human pace. He'd distracted Kal-El for now but he didn't know how long he could keep his dad's request hidden. He hoped for long enough.