by Tichfield
For E
Disclaimer: Nearly all the characters and situations below belong to Charlaine Harris and HBO. They are not mine.
Note: I try to stay mostly true to the TV show, but bring in elements from the books when they are useful to the plot. I apologize in advance for any confusion this may cause. Also, there's a new character, but she'll only feature prominently in the first chapter or two - honest. She's mostly a plot device.
Chapter 1: Be careful what you wish for
So, Gran, you're probably wondering how Eric ended up being the only human in the world who runs a vampire bar. Or just how he ended up being human. It's complicated. See, it began when Bubba decided that he would like a bite of dog. Who knows why, maybe he needed a change from all the cats he usually sucks dry.
Do you remember Marianne? She was a maenad who blew through town not that long ago. A maenad's a servant of some dead god of wine; she just refused to believe that her master was gone, and did everything she could to bring him back. And when I say everything? I mean orgies. Lots and lots of orgies, right here in Bon Temps, and oh my gosh I wish I could unsee some of the things I saw - but no, they will forever burn in my brain with a strength matched only by the memories of that time I caught you watching a pay per view channel when I came home late.
Sorry for bringin' that up. All I meant to say was that this Marianne wasn't all right in the head, you know? She was obsessed with bringing back her leader. She'd tried sex parties and drinking binges, and she finally decided human sacrifice was what she really needed. Well, shifter sacrifice. Sam, in particular. I don't know why, exactly, but she thought he'd be the perfect offering and made all ready to cook him on this horrible meat statue they'd put up in front of our house.
Did I forget to mention that? She totally trashed our house. I'm STILL finding wine bottles in places you couldn't imagine. I mean, who takes a wine bottle to the bathroom? And behind the washing machine? Really?
Anyway, Sam Merlotte didn't take kindly to bein' god bait. He shifted into a white bull and gored her. Wasn't too hard, from what I hear, since she thought the bull was the master she'd been waitin' for, come down after finally hearing her callin'. Didja ever see a goring, Gran? I'll bet you did, back in the farm days. It's real bloody. Marianne died in the woods, in a little clearing. If you go there now you'll see a patch of grass all withered and dead where her black blood hit the soil. Nothin' will grow there. Nothin' natural, anyway, and that leads us back to Bubba.
There's good reason that Sam killed Marianne where he did; it's right on the path of his daily run. Sometimes it's a nightly run, and that's the problem. He shifts into a collie for his joggin'. Now, most animals know to leave him alone. He has a few scratches from a feisty raccoon, and that was about it until a few weeks ago, when all of a sudden Bubba decided on a change of diet. Bubba's a vampire, but a bit of a strange one. Likes the taste of cat blood better than True Blood or human, and he's not all there in the head department. So sad for someone who... I'm wanderin'. That's neither here nor there, an' not my story to tell. The point is, the moment that Bubba decided he fancied a cup of dog blood? Sam became a target. He was ambushed over by the river and managed to run away with nothin' worse than fang marks near his neck and a tear in his side. He ran home along the path he knew, and on the way some of his blood spilled onto Marianne's patch of ground.
What happened next is kinda weird. I got a witch to explain it all to me, and even then I'm not sure I get it. The maenad had been knockin' and knockin' and knockin' on the door of mythology, hopin' her god would come out. Then she gets killed, and her blood stays in the ground. But see, she wasn't just slaughtered; as she died she actually thought she was bein' a holy sacrifice. The way her part of mythology works, if she believed it to be, well, that's halfway to its actually bein' true. So we already have a patch of ground that's just charged with summoning magic. That's what it is. She was callin' and callin' until she fell over. SOMETHIN' was bound to come, to answer, if only to tell her to be quiet. Then to that you add the supernatural blood of the shifter who killed her - an' Sam had also been prepared as a sacrifice. Two more-than-human offerings, the blood of the murdered an' the murderer... It was a cosmic callin' card, beggin' for someone to come and avenge her. Just like going past the speed limit near that billboard on the city gates will summon a police car, our blood magic called in our very own Ifrita. That's genie, in English.
Not that we knew what she was at first, of course...
When she first arrived, she made her way out of the forest and onto the interstate. There'd been a storm earlier that night, so it wasn't long before she came across a fallen tree blocking the highway. Jason's road crew was on it, but it was slow work.
That's who told me all this part of the story, Gran. Our Jason. The Ifrita took a likin' to him - they're still together - but if I don't tell this in order I'll never get it right. An' that comes later. Much later.
So anyway, the road crew see this woman comin' toward them. She looks Greek, is about five foot nine, has dreadlocks and is dressed in a black halter-top, black baggy pants an' black slippers. Her right hand is covered in lacy black tattoos.
"I'd like a ride into town," she says.
"So would we, but we've gotta get this tree out of the way first," says Jason.
"How long will that take?"
"Oh, a few hours. You're probably better off walkin'." The woman looked unimpressed. "I could call a taxi, if you like, Miss..."
"Loiros. Keis Loiros. You say that if the tree is removed, you can give me a ride?"
"Yeah, sure, no problem. But it'll take a lot of time..."
"What brought the tree down over the road?"
"Lightnin', I think," said Jason.
"Perfect."
That's when things got a little weird. Keis nodded, walked to the tree and put her right hand on it.
"Lord of Three Thunders, hear my call," she said. "Poetic justice begs to be done. Lightning blocked this road, and in your name lightning will clear it. Now."
The moment she said that, noises started up above them, in the clouds. It was like they were havin' indigestion. Keis stepped back, and as soon as she did a bolt of lightning struck the tree, shattering it into splinters and small pieces of wood. Miraculously, no one was hit by the flyin' tree bits. Or maybe she just planned it that way; you never know with her type of person.
Speakin' of which, most of Jason's road crew were scared stiff when they saw this, not that they'd admit it now. They all chalk it down to coincidence. The lightnin' just happened to hit when the crazy lady said her prayer. Hoyt an' Jason knew better. They'd seen enough supernatural events so that another one wasn't a big deal to believe in.
Plus, Jason found the genie 'kinda hot'. That's what he told me, Gran. 'Kinda hot.' Did you raise him to be this way? A freaking genie lands in Bon Temps, and all he can think of is her cup size. Which is B, or so he tells me. WHY he tells me, I haven't quite figured out.
What was I sayin'? Oh, right, the tree. With the tree in little bits, it's only fifteen minutes or so before the road is clear.
"Where in town do you want to go?" asks Jason. I just know that he was hopin' she'd say 'your house is fine'. She didn't, though. Instead, she asked:
"Is there a place in this town where people gather?"
"Yeah, sure, Merlotte's. Seems everyone in town stops there one time or another."
"That sounds perfect."
"Listen, that lightnin' thing you did... you're not planning on killin' anyone, are you? 'Cause I'm not cool with that, and I'm not sure I'd like to drive you anywhere if that's what you were after."
"Oh, on the contrary." She smiled at him. "I'm here to make someone's wishes come true."
Jason gulped.
"Lady, I just met you..."
"Oh, not you. At least I don't think it's you. And it probably wouldn't be THOSE kinds of wishes."
"Are we talkin' about the same wishes here? 'Cause I was thinkin of a-"
"I know, I know." Keis's smile faded and she put her hand up. "The inflatable toy is a bit much."
"How'd you know that?" Jason's jaw probably dropped when he thought he'd found someone else with my 'disability'. "Can you read minds?" He covered his forehead with his hands, as if that could shield him from her prying.
"No. I only read desires. You're very calm for a human, did you know that? Most of your kind would be busy trying to deny me, like your friends smoking near the truck, or trying to figure out how they could use me to their advantage. You do neither of these things. It's very... relaxing."
"Yeah, well, I've seen my share of stuff and I know not to mess with what I don't understand."
"You don't even want to know what I am?"
"Not really, no."
"Good. I wasn't about to tell you." She shuffled her feet. "After all I've said, are you still willing to drive me to... Ware Lots, was it?"
"Merlotte's. Yeah, sure, they should still be open. An' you did help. It would've taken us hours to clear that tree the old-fashioned way, so I figure you've earned some free driving time. Hop in."
Once she'd been dropped off, she made it to a table in my section of the bar. It was only by chance that I was on shift that night. Sam had called me in after his injury. Tara wasn't available and he needed a little extra help with the bar. It's hard to pour a Southern Comfort with a gash in your side.
"Can I get you anything to drink?" I asked Keis, handing her a menu. I knew she was a super straight away, since her mind was closed to me. I just didn't know what kind. Her mental shields didn't feel like werewolf, or shifter, or vampire. That's all I knew. If I'd known more, I'd like to think I'd have kicked her out of the restaurant, but really, I'm not sure.
So anyway, she looked at the menu, then at the prices, and then she held her forehead with her right hand.
"I knew I'd forgotten something," she said. "These rush trips..."
"Ma'am?"
"Just a moment, please."
She got up an' walked to the table next to hers. Ol' Gus Gunderson was there, nursin' his usual double order of chicken fingers like they were the last nourishment on this green Earth.
"I hear you want a boulder moved," said Keis.
He looked up at her.
"Where'd you hear that?" The genie shrugged. "It's true, I do. Been wantin' to move it for a while, but I can't get anyone to come on over to my property." Jason says Keis just read Gus's desire to find out about the rock. That may well be, since I picked up stray thoughts about wantin' to clear the boulder just before the genie started talkin' to him.
"I'll do it for ten right now and the rest of what you think the job is worth afterward. You drive me there and back."
"Don't get me wrong, lady, I'm glad for the offer, but what makes you think you can do it? We're talkin' a pretty sizeable boulder here. Girl as scrawny as you couldn't even start to lift it."
"Well..." said Keis, "There are tools, and..."
She walked back to her table, held it with her thumb and right index finger, and proceeded to drag it all the way to Gus's.
"Hey!" I shouted. Guess who had to clean those drag marks? An' I wasn't able to do it perfectly, either. You can STILL see them if you look close.
"You're hired," said Gus, peeling a ten-dollar bill from the wad in his jacket and putting it into her hand. "But if you can't do it, you'll have to give back the tenner or work it off in chores. Deal?"
"Deal," said Keis, pocketing the change. "Ginger ale, please?"
Mr. Gunderson drove Keis to his place the next morning. He must have been pleased with her service, because after that she became known as the person to go to in town for large yard work. That wasn't why she was here, though, of course. As she worked, she was readin' the story of Marianne's rise and fall from people's desires. See, she can reach into you and feel and see anything you've ever wanted. That made her the perfect mythological cop, since she was able to work up testimony on just about anything, just by peering into people's past dreams, needs and wishes.
Her job, the one she was here for, was to avenge Marianne in a manner consistent with poetic justice. That was her schtick, her limitation. Jason says she serves a minor god of karma. I'm not sure if I believe that. I'm not sure I WANT to believe that there's anything like a minor god of karma floating around, because if there is, boy have I got a lot coming my way.
Anyway, she was peeking into peoples' heads and figuring out what happened during the whole time that Marianne was here. Half the town blacked out at her parties and couldn't remember anything afterward - even I couldn't pick anything from their heads about it - but their desires remembered, and Keis was able to piece together the whole thing. It's a little unsettling, isn't it? I saw a bit of what happened at those orgies, and it's nothin' I'd care to be carryin' about in my mind. This genie actually sought it out.
She was at Merlotte's just about every night, so it didn't take her too long to realize that Sam was the one who had killed Marianne. That created a problem. Marianne had wanted to use Sam as a sacrifice, and Sam had turned HER into a sacrifice. Poetic justice. Case closed. Except Keis couldn't go back to where she'd come from unless she punished SOMEONE for the crime, and did so correctly. She couldn't punish Sam, since he'd acted exactly as she'd want him to. Servant of a god of karma, and all that. Instead, she had to find the one person in town whose desires were necessary, if indirectly, for the murder to have taken place.
Apart from Sam, who, if removed from existence, would have allowed Marianne to live?
After a few more weeks of investigation, she found her answer.
Of course it was me, Gran. When is it anyone but me?