A/N: In a fit of celebration for hitting the 100 reviews mark on my story "You'd Be North," I decided to post this drabble that's been running around my head.

Please don't shoot me; but this was actually mostly done before Chapter 7 was even posted… So I'm really not trying to avoid posting/writing new chapters. I'm just the poor victim to sadistic, masochistic, evil plot bunnies. I imagine they're rabid. Like the one from Monty Python. And yes, the name is same title as a band.

Disclaimer: The plot bunnies would love to own YJ. Unfortunately, they do not. At least mine don't.

The Airborne Toxic Event

"And it starts...sometime around midnight.

Or at least that's when you lose yourself for a minute or two."

She walked into the room, and, just like before, all the symptoms returned.

After experiencing first hand what dealing with Poison Ivy was like, Kid Flash came to the only logical conclusion: Artemis had to be releasing some toxin-like substance into the surrounding atmosphere everywhere she went. Perhaps she was really Poison Ivy's protégé—or worse yet—she was the spawn of the femme fatal herself! No one really knew the archer's background story, so it was a possibility. Ivy probably taught Artemis everything she knew, including seducing helpless heroes and producing lethal substances that caused damage to the sympathetic nervous system, screwing with the adrenal glands to increase production of epinephrine.

It had to explain why his heart rate rose whenever he saw her, why his breathing became labored, and why anything not controlling his fight or flight mechanisms suddenly went caput. She had to be constantly emitting this nearly fatal neurotoxin, and Kid Flash wondered if he was the only one who had noticed because of his body's accelerated rate to process harmful substances.

Certainly, his other teammates hadn't really acted differently when she initially joined their covert operation, but perhaps they hadn't spent enough time in her presence to contract any sort of disease. Well, scratch that—M'gann certainly spent enough time with the archer, but maybe the toxin only worked on humans? Yeah, that had to be it!

Wait—if the poisoning was directly related to the amount of time spent with Artemis, then was he saying that he spent more time with her than everyone else did? He certainly was paired up with her more often than Robin, who would be the only other human on the team and therefore the only other susceptible person. But really, that was more Kaldur's doing than anything. Well, Kaldur, Batman, and Black Canary, all of whom seemed to take sadistic pleasure in sticking the argumentative teens together and watching the outcome—like some sick, twisted experiment. Only they didn't realize that in all their plotting and planning, they had sentenced Wally to a slow and painful death.

Wally might not have thought a slow, painful demise in the presence of Poison Ivy would've been so bad; that chick was smokin' HOT. With a capital H. But Artemis…well…Wally was sooooo not going there.

So Kid Flash, being the scientific-minded individual he was, began his investigation into the mystery that was Artemis.

When Robin arrived at Mount Justice to find Kid Flash sitting at the table pouring over books with titles like "Neurotoxins" and "Neuropathology: A study of Degenerative Disease," he assumed the speedster was doing some nerdy extracurricular reading.

"Hey KF! Whatcha working on?" The boy wonder inquired, peering over his best friend's shoulder.

"Just a side project," Kid Flash waved his hand dismissively, pushing aside the books before turning to face his friend. A sudden idea popped into his head. "Hey Rob! Quick question—have you been feeling…okay?"

"What do you mean?" Robin's eyes narrowed in suspicion behind his sunglasses.

"I mean, have you been experiencing anything abnormal? Like breathlessness, light-headedness, heart palpatations, dizziness…You know, stuff like that?" Kid Flash inquired, trying to sound nonchalant.

Robin's eyebrows reached new heights into his hairline. "Uh…no. Is there some virus going around causing those symptoms? Or—" Robin peered over the rim of his glasses—"did you mess with the chemicals in the Cave's lab again and make something that's now airborne and extremely dangerous?"

Kid Flash waved his hands frantically. "No! NO! Nothing like that! It's just, I think there's something going around and I wanted to make sure you're feeling healthy. Okay?"

"Right…" Robin wasn't buying Kid Flash's story, but he figured he'd play along anyway. "So, are you telling me you've been experiencing these symptoms?"

"Yeah, sorta... I'm trying to figure out the substance causing it," Kid Flash replied sheepishly, rubbing his hand behind his head.

Robin picked up one of the thick books off the table, flipping through the pages. "And you think it's a neurotoxin? Dude, aren't these used in biologic warfare? Not exactly your run-of-the-mill virus. And shouldn't you be looking for the source before jumping to conclusions?"

"I already know the source, and I'm pretty sure the agent is a beta-2 agonist neurotoxin, I just don't know how potent it is. I may have to take a blood sample then analyze—"

"Wait—you already know the source?" Robin interrupted, surprised.

"Yeah, it's Artemis."

"Wha-" Suddenly, everything clicked into place for Batman's protégé. The strange behavior, the symptoms Wally listed, the books, the arguments between the two teens, the violent flirting, the supposed source of all the malignancy in the world: Wally totally had a crush on Artemis. His best friend was suffering from the bane of all teenagers: hormones...And he was trying to blame it on airborne toxins. Robin couldn't believe it; he started to laugh.

"Dude!" Wally protested. "What's your problem?"

"My problem?" Robin choked down another bout of laughter. "My problem? Seriously? I'm not the one in denial here."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Wally's eyes narrowed.

"I know exactly what you're suffering from, and believe me, it isn't toxic," Robin rolled his eyes, which was lost on the speedster through the sunglasses.

"I don't think-"

"Recognized, Artemis. B-07."

Robin smirked as he watched his friend's face go from irritated to panicked to something almost resembling dream-like as Artemis sauntered across the floor, pausing to greet the two boys. Robin returned the greeting, having still retained the ability to speak…unlike Wally who seemed to be only capable at gaping at the blonde like a fish out of water. Kaldur would have appreciated the comparison.

Artemis shot Wally a look that was half-challenging, half-amused before walking toward the training room.

Robin clapped a hand on Wally's shoulder. "Good luck with that," he gestured to the pile of "research" Wally had spread out on the table. "But it's not going to help."

"Hey! I don't think-" Wally spun around to tell Robin exactly what he thought of his cynicism, but Robin had already done his ninja disappearing act.

Wally's hair toxicology scan came up negative, which frustrated the speedster as he was certain that was the primary point of the poison's release. Artemis had a lot of hair too. Golden strands trailing down her back, reflecting all light shining upon it, winking mockingly at Wally when the archer turned her back toward him.

Obtaining the sample had been simple enough. Kid Flash had simply grabbed a few loose strands on Artemis's jacket that had been tossed haphazardly over the couch in the living room several days ago.

But it was all for naught, and Kid Flash found himself back at square one. He thought about Poison Ivy and her modes of transporting the dangerous toxin. Usually the femme fatal released the spores into the air, but Wally had already taken several gas samples of the Cave's air supply, all of which came back negative.

Massaging his temples, Wally tried to recall everything Robin had ever said about the evil (HOT) plant lady. He had a vague memory of the boy wonder telling him what had transpired when Poison Ivy had gotten close enough to the Dark Knight to brush her fingers on his face—the only skin exposed by his uniform.

Wally conceded that the blonde might be transmitting her toxin via skin contact—she certainly socked him in the arm and cuffed him behind his head enough times to transfer a large enough dose that would stimulate a reaction. But the question was how he was going to get a skin sample.

Kid Flash waited until sparring practice. Predictably, Black Canary had paired him with Artemis to continue practicing their combined attacks. Wally moved them quickly around their opponents, slowing down long enough for Artemis to fire her arrows before taking off again. He had to admit, the archer was getting better at aiming and releasing even while still moving at ridiculously fast speeds.

When it was finally time to hit the showers, Kid Flash "accidentally" scratched Artemis's forearm as he set her down on the ground. It was a light scratch, and Wally prayed that there would be enough skin cells beneath his fingertips to run an analysis.

"Hey!" Artemis hissed, running her hand over the offending mark. "Watch what you're doing!"

"My bad," Wally mumbled distractedly before exiting the room. His abrupt departure surprised Artemis; she had been expecting a scathing comeback. Then again, Wally had been acting odd these past few weeks. She had attempted to start at least six fights with the speedster this week alone, just two of which amounted to anything, and Wally only half-heartedly insulted the archer during both. And it wasn't just the arguing that was off. It was almost like Wally had been in a trance, unable to utter anything intelligible around her and often exiting the room. The last time that happened Robin had been present, and the thirteen year old burst into laughter the minute Kid Flash got up to leave, giving Artemis the impression they had been finding amusement at her expense. Whatever it was, Artemis was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Kid Flash could have banged his head against the lab counter in frustration. The blinking notification of the computer informed him that he was indeed looking at normal, healthy skin cells. No lethal chemicals. No DNA comparable to Poison Ivy's. Nothing. Wally could find nothing abnormal under the microscope either.

The speedster was about to hop off the lab stool to go mope into a half pint of Rocky Road ice cream when a voice from behind caused him to freeze in his tracks.

"What the hell is your problem?"

Wally spun around so fast that he nearly fell off his seat. Standing there in the doorway, positively radiating fury, was the current bane of his existence: Artemis.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Wally replied defensively, crossing his arms and wondering how long he had before his vocal cords refused to work. His heart had already started its raucous canter against his ribcage.

"Don't give me that," Artemis walked toward him, jabbing a forefinger straight into his sternum. "You've been acting…weird…for weeks now! Care to explain yourself?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" His voice was getting high, his head dizzy from trying to think...of anything really...other than her close proximity and her finger pushing into his chest.

"You refuse to talk to me! You leave the room when I'm in it! And Robin always laughs when he's with you and I walk in!" she fumed. "Did I do something to offend you?"

Wally would like to have responded with something mean and witty like 'Besides existing?' But it was at that point that his brain went completely AWOL, and his reply was only unintelligible mumbling that sounded suspiciously like, "Gnnhaah."

"See!" The archer tossed her hands in the air, looking at the ceiling as though it would grant her patience. Or a sudden lightening strike. At this point she would have been content with either. "This is exactly what I'm talking about! What the hell is wrong with you?"

The question caused Wally to snap back to attention, and for the first time that week, Artemis could see the snarky, defiant stare that usually accompanied their banter. "What's wrong with me? WITH ME?" Wally's voice rose an octave. "You're what's wrong!"

Artemis took a step back in shock, but Wally wasn't finished and began to gesture wildly with his arms.

"You go parading around with your stupid attitude and your stupid bow and your stupid archery and your stupid saunter and your stupid hair and your stupid smirk and your stupid laugh and your stupid poisonous airborne toxins that I can't prove actually exist!" Wally ranted, drawing another deep breath to continue.

"And it sucks because no one else notices! It's like I'm the only one getting sick, and no one—especially NOT Robin—cares that I could possibly be dying here!"

The speedster glared at Artemis, daring her to contradict him. Her face contorted from shock to anger to surprise to something almost like realization. Suddenly, the screen information on display behind the speedster and Wally's behavior over the past few weeks made sense. She couldn't help it; she started to laugh.

"See!" Kid Flash seethed. "There you go! Just like Robin."

"Wally," Artemis tried to placate the speedster, talking to him as she might a four year old, "My body is not making anything poisonous and then releasing it into the air, I promise." She sauntered toward him—"Stupid saunter," he thought—a predatory grin on her face.

"Of course you'd say that," Kid Flash mumbled, trying to ignore the sashaying of her hips.

She stood right in front of him, fisting the front of his shirt and bringing him down to her eye level. Smirking, Artemis took note of Wally's heightened breathing, leaning her cheek into his before whispering into his ear, "Why don't you check your hormone levels instead of my DNA, hmm? That might just solve your problem."

Her lips barely skimmed the side of his jaw before she released him, grinning at his deer-in-the-headlights expression. For someone so smart, he sure did some stupid things. Artemis turned around and walked out of the room still smirking, her hair trailing behind her like a ripple in the wake of Kid Flash's speechlessness.

Wally could only stand there, his mouth agape. Stunned would be an understatement. Hormones? Seriously? Like that was even a remote possibility! He'd have higher hormone levels if someone tossed him and the Brain into a cardboard box together!

He brought his hand to the cheek that had been pressed next to hers; his heart rate increased at the thought of her lips being so close to his. Then it hit him like one of Superboy's punches: her lips!

Perhaps the transmission was mouth to mouth! There was only one way to test the theory. Wally grinned at the idea before running out of the lab and calling down the hall, "Hey! Artemis!"

A/N: Who says science experiments can't be both fun and scientifically applicable to real world situations, hmm? And in recent studies, nine out of 10 dentists agree that fluffy WallArt stories are a good source of antioxidants :D

(I assume the other dentist ships Wally/metal sphere Superboy brought home. WallSphere?)