You Never Were, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing

The sketch pad is full of drawings. All of them are of you. Some are from your childhood. Others are you standing in the shadows as a beautiful girl towers over you. It is unmistakably her. Your favorites are the ones where you're shining more brightly than her. Still, one stands out in your mind; one that even when you drink to forget everything is stuck there.

It's your family, all of them, not a single person missing, and you stand with you fathers hand on your shoulder and your right arm wrapped around Lorcan's neck, and your left hand placed firmly in your older sisters as if nothing were ever wrong. It's a picture of the best possibilities in your life, one where you love Victoire and your father is proud and Lorcan is still you very best friend. You have never wanted anything more than to make that picture com true. So of course you do your best to keep it unrealistic.

Dear Dom,

How are you? It's been so very long since I have seen you. We need to stay in better touch; Mum was saying just the other day that she hasn't spoken to you in so long that she's not sure she can remember the sound of your voice. Perhaps she is going senile, because I know your voice perfectly, you always had the very best voice out of us all, it was something I was quite envious about when we were children. But, by the by, I need to ask you something, I'm sure you received our invitation to the wedding. Can you believe it? I'm getting married! I am in quite the predicament though. You see, my baby sister received the wrong invitation. Of course you're still invited, it's just that your invitation didn't include all of the right information. Dominique, I would like you to be my Maid of Honor! Oh, It's all so exciting, please say you will I can never imagine a wedding without my very best friend standing next to me.

Lots of love,

Vic xoxo

The wedding was dazzling, with jewels and flowers and your sister looking her very best.

Everyone danced and laughed and it wasn't until they were smashingly drunk that they stopped glaring at you, and it wasn't until a few drinks after that, that they started talking to you. You'll admit it, you missed them, missed their corny jokes and strange expressions. You saw Lorcan once, he was twirling Lily around the dance floor, you wondered how you hadn't noticed him before, and then you realized he was avoiding you. You looked away and told Fred that you had something your eye when he asked why you were tearing up. Afterwards you went to dingy little pub where you drank away every single memory except one, a faded picture of your family, that night was the closest you had ever come to that picture. After that night you made random old pubs your new hangout.

Hogwarts wasn't what your father had said it would be. He told you that everything was an adventure, that everyone makes great friends, and that your family will be there with you the whole way. Instead you lived in your sister's shadow and watched as your cousins ignored you because you were a Slytherin.

Hogwarts had seemed like heaven compared to this life. Sure you had to deal with your family's icy glares and uneasy glances; you could even have dealt with your sister's fan club if it meant leaving this behind. The barstool you were sitting on was uneven and kept rocking back and forth, and every drink you had ordered so far was lacking in taste, but made up for it with the alcohol.

Suddenly the door to the small pub opened letting in a frenzy of cold air and rain. You don't bother turning around, the place was almost empty, and anyone coming in here, would, in all likelihood, be disgusting and making eye contact would only encourage conversation.

But it wasn't only that, Albus was a Slytherin too. It was the kind of Slytherin you were. You drank and partied and flirted and made 'friends' with everyone who despised your sister, and your brother, and your family.

You sit on a bench with him, he stopped you after two more drinks and the cold air is making your head clear in the slightest way. The whole night he talked of your family, feeding you pretty lies of how they missed you, and how much Albus prayed that you would stop ignoring him, and how Grandma Molly would make everyone promise to try harder with you every Christmas, and finally how bad Lorcan was hurting. This part didn't feel good, because you always thought that Lorcan was happier without you, and now Lysander was telling you that he was killing himself with alcohol and girls trying to forget you, it was exactly what you were doing.

Even then they might have forgiven you because, lets be honest, Lily partied almost as much as you, and Rose was dating Scorpius Malfoy, and Lucy's friends were absolutely horrid. No, they didn't like you for other reasons, but you're okay with that because they do like Victoire, and whatever makes you different from her is a blessing. You're (un)sure of it.

Her hair is golden and her eyes are sapphires and her smile makes everyone feel so damn happy. She is perfection at its best, and she doesn't care. She would tell you looks mean nothing, because, not only is she beautiful, she is kind too, and forgiving, and trustworthy, and helpful. She is everything you never were.

"What do you think it will be like?" Lorcan asked you as you sat on the Hogwarts express. You're eleven, and naïve, and excited.

"Lor, I think," you pause as he leans in closer his blue eyes widening waiting for the comfort you will no doubt provide, "that when you get there they will decide that you have no magical talent and can't be placed in any house, and then they will kick you out." You finish this all in one breath then give him a gap toothed grin when he gasps out loud.

"Do you really think that?" He clutches at your shoulders, he looks like he's about to cry so you put him out of his misery.

"Of course not!" You laugh until he joins in. you didn't realize it then but that would be the last time you laughed with and not at him for a very long time.

"Dominique?" A very familiar voice wrings out from behind you. Shit. Why this pub? There were hundreds of other dirty little pubs all over. Why did you both have to choose this one tonight, but of course you have more family then anyone in whole bloody country.

Rose is like you, destructive, so is Roxanne. The only difference is they have people who care enough about them to look past that.

Your robes fly out behind you and your hair glints in the light and as you glide down the corridor you could swear you were flying. Slytherin beat Gryffindor in the last match, which means that you (indirectly) beat her at something never mind that she wasn't even on the team. Nothing could ruin your great mood, you feel sure of it. That is until you pass by the courtyard.

The entire place is empty except for a small group of Slytherins laughing obnoxiously and obviously tormenting someone. You should have kept going, should have assumed that it was just a Gryffindor that was a particularly sore loser. But instead you stop, not sure if you will join in on the fun or ruin it. It's the blond hair that makes you realize who it is. You can see it over everyone else, he's so tall now, of course it could be his brother but you're sure it's not; you were one of the few people who never mixed them up. You hesitantly step foreword and at that precise moment someone calls you over.

"Yo Nikka, care to join us?" Reggie Flint smirks. The boy is a complete moron, but what Flint isn't?

"What do we have here?" You question as you get closer, classic Slytherin smirk is plastered on all of their faces but one.

"You prefer Nikka now do you?" his voice is gruff and you wonder for a wild second if he is crying, you wouldn't have been able to handle that, but thank Salzar, it seems only anger is shining in his eyes not tears. "Always liked Dom myself, but then again the name wouldn't suit you much now would it?" Your stomach somersaults, because his eyes are drilling holes into yours and its pure will power that keeps you from saying you prefer Dom too.

"I don't put much stock into a gangly Ravenclaws' opinion." Your voice sounds shaky and you know he noticed it. You turn to the others to hide your discomfort. "What are you doing here anyways?" You address your friends.

"He seemed to think we weren't good enough to look at his drawings, so we took them." Kyle Lens replies throwing her a sketch tablet that he had been flipping through. "Some stuff that might interest you." He gives you a strange look.

"Give it back!" Lorcan lunges at you but one of the boys grab him.

"Oh we can't have that" You taunt him. "What are you hiding? Nudes of Molly?" You watch him flinch and wonder if that was too far. Then you turn and walk away keeping the sketch pad in your hand. "See you later boys."

"Hey-" he shouts out before he's silenced by the fists of the Slytherin's. You go back into your dorm room and cry for hours.

"What are you doing here?" He questions sitting down on the stool next to you, as if you hadn't been a total bitch to your entire family and everyone associated with them, but Lysander had always been oblivious like that.

The invitation was beautiful. You couldn't deny that. It had two pictures on it, one of Teddy and Victoire laughing and holding onto each other. The other is a picture of most of the family; you notice that you aren't in it. You also see Teddy's arm wrapped around Lily's waist, but that isn't what catches your attention, it's the direction of his gaze. He is looking straight at Rachel Finnigan, a girl with black hair and brown eyes, a girl who also happens to be dating James. You wonder if you were the only one who noticed the intense look on his face, perhaps no one else has your keen sense of suspicion, you decide not to save the date anyways, because you're sure there isn't going to be a wedding, and even if there was, no one would truly want you there.

You finger the scar on your left wrist absentmindedly, and stare across the enormous room. The Ravenclaw table is unusually loud today, maybe they're excited that exams are approaching, they were always weird like that. You've been staring at him for fifteen minutes and he has yet to look your way. You're not sure what you'll do if he looks at you but it doesn't seem to matter because he resolutely avoiding your gaze.

You happen to catch someone's gaze, Lysander gives you a wide grin and you smirk at him, he sticks his tongue out in a childish manner and you actually laugh, and not a sarcastic laugh either, a genuine laugh. Lysander seems pleased. He points to Lorcan, who is sitting next to him talking to Molly, and raises his eyebrows; he's asking if you want to get his attention. You shake your head no, and Lysander shakes his yes, you glare at him as he takes his index finger and slowly moves it toward Lorcan's shoulder. You mouth the word no but he ignores you and stops an inch away from Lorcan, he looks at you and grins and shakes his head yes, he's mocking you. You throw him the middle finger, this seems to offend him. So of course, being Lysander he has to rudely shake Lorcan then point to you. Lorcan looks confused and Lysander starts explaining something. Lorcan rolls his eyes then goes back to talking with Molly. Lysander turns to you and mouths some words; you think he looks like a fish. He mouths them again and you raise your eyebrows. Lysander sighs then screams for the entire Great Hall to hear.

"WHY DON'T YOU AND LORCAN TALK ANYMORE?" Everyone goes quit and stares at him, him and his brother were the only two people looking at you. Lorcan stands quickly and leaves; you notice that his face is so red that it rivals any Weasley's, even Rose.

You couldn't believe it. She was inviting you to her wedding as her Maid of Honor, even after you had called her a poisonous bitch on your graduation. That was the last time you had spoken to her, and yet she had called you her very best friend. Why, why, was she oh so fucking perfect? She couldn't get angry could she? No, she had probably cried and then babbled some excuse about how you weren't really a horrible person, oh no never Victoire's sister; she couldn't be vomit inducing because she was related to Victoire. Well you would absolutely not go to this wedding, no matter what, even if she got down on her knees and begged you to go….You wonder who you should take as a date.

You laughed when you heard. Of course you did, because finally, finally, something didn't go right for Victoire. Of course you had known from the beginning it wouldn't work out. The look on Louis's face while he watched you laugh was a little unnerving. What kind of person looks at their sister with that kind of disgust? Then you remembered that you were laughing at your sister's failed marriage. You stopped laughing.

You turn and see a face that makes your stomach clench, because even though it's not his face, it's so similar and, it's been a so long since he's looked at you with concern that you decide to talk to his brother and pretend that Lorcan cares just as much as Lysander. "Hey Lysander," You sigh and hit back the rest of your drink.

"Exactly how many of those have you had?" He's smiling, simply asking out of curiosity.

"Um, I lost count," you answer truthfully. He laughs and your stomach hurts again because it isn't Lorcan's laugh and you want to pretend it is. You order another drink in hopes that by the end of the night you can fool yourself into thinking it is Lorcan.

By the time the sun starts coming up you've cried four times, laughed seven, and seriously considered slapping Lysander, but when he finally stood up and said he would see you later you felt better because you knew that you might actually see him and the rest of your family later. He left wishing you a Happy Christmas.

You stand outside the burrow taking deep breaths and clutch the wrapped presents haven't been here in years, not since Victoire's graduation party, and then you had left screaming that you hated everyone there. It wasn't exactly an encouraging thought when you were trying to work up the courage to go inside. You take a deep breath and watch the steam leave your mouth. There's laughter from the inside and you finally give up trying to open the door and go around to look through the window. There's your Aunt Ginny standing in front of the sink peeling potatoes with her wand, Aunt Audrey sitting at the table with Grandma Molly trying to read a very large stained cookbook upside down. The wall separating the kitchen and living room had been taken down long ago to make more room, you can see everyone sitting or walking around the room, a few having some firewhiskey, others handing out gifts, not a single person was missing except a very prominent figure.

Your beautiful sister was apart from everyone else, sitting on a couch alone clutching a small wrapped present. She kept looking around as if searching for someone, you can't imagine who because everyone's there. You notice Lysander go over and say something to her while patting her shoulder. She asks him a question, and he just smiles and gives her a reassuring nod.

You decide its time, might as well go in there now when there's a smaller chance of having someone throw food at you. The door handle feels freezing as you turn it. You find yourself staring at the ground, not sure who you're trying to avoid. The warm air hits you in a blast and now you're walking through the kitchen. From the lack of silence you assume that they haven't noticed you yet, you rush through the kitchen and find yourself across the living room in seconds. You sit near Victoire and just wait. Now there's a silence, one that has you nervously tucking your weasley red hair behind your ears nervously. "Happy Christmas" You hand the gift on top to the gorgeous girl next to you without looking up.

"Oh Dom!" And suddenly her arms are around you and she's crying and everyone's patting you on your back and yelling out greetings and Grandmas there wondering if your hungry and you get a glance of Lysander grinning at you smugly before another wave of Weasley's block the view. Before you know it you're eating turkey next to an over excited Albus and a very attached Vic, and you now know that the gift she was holding was a locket for you, she had told you to open it later.

By the end of the night you're full and tired and you're still holding on to one more gift. You saw him take a walk with Lysander earlier so you waited in the kitchen as more of your family fell asleep around you. Finally Lysander came back in towing a reluctant Lorcan behind him.

"Lorcan!" You almost shout as you jump up, many of your family shush you.

"What?" He looks wary as if he's expecting you to make fun of him or hit him with a jinx like you did in Hogwarts.

"I just…I wanted to talk to you." Your unsure of yourself now, he doesn't want to see you. But you feel the gift in your hands, and even if he won't talk to you you're at least going to give this to him.

"Go ahead." You wish he would stop this, he's Lorcan and your Dominique and this is stupid because this awkwardness was never here when you were younger, even when you were fighting it was never awkward. You take his arm and pull him into the linen closet.

"Stop being such a jerk I'm trying to be nice." You glare at him so of course you notice the smile that starts to come over his face. Then he's laughing and you're laughing, and you suddenly feel like something unknots in your chest, and your happy. When he starts to control himself you hand him the gift, and he looks distrustfully at it.

"Just open it already!" You encourage him.

"You were always so impatient.' He smiles and mumbles something, then opens up the present to reveal a faded sketchbook, that had obviously been looked through many a time.

"There incredible," You whisper as he stares at it. "It' not really a gift but I figured you would want it back." He was flipping through it and he stopped at a page that had both of you on it holding hands, laughing. He shows it to you.

"This was my favorite." There is a thunk as he drops it and grabs you, and you feel like it's your first kiss all over again.