Disclaimer: See last chapter.

"I can finally see the sun." ~

Rachel

I looked up at the large building in front of me and smiled, I had been recovering for two months now. It was going well – my therapy sessions had gone from once every two days, to once a week. I had gained weight, exactly 108lbs now. Only a bit more to go before I could be classified as normal, and I would be discharged altogether from the hospital.

I grinned to myself, I never thought this would happen, I thought I was going to die. I was convinced I wouldn't live to see my eighteenth birthday but I am going to. I can see the bright side of my life, I can see how life isn't about being thin, it's about being happy and living it to the full.

I wave at doctor Winters as she waits for me at the door, and I walk towards her. She wraps her arms around me and smiled, "How are you today?"

"Great thanks, you?" She smiles and nods, telling me she is good as well. I follow her to the usual room, smiling at the bright room. I look around once more and think about my first time in her, how weird it felt, how much I wanted to die, how thin I wanted to be. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing someone I wasn't. I didn't see a starving child, I saw a fat woman. Now, I see the truth.

"Shall we start with the board?" I look up at her and nod, walking over to the board and think about how I feel. I smile to myself as I write,

"Rachel Berry – happy, star potential, beautiful, loved."

I shrug and turn around, handing the pen back to her. She smiled and nods, "That's good." I nod and walk over to the mirror, biting my lip. I stare at it for a while and think about what I would usually see. Wondering if I actually missed my anorexia; I had bad days of course, but they were becoming less and less often.

"Have you ever thought about dying?" I look up at the doctor as I ask my question and she just shrugs, "When did you try it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I saw the look on her face though when I asked, I know that look better than anyone else.

"I have to tell you stuff, it should work the other way around." I shake my head at her and then look back at the mirror, "When?"

"Six months ago.." I nod at her and start walking around the room,

"Why?"

"Things got too hard for me, I was trying too hard to fit in with everyone, I was finding it difficult to be the doctor I wanted to be." I nodded at her,

"So.. you understand when I say about wanting to die?"

"More than most." I shrug,

"I don't know what happened the other night, but I couldn't eat my dinner. It was a terrible day, I went to bed considering killing myself. I was scared of my own feelings to be honest, I knew that I could do it if I wanted to. I knew I could, and that scared me."

"Well, it's understandable that sometimes you should feel like that and that you should be scared, you know what you are capable of, Rachel. You know you can recover and you can control this, you will have off days but you must keep fighting."

"Did you get caught?" I catch her off guard as she nodded and then turned away from me,

"I tried to hang myself, I was found my some friends. My life was saved, it wasn't my time.. just like it's not yours."

"Was it Kurt's time then?" She nodded at me and sighed, "I wish it wasn't."

"It's hard when you lose a best friend, Rachel.. but he isn't in pain anymore, he's happier now. And he would want you to be happy too."

"I guess, but sometimes it feels wrong to be happy because he was my best friend and we were so close and he's not here. It feels wrong to laugh, it feels wrong to smile.. I don't know."

"It'll be okay, you need to accept his death. You need to let go of him, you have to stop blaming yourself."

I walk out of there after a while, smiling and waving at Finn; he laughs at me and steps out of his car. "My lady." He says, opening the passenger door for me.

"Why thank you, kind sir." I giggle when he winks, and he jumps over to the drivers seat, "Show off." I roll my eyes, laughing at him.

"Glee club?" I nod at him, kissing his cheek, watching as he drives.

We soon arrive there and I spot the Glee club waving at me, I grin and wrap my arms tight around all of them one by one. "Wanna grab something to eat before Glee starts?" Puck bit his lip, nervously asking her before watching her walk off towards the cafeteria, rolling her eyes.

"Is that a yes?" He shouts after her, sighing in relief as they all follow the girl, with a dopey looking Finn as he watches his girlfriend with a look of pure and utter love. "Yes, but you're buying."

"Alright, Berry.. anything for you." He laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and walking into the cafeteria with her. They all sit around the the table with their food, "How are you?" Quinn finally asks,

"I don't know.. good, I guess. It's hard.. sometimes I wake up and think about how good I felt when I was hungry, I think about running to the scales and crying over the numbers but other times I think about how good it feels to not worry and how much happier I feel."

"Are there many bad days?" I shrug and look down at the table, biting down on my lip,

"Not anymore, no.. I think as the weeks go on, they get less and less. It keeps getting easier, and easier and maybe soon it will be every few months." I laugh a little and grin when Finn comes to sit next to me, with a pasta salad for me and him.

I slowly eat it, and avoid the looks of the entire Glee club on me; Finn knows how I feel so he pretends not the be shocked that I am actually eating something with so many calories. I smile at him and grab his hand under the table, he winks at me and laughs. I look up at the doorway, and see the person I was hoping to see. I look at Finn and sigh, "I'm going to see someone."

"Who?"

"Just a friend, I saw them at the doorway. I need to go say hello." I smiled at him and then ran off in the direction of the choir room, following my instincts and soon I found him. I walk slowly to the seat he is sitting on and smile at him, and he motions for me to sit next to him and I do.

"I miss you." I whisper,

"I miss you too, Rachel. But we are both better off this way, it will be okay." I look up at him, he looks so happy and so.. peaceful.

"Are you happy?" He nods and grins at me,

"I'm finally at peace, you just need to let me go.. like your doctor said before; stop blaming yourself." I nod and then look down at my hands,

"I'm glad you're happy."

"I love you, Rachel."

"I love you too, Kurt."

"You and Blaine need to look after each other, be safe." I nod at him and then turn away for a second, and when I look back.. he is gone. I sigh and start to walk away, letting one lone tear fall for my best friend. He was happier this way, I was going to recover for myself and for him... his death will not be in vain this way.

"I will miss you, but I will let you go."