TITLE: Back Roads
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller
PAIRING: CJ/Carol
RATING: R
SUMMARY: I had just made a monumentally big mistake; the level of respect I would now command from my mother had dropped to zero.
SPOILERS: None, but planned through the end of the 3rd season
DISCLAIMER: If you see them on weekly television, then clearly they are not mine G
***
The rain pounded down on the roof of CJ's apartment, especially loud for the partially opened windows. Blinding lightening flashed periodically, warning us that another crash and clap was imminent. As the curtains fluttered around, warm and damp April wind blew over our nude bodies.
CJ had been asleep when the first burst of thunder arrived in the sky, and her wakening was a jolt against my body. It was 5:46 and I had been lying sleepless for quite some time, in happy disbelief that CJ allowed me so close. And God, was she close with her face buried in the crook of my neck, arm around my waist…I never thought that CJ would be so soft, but her skin was infinitely smooth; I didn't think I could ever tire of feeling her in my arms.
"What's wrong?" I whispered after she jerked at the sharp, forceful boom of thunder. A bit sleep-dazed, CJ sat up and looked with confusion at the windows, and then at me. She took a deep breath and I watched as she collected her bearings.
"I hate thunder," CJ admitted in a soft voice, her tousled hair falling into her eyes. She hugged her body, and I reached out to pull her back to me.
"Why?" I asked, raking my fingers gently down her bare back. She shivered noticeably, whether from my touch or the thunder, I was not sure.
"It sounds like gunshots," she said after a long pause; CJ's head on my chest muffled her voice, but I could hear aversion to the topic in her tone. I said nothing, as what had happened at Rosslyn was a closed subject to me as well. I had never been able to gauge how deeply it affected CJ, but she seemed strong. I'm sure it actually was hard for her and if thunder sounded like gunfire…
Shuddering, I slipped out from under CJ's body and carefully closed the windows. As the curtains billowed and fell for the last time, I returned to her thoughtful gaze.
"Now you won't be able to hear it so well," I said, forcing a small smile. The assassination attempt was the last thing I wanted to think about when I was in CJ's bed. As I lay on my back, stretching the sleep out of my body, CJ put her palm on my stomach.
"I'll always be able to hear it," she whispered, placing a soft kiss on my temple. "But it was a good idea anyway," she added, arriving at my ear.
I twisted my head so I could see CJ's face, capturing her lips by accident. This was just insane, I randomly thought, realizing with both disgust and satisfaction that she was perfect. Just her throaty voice in my ear was enough to send a wave of emotion over my body; she sent my heart rate to dangerous levels simply by looking at me.
"Carol…" she murmured into the dim room, watching through heavy lids as my fingers found her small breasts.
"Hmm?" I answered with a hum, my hands dancing downwards. I could already feel CJ's body react as I pressed two fingers against her center.
"Oh…." she breathed out, forgetting whatever it was she'd wanted to say. As my mind adjusted to the feeling of her lips against my neck and her hands on my breasts, I sighed happily. "You can't just do that, you know, " she decided, a bit incoherently.
I chuckled, raining kisses over her face. "It's not my fault you're so damn irresistible."
"It's probably the other way around," she moaned, her tone rising as I circled her clit slowly. Her hands on my breasts fell slack as she tensed up at the feeling.
"I'll have to agree with you," I smiled with a tease as I sped up the movement of my fingers.
CJ laughed, her tone quickly turning serious. "Shit, Carol…had I known you could do this…"
"What?" I prodded, moving my mouth down her body while leaving my fingers in contact with her moist center.
"I don't know," she murmured, turning her head to the side as I placed a kiss over her mound. "Maybe it wouldn't have taken me so long to decide that you were… God, Carol…" CJ cried softly, reacting to my tongue on her clit.
"I'm not God," I mumbled with a grin against her slickness, "But other titles…I'll take 'em…"
I heard CJ breath out and then gasp sharply as I licked up the length of her folds. "No, I meant that it might not have taken me so long to decide I wanted you…" she managed in one breath, her smooth thigh trembling a bit at the suction from my lips.
I picked my head up, stopping in amusement. "What, you wanted me to send a memo? 'Note to Press Secretary: Carol gives good head'?"
CJ's laughter was ringing, and the gentle feeling of her fingers in my hair was innocently sweet. "I can't make sense when you're doing that," she admitted, her body arching towards me. "Carol, please…." She moaned then, aching for a release.
I couldn't get enough of CJ; she tasted so sweet, and the apparent power I had over her body sent me in dizzy circles. As I increased the speed of my tongue, CJ's cries grew louder and more desperate. Finally with a crash louder than the thunder that had awakened her, she fell over the edge.
As CJ breathed heavily, coming down from her climax, she reached for my waist. I sat up instead, brushing her arm away.
"What's the matter?" She asked, a bit of concern in her eyes. I smiled lazily and held her errant hand in mine.
"I'll take rain check…" I smiled as CJ curled up close to me. "We have to get up soon, anyway."
CJ sighed contentedly while I played with her fingers, and as the rain continued to fall from the sky, she fell into a shallow doze.
***
It rained all day long, and the halls of the West Wing were shadowy gray; CJ was in meeting after meeting with Leo, Josh, Toby and Sam, so I was otherwise unoccupied all afternoon.
The phone rang around noon, jolting me out of the quasi-nap I was slipping into.
"CJ Cregg's office…" I answered, getting a pencil and pad ready for a message.
"Carol?" the voice on the other end of the line deflated my shoulders; my mother was the last person I wanted to hear from.
"Hi…" I forced out in a cheerful tone and began thinking of excuses to cut the call short.
"Carol, I called your apartment for hours last night. Where were you?" she crooned, her tone insinuating. I smirked without thinking.
"Well, I'm actually going to be 27 in a month, so I'm sure it's not really your business, Mom…" I shot, chucking the pencil onto the desk.
"No need to get defensive. I was annoyed that I couldn't reach you, but then I figured—hoped that you were out finding a husband…" my mother laughed, clearing her throat with a self-indulgent joy that boiled my blood.
Rolling my eyes, I felt my throat close up. "Mom. I'm never going to be looking for a husband. I don't like men," I said, my voice dripping. She could read what she wanted from that.
"Why not?" my mother responded after a pause. I could practically hear her frown over the din of the hospital chatter in the background.
"Because, Mother," I slipped attitude into my voice. "I'd rather take the back roads to happiness instead of chasing a man. I'm not like everyone else."
"Oh, Carol…" my mother sighed. "You just haven't met the right guy yet!"
I wanted to slam the phone down, or maybe bang on the window, but I simply gritted my teeth and held off. Clearly my mother couldn't infer to save her life.
"Mom, let me get this out in the open…I am a lesbian," I pronounced every syllable, mustering up as much courage as I could possibly find. Having said the words, I allowed myself to take a breath.
My stomach turned at the silence on the other end of the line, and fear turned to panic as I realized what I'd done.
"I can't…Carol, no. Don't tell me things like that…." My mother stuttered, unnerved. "I'm gonna…I can't…I have to go, Carol…."
With that, the phone clicked sharply, leaving my pounding heart ringing in my ears. Balling up my hands, I watched as my knuckles turned white. What had I been thinking? Telling my mother that I was gay would never get her off of my back. My mouth wouldn't close as I stared helplessly at the clean white of my desk blotter; hot tears threatened my eyes and I fought an urge to punch the wall.
I had just made a monumentally big mistake; the level of respect I would now command from my mother had dropped to zero. She'd only be angry, disappointed, disgusted…and when the rest of my family found out…The torture that coursed through my chest was enough to strangle away the happiness I'd felt this morning.
My anger quickly turned to bursting self-pity. As a blackened tear hit the desk, I felt a hand sliding over my back. Jerking my head up I looked into CJ's face. She leaned over me, and removed her glasses before speaking.
"Carol, what's wrong?" she asked quietly, narrowing her eyebrows in concern.
With the tight pain of my mother's hang up echoing in my mind, I could only sniffle in response. The look of question and caring on CJ's face broke my heart even more, and she turned her head down the hallway quickly, checking to see who was around. Yes, I thought bitterly, we wouldn't want anyone to see mousy Carol crying….
My brain screamed why, why, why…over and over again, why did I have to be what I was? Why, why, why did I have to be so in love with CJ? As she took my elbow and ushered me into the office more tears found their way onto my face, and soon I allowed the sobbing to overtake my body.
With the door shut firmly, CJ gently gathered my body to hers as we found the sofa. I cried into her black-suited shoulder, wondering if I would ever be able to go back home, back to Nashua, back to my mother. *
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller
PAIRING: CJ/Carol
RATING: R
SUMMARY: I had just made a monumentally big mistake; the level of respect I would now command from my mother had dropped to zero.
SPOILERS: None, but planned through the end of the 3rd season
DISCLAIMER: If you see them on weekly television, then clearly they are not mine G
***
The rain pounded down on the roof of CJ's apartment, especially loud for the partially opened windows. Blinding lightening flashed periodically, warning us that another crash and clap was imminent. As the curtains fluttered around, warm and damp April wind blew over our nude bodies.
CJ had been asleep when the first burst of thunder arrived in the sky, and her wakening was a jolt against my body. It was 5:46 and I had been lying sleepless for quite some time, in happy disbelief that CJ allowed me so close. And God, was she close with her face buried in the crook of my neck, arm around my waist…I never thought that CJ would be so soft, but her skin was infinitely smooth; I didn't think I could ever tire of feeling her in my arms.
"What's wrong?" I whispered after she jerked at the sharp, forceful boom of thunder. A bit sleep-dazed, CJ sat up and looked with confusion at the windows, and then at me. She took a deep breath and I watched as she collected her bearings.
"I hate thunder," CJ admitted in a soft voice, her tousled hair falling into her eyes. She hugged her body, and I reached out to pull her back to me.
"Why?" I asked, raking my fingers gently down her bare back. She shivered noticeably, whether from my touch or the thunder, I was not sure.
"It sounds like gunshots," she said after a long pause; CJ's head on my chest muffled her voice, but I could hear aversion to the topic in her tone. I said nothing, as what had happened at Rosslyn was a closed subject to me as well. I had never been able to gauge how deeply it affected CJ, but she seemed strong. I'm sure it actually was hard for her and if thunder sounded like gunfire…
Shuddering, I slipped out from under CJ's body and carefully closed the windows. As the curtains billowed and fell for the last time, I returned to her thoughtful gaze.
"Now you won't be able to hear it so well," I said, forcing a small smile. The assassination attempt was the last thing I wanted to think about when I was in CJ's bed. As I lay on my back, stretching the sleep out of my body, CJ put her palm on my stomach.
"I'll always be able to hear it," she whispered, placing a soft kiss on my temple. "But it was a good idea anyway," she added, arriving at my ear.
I twisted my head so I could see CJ's face, capturing her lips by accident. This was just insane, I randomly thought, realizing with both disgust and satisfaction that she was perfect. Just her throaty voice in my ear was enough to send a wave of emotion over my body; she sent my heart rate to dangerous levels simply by looking at me.
"Carol…" she murmured into the dim room, watching through heavy lids as my fingers found her small breasts.
"Hmm?" I answered with a hum, my hands dancing downwards. I could already feel CJ's body react as I pressed two fingers against her center.
"Oh…." she breathed out, forgetting whatever it was she'd wanted to say. As my mind adjusted to the feeling of her lips against my neck and her hands on my breasts, I sighed happily. "You can't just do that, you know, " she decided, a bit incoherently.
I chuckled, raining kisses over her face. "It's not my fault you're so damn irresistible."
"It's probably the other way around," she moaned, her tone rising as I circled her clit slowly. Her hands on my breasts fell slack as she tensed up at the feeling.
"I'll have to agree with you," I smiled with a tease as I sped up the movement of my fingers.
CJ laughed, her tone quickly turning serious. "Shit, Carol…had I known you could do this…"
"What?" I prodded, moving my mouth down her body while leaving my fingers in contact with her moist center.
"I don't know," she murmured, turning her head to the side as I placed a kiss over her mound. "Maybe it wouldn't have taken me so long to decide that you were… God, Carol…" CJ cried softly, reacting to my tongue on her clit.
"I'm not God," I mumbled with a grin against her slickness, "But other titles…I'll take 'em…"
I heard CJ breath out and then gasp sharply as I licked up the length of her folds. "No, I meant that it might not have taken me so long to decide I wanted you…" she managed in one breath, her smooth thigh trembling a bit at the suction from my lips.
I picked my head up, stopping in amusement. "What, you wanted me to send a memo? 'Note to Press Secretary: Carol gives good head'?"
CJ's laughter was ringing, and the gentle feeling of her fingers in my hair was innocently sweet. "I can't make sense when you're doing that," she admitted, her body arching towards me. "Carol, please…." She moaned then, aching for a release.
I couldn't get enough of CJ; she tasted so sweet, and the apparent power I had over her body sent me in dizzy circles. As I increased the speed of my tongue, CJ's cries grew louder and more desperate. Finally with a crash louder than the thunder that had awakened her, she fell over the edge.
As CJ breathed heavily, coming down from her climax, she reached for my waist. I sat up instead, brushing her arm away.
"What's the matter?" She asked, a bit of concern in her eyes. I smiled lazily and held her errant hand in mine.
"I'll take rain check…" I smiled as CJ curled up close to me. "We have to get up soon, anyway."
CJ sighed contentedly while I played with her fingers, and as the rain continued to fall from the sky, she fell into a shallow doze.
***
It rained all day long, and the halls of the West Wing were shadowy gray; CJ was in meeting after meeting with Leo, Josh, Toby and Sam, so I was otherwise unoccupied all afternoon.
The phone rang around noon, jolting me out of the quasi-nap I was slipping into.
"CJ Cregg's office…" I answered, getting a pencil and pad ready for a message.
"Carol?" the voice on the other end of the line deflated my shoulders; my mother was the last person I wanted to hear from.
"Hi…" I forced out in a cheerful tone and began thinking of excuses to cut the call short.
"Carol, I called your apartment for hours last night. Where were you?" she crooned, her tone insinuating. I smirked without thinking.
"Well, I'm actually going to be 27 in a month, so I'm sure it's not really your business, Mom…" I shot, chucking the pencil onto the desk.
"No need to get defensive. I was annoyed that I couldn't reach you, but then I figured—hoped that you were out finding a husband…" my mother laughed, clearing her throat with a self-indulgent joy that boiled my blood.
Rolling my eyes, I felt my throat close up. "Mom. I'm never going to be looking for a husband. I don't like men," I said, my voice dripping. She could read what she wanted from that.
"Why not?" my mother responded after a pause. I could practically hear her frown over the din of the hospital chatter in the background.
"Because, Mother," I slipped attitude into my voice. "I'd rather take the back roads to happiness instead of chasing a man. I'm not like everyone else."
"Oh, Carol…" my mother sighed. "You just haven't met the right guy yet!"
I wanted to slam the phone down, or maybe bang on the window, but I simply gritted my teeth and held off. Clearly my mother couldn't infer to save her life.
"Mom, let me get this out in the open…I am a lesbian," I pronounced every syllable, mustering up as much courage as I could possibly find. Having said the words, I allowed myself to take a breath.
My stomach turned at the silence on the other end of the line, and fear turned to panic as I realized what I'd done.
"I can't…Carol, no. Don't tell me things like that…." My mother stuttered, unnerved. "I'm gonna…I can't…I have to go, Carol…."
With that, the phone clicked sharply, leaving my pounding heart ringing in my ears. Balling up my hands, I watched as my knuckles turned white. What had I been thinking? Telling my mother that I was gay would never get her off of my back. My mouth wouldn't close as I stared helplessly at the clean white of my desk blotter; hot tears threatened my eyes and I fought an urge to punch the wall.
I had just made a monumentally big mistake; the level of respect I would now command from my mother had dropped to zero. She'd only be angry, disappointed, disgusted…and when the rest of my family found out…The torture that coursed through my chest was enough to strangle away the happiness I'd felt this morning.
My anger quickly turned to bursting self-pity. As a blackened tear hit the desk, I felt a hand sliding over my back. Jerking my head up I looked into CJ's face. She leaned over me, and removed her glasses before speaking.
"Carol, what's wrong?" she asked quietly, narrowing her eyebrows in concern.
With the tight pain of my mother's hang up echoing in my mind, I could only sniffle in response. The look of question and caring on CJ's face broke my heart even more, and she turned her head down the hallway quickly, checking to see who was around. Yes, I thought bitterly, we wouldn't want anyone to see mousy Carol crying….
My brain screamed why, why, why…over and over again, why did I have to be what I was? Why, why, why did I have to be so in love with CJ? As she took my elbow and ushered me into the office more tears found their way onto my face, and soon I allowed the sobbing to overtake my body.
With the door shut firmly, CJ gently gathered my body to hers as we found the sofa. I cried into her black-suited shoulder, wondering if I would ever be able to go back home, back to Nashua, back to my mother. *