a/n

This is Daltonverse! If you don't understand what that means, you have been living a sad life up to this point. The wait for ep27 was just too long! I had to use my imagination... so here is a little JOGAN for you all

I really hope you guys like Adele because you're gonna be getting a whole bunch of it :) VERY much inspired by her album 21!

Please accept this as my official application to join the gondala!

Track 01

Rolling in the Deep

Logan would look back on this day and remember it as the biggest mistake of his life, quickly replacing the first time he hit Blaine and learned what that kind of violence felt like. Of course, it had felt completely logical at the time. But then again, a lot of things didn't go through his head the way they were supposed to when he was just off his medication. And in what had become the unfamiliar rush of feelings and impulses that he'd been stripped of for however many months he'd been on medication, he made a decision.

Did he think through it? No. Did he realize how destructive this decision would become? Of course not. But he had to know. He had to understand this, because it was literally eating at him from the inside. He had been so sure of things a couple of weeks ago. But all of a sudden... all of a sudden he wasn't sure of anything.

He stood in front of Windsor house and saw Kurt sitting alone in the common room through the window, he didn't hesitate for a second.

It was easy getting in. Everyone's parents were on and off campus so often these days, whether they were quickly moving their kids out or checking on their kids in case Dalton stumbled into another horror movie. So the dorms were almost always left open these days.

Logan, determined, strutted right into the common room. Kurt had an essay he was editing in front of him, but he was texting on his phone. Why Kurt was editing a paper when classes had been cancelled indefinitely was beside him, but it didn't matter. Kurt looked up immediately when he heard the doors open, "Logan!" There was always that moment of apprehension, almost fear, when Kurt saw him. And Logan, for the first time, wasn't angry about it.

"How did you get in-"

"Not important," Logan said, easily cutting him off, "I need you to do something for me."

Kurt looked at him suspiciously. "Okay..." he said, dragging the word out. He put his phone on the desk and gave Logan his full attention. "It depends on what the something is," he said. He stood and sat against the back of the couch a comfortable distance away from Logan.

Logan let out a hasty breath, taking a step forward. Kurt leaned back just barely, Logan noticed, he noticed everything Kurt did. But again, it didn't seem like it mattered anymore. "Listen, it's kind of a big favor," he said.

Kurt looked at him carefully, looking between his eyes, "Did you take your medicine?"

He sighed angrily, "I don't have my new prescription since I was drugged, thanks," he said frustrated. Kurt didn't look amused and he looked at the door, seeing if anyone was around should he need back-up. Logan didn't miss this, so he adjusted his tone, "It's just... I'm just really trying to figure out some things."

Kurt crossed his arms and looked hard at him, "What kind of things?"

Logan closed his eyes in impatience, "Julian things. Please, Kurt."

Kurt's eyebrows both raised and he held back a smile, "Oh, okay then. Whatever you need."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," Kurt said seriously, "I want to help."

"Okay, great," he said and he took a step closer to Kurt and put one hand on the side of his face.

"Logan! Don-" and without warning his lips were on Kurt's. Kurt's whole body tensed at the contact and he couldn't move.

Logan was kissing Kurt right there in Windsor for all the world to see.

Kurt stood perfectly still, unable to move. All he could think was not again, please not again. He could feel Logan's lips moving against his, but he could feel other things too... two hands holding his shoulders with a death grip. He could taste Logan, who was sweeter than Blaine, but Kurt could also taste that flavor that had seemed to linger on his lips for hours after Karofsky had assaulted him. There wasn't the same violent brutality as his first kiss, but the familiarity of being forced upon was making his eyes sting and he couldn't shake the image of Karofsky's hulking form out of his mind.

A second.

Two seconds.

Three.

He felt the sob building up in his throat as the moments passed by, praying to god he would stop, please, just stop.

As much as he tried to will himself to do something, to stop this, that irrational fear took over and he couldn't move a single muscle.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Logan pulled away. "Nothing!" he said, his face was still close, too close, to Kurt's. His eyes were shining and he was quite literally the picture of happiness, "Absolutely nothing!" He was positively beaming.

And then, "Kurt?" Logan asked uncertainly as he noticed, for the first time, the tears pouring down the other boy's face.

And that's when the fist collided with his temple.

"Blaine!" it came out as a sob. Blaine stood where Logan had been a moment earlier, staring at Kurt with wide eyes that were rapidly filling with tears.

"I didn't! He just-" he could barely get any words out through the tears. He felt dirty... and guilty. "I didn't want him to," he managed to say at last. It was one of those moments where you knew you were telling the truth, but you felt like you were lying.

Blaine took a step back from Kurt, not saying a single word. Kurt tried to grab Blaine's hand but Blaine pulled it away from his reach. Kurt's outstretched hand flew to his mouth while he tried to stifle a sob.

"I-I-" Blaine's voice was shaking. He clumsily wiped away a tear with his palm and took another step backwards. He looked down at Logan, passed out on the ground. And that's when Kurt noticed the red spreading across his left shoulder.

"Blaine, you're bleeding!"

Blaine looked down at his shoulder but didn't move. He watched his white shirt slowly stain red. The pain in his shoulder hadn't registered, surely the pain in his chest was much more serious. But he could see it now, and all at once he remembered his stitches.

"Oh my god," this voice was coming from the doorway, where Reed was standing, eyes wide. They both looked up at the sound.

"Call an ambulance!" Kurt shouted from where he stood.

Blaine realized that his vision was blurring and his stomach started rolling. What was that ringing in his ears? He watched Kurt tip to the side as he rushed to catch him and and then his tear-streaked face faded into black.

Julian stalked into his room. Derek followed quickly behind, and Julian slammed the door behind him. Derek didn't even flinch. Being best friends with Julian and Logan came with a lot of slammed doors.

"Go ahead then," Julian said, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

Derek shook his head, "They're just rumors, Julian. I honestly have no idea what to believe."

"Well I, for one, don't have trouble believing anything when it comes to Logan. He doesn't have very many limits, now does he?" he said harshly.

Derek just looked at him, torn. He knew that this could easily ruin him.

Julian waited, and Derek still didn't say anything. "Derek, don't protect me anymore. I can't take it anymore," he said, and Derek knew he meant it. "Just tell me what they're saying," he said.

Derek sighed. Why did he always have to be the one in the middle of this? He pulled out Julian's desk chair and sat in it. "I know for sure..." Derek began, "that Kurt and Logan kissed,"

Julian rolled his eyes. Derek knew that the flippant reaction was just a show, this kid did know how to act after all. "Yes, I know," he said, "I've heard from about a dozen different people. You told me that you knew something else and you needed to talk to me."

"Well," he said, "I heard something else."

"Get on with it!" Julian said impatiently.

Derek let out his breath, he closed his eyes for a moment. "I heard that..." god, he didn't want to be the one to tell him this, "I heard that he tricked Kurt into kissing him," Derek said, avoiding Julian's eyes.

Julian stared, "Who told you that?"

"Reed," Derek said.

Julian stared at the floor, confused. "What does that even mean? How do you trick someone into kissing you?" Julian asked. Derek met his eyes for a moment before looking down quickly. "You're not telling me everything," he said looking hard at Derek.

"He said that he..." he started, still trying not to meet that withering glare.

"What did Reed say, Derek," he said, annoyed.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair once, shook his head and finally looked up at Julian. Julian, who had been nervously looking behind him for months. Julian, who had just come home from the hospital yesterday. Julian, who could almost sleep again, who was just trying to forget.

"Reed said he used you to make him do it."

Julian stared at him blankly.

Derek started speaking in a rush, "He said that Logan lied about needing help trying to get you and he knows Kurt didn't want it."

Julian's brain went still for a moment. Painfully slowly, it sunk in. He wasn't unfamiliar with feeling angry with his friend, but there were very few things Logan could do that would shock him. In that second, he didn't just lose hope for Logan as a lover, but for Logan as a friend... maybe even as a person. And god, did it hurt. How could he not have realized what kind of person he was? What he was capable of?

He was entirely overwhelmed with anger, shock, humiliation, hurt and shame... so incredibly ashamed of the fact that he had trusted this boy, that he had loved him... that he still loved him.

And then all at once his mind started moving in fast forward. He hadn't thought through the equation before he realized he already had the solution.

Run.

"Right, well. I can't say I'm not surprised, this is Logan after all," he said in a desperate attempt to act normal but his shaking voice gave him away. "So I think I'll be going," he said standing abruptly.

"Going where?" Derek said looking up at his friend.

"I think I'll take one of those movies after all," he said, trying to make it seem like it didn't matter.

"Whoa," Derek said standing as well, "don't you want to think about this? Maybe talk to Logan about this first?"

Julian paused suddenly in the process of pulling out his suitcase which was always half packed anyways. "Yeah, I'll talk to Logan. Would you mind getting him for me?" he said with a forced calm that shocked Derek.

"Uhm," he said looking at Julian suspiciously, "he's not here. He's at the hospital."

Julian's coldness cracked for a moment and Derek saw all the emotions flash for just a second behind his eyes, "What?"

"He's fine," Derek assured him, "Blaine punched him and he has a concussion I think. Or that's the last Reed heard," Derek said.

And just like that the mask returned, "Right... Well... He beat me to it then, didn't he?"

He picked up his suitcase and dropped it unceremoniously on the bed. "Julian, you can't leave," Derek said, trying to be patient, "You're not up for a movie right now."

Julian didn't pause in his work as he ripped all the hangers out of his closet and tossed them on the bed. He started folding all his shirts and hastily dropping them on top of the half folded things that never made it out of his suitcase from the last time.

"Not ready for a movie? How so," he said not looking up.

"Jules... you have to try to live a normal life," he said gently putting a hand on his shoulder, "You've been through too much as it is."

"And he's not going to put me through even more?" Julian asked, he winced at the way his voice sounded: broken and weak. He sounded so goddamn fragile.

He watched his hands shake as he threw a Dalton tie out of the pile. He felt like he was vibrating with the emotions he was vibrating with the emotions he was trying to contain. Maybe this is how Logan feels... he thought to himself.

"He's not trying to hurt y-"

"DEREK!" he swung around and stared at his friend. Derek stared back, torn between fear and pity.

Julian spoke again, but he didn't yell, "He used me."

His voice was quavering, "He used my feelings. He used my confession... my goddamn humiliating confession... as a way to manipulate Kurt." He was trying desperately to keep his voice even, but try as he might it still cracked. He forced himself to continue anyways, "How fucked up can you get? I mean he wouldn't even know-anything- if some psychopath hadn't been holding a knife to my neck!"

He laughed then, and it sounded dangerously close to a sob. Derek didn't want him to continue but he did, "It's funny. No, you know what it is? It's fucking hilarious," Derek had never heard Julian raise his voice, but his voice was rising now at a rapid rate and it scared him, "because I've pictured every reaction he could possibly have to this! I've been thinking about it, killing myself over it, for three years now! But of the hundreds of times I imagined a heart-breaking rejection or our first kiss, I never could have imagined this," he was yelling now, "But, I guess I should have realized that I mattered so little to that bastard that I wouldn't even be involved in his reaction to me loving him."

He finished, staring at Derek. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and his hands were shaking violently. He was breathing raggedly trying desperately not to cry. Derek, trying so hard to think what to say, was forced to watch his resolve crumble.

Each breath slowly became a whimper and two tears fell down his cheeks. "Shit... Derek..." was all he could say.

And Derek took a step forward, pulling him into a hug. Julian immediately dropped his head onto his shoulder and began crying. He clung to the back of Derek's blazer, his whole body shaking, trying to suppress the sobs.

It took Julian three tries to speak, but finally he managed to say, "Why..." he choked back a sob, "Why do-does he do these things to me?"

Derek held him tighter, "I don't know."

We could have had it all

a/n: Unlike this chapter, most chapters will have full songs, whether they're sung by our pretty boys or not. I'm so excited to get my next chapter out, because it's what inspired me to write the whole thing.

What's next you ask? Track 11: Someone Like You