Tears of Blood by Rondomness

So, first super sorry. I've been a long time about updating and have lost much interest in this fic, not because of all you wonderful reviewers, but because I'm currently focused on writing something else which I will be posting under a different penname starting from the midst of July, if all goes well.

So, I sincerely apologize to everyone. I didn't think I should just leave this story, so I'll finish it properly. But this will probably also be the last I'll post here. For anyone curious, you guys are free to PM me about my new penname, but apart from that, I'll refer from making it public, because I'd like to start afresh.

This is actually also the date that I finished Crimson Depts on, one year ago. Ahh, the nostalgia…

This story should have had one more chapter, but I was able to fit it into one and then there was no reason for two xD

Chapter 24: Gunshot of Desire

Kaname stared into the ceilings, counting the swirls of gold in the ornaments. He was tired. So tired. But his mind refused to let his body find any rest whatsoever. It had been two days and still, he was feeling exhausted, completely lost in the turmoil of his own feelings. So guilty. So lusty. So in love. A beast madly in love.

He wanted to tell Zero what he'd done, what a monster he'd been, but he could never do that, could he? What if Zero said he never wanted to see Kaname again if he revealed it? Kaname couldn't stand that thought. It was too horrifying. He had lost Yuki and replaced her with Zero. Should he also lose Zero now?

Truthfully, he never had replaced Yuki with Zero and that wasn't really what he felt. It just felt as if his heart had grown somehow, to be able to house both of them equally. But it was only one of them he could even start to hope to have a future with. And he might have ruined that chance for good now. What a horrible creature he was.

What right did he have to approach Zero, perhaps even going as far as admitting something to him after what it had taken to realize these feelings? Doing that would be… madness. A beast madly in love.

And yet, everything about these feelings was wrong. Purebloods weren't supposed to have real feelings towards anyone else than another pureblood and especially not towards either hunters or ex-humans. For hunters, it wasn't possible to disgrace yourself further than to love a vampire, especially not a pureblood.

He had to tell Zero. Firstly what he'd done. And if Zero rejected him then, there was no need to trouble the hunter's mind further. No need to tell him all of the truth. Kaname stood up, walking just outside of his room. He inquired a short greeting to Seiren, who was by his side a second later. "You called."

"I want to talk with Kiryuu-kun. In my room."

Zero splashed his head with cold water, wishing his nauseous feelings would fade away soon. He knew he wouldn't have luck though. His body needed to rid itself of the tablets he'd ingested half an hour ago before the feeling would go away. He knew it had been a bad idea, knew that this would inevitably happen, but still… He hadn't been able to stop himself. He was so thirsty. And Kaname had not uttered a single word or spared him a single glance for days, which surprisingly had upset him. He wouldn't press with his incontrollable bloodlust then, if Kaname was somehow angry at him.

His senses reached him and he turned around in a heartbeat. Seiren, Kaname's freakishly silent servant who never did anything but walk behind the pureblood as a shadow, waited patiently for him to realize her presence. Zero instantly relaxed. He was not too secure around many members of the Night Class, but at least he knew that Seiren never would attack on her own account. And unless he'd seriously underestimated Kaname's ignorance of him these past days, the pureblood wouldn't order Seiren to hurt him.

Not looking for trouble with vampires for once, Zero just gave her a questioning glance. Her emotionless eyes stilled on his face at the same time as her hand gestured towards the door. "Kaname-sama wishes to see you now." Her tone was calm and collected, her eyes professional, unlike most of the other Night Class students'. It had not passed by their sharp glances that Kaname in the last weeks had started treating Zero specially and thus, the hunter kept receiving hateful glares whenever the pureblood weren't looking. He would never tell Kaname that though. He would hate to be such a weakling.

Although not looking for trouble, Zero didn't take much to being kind to vampires either. He just went right past the figure by his door, barely sparing her a glance. She followed him in silence all the way back to the Moon Dorm, through the great corridor and towards the rooms of the Dorm President.

A soundless knock on the door informed Kaname of Zero's presence, and a silent come in from the pureblood informed the hunter of his permission to enter. He cautiously opened the door, a bit nervous. What if he had accidentally overstepped some immense, invisible border by leaving Kaname the other day? What if the pureblood was really angry at him?

But when their line of sight met, Kaname gaze was far from angry. He looked… guilty and troubled. Zero sat down beside the pureblood on the couch, unsure of what to do or say now. It was quite abnormal and awkward.

"Zero," Kaname started out cautiously, nervous and unsure. It was quite unknown to him to have to be placed in such a pressed situation and unfamiliar that he didn't know what to say. When it appeared that the hunter waited for him to continue, he sighed softly.

"Shizuka was never, ever mad, not in the way the Council pictured her. She was unrightfully declared mad so they would have an excuse of locking her away, of closing the mouth on the only witness to the Council's participation in killing off the Kurans. Of killing my family, using them to gain power for themselves. They were going to do it to a five year old. If anyone from our family should be declared mad, that would most certainly be Rido. But of course, the Council didn't want that to happen as he gave them purebloods to use. Shizuka wasn't mad until Rido killed her lover. Then, she was mad with grief as any person would be by having their lover murdered."

His eyes darted away. Zero looked him over the shoulder to see how many papers he had left to look at. "You know, you should really take a break," he remarked. Zero knew that Kaname had to take care of certain things, especially after Ichiou's death, but this was perhaps to overdo it a little. His entire table was cluttered with paperwork. "Yeah, I know. I will, I promise," Kaname said, looking absentmindedly at the next paper.

Zero took the paper out of his hand and urged him to stand up. "You have been working yourself too hard. At least, take a small walk around the dorm." Kaname stretched, something that made him look like a cat in Zero's eyes. The hunter walked closer to get a closer look of Kaname's face. He looked pale and exhausted. Closer, closer…

"Zero, there's something I have to tell you. Last time, when you left me… I was… I… I was needy and I wasn't thinking clearly… I… did something very stupid…" Kaname's voice was wavering and unfocused, especially because it didn't seem like Zero understood what he was pointing at, just staring at him with those silvery eyes in confusion. Damn, why did his heart have to misbehave right now?

"I… I've been to bed with Aidou…" Kaname said, looking miserably down to the ground, guilt sitting in his stomach in the shape of a huge knot. The silvery eyes widened in shock and disbelief. "I… I was aroused! I wasn't thinking clearly! Please forgive me!"

After the initial shock had settled, Zero's eyes turned dull, glazed, unfocused. The look he gave the pureblood with his dead eyes told Kaname exactly what Zero thought of him. A despicable pureblood who toys with others' feelings.

"Zero, I… There's something else I have to tell you… Before you reject me completely, you have to know… I… I think I might love you…" Kaname blurted out, blushing, but still determined to speak his mind. Of course it hadn't been the plan to reveal this to Zero, especially not if he was reacting like this, but Kaname wanted the hunter to know all of his possibilities. All the cards in his hand.

"I hate you! Why do you keep pressing and pressing? Don't you get enough? It's not like we're in love or anything," Zero burst out, turning around and storming off. Kaname stood back, frozen to the spot by Zero's words.

So… he was wrong about it then. Just like with Yuki. He shouldn't have bound himself to Zero, he'd told himself that countless times but he had any way and now, it was time for him to pay for that mistake. All along, Zero had just been toying with the pureblood's emotions for the sake of his own amusement. Kaname brought a shaking hand to wipe away the water that escaped his eyes.

The pain cut right through him like a knife. He stumbled and fell down on his knees, down on the grass. It hurt in his eyes, but Zero denied the tears access down his face. He fought back up, blinking to get rid of the tears. Why?

Kaname… how could you do this to me? I thought… How can I trust your words? When I know you've betrayed me like that, how can I possibly trust you when you say you love me? And yet… I want to believe that, so badly… Why?

… Because I love you. But I hate you now.

Zero collapsed under a tree, unable to hold his tears at bay any longer. The most hurting part of it was… He knew he loved that damned, arrogant, selfish, wonderful pureblood. And… what if Kaname really did return his feelings? Zero knew that the best way to avoid hurt was to avoid exposing himself but… it was just almost too tempting to bare his chest to this man, to expose his feelings and desires.

I'll come back to you… Kaname…

Kaname had locked the door long ago, had stopped crying long ago, but the redness in his eyes and the well-worn paths down his cheeks of water wouldn't cease to be there. The horrible truth was that no matter what… Zero would not come back.

He'd once again managed to destroy himself completely. His instincts had gotten the better of him and had destroyed what little love he still held in his heart. He just wanted to have someone to love. And to be loved by. But he had just destroyed every chance he had of ever making that happen. He couldn't blame Zero though, it was Kaname who had treated him like trash, like some kind of… concubine.

Still, he could feel that he had to pretend. Pretend to have the hope that Zero could somehow forgive him at some point and return to his side. If Kaname didn't at least have that slight lie of a hope left, he would shatter to pieces. Should Zero ever be able to forgive Kaname for being such a horrible, freakish vampire, then…

I'll be waiting… Zero…

THE END