Title: Spare Me Over 'Til
Pairing: Ambiguous Gen, with a slashy after-taste
Characters: Bobby, Crowley
Rating: K+
Word Count: 550
Warning: non-vital spoiler for 7x03
Summary: "This isn't personal, darling, it's just... Bobby Singer is not to be touched."
Author's Note: So, I decided to catch up on Supernatural, which I haven't watched since the season four premiere… I'm currently halfway through season 6 and… I mean, of all the things I could have shipped (Destiel, Sabriel, Wincest, etc) I ended up really, really, obscenely falling for Bobby/Crowley… I think I just have a thing for cranky old men being cranky together? Idkidk but I like it~

So, here have 10 drabbles about them, not necessarily slash; well, no more that Canon Crowley makes them. They are all only dialogue based. Also, the 9th drabble is referring to Doctor Who, and 7x03 "The Girl Next Door". Title from "Oh Death" by Jen Titus.

Oh, my poor little darling. This isn't personal, it really isn't. It's just that the… memo hasn't really had the chance to get around yet:

Bobby Singer is not to be touched.

888

You look dashing, luv.

Bite me.

Any time.

888

Why are you helpin' me? If I recall correctly I'm the one who tried to fry your skirted corpse.

It's a kilt, you uneducated swine. And Bobby, Bobby, Bobby… you are far more than that.

Oh yeah?

You're the one who got away.

888

You can't be serious.

You heard me. I'll help you out with this as soon as you take a swig of my rot-gut.

What. Why? How could that possibly be a bargaining chip for you?

Don't you worry your stupid little head about that. Just take a shot already, wouldja, ya big baby?

I will regret this, I'm sure of it already.

888

Singer. Get out of that goddamn room right this instant or I will LEVEL THIS PLACE.

Nope. I'm not comin' out 'til you calm down.

You can't stay in there forever!

I've got plenty a food and water stocked up, I'll definitely outlast your puny attention span.

What about your god-forsaken 'liquor'? How much of that did you stock up, hmm?

…

That's what I thought. I'll be waiting, Robert.

Balls.

888

What are you doing here? Are you insane, you pathetic, flimsy meat bag? They will incinerate you as soon as they realize you're here.

Well then you better shut yer trap before they overhear your bitchin', idjit.

I do not "bitch", I bemoan eloquently.

Oh, you'll be "moanin'" when I get you outta here and I've shown you what I think of the damn King of Hell gettin' trapped by a coupla lowly angels.

Oh Bobby! Promises, promises...

N-No, I didn't mean it like- I meant- I-… damn it, Crowley.

888

What'd you mean when you said I had the wrong bargaining chip? Was there a right one?

If there's one thing I've learned in my time, it's that there's always a 'right' bargaining chip, luv.

Was it your w-

Careful, Robert.

…How'd she die?

Let's just say, I've always admired your perseverance Bobby Singer.

888

Why is it that Sam gets the pretty Demon girl, Dean gets the puppy Angel boy, and I get goddamn you?

Oh, Bobby dear, I think you've got your nouns all mixed up. I've got you.

Says the man cooking me apple shortbread.

Shut it.

888

See what's brilliant about it is that she's so Scottish. Feisty and fabulous, I'm actually quite proud of her. Maybe I should go check out this "Karen Gillan".

Believe me, you're doin' enough "checkin' out" from here.

Oh don't be jealous, dearest. It's not like there's a real Amy Pond.

Hrrm…

888

Look, all I need is for you to shazam around and get me some fox glove, duck feet, and "blood of a fool".

But what if I can't find the Winchesters?

Ha ha, very funny. Just go get the stuff before I decide to add some holy ingredients to your next glass of fancy liquor, alright, querida?

"Querida"? You do realize I understand Spanish right? Demon here. We're pretty well versed in Latin, remember?

I'm not stupid, ya damn idgit, now git!

… "shazam around"?

Damn it.

Also I really, really love the thought of Crowley being a little domestic with Bobby… even if it gives Bobby the hibby-jibbys. :)