Using Her Noodle

I'm sorry, Jacob, but this isn't going to work out. But I still want to be friends.

It drove him insane.

Jacob knew what was going to happen from the get go. The commander and the armory officer? Sounded like a couple straight out a bad romance novel. Sounded like a disaster waiting to happen.

He did everything he could for her, but that wasn't enough to keep her. Even though they worked on the same ship and fought for the same cause, he felt like they were galaxies apart. He knew he shouldn't stay jealous, or bitter, or resentful. He still cared for her, as a friend and more, and wanted her happiness above everything else.

Still, in the back of his mind, he coddled the thought of punching that drell square in the face.

His hands fumbled with the assault rifle, his thoughts drifting from Shepard, to the mission, to every other thing in the universe. His teeth were clenched as he tried to forcibly snap the magazine cartridge in place. He sighed in frustration when it refused to fit and tossed it across the counter, where it fell into the crack between the table and the wall.

Probably shouldn't have done that.

He used his biotics to lift the weapon bench, his head still stuck on the past. "Couldn't have taken it slowly, could you?" he said aloud to no one in particular. "Just had to give her that kiss on the cheek? Just had to rush things? Well good going. Look where that's gotten you now. Might as well have told her you were interested in other races. Hmph. Damn drell." He exhaled sharply and sighed.

"What's the matter, Mr. Taylor?" asked an enchantingly sly voice. "Down in the weather?"

His ears perked and he swiftly snapped his head around to see who it was. Kasumi Goto. Losing his concentration for a moment, the weapon bench he was levitating slammed to the floor behind him, causing a loud, reverberating bang. He jumped slightly from the sudden noise, his back straightening in the process. "Uh… Kasumi. How can I help you?"

She smiled consciously behind that cowl of hers. "I don't need anything right now. I'm just checking up on you, seeing how you're handling."

"How I'm handling what?" he snapped back, almost sounding offended.

"Don't act so coy. You know what I'm talking about."

"Sorry Kasumi, but I don't…"

"Just had to give her that kiss on the cheek?" she mimicked, imitating his tone of voice.

Jacob's eyes widened as he swallowed audibly, an air of embarrassment rising around him. "Uh… how long were you listening in?"

Kasumi nonchalantly leaned her back against a wall and pretended to examine her nails. "Oh, you know, just up to that 'damned drell'," she teased, lifting her chin just enough to capture the expression on his face.

His body stiffened as he tried his best to maintain a calm countenance. "Oh."

She paused and finally asked, "So, do you want to talk about it?"

"No." He turned away from her and retreated back to his work.

Kasumi frowned playfully and approached him in short, measured steps. "You sure?" she asked standing beside him, her hands locked behind her back.

"Positive."

"Positive positive?"

"Look, I don't have time for this right now, Kasumi," he replied coldly, trying to shrug her off.

This time her frown was genuine. "Was it because I was eavesdropping?" she asked considerately. "Sorry, it's a bit of a habit. I'm trying my best to stop."

"No, it's not that. I just…" He let out an exasperated sigh. "I just wanna be alone, 'lright? The more I take my mind off of… it… the better."

"Keeping your emotions bottled up is never a good approach to dealing with stress, or pain."

"I'm not stressed and I'm not in pain," he denied. "Just tired."

She saw right through his guise. "And I'm just a pickpocket."

"Kasumi…"

"You sound like you could use some comfort food."

He blinked and stared up at her perplexedly. That was oddly out of left field. "Er, 'scuse me?"

At least she got a reaction out of him this time. Better than a cold shoulder in her book. Beaming a warm smile, she said, "Come on! Let's go get something to eat." She wrapped her hand around his wrist and began tugging.

"Wait, I've still got things to…" She wouldn't even let him finish his sentence. By the time Jacob had put down the piece of the assault rifle he was working with, Kasumi had dragged him off the Normandy.

"Here we are. And just in time too! Only two seats left."

"Uh…"

"Hm? What's the problem?"

"I never really had Asian food on the Citadel before. Just a little apprehensive is all."

"I promise you you'll enjoy it. Just give it a shot."

"I…"

"Don't knock it 'til you try it."

"… Alright."

Kasumi had taken him to her favorite noodle bar on the Citadel. Even though the noodles weren't nearly as good as her grandmother's, she loved them all the same. The question now was, would Jacob? The biotic shifted uneasily in his seat, unable to find a comfortable position for his rear end. Kasumi sat on his right, and to his left, a rather large elcor that dominated most of the counter space. He scooted closer to Kasumi , his elbows planted on the table, and asked, "So what exactly is…" His eyes narrowed fractionally as he read the sign. "Ray-mun?"

She giggled at his failed attempt to pronounce the word. "It's raw-men. Rawwww-mennnn," she said, overstressing the syllables to familiarize him with it.

"Raw-men. Ramen," Jacob repeated, smiling halfheartedly. "Sorry. Usually don't butcher words that badly."

"So what'll you have?"

He perused the menu, his gaze noticing every instance of 'ramen' he saw. "How about this?" he asked, leaning forwards as he pointed at his choice. "Tan… tan…"

"Tantan-men," Kasumi recited elegantly. She grinned and traced her index finger in a circle over his menu. "It's a little spicy, but it shouldn't be anything you can't handle."

He chuckled, "Why do I get the feeling a 'little spicy' means hot as hell?"

Kasumi brought her hands to her shoulders and pulled her hood backwards, revealing the full of her face. Her tresses were short, black, and messily strewn, making her hair look relatively similar to bed head. "So," she finally asked to break the silence. "How have you been holding up?"

He shrugged his shoulders and melancholically replied, "Alright. Not great. Could be worse though."

She stared into his eyes, which had become distant at the mere mention of Shepard. "I'm sorry things ended the way they did," she said, trying her best to cheer him up.

"Don't be sorry for me. It's not like it was your fault."

Kasumi frowned and grooved her brows. "No, it wasn't my fault, but I still want to feel sorry." She was quiet for a moment as she continued, "After all, you're my friend."

A glimmer of a smile appeared over his countenance. "Thanks."

She smiled back. "It's the truth."

Jacob should have listened to his intuition. One bite into the ramen he ordered, and he could feel tears swelling in his eyes. By the time he took three mouthfuls, he had to switch with Kasumi, who quickly finished his bowl before he even finished half of hers.

"You like?" Kasumi asked with a smirk.

Jacob stirred his chopsticks around the bottom of the bowl in a circular mixing pattern. He laughed and rubbed the nape of his neck. "Well, like's a different word for it." For a moment, he felt better. But as always, a sinking feeling began to compress in his chest. "Have you ever felt like you screwed up on something bad? Like you had something special, and you ended up losing it because of how stupid you were?"

She was slightly caught off by his out-of-the-blue question. Replying earnestly, she said, "All the time. I almost lost Keiji once because of a stupid argument we had. But you can't think about what could have been. You just have to let go and keep moving forwards. Otherwise, you'll just get caught up in your past."

He blew out a stream of hot air. "Pfft. Yeah, right."

"I'm being serious," she said.

He sighed. "Look, it's not that easy to let go. You can't just say it and do it. There's still a part of me that has those feelings for Shepard. There's still a part of me that loves her."

"Then keep that part of you close. But remember that if you truly feel that way about her, you'll let her go if you have to."

"I… Yeah. You're right. I'm just – ugh. I'm just upset that I couldn't be the man she wanted me to be. That I couldn't be…"

"Like Thane?"

The name made him tighten his fist. "Yeah. Like Thane."

"Of course you couldn't be like Thane. You're you. You'll always be you. You shouldn't have to change yourself for the person you love. You should just… be you," she said, trying to sound hopeful.

"And being me is what made Shepard leave."

"That's not true."

"Come on Kasumi, don't try to pamper me."

"I'm not pampering you, Jacob."

"Then what're you doing?"

"I'm telling you the truth," she answered fervently. "You're an incredible soldier, you've got a good head on your shoulders, and frankly, you're the most levelheaded person on this squad full of crazies. I can't think of one good reason why you won't find someone in your life that will make you happy."

"But Shepard…"

"Stop thinking about Shepard. I don't know if Shepard feels the same way about you as you feel about her. I'm not sure she ever will. But don't blame this on yourself, Jacob. Different people have different needs, different desires. That's true for everyone. You just need to find someone who shares the same desires as you. Someone who you can see eye to eye with." She dexterously used her chopsticks to scoop some of his noodles into her mouth, slurping as she sucked them in.

He thoughtfully mulled over her words, sitting pensively in deep thought. "Kasumi… Thanks." A bright smile broke that morose complexion of his. "For everything."

She smiled back. "No problem. You know what they say. When life gives you wet noodles, throw them out and make a quiche instead."

"Hah. Not sure I've ever heard that one before."

"I know, neither have I."

"Speakin' of food, I'm still starving." He felt his stomach rumble as he rubbed it and glanced at Kasumi, raising a brow curiously before asking, "Think you've got enough room for desert?"

She smiled. "Do I ever."