~Chapter Nine: The Monster in the Mirror~

"Okay, you guys, the topic of the day is… mirrors."

Bianca made the loudest, most exasperated sigh as she rolled her eyes and slacked back in her chair. "Oh, my god!"

Clare looked around the room. Usually, most of the group looked bored and uninterested. This morning had started off no different, with Bianca and Ali making snide comments to each other, Jenna was staring down at her fingers and Eli was silent as usual. And the new girl, Imogen, was staring studiously around the crowd, not seeming to care if other's noticed her staring.

But, the second Holly mentioned mirror, everyone else tensed up, as if there was a coming storm that Clare had missed the news report to.

Holly sighed. "Okay, this time we are all going to participate in this." She glanced at Bianca who had kicked her Legs over Drew's crisscrossed and smiled.

"Bianca, seems you seem so eager to speak, you will start." She told her. "Tell us, what do you see when you look in the mirror?"

"Nothing." She replied. "I'm a vampire."

"That's believable," Ali muttered. Connor and Dave both started laughing.

"Shut up, Bendari," Bianca hissed.

"Stop it now," Holly said, and then focused her attention on Bianca. "Now, be serious. What do you see when you look in the mirror when you wake up in the morning."

She took her legs of Drew and sat up straight. "Ugh, I don't know. I have bedhead."

Holly nodded. "What else?"

Bianca shrugged. "I don't' know. I see myself I guess."

"Do you like what you see in the reflection, Bianca," Holly asked.

Clare saw the hesitation in Bianca. Clare didn't think there was a falter to Bianca's personality, but of course, there was. And Holly knew where it was. She couldn't believe Holly had put Bianca on blast like that. Was she going to do that with everyone? Clare wanted to mentally prepare herself, but her own answer evaded her.

Did she like what she saw in the mirror?

"Well, Bianca?"

Bianca looked away and shrugged. "I mean, I guess. Sure."

"You don't seem too guaranteed of that."

"I don't want to talk about it," she said roughly, avoiding eye contact. Clare had never seen Bianca shut herself off before. This was one of those rare moments. She should be glad she'd finally get a break from the girl's attitude, but she suddenly felt sort of bad for her.

Bianca came off to her as one of those girls who were mean to hide her own insecurities. She was pretty, and for Clare, that meant Bianca's issues resonated from her home.

Holly nodded. "Okay, then we will work on it in private." She looked at Adam and Fiona. "Adam, how are you feeling about your reflection in the mirror lately?"

"Good," he said, taking an audible gulp. "I'm… seeing more of myself now, and… less of…" he stopped himself, as if saying the next work was going to rip his tongue out of his mouth. "Her."

Holly smiled. "I'm glad. Fiona?"

"Um, it doesn't bother me," she starts, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. "I mean, I actually really love to look into the mirror. I like looking good. It's kind of like medicine. I look good on the outside, and I feel a little better on the inside. If I focus on how I look I don't focus on… other things…"

Holly nodded, waiting for Fiona to finish. "I'm glad Bianca, but looks are superficial. They aren't something that'll keep you from craving alcohol for more than a few moments a day. You've got to find other things to help you keep your mind of the things that are troubling you. But you've also got to face those things too." Holly stops and addresses the rest in the group. "That goes from everyone. Running from your problems is only a temporary solution."

She continued asking the others in the group what they saw. Clare shifts uncomfortably, feeling nervous for her turn.

"Jenna, what about you?" She asked, hopping around the circle.

Jenna looks around, almost like she was contemplating talking in front of everyone. "Ugh, well… I don't really look in the mirror… Ever…"

"When was the last time you looked?"

Jenna shrugged. "I don't know. I just know I'm not going to like what I see, so why take the time to look?"

Holly forced eyes to meet with the blonde's sad blue ones. "Listen, sweetheart, you're much to hard on yourself. Tell me, what are you afraid of seeing in your reflection?"

"Disappointment," she says quietly. "The disappointment my mom saw and… and made her leave…" Jenna started sobbing, and Ali draped her arm over her friend's shoulders. Clare couldn't help but feel a little jealous of how close they were. Clare couldn't remember having such a close friend who tried to understand her in a long time.

When Jenna stopped crying, Holly smiled at her. "I'm glad you shared that with us. I want you to talk about it more. Understand that it wasn't your fault your mom left. Don't be afraid of yourself."

Jenna sniffled. "I'll try."

"Eli," Holly says, looking at the very silent and dejected teenager next to Clare. "Tell me what you see in the mirror."

"I… see a monster," he says quietly.

There's a lot of quiet, too much, Clare thought. It's as if even the imaginary noise provided by Holly's happy demeanor silenced as Eli spoke.

Holly nods at him. "Go on."

"I hate seeing my reflection," he continues, not looking up from his lap once. "There's nothing to look forward to in the mirror. Just, some human shaped capsul of hopelessness."

Clare felt for him. She knew how it felt to feel completely hopeless. It was the worst feeling in the world. Deep down, she still felt it, but she'd be damned if she ever let anyone see it. Everyone else always felt like they could help, could make you feel like you weren't hopeless, like everything was falling apart around you and no one could stop it from happening. No one understood that this deep hollow feeling of feeling like the world was out to get you doesn't feel fixable. You feel like God himself wants you dead and gone, and you're nothing but a burden.

She understood. They weren't very different.

Except, Eli seemed willing to share about his feelings of despair. He was one big step ahead of her. They both felt it, but he was a whole mile ahead of her in what seemed like an endless marathon by admitting he felt this way. It gave her hope.

Could she admit it? Right here. Right now?

Holly smiled sadly at Eli. "It's alright Eli, we've all been there. All of us," she emphasized, looking around at everyone. You've come a long way since you've arrived, even if you don't believe so. You've got to coax the monster out of its hiding place before we can face it and fight it."

It almost scared Clare how much sense she was making right now. Then she turned and looked right into Clare's eyes.

"You're turn, Hun," she said. "Tell me about how you see yourself in the mirror."

A few moments ago, Clare felt ready to talk. To run up beside Eli, but she froze. And she knew for certain she wouldn't be able to do it.

"Just myself," she says, trying to hide the terrified feelings from her face.

"Well do you see anything special about yourself?" She asks.

"I thought I did…" Clare said quietly. She felt her heart racing a million times a second. Everyone was looking at her, even Eli. Suddenly, she felt that pressure on her to be perfect in front of others. The same pressure that made her crumble and break down.

Holly sat back. "Okay, since Group is almost over I'm going to give you all an assignment." Clare was beyond relieved to have attention off of her.

"You are all going to look yourselves in the mirror tonight. Do it for at least ten minutes. Look really close. I want each of you to try to see if you feel like the person in the mirror staring back at you. Then, I want you to find one thing you like about who you see in the mirror. I also want you to look to see if you can find something that makes you want to run away from your reflection," she instructs. "Tomorrow morning, we are going to discuss what we saw, and apply it to ourselves. What's on the outside often leads to the inside. Our goal is to bait our monsters out of us, and face them. Sometimes that requires physical, tangible bait. Group is adjourned," she added with a smile.

Short and Taught. Trying to get the story on its feet. Happy New Years.