Title: Really? That's what started this?

Summary: Abby gets bored and come up with a plan involving Gibbs and Tony. A plan that she may wish she never came up with.

Feedback: Always welcomed and appreciated.

Author's Notes: Okay, originally this was going to be another in the BORED series of stories. Problem is it took some weird twists and turns on me. It ended up way longer than I expected and getting a little deeper than I expected, but hopefully everyone will enjoy it.

I edited this myself. I do my best but mistakes do get by me.

Would love to have you join my Facebook page, link is on my profile. We have a great time over there ;) Thanks to everyone that has joined, I appreciated the feedback, discussions and the love that you show.

And to those that have added me to their favorite author list and story alerts, again thank you. It means so much to me.

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Sitting Indian style on the floor, she danced the two voodoo dolls around in time to the music that echoed around her. After a few minutes, she sighed and let the dolls drop to the floor. God she hated nights like this! She couldn't sleep, there wasn't any work that she could go do, nothing on TV, she was sick of the computer and it was too late (to early actually) to hit a club. The voodoo dolls were her last resort and they had failed to entertain her for very long.

"SO BORED!" She groaned as she laid down on the floor. Wiggling slightly, she heard the crinkling of paper under her. She sat up and pulled the piece of paper out from under her. A wide grin played across her lips. "That's it!"

She jumped up and grabbed her phone dialing the number.

"Hey you awake?"

"Abby?" He looked at the clock beside him. "It's three in the morning my dear."

"I know."

"Yes. I was awake."

"I need your help with something."

"Something that needs my attention right at this moment." Ducky sighed.

"Sorta." Abby grinned looking at the flyer in her hand. "We need a plan."

"A plan?" Ducky shook his head.

"Yeah."

"I am almost afraid to ask but does this plan involve anyone I know?"

"Oh yeah." Abby smirked. "Two someone's actually."

"This is going to require me to be devious isn't it?" Ducky smiled.

"Yup."

"Good."

"Meet me in Autopsy in an hour?"

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"And you think that will work on him?" Ducky didn't seem convinced.

"It will, I swear!" She really believed in the plan. If there was anyone she knew how to get to, it was him. She was his favorite.

"Then by all means." Ducky smiled.

"I'm more worried about Tony." She blew out a long breath. "He's going to be harder to convince."

"Why is that?"

"Because he's so far in the closet he can't even see the door."

Ducky chuckled.

"The only reason I even know about him liking men is I walked in on him."

"You did?" Ducky's eyebrow went up at an odd angle.

"And he still tried to deny it." Abby grinned. "Like the guys dick just fell into his mouth...ACCIDENTALLY!"

"Abby!" He shook his head at her less than tactful statement.

"Well come on!"

The doors to Autopsy swooshed open, Abby and Ducky both turning to the figure that walked in.

"Duck you wanted to see me." Gibbs eyed Abby suspiciously. "Abs."

"Jethro, yes I, I did want to see you."

Abby almost rolled her eyes. Ducky was always a little nervous at the beginning of one of their schemes but he loosened up as time went on.

Gibbs sighed and ran his hands down his face. "Just ask so I can say no."

"Gibbs. Really can't two of your friends just want to see you. Say good morning and-" She stopped when Gibbs glare intensified. She smiled. "Right, subtle approach not really your thing."

God this was going to be a long day! He thought to himself.

"We wanna help." She smiled shyly.

"Is this some kinda intervention?"

"Yes." Ducky nodded.

Gibbs brow furrowed.

"A love life intervention." Abby grinned.

"Abby!" He so didn't need this. "I do not need-"

"Yes you do! You haven't-" She paused thinking of the best way to word this so he wouldn't give her one of his snippy ABBYS! "Sanded any wood with anyone in months."

Gibbs shook his head. Really a boat metaphor. "And how do you know who or what I've been sanding?"

She rocked back and forth on her heels. "You have a tell."

"A tell?" Gibbs eyebrow went up.

She nodded then chewed at her bottom lip. "When you've been sanding with someone...you do this thing."

"What thing?" Gibbs folded his arms across his chest.

She threw her hands up. "If I told you then you would know and you wouldn't do it. Then I wouldn't know...when you've been sanding!"

Ducky turned away, trying to hide a smile.

Gibbs glared at the man he had called friend for so many years. "How did she convince you to get involved in this?"

"Jethro it has been awhile." Ducky paused. "Since you've sanded with someone on a more long term bases."

Gibbs rubbed his hand over his mouth.

"Come on!" Abby touched Gibbs' shoulder. "You can't tell me you don't want someone to rub your sander against."

Even Ducky rolled his eyes at that one.

"Abby?" Ducky sighed.

"What?" She cocked her head.

"Maybe we could drop the sanding metaphor." Ducky suggested.

"Fine." She shrugged and looked at Gibbs. "You need someone to bump uglies with, someone who will let you check the oil, someone to let you put the salami in the fridge!"

"What!" Gibbs hadn't even heard of most of those phrases. "Put the salami in the fridge!"

"Or if you want, play the pink Oboe!" Abby smirked referring to Gibbs liking men as well as women.

"I don't even wanna know what that means!" Gibbs snapped. "My love life is fine."

"Nonexistent is more like it." Abby raised an eyebrow.

"I'm a little busy Abs."

"To busy to get laid?" Abby drew her head back in surprise.

"No matter what DiNozzo might have told you." Gibbs sighed. "Getting laid is not the end all and be for a man."

"You are in the minority in that belief my friend." Ducky chuckled, finally putting in his two cents.

Gibbs looked at Ducky. "Duck?"

"Jethro, really." Ducky smirked. "Even I get more action than you these days."

Running his hands down his face, Gibbs wished he could go back and start this morning over.

"Well!" Ducky shrugged. "I do."

"See even the Duckman's got mad skills!" Abby grinned.

"I'm not letting you two set me up!" Gibbs looked at Ducky reminding him. He wanted the older man to recall what happened the last time Ducky had introduced him to a woman.

"We don't wanna set you up." Abby picked up the flyer from Ducky's desk and held it out to Gibbs. "We want to take you here."

Gibbs snatched the piece of paper from Abby, then looked down at it for a moment. "Abby!"

"Just read all of it!"

Returning to where he had stopped, he finished reading the flier.

"A singles night." Gibbs sighed. "At a club?"

"It's a bar, not a club." Abby corrected him. "Totally your kinda place. Blue collar, mellow music, hot chicks and dicks."

Although he had looked at her sternly before, the look Gibbs gave her now could have bent steal.

"Come on we're all adults here." Abby smiled. "And we all know your, um, eclectic tastes."

There was a quick glance from Gibbs to Ducky.

"Really Jethro." Ducky smiled. "Did you forget I was in Greece with you during that assignment."

Just for a brief moment Gibbs' eyes widened slightly.

"Did you really think I believed that the drain in your room was clogged three nights in a row." Ducky snickered

Gibbs swallowed hard.

"Ooh a little Greek boy toy!" Abby grinned excitedly. She hadn't heard about this.

"He was not a boy!" Gibbs shot Ducky another glare.

Ducky rolled his eyes and mumbled. "He was barely old enough to drink."

Gibbs heard the mumbled statement. "He was twenty-six!"

"In what? Dog years?" Ducky balked.

"DUCKY!" Gibbs bellowed.

"Jethro lets just agree we all know you-" Ducky was trying to be judicious in his choice of words. "Are an equal opportunity lover."

"This conversation is over." Gibbs turned to leave and Abby grabbed his arm.

"No it's not!" She put her hands on her hips.

Here it comes! Gibbs thought to himself. Abby was about to play the "I'm your favorite" card.

"I'm your favorite and you love me!"

And there it is!

"So you are going to listen to me." She took a deep breath and raised up straighter. "We are going to this club tomorrow night. "We" including you. You will dress appropriately, you will talk to people, and you will act like you actually want to be there."

There was no response.

"And you will do it because I asked you and because you realize meeting someone, even if it doesn't lead anywhere is good for you." She narrowed her eyes at him. "And maybe, just maybe if you stop being a stubborn bastard you might actually meet someone that you could sand with now and then."

Gibbs tried not to smirk, she was comical when she was trying to be stern.

"And that's that!" She nodded forcefully.

"Fine."

Abby's eyes darted back and forth, she glanced at Ducky, then focused back on Gibbs, surprised. "Fine?"

"Yeah." Gibbs rolled his eyes. "If it ends this, conversation, intervention, whatever. I'll go."

A wide smile played across her face and she jumped on Gibbs.

"Thank you." She sighed crushing him in a hug.

"Sure." Gibbs chuckled, hugging her back a moment. Then he grabbed her and pushed her back. "Now I have work to do."

She nodded.

Gibbs shot one more stare Ducky's way, then headed out of Autopsy.

Once Abby heard the elevator start to ascend she turned to Ducky. "One down, one to go."

Ducky shook his head and grinned. When Abby was on a mission there was no stopping her.

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"Hey Abs got your message." Tony said walking into the lab staring at his phone. He looked up as the door closed and locked behind him.

Abby was sitting at her desk, remote in hand, a mischievous grin on her face.

Tony's head dropped forward. Great Abby wanted something, never good.

"What do you want?" Tony sighed.

"Why do you think I want something?" Abby looked offended.

"You just locked me in your lab." Tony cocked his head. "You want something. Something I'm not gonna like."

"But you could like it." Abby grinned.

Tony shook his head. "Let me guess? Some friend from college you want me to go out with? A double date?"

"Once! I asked you to do that once!" She pouted.

"She was three hundred pounds and had an eye patch!" Tony groaned.

"It was a hard time in her life." Abby explained. "She's lost a lot of weight now, had surgery on the eye."

"No." Tony shook his head.

"I haven't even asked yet!"

"Doesn't matter. The answer is still no." Tony glanced back over his shoulder. "So open the door."

"Hear me out first."

"Abby." Tony blew out a breath flapping his lips.

"Look." Abby jumped up holding out the flier to him.

Unlike Gibbs, Tony actually read the whole flier before looking up at Abby and saying...

"No." Tony shoved the paper back at her.

"Come on!" She groaned. "It'll be fun. Ducky's gonna go too."

"Ducky?" Tony looked surprised. "Really?"

Abby nodded. "He broke up with Paula."

"He broke up with Paula?" Again Tony looked surprised.

"Yeah."

"She was hot. I mean, she was like twenty years younger than the Duckster." Tony shook his head. "Why did he break up with her?"

Abby shrugged. "But he's looking."

"And just what is he looking for?" Tony raised an eyebrow having read exactly what the flier said.

"Ducky likes the ladies." Abby grinned. "But you could meet Mrs. or Mr. Right."

"ABBY!" Tony yelled.

She rolled her eyes. "Do we really have to go over all this again."

"No because there is NOTHING to go over!"

"What's the big deal, so you like a little d-"

"Abby!" Tony put his hand over her mouth preventing her from saying the word out loud. Still, he felt her complete the statement against the palm of his hand.

Pushing his hand away, Abby smirked. "Why is it such a big deal? No one cares."

"Open the damn door." Tony ordered in his best Gibbs tone.

She folded her arms across her chest. "Really? That's the best you got?"

Tony ran his hands down his face.

"There are men and women there. You could meet some hot young chick." Abby changed the subject hoping she could convince him by taking the female route.

"I meet hot young chicks all the time." Tony smiled proudly. "I don't need some singles night to do that."

"Then just go to hang out with me and the Duckman!" Abby tugged at the sleeve of his shirt. "Please!"

"Why is this such a big deal?" Tony eyed her suspiciously.

Oh God think of something quick! Abby thought to herself.

"It's Ducky."

"What?"

"He's nervous." Abby sighed. "You know going out, trying to meet someone."

Tony smiled. "Yeah, Duckman probably isn't real up on the whole dating scene."

"Right." Abby nodded. "And he could use some guidance. You could really help him out."

"Well." Tony grinned. "I could give Ducky some pointers."

"See! You have to go." Abby smiled. "For Ducky."

Tony bobbed his head back and forth as if trying to decide. "Fine."

"AWESOME!" Abby jumped on him wrapping her arms and legs around him.

Grabbing the corner of the table behind him, Tony struggled to stay standing under Abby's hug.

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THE NEXT DAY

A light suddenly came on illuminating the room in blinding brightness.

Gibbs squeezed his eyes closed.

"Jethro." Ducky sighed. "Didn't realize you were in here."

"Need to get up anyway." Gibbs sighed sitting up on the side of the table.

"I would think so it's 1600." Ducky chuckled. "Resting up for the night ahead?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "No."

"You're not thinking of backing out are you?" Ducky questioned, trying to think of something to say encase Gibbs decided to back out.

"Duck." Gibbs sighed.

"Jethro." Ducky walked toward his friend.

"You know me and dating." Gibbs shook his head. "Relationships."

"I know that you are starting to behave like Pygmalion."

"Pygmalion?" As soon as the word left his mouth, Gibbs regretted it, knowing some story was going to follow.

"Yes." Ducky sighed. "Pygmalion one of the greatest sculptors of his time, unmatched in his artistic ability to make every ivory human form he created seem completely life like. At some point in his life, he grows to despise women, can see only their faults and vices. So he shuns women completely vowing never to marry."

"Smart man." Gibbs smirked.

"But." Ducky held up a finger. "He becomes obsessed with his work, carving night and day. Until one day he carves a statue of a beautiful woman, unparalleled in its beauty. Some even say it was a carving of Venus herself. And Pygmalion falls madly in love with his statue, his creation. He dresses it in the finest clothing, adorns it with jewelry, even caresses it like a lover."

Gibbs eyebrow went up.

"So in love with his creation is he, that he goes to Venus' temple and offers a prayer to her, asking her to give him a virgin wife like his ivory creation. When he returns home." Ducky paused and smiled. "He kisses his beautiful statue and feels her lips warm. Her body responds. Venus has granted his wish, by giving life to his statue."

"You making a point here Duck?"

"Several." Ducky smiled. "Even when you've sworn off love, it finds you. And sometimes love can be simple, painless and without trickery."

Gibbs shook his head. "Hell Duck!"

"Jethro you hide in that basement, creating boats and carvings, trying to hide yourself from human contact and love."

"So I'm gonna fall in love with a boat!" Gibbs chuckled.

"You already have."

Gibbs' brow furrowed.

"You burnt "Diane," the boat, because you didn't love her anymore and you wouldn't allow another man to have her." Ducky raised his eyebrows and nodded. "And the second part. Venus never answers a prayer to anyone without some pain or tragic trick involved. Yet she grants Pygmalion's wish without consequence. No trickery just simple, happy, blissful love. Love can be that way Jethro. It's not always about heartache and unhappy endings."

Gibbs stood up and patted his friends shoulder. "Thanks for the mythology lesson Duck." Then he started towards the doors.

"So are you going tonight?"

"Yeah." Gibbs smirked. "But just so we're clear I never made out with one of the boats. Made out on the boat, but not with it."

"Then we'll save you before you get to that next stage.

"Right." Gibbs scoffed. "Thanks."

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